Poem: “Not Meant To Be.”


How do I know that you and 

I want what’s best for,

Each other and we aren’t lying,

About the truth to one another.

You want my body and,

You’re not afraid to tell.

From the beginning that is,

Mostly, what you want.

But you wanted to talk too.

You want to get to know each,

Other and be more than,

Only friends who are together.

Skin against skin that’s what you,

Desire but I can’t,

Give to you without knowing that,

I’m not just a Friday night.

I need to trust you,

But I’m kind of feeling that,

Things aren’t really working for,

A vital reason.

Maybe we are passing ships. 

In the cold dark night maybe,

We are just not meant,

To be together with each other. 

——-

©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

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The 3 of Us


There’s sentences I can’t say, so I’ll just drift away.

The words of the hollow, the follow me nightly as I go.
I was tempted, oh was I tempted, and I almost wish I gave in.
But I can’t say those things, you’d figure out the story of the month.
I can’t open my mouth, it’s stuck, lips stuck, sealed, repeal your actions.
Can’t you tell I knew going there I would see the truth, the resplendent majesty of sunlight.
In darkness I waited, gave delight, and I’m still a little caught, in the trappings of a knot.
Release me stranger, so I do not think of you in the way that I do
You are but to me now a shadow, but I think of you as a kind of friend.
And I pray you’ll find the answers, what more can I do for you then do the right thing.
Languishing in this goodness, I gained back control, because I cannot handle two of you.
One of you is fine, but still I pine, and want the thing I cannot have — you.
In air of coldness, ample waters deep, I shiver in adoration and I know when you go away.
I can get out and dry off, oh for the sounds of my teeth chattering, going cold and still in snow.
But at least I released myself, at least I took the road back from hell.
Give more, do more, I made the decision, do the the right thing.
But I want to stay for cuddles and clashes at the midnight hour.
But I’m broken already, point two, of the choices made.
Choose never lightly, choose thoughtfully, choose hospitably.
You have to decide, and I hear three heart beats, his, mine, and yours thumping madly.
And I hope someone loves you someday, so your not single and alone, I hope you find your way.
Before frost, turns, to ice, and the chill of loneliness prevails. 

Wanting


Prompt

Which would you prefer wanting everything or wanting nothing?

Would you have all your desires fulfilled or not desire anything? What a tough question to ask. I think when it comes down to it, everyone wants for something. This is a symptom of living in an imperfect world. And I think if you wanted nothing you wouldn’t be human because then you would be perfect.

Maslow has a hierarchy that he says we all need, and subsequently want. Are needs end with self-actualization at the top of the triangle followed by esteem, love or belonging, safety, and physiological needs as our biggest needs on the bottom of the triangle. At any time some of these needs we are in want of because our need is not being achieved. So needs can be wants too. If this is the case, can we help not wanting. Think about needs such as food, shelter, water etc. and ask some people around the world who didn’t have those needs physiological needs if they wanted them. Of course, they would say they are needs that through desire they want and rightly so.

So, I don’t think we can help but want everything because once one need is achieved on Maslow’s hierarchy we want the next category up. And I think it’s like that in life too. Very few people do not want some kind of gift at Christmas and in places where other festive days occur the same issue happens. Once a want/need is fulfilled we move on to wanting something else. We are never happy with what we have for long.

In one of my favourite James Bond movies with Pierce Brosnan, he Bond says, ” The world is not enough.” And I think that explains it best: there’s never enough for us to want and if a lower need is not being met we all of the sudden need and want something that meets those needs before we move up the scale rewanting what we had before.

So if you ask me you may prefer to want nothing but it’s not a realistic goal. To be human is to want and always chase after what we cannot have or hold only for a brief moment.

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Writing 101 – Living in Fear


Static. Motionless. Stagnant. Stale. Still. I have a fear of all these words. When it comes to my life I’m afraid of not going anywhere. I’m afraid I will be still and stuck. I’m afraid of wasting away in a stagnant life. I’m terrified of remaining motionless. I’m afraid of being static. I’m terrified I will end up a stale person. I mean I’m afraid of never getting ahead in life. I’m afraid of never having achieved much of anything. I’m guilty of these fears because I have been sick a long time. I have been sick almost 6 years.

Sometimes, honestly, I could do nothing. I was stuck because I was ill. Too ill to think. Too ill to get out of bed. Too ill to concentrate. Too ill to take care of myself barely. Too ill to make myself lunch. Too ill to rise above being ill. But sometimes I feel a bit better and then I’m afraid because I don’t want to be stuck inside all the time. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to live with my parents much longer. I want to work. I don’t want to miss that event my friends are going to. I don’t want to be too fatigued. I don’t want to take so much time to rest. I want my old life back. But instead I get this life.

It’s not so bad. You get use to your own situation in life. But then I get terribly ill sometimes and I hate life. I’m afraid of disappearing. I’m afraid of never getting to be independent. I’m afraid of being independent. I’m afraid of too much. I’m afraid of of being forgotten. I’m afraid of having high hopes. I’m afraid of that fire within that wants to achieve. I’m afraid of being goal-oriented. I’m afraid of not getting what I most desire — I don’t want to hide the best parts of me.

I don’t want to hide behind manners and trying to fit in. I don’t want to hide behind polite conversation. I don’t want to hide behind false pretences. I want to believe that I can do most anything. I need to believe I have potential. My potential is what hides away. My dreams stay hidden. And every now and then I find a purpose. I want to believe that I can fulfill that purpose. I want to believe I have a purpose. I am potential. But I’m afraid to step into the light the place where creative energy thrives.

I want to write. I want to create. I want recognition. I want a career. I want people to see me not as that person who is sick but as that person who is capable despite sickness. I am plane afraid of not accomplishing my calling. I’m afraid of what people think. I’m afraid of what people say. I want to be capable again. I want so badly to just not be sick. I need so badly God’s grace. And need to achieve something I dream. Is that too much to ask? Or am I just living in fear?

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