A Personal Update and a Poem: What’s Been Going on & Italian Sonnets –“The Race’s End” #poetry #amwriting #life #nonfiction 


Credit: http://www.pinterest.com

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I feel like I’ve been distant on here lately. But sometimes you need a break from the usual. I have always found it easy to pull a lot of inspiration from myself and those around me. From past experiences and from my friends and events around the world. Christianity too can be something encouraging as well as a vivid imagination.

I have been trying my hand at some freelancing but it’s been a lot of effort. It saddens me to see how little a writer’s words are worth be they for blog, article, or essay. But at least where I am now pays a better than where I started at which was doing short pieces of writing for experience only. So I have been trying to do some other writing as well as blogging. Some days it’s works and others not so much. I know I’ve had to cut back on my prompts recently so my blog schedule will be based on how much I have to do each week for freelancing. I’m not earning much of a thing but at least I feel like I’m contributing a bit more and learning new ideas.

I also continue to look for and submit poetry and some short story fiction to some different sites and magazines as well as edit my novel when I’m able to focus on a couple of chapters at a time. If anyone enjoys writing and is interested in being a beta reader for a paranormal romance please let me know. I would appreciate your opinions very much. My book is on Wattpad so you’d have to read it in their, but it has an app and allows a person to comment on each chapter after they’ve read it. Or you can go to the site on your computer HERE. Just check it out and if you’re interested in reading my book, let me know in the comment section below. I appreciate it! 💕❤ My user name is @mandibelle16

One thing I love about writing is that I am always acquiring more knowledge. Recently, I have been doing more academic writing and I have been relearning citation and rules for academia. At the same time I think about my novel and my other creative writing in the back of my mind, finding distance has given me a better perspective on my plots, characters, and stories.

Also sometimes watching your favourite TV or Netflix programs, reading books, and walking outside in the warmer weather we’ve been having, makes one feel well and helps me think things through and visit different angles. “Suits” is an excellent and entertaining legal drama if anyone’s interested in watching the seasons on Netflix. As I’m going through my own case right now, it drew me in but its characters are witty, charming, and funny except for the character of Louis. But you have to hand it to the actor, he does a superb job of being slimy and repulsing lol.

Additionally, I’ve also been drawing, working on portraits, and colouring using various mediums. Art very much  inspires me so it’s been fun to play around with that a while. I’m also working on a few technical glitches with my blog and the WordPress app, trying to figure some of those things out as well. I do want to make some changes to my blog. It’s only a matter of sitting down, figuring them out in the little time I have concentration well enough — along with everything else — and then doing those changes. Eventually, I’ll figure it out 🙂

As well, I’ve been working on my health. This year I have tried to learn a more basic healthy recipes and I’ve researched my health condition a bit more. I’m doing this 5:2 Diet which means five days a week you eat how many calories you would eat for your body and amount you exercise. It’s recommended for CFS/ME patients as medication can cause significant gain.  As I can do little beyond a small walk now and then and some weight loss yoga, I eat just over sixteen hundred calories a day but of course a woman who exercised more or was just out and about more would eat around two thousand calories or more on a normal day.

On a side note: I so recommend an online subscription to Gaia if you can’t make it to yoga classes at the gym always. They have all different levels and lengths of workouts. From beginner to difficult yoga of all types, to Pilates videos, meditation and breathing videos, and short little videos that relieve back or neck pain in around ten minutes which I love. Everyday new videos are added and you there is such an array of options that it is so worth the subscription about $13.00 (in Canadian currency)/month and I think anywhere from about $7.00 to $9.00 US depending on your subscription.

