November Notes: Poem – Day 28 – Quatern – “The Best We’ve Had” #poetry #novembernotes #amwriting #music 


Today’s prompt song is “Look After You” by The Fray.

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“Look After You” – The Fray 

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Credit: We Heart It – RFox Watercolours

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If I don’t say this, I’ll surely break, 

I’ll take care of you, we’ll lie awake, 

And both meet the coming dawn. 

Our lives cocooned —la vie c’est  bonne. 

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I will love you, no matter the stakes, 

If I don’t say this, I’ll surely break. 

Such urgency, my heart separates, 

Please just hold onto to me and wait. 

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Steady as she goes, life’s a spin cycle, 

My love for you is pure, so rightful

If I don’t say this, I will surely break, 

Your my emerald, I’ll never forsake. 

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Let me love you when life is bad, 

Especially when, life’s the best we’ve had. 

You’ll always be my piece of cake, 

If I don’t say this, I will surely break. 

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©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved. 

My List of Songs That Have Created Memories


1. Crazy In Love – Beyoncé

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I’m not sure how to explain the meaning behind this song for me. It came out when I was around eighteen or nineteen-years-old. I relate it to a sense of freedom and fun times had with friends, especially with friends who have remained friends ten or more years later. Not to mention, this song kind of keeps staying popular as time progresses. That I know of, there are about three different versions of “Crazy In Love,” and I’m sure there is probably more. It is a song that always gets me dancing. 

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2. Red High Heels – Kelly Pickler

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Maybe this more of the partier in me, but it is also a piece of the girl who became the woman. It is about self-confidence and finding yourself in a world that tells woman they have to do so many things to be beautiful. To me this was the anthem of the girl some guys treated miserably. They didn’t care for her feelings, they just saw an opportunity to try to take her home. This is a power anthem, “your about to see just how missing me feels, in my red high heels.” Proof that great shoes are vital to a woman and a woman is most powerful when she sticks to her guns, and doesn’t compromise her values.

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3. Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood.

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Haha more lady power! Sorry guys I would never actually do this to any man’s truck, but there are a few guys I dealt with that I wanted to do this to their vehicle. Some guys when they are young especially, don’t know how easily and carelessly they hurt women. So this song just made me feel good about myself again and I loved dancing to it in country bars with my friends. It is Carrie Underwoods second huge hit and she sings it awesome live in concert. I’ve seen her a few times luckily. 

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4. Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol

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I think this song came about around the sametime the show Grey’s Anatomy was in its first few seasons. Almost everybody I knew, loved this song when it came out. I found meaning through it on Grey’s, it was often played when Derek and Meredith were experiencing a special moment as their relationship developed. Later, it was played last year, when Meredith let Derek go and took away life support, as he was brain dead after his SUV was hit by a semi. It also played when Meredith went into the house Derek built for their family, –alone for the first time after Derek’s death. So, I suppose I really just love Grey’s and the relationship Derek and Meredith had, held a truthfulness and closeness I wanted someday in reality. The song also reminds me of sadness when I think of what could have been but isn’t. It’s about being about that wonderful time in love, when you want to “just forget the world.”

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5. Be Still – The Fray

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The full meaning of this song is difficult for me to grasp. On the surface, I think it is some guy telling his girlfriend, that he will be her resting place, and always be there for her. But in my mind, in my heart, I’m sure the lead singer is talking about God. “Be still and Know that I am the Lord Your God.” I have turned to this song in many situations when I have felt helpless, worn out, and hopeless. Each time I hear it, I hear God telling me it is going to be okay that I need to do nothing but “be still.” He will do what needs to be done, he is ultimately in control.

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6. Fighter – Christina Anguilera 

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This is a song I first played when things never went anywhere with the first guy I loved/liked. To this day I don’t know if I loved him or not. I think I did, but I’m not sure why, I didn’t know him that well to love him did I? But it still feels as if the emotion was there. Getting over him, or maybe my idea of him, took a long time. From the time I downloaded this song on my IPod, it gave me hope and showed me how strong I can be. My experiences, made me “a fighter.” And today when I hear this song, I know I will always fight for what’s important to me, not men who act how he did.

