Love is all you need? Whoever said that perhaps was in the first stages of love.They hadn’t seen the nittygritty yet, what separates those we love and those who truly love us from those who are but memories or experiences in our lives. To be honest with you, I’ve realized what I’ve felt of being ‘in’ love was so short it was hardly there. But I know what it was because I know what love’s not. It hurts thinking back to that time even though it was barely real.
I was also with a guy much longer and the love I tried to convince myself I felt, didn’t exist. In a sense I’m glad it wasn’t authentic because love is painful. It doesn’t mean because you’re in love with someone everything’s suddenly perfect. Love in relationships is a ton of work combined with trust which takes time to build. It’s a given your other half will do stupid and thoughtless things at times and so will you. Whatever the relationship, we’re all human and make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes are huge and hurtful.
But in the spaces in-between are these perfect moments of sometimes physical but always heartfelt gestures of love, fleeting but memorable; these are the moments lovers live for. Love is being unselfish and it’s difficult for any human to consider someoneelse before themselves all the time. It would seem to me we need so much more than only love. But I know lasting love is possible because I know my Lord who says: “We love, because her first loved us.” With those words in my life, I feel this whole ‘true love’ thing might be a possibility someday.
Thanks to Wandering Soul who hosts this challenge. You are supposed to write one or two more sentences to make a three line story with the prompt sentence. I tend to get inspired and end up with an entire story, jammed into two too long sentences. So I’m linking to her blog with my story inspired by the sentence: ” The picture on the wall was crooked; a lot like the person in it.”
The picture on the wall was crooked; a lot like the person in it. I knew the photo was of my Grandpa’s brother Jerry, who had shot himself in the foot to get out of WWII. He had only been in France a week and spent most of his active duty attempting to make himself throw-up daily, so he didn’t have to fight but could remain in the infirmary. But Jerry’s Captain realized what Jerry was up to and put him back with his company to kill German soldiers.
Sadly, it wasn’t beyond Jerry’s cowardice to hide behind other soldiers in his squadron, or use them as shields. I doubt Jerry’s company minded when he showed them a German soldier had shot him in the foot; even though his squadron knew Jerry had shot himself to get out of fighting in the War. It wasn’t as if many soldiers hadn’t thought of shooting their own foot to escape War’s reality, but most of them knew their country needed them and took their duty as a soldier with pride.
Jerry’s fellow soldiers were glad to see ‘useless’ Jerry gone. He hadn’t made any friends and most men knew being Jerry’s friend meant he would desert you when you needed help; infact, life expectancy for members in Jerry’s old company went up when Jerry was sent home with a permanent limp.
Jerry told absurd and utterly fake stories about being a War hero when he returned to his family’s house in London. Jerry had even stolen a poor dead man’s medals to make it appear as if he had been recognized by England, Primeminister Churchill, and the Queen, for defending his country.
But Jerry’s family didn’t believe his stories and doubted he had sacrificed himself to earn such high honours. Jerry’s family knew his personality, the cowardliness and cunning that always lurked behind Jerry’s every action.
War was awful and terrifying, but Jerry’s father who had fought in WWI and Jerry’s permanently wounded brother Clancy, who fought in WWII, believed Jerry should be doing his duty back in France. Soldiers were being shipped to the beaches of Normandy and neither Jerry’s father or Clancy thought the slight limp that Jerry most likely gave himself, should stop a soldier from doing his duty.
Jerry eventually left home during the War, wandering the roads in different towns, lost and afraid that death would catch up with him because he had avoided it in France. In the shadow of a pale moon, a bomb flew from the sky one night, and Jerry met his end in England, near his family’s home.
Both Jerry’s father and brother Clancy, at last we’re proud of him. The bomb from a German airplane had hit Jerry and not another person or a building full of civilians. Jerry hadn’t intended on being the bombs target, but his family felt they could remember the cowardly man with a bit of pride now.
Jerry’s photo, Grandpa Clancy said, should remind us Grandchildren to be brave and not use others because we are afraid, as Uncle Jerry had done in his life. Grandpa Clancy’s Grandchildren knew what true sacrifice was when their Grandfather showed them the stump that was once his left leg.
Clancy had never bothered with a prosthetic limb. His leg stump spoke volumes to a generation who did not realize what a sacrifice so many men had made so their children and Grandchildren could be free from men such as Hitler and his Nazis.
Clancy had loved his brother. The part of Jerry who was a scheming coward, Clancy had never been able to understand. Scared or not, a man has to do what a man had to do, especially during a War. Clancy was cheered that in death, his brother Jerry may have been brave.
I have had a rough few days, but I suppose anyone ending a long-term relationship feels rough when they first end their relationship. I keep feeling this sinking, half-sick feeling inside me — after 3 years A and I are over and it was my choice.
The worst of what I’m feeling is the guilt but then whenever I go places I start to have flashbacks of when A and were here or like today when I went to A & W with my mom I thought about how this was A’s favourite burger place. Or the look he would give me when I ordered Pepsi because I’ve sworn Pepsi off to many times to count.
There are too many memories with A, good and some bad. But you never realize how much someone is a part of your life until they are no longer in it. At least half a dozen times I’ve caught myself thinking that A would like this, I would like to take my boyfriend here, and then I remember I don’t have a boyfriend anymore; I ended it with A and there are places I am never going to be able to take him to see and things I’m never going to be able to say.
Working someone who was important out of your life is the hardest part about breaking up. Forgetting your routines and the places you liked to go, forgetting looks between you, forgetting everything. But it has only been 2 days since I decided this was the best path for me to take with my life and even though A is up North at work right now, his ghost is all around me. I wouldn’t take the break up back but I didn’t think being the one who did the breaking up would be so painful.
I know he is much worse for ware then I am, after all I broke his heart. But I just got to the point where I didn’t see a future between us. I couldn’t picture myself saying yes when we wanted to get married in a couple years when after a 3 year relationship he was too afraid to meet my family, the most important people in my life. And if I had left it 2 more years until we wanted to get married I still would’ve said no still. “I won’t take you back,” he told me, but you know what I’m okay with that. I wanted to see what and who else is out there because something just didn’t feel quite right. It was that unsettled feeling inside of me that had me wanting to make a change in my life.
I regret hurting him, I regret the damage I did to him because he loved me a lot and I didn’t love him enough, and I regret this sick feeling inside of me. But even though he doesn’t think so, somewhere there’s someone else for me and him. There is so much possibility out there and I think that’s all I was looking for again.