Anyways, two days a week on the 5:2 Diet, you choose which days you eat only 500 calories as a woman and only 600 if you’re a man. Once you get into it, it’s not so bad and you learn what foods are filling and healthy to eat. I haven’t been able to drop to five hundred calories but about to 600 on fast days. I do yoga of twenty to twenty-five minutes for two and sometimes three days a week and I’ve been able to lose what the diet promises, about a pound a week. So for me after three weeks, three pounds and today was the first time I noticed my clothes fitting better. That’s my hope honestly, for my clothing that I own and like a lot, to fit well. Also, to be able to continue purchasing future clothing in regular sizing. (P.S. I have plans for some spring fashion and makeup blogs so we’ll see how things go later!!).
Once a person gets to their ideal weight on the 5:2 Diet, they can keep fasting two days a week or drop to one day a week to maintain. Out of all the programs/diets I’ve tried I love that this is safe weightless and healthy because it’s four or five pounds a month and about making choices to eat better and to exercise instead just for a little bit at a time.

You don’t receive that instant ‘wow factor’ as fast-diets promise but I believe this is healthier for you because it takes place over months and is doable for ‘life.’ If you mess up, choose another day that week to fast and after the first week you honestly are used to the fasts for the two days. Two days are easier than dieting for an entire week all the time.

I didn’t think it would work as I had read about it before with caution. However, the plan worked for a family member first who showed my some YouTube videos on it and they were quite convincing. He has lost the weight and maitained his level of exercise. So something to check out if you’re interested. I borrowed the book from the library and it’s a simple diet to be sure.

Also, I’m afraid my biweekly interview is going to be a day or two late this week as I’ve got to finish a project first. So apologies there. As for my lack of writing and commenting, I will do as much as I’m able.

So without further ado, here’s a poem I wrote a while back. It’s comforting but also sad. It’s based around, knowing a loved one is facing the end. It’s difficult for the person and their loved ones, but at the same time, relief because that person will never feel pain again in Heaven.

Thanks for reading!

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Credit: http://www.pinterest.com

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” I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” – 1 Timothy 4:7-8 (NIV)

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One last mile, one more Christmas comes to pass,
Praying for ages, memories and lifetimes.
The quicksand buries, but light still yet shines,

A beacon, slowly immersed — death’s paid wrath,

We don’t know how long the present will last.

Keep wide the door, heaven’s gate you’ll enter,

All time converges, earth isn’t center.

We’re a blip, nothing’s linear, we’re the past;

Before glory, laud, and honour shown,

Is to God, in our eternal rest and home.

Someday you’ll go, tears mark your finish line,

But these days you run, pray you’re unconfined;

To be free of your burdens, what you dread,

Your time with us not taken — not the end.

—-

You’ve run the race my friend, endured the course,

And all our memories are so dear, of your face —

Brightly lit, your smile, a fighter’s proud grace.

You kept it up, as long as you could, and would —

Have had a runner’s chance, enduring pain, stood —

Humbled but kept striding in all you faced.

Every hill with vision, pose, setting your pace;

Life, your race, needed winning; without fear —

Embrace the end engaged; approaching so near,

Throw yourself into battle you’ve waged,

Never to be a victor, not to be caged;

Instead found eternal rest, your end page,

Last word fin, your Lord called: “Come home dear one.”

—–

©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved.

Poem: Free Verse – “Walls and Wings” (Reposted from Aug 2013)  #poetry #amwriting #relationship


This came up on my FB feed. I wrote it three-years ago and actually am happy with the way the poem was written, with some small changes. 

I was in a relationship and felt trapped. I longed to escape. I did; for this reason, I smile when I read this poem.

I broke free and things are all the better because I was given the strength to fly.

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http://www.motaen.com

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When the walls press in on me, cold stone, slimy, and grainy.

I search for the window which opens, when prison doors close.

Metal bolted tightly, oppression ripe in stale breath;

Little holes for air, aligned metal cylinder by metal cylinder.

I peer out the door and see a tiny hope blooming.

A Lilly in the cell corner opens slowly — white, soft, and curled.

Beautiful, lonely; the more you try to understand beauty, 

The more you see it’s fleeting.

 A Lily in the corner, with little light — it’s dying.

No window will shine sunlight on it’s glory, 

The cryptic darkness covers and creeps. 

The beautiful wilts, wanes, warped – a brown wasted mess.

Sitting in the corner, nothing pretty here — the pretty is ghostly.

The length of light, coming through, above the window sill fades;

All were left with is darkness, and dusk sets in quickly.