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7. Temporary Home – Carrie Underwood

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I think this is a beautiful song. Carrie Underwood is one of my favourite artists. One reason is because she can sing kick ass girl power anthems but can also sing songs that are softer, of a spiritual quality. This song makes me cry when I hear it. I’m not sure why, but it makes me think of Carrie’s lyrics and how life on earth is only a temporary thing. One day we’ll die and if we have Jesus, we will go to heaven — life with him is more important then life on earth.”This is my temporary home, windows and rooms that I’m passing through. This is just a stop on the way to where I’m going. I’m not afraid because I know, this is my temporary home.”

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8.  The House that Built Me – Miranda Lambert

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I don’t think that anyone has gotten to where they are without the help of their families, whether that family is related or not. This song makes me cry too, because it reminds me that my family built me, made me the person I’ve become. It makes me think back to those years when I was a child or a teenager, almost wishing I could experience those times again. But I’m an adult now and here where I am, my family is still building me.

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9. Fix Me Up – Tegan and Sara

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This song is also, one of those wonderful songs played in the beginning of Grey’s Anatomy. It has a lot of correlation between Derek and Meredith and their relationship on the show. I heard the song and went out and bought the CD immediately. It is a lovely song. It always made me think that we can try to fix and change someone all we want but in the end we only need their love. “This love is all I have to give,” Tegan and Sara sing. Like Meredith, we have to put ourselves out their and give the best love we can give in life.

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10. Brave – Sara Bareilles

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This is a new song for me, I’m not sure why I didn’t hear it before now, considering I’m a huge fan of Sara’s. It has influenced me a lot lately. I’m trying to push myself as a writer and as a person, out of my comfort zone. I’m trying to make my writing better and trying to get some of it published. In addition, I’m working hard at being healthier and eating well. But it’s hard being brave. Even though you maybe trying to be brave, not everyone is. And you can’t push someone who is not willing to push themselves out of their comfort zone –frustrating but true.

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Thanks to  La Duchesse D’erat for this weeks list prompt.



To Fight or Stand and Wait: An Internal Struggle


www.uk.urbenest.com
http://www.uk.urbenest.com

Sometimes life can be a real struggle. And while we fight our own fights other people can be dealing with worse things in life. They can be fighting for their life while you are trying to climb over an obstacle in life. I always try to think about this when I am having troubles, that I am really blessed, I just have to remember to not take the things in my life for granted. After all, we only have so long in life to live, then we are no more.

Right now I think about all the people I know fighting cancer, especially one close friend and I’m in awe of how they can take the pressure and the all the treatments they have to take to get better. That’s a disease I am exceedingly grateful I don’t have and hope I or my loved one’s never have. I look at my life and think that life maybe difficult but I am not fighting to survive.

But sometimes it’s hard being me. I feel trapped, that I need to take this new medication even though it makes me feel out of it half the time, makes my stomach upset every day, and energy wise has made my standard of life worse — but I can sleep at night. That’s a really big deal. But somedays I wonder what I’m sleeping for if I go out and then come home feeling so sick I am snowed the next day. But I try to tell myself that everything is going to work out and be okay, that God does not let this happen in my life for no reason; even if I cannot see this reason. He has something bigger and better in mind for me, then everything I’ve lost due to mental illness and chronic fatigue.

I went to my Uncle Darvin’s funeral yesterday at church. I haven’t been there in awhile.

www.oxford.anglican.org
http://www.oxford.anglican.org

Ithink part of the reason I haven’t been there is because I’m angry with God that He won’t make me better. That my friends new and old, are moving on with their lives getting married and having kids. They are at a good place in their careers and I don’t even have one. I always thought things would be okay for me because I was an an adaptable person, that I could handle change and my personality fit in well with most anybody. But now I am not sure what my purpose is in life? I didn’t even know I was angry at God until I was talking to a psychologist and started crying when she asked me if I still think God is punishing me. I don’t think he is but it really made me think. I have no right to be angry at God —  it is the fact that their is sin in this world from Adam and Eve (original sin) that their is disease and a whole lot of awful diseases, events, and people that exist. We are born into sin, just as I am genetically predisposed to have a sensitivity to depression or affective disorders.

