Photo Challenge Prompt: Fiction – Wishing You’d Stayed


Thanks to Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie for hosting this photo prompt.


Man Against Blue
Ronnie Garcia Moron

 It takes a great deal of pushing and a lot of poking to make me angry, but Yasmine knew which buttons to push. The neighbors never heard us fight, until that night in August.

“You always want to be together; I can’t be with you all the time. I’ve work and sometimes I need alone time, and occasionally, guy time.” I yelled.

Yasmine flicked back her long brown hair and laughed at my rage; she was far away inside her head again; I could tell.

“Look who’s upset,” she said softly. “It took me a long time to make you this angry, Logan. I thought you would never notice me. You’re always leaving me home alone.”

“Yasmine, I’m extremely upset at you, scared for your mental well being, and scared for our relationship. But you think my words are a joke.” I say.

She laughs and slids her arm around my shoulders. I shrug it off. Yasmine crosses her arms and says:”Calm down Logan. Stop being such an ass. Your married, you don’t get space anymore.”

“Being married doesn’t mean no space.You never used to be this way Yasmine. You did stuff with your friends and visited relatives. You also worked as a successful interior designer.” I told her.

“Now, you stay home all day and you lay in bed. I’m trying and I know you’re not well. But one of us has to work and support us financially. You need to look for ways to occupy your time. Read, write, watch TV, walk, or pretend you’re designing a new interior space.”

Yasmine gave a thin smile at my suggestions. “I suppose you want me to keep visiting the psychiatrist, the doctor who says I’m suffering from depression because I lost our baby.” Tears leaked out of Yasmine’s deep brown eyes. I wiped them away.

“I think it’s best for you Yasmine. The psychiatrist makes sense. You’re sad, tearful, and you can barely make it out of bed. You’re also anxious and you’ve terrible self-esteem right now. When I tell you you’re wonderful, talented, and beautiful, you don’t believe me. Yesterday, you said you believed you were a baby killer.” I said.

Yasmine smirked.”Before the baby died, I believed you. Now, I don’t believe you’re telling me the truth. I’m in awful shape and I think you’re placating me. I believe you’d rather by anywhere else and not with me.”

“Listen,” I told Yasmine. ” When I said I need space, all I meant was I need some time each week, where I can tye up loose ends from work. I also need a night away from you every week or two. For my own mental health, I need a few hours where I can forget and not deal with our issues.” 

“I talked to your friends Becca and Lynn,” I told her. “They said they’d love to take turns hanging out with you one night a week if you’re okay with that? You guys could go see a movie or go shopping, something along those lines?” 

Yasmine buried herself beneath the comforter on the couch.”I don’t want to see my friends, look at me? And I need you here Logan; I was thinking, we could have another baby?” 

“It’s not that I don’t want another baby with you sweet heart, ” I say carefully. “I keep telling you, it’s not your fault Jacob died. It happens to many woman with their first pregnancy. It’s just right now, you’re still recovering from losing Jacob.” I told Yasmine.

She covered her ears, “I don’t want to hear it Logan. Stop talking. It’s my fault Jacob died; I didn’t take care of myself. Now, I’m sick and I feel I can’t do anything. Everything makes me tired and I’m so mad at myself.”

I sat down beside Yasmine and rubbed her back.” Relax. We have time. Work on feeling better. Try to take a short walk, even around the block. Be in the sun on the patio to get more vitamin D and sleep whenever you need. However, you have to promise to take your pill.” I said.

“I don’t want to! I hate my med. It makes me feel foggy.” Yasmine complained.

“The doctor says in a month or so, when you’re used to the medication, the fogginess will go away. But you have to let your body get used to the anti-depressant. I notice when you take them, you’re much happier. You get out of bed. You make conversation. You sketch out designs for rooms,” I tell her.

“But Logan . . .”

“Please, for two-weeks, try taking your pill. If you don’t, the Doctor says you’ll have to go back in hospital, Yasmine, ” I begged.

Suddenly, Yasmine flew into a rage. She pushed at me and screamed. She grabbed her car keys before I could catch her and snuck in the elevator. When I reached her parking space, it was empty. I’ve never seen Yasmine again.


Yasmine’s my wife and it hurts me to know she could be anywhere and I can’t help her. I don’t know if she’s well or still suffering from depression. No one’s been able to find her, not even a private detective.

I grieved for Yasmine. It took me two-years before I started writing my stories down in journals. I thought, when Yasmine came back, she could read about what happened in my life after she left. I tried to make my journal entertaining for her to read.