Purple bruises in the sky, which I can scarcely see, 

Slither into to a deep black dullness, 

No stars shine in the prisoner’s sky.

———–

Bracelets of steel, cold, and unforgiving — small wrists will not fit;

Through these round holes, which cut and divide, 

Hand from praying hand, at the 4:00 am hour.

I do not understand or know, how long I can take this.

To not want the fate of another, is it too much to ask? 

To be disappointed, not understood, used until I’m broken. 

To always be alone right next to another person, 

To always write these words sad and full of loathing.

Guns in the night, shoot me first.

These shackles are no golden bracelets, 

No silver charms adorn them;

You can’t buy this jewelry at Pandora

Steel is only made at rough factories. 

Oppressive, only manufactured, never crafted —

In grace and finery, with delicacy and laughter tingling.

Every time you shake the charms, tiny bells ring.

What do you do when charms no longer charm?

And brightness narrows into a black hole? 

——–

I think you run, slipping through the window.

You don’t look back,  though your feet hurt, 
To run on rocks and sand, and weep blood to be free.

I think you go, no matter how. 

Before you’re trapped, and chained to walls of slimy stone.

You turn and go, before those eyes see you; 

Those eyes you thought saw you but — don’t see you at all.

 And only have memories of days gone by.

You run because to be alone with eyes,

Is too alone; the stone angel trapped in fragility of life,

 Wasting her days, growing bitter and aged;

Never forgiving, the young, who see light with possibility.

The light rises over, a cold moon rises;

 Refreshes and results in absolution.

A crime has been committed, but sometimes laws, 

Must be broken to live in self – forgiveness, in self-acceptance.

This world is not black and white; my feet take off —

Crouch, then sprout talons, and white wings at my back. 

All of this for freedom, to become a bird, 

A lesser creature, all to fly in heavens glory.

All for that feeling in your chest, 

Where you can finally breathe. 

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©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

Unexpected Guests


Prompt: You walk into your home to find a couple you don’t know sitting in your living room, eating a slice of cake. Tell us what happens next.

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“Oh, hello.” I jump back surprised. There is a chubby woman with wavy brown hair and blue glasses sitting on the couch. “Not to be rude, but how did you get in the house, no one else is home?” 

“The dog let us in” says the women. Us, I suddenly notice the black-haired man beside her. He has light blue eyes and olive skin, a dazzling combination. The women’s eyes are greenish brown and they narrow at me slightly as I look at her boyfriend. He smiles and nods at me not at all perturbed I find him attractive and not perturbed his girlfriend is jealous.

“The dog’s dead” I say smartly. “She has been dead a year and a half. So, how did you get into the house? Who are you guys even?”

“Oh, I’m Michelle and this is my partner Marcus. We’ve been together three years,” she adds as Marcus looks me up and down. 

Michelle leans into Marcus and kisses his cheek softly. She twirls his hair at the back of his head and Marcus leans his head away from her. He pats Michelle’s arm and tries to remove her hands.

” Eat your cake, dear” he orders Michelle. Marcus looks at me and smiles widely his gaze resting on my chest. I don’t have much of a chest, this pervert must be desperate.

Then I notice, they’re both eating cake. Huge pieces of soft chocolate cake and chocolate icing with chocolates on top. My favourite cake from my twenty-seventh Birthday. I haven’t been able to find this kind of cake since I finished the last slice in July three years ago. 

“Your eating my family’s cake,” I cried “My favourite cake. Where did you find it?” 

“Oh this cake?” Michelle purs taking a bite and licking her lips trying to make herself look sexy to Marcus. ” The cake was in the fridge. We didn’t think you’d mind if we ate two pieces.”

Michelle looked at Marcus and encouraged him to eat his cake. They whispered something between them. Marcus was saying something about being able to eat his cake when he likes. I ahemed.

” You need to leave, both of you. You’re not invited here. And it was rude of you to assume you could eat my family’s cake. I don’t mind sharing but you could have atleast asked. Not to mention, that crap about the dog letting you in…” My face is a bit red and I’m tired. I want this couple to leave and soon.