But I question why God allows these bad things to happen when he has the power to stop them? Maybe, we are being tested? Maybe, God is teaching us to be faithful to Him and to pay less attention to the world? Maybe, we are meant to bring others to faith through illness? Maybe, God is teaching us to love Him through our suffering? He tells us three-hundred and sixty-seven times in the Bible to not be afraid. But I’m afraid of living my life like this when I cannot fully take care of myself, cooking meals when I need to, going to places I need to go, affording to take care of myself, and having my own life which I can develope relationships with new people. I guess that is why you just take life one day at a time. Because if you looked at the whole picture it might terrify you.

Cima_da_Conegliano,_God_the_FatherBut I was glad to be in church yesterday. There was a lot of people I grew up with there that it was good to see. But it made me realize that a lot of these people are growing old and won’t be around forever. So, I need to make a better effort to visit them, even if I am not feeling up to it. It felt familiar to sing hymns and it was good to say goodbye to Uncle Darvin and hear about his life.

I have always thought God made me fighter. Gave me strength to get through the things I need to get through. But sometimes I wonder if he wants us to fight or if as the Bible says he will fight for us, “we need only be still.” One of my favorite songs is called “Be Still.” I have shared and talked about it on this blog several times, its by The Fray. The lead singer the in song maybe talking to his girlfriend or friend but I think, or like to believe, that He is singing the voice of God, telling us to ” remember hard the words [he] said, be still, be still, and know” that he is here for us.

https://youtu.be/Vtp-p7qFI2I (See my Blog For “Be Still” music video)

Another thought on the subject is the last line of the poem “On His Blindness” by John Milton a favourite poet. John Milton was a writer most famous for Paradise Lost and later in life became blind. He got his daughters to write for him at that point. But he questioned God (he was a Christian) and why God would let this happen. He writes ” [a]nd that one talent which is death to hide / [l]odg’d with me useless . . . (1-2)”. And I kind of feel like him sometimes. At home with my writing and english language skills, how I am serving God and humanity with my talents when I cannot not concentrate long and get a job where I can use these skills or do any volunteer work that uses my talents. But in his poem, Milton comes to an answer about our talents and what God needs of us. He writes in lines ten to fourteen: ”

‘God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts: who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.’ “

www.biography.com
http://www.biography.com

It’s something to think about that God does not require us to be useful as the world does. “They also serve who only stand and wait.” (14) Like servants waiting for a King those who simply wait to serve God, and never seem useful in life, they also serve God, they are useful to Him.

I think that clears my mind a bit and gives you some insight into my life lately. I know not everybody believes in God or my God but I hope you find it enlightening despite that. Or maybe you will find it helpful, I hope you do. Here is the full poem by John Milton:

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodg’d with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide,
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts: who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”

Songs that Describe My Life – (Please Go Into my Blog to See Music Videos) 


1. Early Childhood – Baby Beluga

2. Later Childhood –  I Just Can’t Wait to Be King- Lion King

3. junior High – Killing Me Softly – The Fugees

4. High School – How You Remind Me – Nickelback

5. University – Fighter – Christina Anguilara

Rihanna – Umbrella 

Crazy in Love – Beyoncé

6. Working and Getting Sick, and Afterwards – The Rest of Life – 

Just a Dream – Carrie Underwood

Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol

How to Save A Life – the Fray

Where Does the Good Go? – Tegan and Sara

Fix You Up – Tegan and Sara

Be Still – The Fray

Sia – Titanium

There are so many more that represent me but I can’t fit them all! 