Then, they found her body. Parts of me ached which I never knew existed, when I learned Yasmine was dead. I’m not sure how they can find out how she died now. But I’ve convinced myself I caused her to commit suicide.

I tear the pages out of my journals; I had had them bound and printed into volumes for Yasmine to read. Now I know she will never be able to read what I wrote. 

Broken and grieving, I destroyed all my journal volumes. All the typed pages scattered across the floor in my office. Broken journals, like my heart. 

How does one heal after hurting so long, believing their other half, couldn’t be dead? 


©Mandibelle16.(2016) All Rights Reserved.

A Bad Start


Not Getting Along
Not Getting Along

It’s been one of those too crazy weeks. It began fighting with A over a disappointing New Year’s not just because I had a throbbing headache that night but because he took off around 5:30 pm on New Year’s, left me all alone, and decided last-minute he needed a haircut. He waited 3 hours to get this haircut which he could have easily gotten a couple of days later. There was nothing wrong with his hair. At least not wrong enough to leave me alone 3 hours in the dark ( I couldn’t find the damn light switch that worked). And you know when you have energy then suddenly everything calms right down and sucks the life out of you. Being with other people and talking and getting ready with them keeps you going. But by the time A got home at 8:30 pm I was upset, had a headache, was starving, and I just had no patience anymore, and no reason to go to Earls for supper and out to the Druid.

A had brought McDonald’s home and instead of us going to Earls we ate that. Not what I

www.keno.com McDonald's :Logo
http://www.keno.com
McDonald’s :Logo

had in mind at all. He was the one so tired at the beginning of the night so we watch the New Year’s concerts in NY and I go to bed angry and yet again he leaves to go out with friends to go God knows what hours. I just really felt we were supposed to be spending New Year’s Eve together and he kept taking off and not saying anything about it.

I took the time to do my hair which takes a while to curl, dress up, and put on silver stiletto heels I knew I’d be hating in 10 minutes and I spent the night alone. I explained this to him the next day and he was like ” Some times you just talk shit, and I don’t want to talk about it.” I was really hurt and angry because communication is something he struggles with me so much. And later he won’t talk to me, hence my ‘I don’t want to talk to you’ article and then he goes back to work and I’m just like whatever I can’t focus my energy on being angry this long.

www.stevewright.info
http://www.stevewright.info

So even though I have such reservations about his communication and the fact he might just take off with his friends next time I want to go out I just forgave A and now we are talking again. Texting back and forth, as he works up North. I miss him because I usually do, and last time was such crap. So coming down off of being so upset took a lot of energy out of me and I had a tired New Years and the weekend.

Tuesday I spent at Rexall and my psychiatrists. Rexall for some odd reason I was trying to find better shaving things for A who said shaving hurt his skin. So I went to the Dove men’s section picked him up some nice shaving cream that is anti-razor burn, some moisturizer for after shaving, and some razors that have more blades on them then his little 2 blade razor so he doesn’t have to go over the same areas on his face twice. Call it part of his Christmas present I guess. There was also a brand of makeup there called The Balm that I always look at when I go there and I thought a couple of pieces of it would be a great present for my friend who has a Birthday in January. So, I picked her up an eyeshadow trio and a blush and sent it off with a card in a bubble pack in the mail. All errands done at Rexall, I went to see Dr. B.

www.woking.gov.uk
http://www.woking.gov.uk

Dr. B told me about my bloodtest results that although they did show a marker for something, that something couldn’t be identified and Dr. S the rheumotologist couldn’t identify anything for me that would out right say I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It’s just something Dr. B and I are mostly sure of since I’ve been tested for everything else and I fit the criteria pretty well. Oh well, I can’t use the term on any medical or financial forms anyways so it doesn’t matter. It’s just one of those things that their is no expertise on in Edmontont, infact, probably around the world. And knowing that I have it forsure would change nothing. I am trying a new medication which I’m hoping actually works. It’s an antipsychotic and has less side effects then the current one I am on because it is newer. So I start that tomorrow and just hope that it helps and it isn’t a waste of a trial,

www.getpositiverevolution.com
http://www.getpositiverevolution.com

I wrote two chapter for How Was Last Night For You, I really feel the ideas and story coming together now as I write. I have lots of ideas now, I just have to see what fits and bring in some secondary characters to make the book more interesting. I am taking a Fiction course in February until May so that should be a huge help in writing a piece of fiction and I plan to write more for the book in the course and use it as my piece of fiction to work on. Hopefully, the professor likes what I’ve written as much as you guys have.