But Marcus brings on the charm:”I’m so sorry Miss?” I ignore him. ” We’ve been travelling along time in the car and Michelle needed to use the washroom. We shouldn’t have touched the cake but we were so hungry from a long day driving. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew you lived here.” Marcus pauses and looks at me blue eyes staring me down. I gag.

” How did you get in really, did I leave the back door open?” 

Marcus looks away from me a second then smiles. ” Well I have a few skills, um picking locks. Your lock was easy to pick and the trees in the front yard hid me as I tried to get the door open. Like I said, if I knew you lived here I would have chosen a different house. You are so pretty when you pout.”

Michelle stares daggers at Marcus and then me. “What about me Marcus? Don’t I turn you on. Haven’t I been your girl for three years and put up with all your garbage.”

” Of course you are pretty Michelle. You know I think you’re beautiful in the girl-next-door kind of way.” 

Michelle frowned and Marcus patted her leg trying to appear affectionate. He put his arm around Michelle briefly,and kissed her cheek as she had done to him earlier.

“Look enough” I say firmly, “I don’t know you and you’re in my home. I’m trying to be nice but your making it hard. Leave or I will call the police. But eat your cake; don’t waste it. It’s my favourite kind.” 

Marcus grins at me and winks. Michelle is looking at the wall an indignant expression on her face. 

“You used to say I was hot” she accused Marcus. “You said how lucky you were to have me and that I was a gorgeouse girl. Now you can’t take your eyes off the tramp who lives here and she doesn’t even like you.” Marcus sighed and started to eat his cake slowly.

” I’d eat faster Lady,” I say to Michelle. She gives me the filthiest look and shovels in the cake murmuring about how good it is and how my figure type shouldn’t have chocolate cake. She remarks how I’d probably end up fatter then her if I don’t watch my figure. 

” A minute on the lips forever on the hips” she goads me.

” Are you serious, your cake is done now get your ass out of thr house,” I say.

Michelle looks at Marcus who is carefully eating his chocolate cake.”This is really good,” he tells me, ” Sit down and have some cake with me. You will enjoy it so much, as much as you will enjoy my company.” Marcus licks the chocolate off his teeth and smiles at me that certain way again. I thought he was handsome at first but now I’m thinking he’s creepy.”Don’t listen to Michelle, you are stunning.Your body is lush. Michelle is upset because she is pudgy. She put on a little weight lately raiding people’s desserts…”

I didn’t know what to say. Michelle looked like she was going to explode. I was about to tell her what Marcus said was not true and tell her she had a good figure. But I looked at her as she stood and saw the rolls on her stomach and her wide hips. I wasn’t a small women by any means but Michelle was large everywhere but her pretty face. Even still, why would she stay with such a jerk?

And why would a good looking man choose to be with Michelle? Maybe three years ago she wasn’t fat at all. Maybe Marcus’ criticism of her made her want to over eat so much so she gained a lot of weight. I felt torn between feeling sorry for Michelle, being grossed out by Marcus, and wanting them both to go bug someone else. 

” I can’t help putting on a little weight Marcus” Michelle murmurs, “I have a thyroid problem and we have to go back to my doctor so I can figure out what to do about it so I won’t be fat anymore. We are never home long enough for me to make a follow-up appointment to my doctor to find out if I need surgery or to get a prescription for my thyroid. We are always going some place you have to go and I never have the energy to go to a gym because I’m worn out from driving.Let’s go Marcus, she doesn’t love you like I do. She doesn’t want you. She won’t take care of you as I do. Let’s go home so I can be skinny for you again.”

Marcus finishes his cake while Michelle triesto soothe him. He doesn’t listen to Michelle. I looked to see the rest of the cake on the coffee table. Half of it was gone. I sighed and looked at Michelle.

” You shouldn’t follow him around. Marcus doesn’t love you as you love him Michelle. You should drive home now, wherever home is, and talk to a doctor about your thyroid. You probably only need to take pills because your thyroid isn’t swollen but you should get your thyroid checked-out before it becomes worse. Ditch this loser, he doesn’t appreciate you. He has been ogling me the whole time and I despise him. He put you down several times. You need to go and you need to go without Marcus.”