Writing 101 – 3 Important Songs in My Life


1. Christina Aguilera – Fighter

 

This song represents to me a women who will never give up and never break no matter how much you push her. She is a strong women, “a fighter,” and she’s not going to let the man who was in her life or anyone else win that fight. In fact, she thanks the guy who hurt because he made her what she is and he has made her “stronger,” ” makes her work a little bit harder,”  made her “that much wiser,” made her work ” a little bit faster,” made her “skin a little bit thicker” made her ”  that much smarter.” She thanks him for making her “a fighter.”

I started playing this song when I meant K in university. He was the first guy I’d ever been crazily attracted to and I knew he liked me back. The thing was I was awful shy and I didn’t handle the situation well and when I couldn’t deal with so much attention I tended to ignore the person giving it to me.  Then I realized he wasn’t paying me much attention anyways. He had a harem of girls at his table and even though I sat by myself in the Cafeteria and he would wave to me he never came to talk to me and he never shared anything much about himself with me when he did. He acted bored when I sat by him and finally when I told him I liked him and that sometimes I ignored him because ” I was in my own world” or to say it better, I was busy as hell, to busy to put up with his crap — taking 5 courses in University, working 20 hours a week, going to the gym, and partying with my girl friends on the weekend — he took this the wrong way. But I had finally figured out that he liked the fact that I  liked him but didn’t want to make a real effort for me, I was just another girl who was a friend, but not that important.

I started listening to this song and I realized that even though he was a jerk he had made me a stronger person. I spent all this time worrying about him when I was better than the way he was treating me, many other guys who were friends treated me better. I was a fighter and I wasn’t going to cry and get all upset because he wouldn’t give me the time a day. He was my first love ( or so I thought at the time) but later I learned he was just the beginning of a stronger me. A me that could push herself and get through very hard times like sickness, and a difficult job, a me that could survive rejection, a me that was wearer and carried her strength about her like a cloak. It isn’t always obvious but God made me a strong women he made me a fighter, a women who knows what’s worth fighting for.

2. Billy Joel – She’s Always A Woman

She’s Always a Woman is one of my favorite songs and I could hear it hundreds of times and never get sick of it. I love it because it describes a man who loves a women who is most definitely flawed; that she’s flawed is of great value to her person. For example ” she never gives out, and she never gives in, she just changes her mind” but she’s still “always a woman” to him. I have always thought that this is the way that people should love each other: because of their flaws and all their imperfections. When I met the right man one day, I wanted him to love me like this because I was “frequently kind and suddenly cruel,” because ” I did as [I pleased I] was nobodies fool.” I wanted him to love me just as I am and not because he had some image of how he wanted me to be or thought I should be. It’s the kind of the love that doesn’t count mistakes and I kind of love immortalized by John Donne in a poem whose name escapes me where he loves a women even though she is clearly not the most beautiful or perfect creature.

I have put this kind of love to practice in my life when I love my family or love my friends, when I meet new people. I don’t try to push such high standards on people, something I used to do, instead I try to accept people for who they are and try not to get so upset when they do something that hurts me. I’ve learned to realize they are only human to and worthy of love anyways. I think if people put this to practice more they would find like Billy Joel there is beauty in being flawed and that our flaws make us who we are. Nobody could love someone who is perfect because nobody is perfect and can’t be held to that standard.

3. The Fray – Be Still

I think this is the most important song to me because when I think of the song I think of the Bible verse “Be Still, and know that I am the Lord Your God.” I think of the song as God or someone who loved you without failing, watching over you, and telling you to just “Be Still” and relax. “Be Still”  and everything will be fine. It’s like a lullaby. “If no one is standing beside you, be still and know I am” that line always reassure me that we always have God and people in our life to depend on. That when things get really bad,  and they do, we always have a higher power and family and friends to guard against the situations in life where we are hurting and falling apart.

This song puts me to sleep some nights when I feel at my lowest. It makes me feel like I am not alone in my suffering nor in my life. That there is a tomorrow to look forward to and that times won’t always be this bad. That we should “remember hard” the words to “Be Still” and not spend time worrying about the bad times in our life that we cannot change. That even when we lose sight of ourselves, there is always someone who remembers us and cares.