It’s hard to shut my mind off.
There’s no switch, so it keeps wandering,
Down the paths of will I and should I?
Through the trails of could I? Would I?
I think I’ve been making some important steps.
I also think there are parts of the wheel,
That still haven’t turned and the process is slow,
But I try to do well just the same.
I’m stuck in a pattern and it’s not right,
To fear having so many people around,
To wonder how long until my body gives out,
To wish for meaning, but instead I’ll drift.
Idle, conversation, I am merely there to be there,
To see a girl who lights up the world.
But her candle’s been flickering lately.
Even though she is doing well; I worry,
She’s breaking the back of a milicious monster,
It starts with a “C” it’s a terrible disease,
But she doesn’t give it power,
It’s why she refers to it as ‘Boobitas.’
Maybe, she is being cute but I have to agree,
Power lies with the fears we let overcome us,
And she has a life to live, a baby to love.
Better not to let the ‘C’ word devour.
Tomorrow night there will be a party,
To celebrate her thirty years on earth.
Many will have with them their other half,
But I’m devasted by many guys these days,
I don’t want to be alone, but I’m not desperate,
But to date in your thirties living with Mom,
Makes the dating process harder.
Not to mention it’s hard for me to be out long with my health,
I miss being a couple, but I don’t want my ex back.
I’ve been there before and done that.
And I’ve talked to many guys, they are quick,
And many are sly, they aren’t interested in putting effort in, or talk,
They only want a woman whose warm,
I write stories and I read them too,
Guys in books they don’t exist,
And when I go to write a character,
I follow the literary tradition of writing books about guys woman want,
But don’t exist in the real world,
I’m not sure I could write a real guy,
I’m not sure what the ideal real-life guy is like,
He would probably eat a lot and want a lot of sheet twisting,
When you go out, he’d say ‘you choose.’
Then not tell you when he hates it.
And he wouldn’t go with you again,
I don’t think there were ever wonderful princes,
I don’t think there are wonderful millionaires or billionaires.
I think there are a lot of people,
Choosing to stay single because they can’t find their person.
But then I see my friends with husbands,
I see their boyfriends and I know they are doing well,
Perhaps, I’m on the outside looking in,
But my past relationship was never quite right.
These are only things I wonder, when I’m tired on a Friday night,
When I had plans but it didn’t work out,
At least I sold my old IPad, slow friend.
And my new one is so fast she purs.
And I’m submitting writing to all these different places,
I’m trying to build a portfolio of published work.
But it takes time to craft stories and poems,
Even posted here, they still require work.
So, If nothing else I am productive,
And looking to live my writing dreams,
The mouse typing in a pile of rodents spinning,
Tomorrow my friend is thirty and even that’s not enough time to be friends with her.
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