Michelle looked at me mesmerized for a moment. She half smiled and shook her head at me as if I was a sad woman she felt sorry for.” I know love” she said “I won’t leave the man I love. He doesn’t want you.  He’s like this with all the pretty girls, but he always comes back to me. Even if I’m fat. You want him like all the others. I won’t let you have him.”

Marcus looked at Michelle and gasped. ” I stay with you because you look after me, not because I love you. You are like a dog, you always stay by my side and do whatever I need. Doesn’t matter if it’s sex or food or whatever. I don’t think you’re attractive. I don’t know if I ever did, when you weren’t fat. That’s why I always go to other women for sex, women who who are pretty enough. I treat them well because they are like me, they are good looking and they have some pride. You have no pride, you do whatever I want, whenever,” Marcus sneered. 

He stood up and brushed the crumbs off his lap looking at me apologetically. ” We could have so much fun” he says to me. “You could show me around the city and we could have lots of sex.” Marcus is practically drueling as he talks to me.

I can see Michelle breaking a little more inside with every word he says. He doesn’t want her. 

Marcus comes and stands close to me. I am assaulted by the stench of overpowering cologne and he has chocolate smeared on his face.”Baby you have chocolate on your face,” Michelle says without thinking. Marcus looks at her with venom.

” Shut up you Bitch.” 

Then he tries to touch my face but I elbow him in the stomach and step away from him. I reach for the phone as a weapon. 

“Get out, get out, get out. And Marcus never touch me again you pervert,” I yell.

Marcus looks at Michelle if this is all her fault and turns to me embarassed. He sighs.”Shall we go, ” he asks Michelle, smiling at her again as if he hasn’t verbally abused her. 

She looks at Marcus blankley a smile passes her lips. Her face is deathly pale. She shakes her head at Marcus.” I am going. You can find your own way to wherever you are going. It is my vehicle and it has been my money we have been using. I’m cancelling your credit card when I get to the first gas station.” She asks me where that is and I tell her. She nods, a seemingly small women despite her extra weight.

” Have a good trip home” I say ” and good luck with your medical problems. I hope you find answers fast.”Michelle nods a tiny smile gracing her lips.

” I never saw how much he used me until today. I just saw how good looking he was. I saw how good he was in bed. I really loved him but he doesn’t care for me at all. He’s right I have no pride.” I shake my head but she stops me.

” Sorry for eating your favourite cake. I can see why it’s your favourite. It’s delicious.” I shake Michelle’s hand and watch her get into a black car. 

Marcus looks around confused then steps out into the street as Michelle pulls out to drive. She screams at him, telling him to get the f$&k out of the way. I laugh as he falls into the snow and Michelle drives off. Marcus looks at me like a dog begging for scraps. 

“Go. I am phoning the police this instant. You are a horrible ass and don’t want you in my family’s home ever again. The bus is six blocks up.” I hand Marcus a bus ticket I had on my pocket. I run inside and lock the doors.

Marcus stands in the middle of the icey road for a few moments regarding the bus ticket with unease. Eventually, he walks up the hill by my house and I don’t see him again.

I call the Police anyways and tell them what happened. My details about Michelle are vague. I don’t know if they ever found Marcus. Guys like him use people. He probably found some silly girl who is thinner then Michelle or I. 

When my Mom and Dad come home. I explain what happened with one Police officer chiming in often. We clean up the cake and put it in the freezer for another time. I’m not sure it’s my favourite chocolate cake anymore. My Dad calls a locksmith the next day and we receive better locks, ones you can’t pick easily.

The next time I arrive home from being out, I am happy to see the door is locked solid. I still don’t know why Michelle said the dog let her and Marcus inside the house. It was an odd thing to say. Especially considering if said dog was alive her bark would have scared them off. Or the dog would have eaten them. The second option makes me smile as I unlock the door and go inside a quiet house.

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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.