Now, it’s Friday and it’s been a slow day. So, I figured I would end the week with a ‘ What’s Up’ piece and be done with this week. The beginning really spoiled the rest of it I’m afraid. And I’m having a lot of reservations there. Instead I’ll just give myself a confidence boost with Dear Me . . .

Oh well, Happy Weekend!

Catching Up


Hey everyone! I know my blogging has been sparse lately, sorry about that. I have had a real decline in my health this summer and it’s been difficult to concentrate on activities such as writing and brainstorming  blog ideas.

I’ve been extremely fatigued and tired. For 2 weeks I think I just about spent most of my time sleeping. Maybe, I was sick, I think, as illness seems to hit me harder with whatever larger illness I have. Although, sleeping 24-7 has passed I still find my health declining to a place it was at about 2-years after my first episode.

I managed to enjoy my birthday “month” and this past week hasn’t been an exception despite extreme fatigue. I had a lovely dinner with the ladies at Earls Tin Palace last Tuesday and thank goodness it was $4 Bellini night because I needed alcohol. It was great to see everyone who came even though I couldn’t be involved in the conversation as much as I wanted to be.

I’m sure no one noticed but I notice these things and hope that soon I will be able to be more chatty again and less tired. By 9:30 pm I was so so sleepy and by 10:15 pm I just had to leave and take a cab home. It was fine with my friends but I felt sick the cab ride home until I went to sleep. As I often do when I’m fatigued-out, I get flu-like symptoms that go away when I become rested. It’s something I always had but am just recognizing what it is now. I think I have days that are just bad days that I feel like I have the flu but really I’m just so utterly fatigued I feel ill.

But thanks everyone who came out I really did have a great time despite my symptoms. I was so happy to see you all there and hear all about your lives, especially those of you who are travelling to fun places and having or have had kids recently in your lives.

I was also very blessed to have a ride to a friend’s Wedding shower that Sunday via Tara. And the shower was great. A beautiful bride got to be around all her best girl friends, bridesmaids, and women relatives and she seemed to enjoy herself immensely. The weather was perfect and I felt good that day ( which hasn’t been happening so much) and everyone was so nice. The bride received many nice gifts, particularly kitchen based. I decided to go with a couple sets of dishware for the shower and the wedding, the bride picked out a beautiful light blue color for her dishware. It is the same color I would have chosen. 25-years from now everyone will know when our dishes from because we all like light blue dishes.

I can’t wait for the stagette night and only hope I feel as good for that night as night’s have been particularly tough me at times. I more worried about lasting the entire night so I think I will arrive around 5;30 pm for a couple left over jello shots and the comedian and probably take off a bit earlier then everyone else from Cook County on Whyte Ave. I am so excited to go to a country bar it has been so long and my 2-stepping is probably worse than it ever was but I might be able to figure out some of the line dancing again.

Moreover, I am finally going to see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I have to tell her all about how much worse I’ve felt this summer and get her to look into Chronic Fatigue as a definitive diagnosis for what I have. Basically, Chronic Fatigue is going to sleep and never ever waking up feeling rested. There are different degrees of Chronic fatigue and I received the definitive diagnosis definition and charts/symptoms for Canada from the M.E. Society of Edmonton. I now have to take this information, along with filled out charts/symptoms (why I think I have CF) to my doctor. I printed out a list of Doctors that deal with CF in Edmonton, but I’m hoping my psychiatrist who knows my situation best can diagnose me.

If I actually have CF I’ll tell you all about it and how my individual symptoms fit in. I don’t know that this makes treatment any easier but it does tell you that yes there is something physically wrong with me that I can tell people and use for health disability status/AISH etc. I’m positive I fit the criterion, or else I don’t know what disease I fit and it could open new possibilities I haven’t thought of. Possibility can be a great thing sometimes.

— 2 days later — I have visited my psychiatrist and presented my research. Apparently, CF is very difficult to diagnose because of all the other illnesses you have to rule out first. I feel we have ruled out plenty of illnesses but my psychiatrist sent me for some blood work and she is going to send me to a rheumatologist who specifically deals with CF and Fibermielga — 2 similar diseases. It might be a whole year before I see him but I am very excited to start the process and finally get a real diagnosis on what I have dealt with fatigue wise. I may have initially had a psychotic episode caused by depression but sometimes illnesses can result in other illness such as CF. You can get better from CF but you also cannot. I hope that the fact that I was young when the fatigue first hit me (23-years-old) means that might be possible someday or that there is some treatment being developed out there that can someday help me. Although CF has been written about since the early 1400’s the medical community has only recently begun to deal with it and try to come up with ways to help patients.