Poem: Free Verse – “Words After Turning Thirty-One” #amwriting #poetry 


http://www.pinterest.com

——–

What do we become as women at thirty-one?

Are we put out to pasture? 
Or are we doing the kicking to the curb? 

Are we like the woman of the 1960’s? 

Childless, no husband, so no value? 

Are we no longer desired? 

Are we spinsters, old-maids, bachelorettes for life? 

Or are do we fit my Uncles words:

“The most beautiful women are in their thirties.” 

Is it just the beginning, or is it the end? 

A last stretch of youth?

Or maybe, a reach for adulthood? 

Where some intelligence kicks in, 

And you’re tired of the lies, 

Meaningful nights; mornings depressed. 

So, you’ll wait for the right kind of guy, 

With the right kind of flaws;

Or maybe you live your own charmed life? 

Happy to be single, confident, relaxed.

Is it coming out of bubble gum and pink clouds? 

Finally not a girl;

But a woman who can impact change? 

Is it refinement and elegance? 

A striving for grace and eloquence? 

Is it realizing there is no Prince Charming? 

No white horse or Disney fairytale? 

Building your own life,

Do you forge it the best you can? 

Is it becoming aware even greater, 

Your teachers in childhood are growing older;

Your most lives won’t be around forever, 

So, you gather their wisdom while you can;

Spend time with them now.

Time steals loved ones; be they young or old.

Is thirty-one when you realize,

You are not impervious to dying at anytime in life? 

Severe fatigue, cancer, lupus, Thyroid troubles, 

Depression, anxiety, car accidents, the flu, MS;

Disease in some form, affects us all, 

Bodies which don’t bounce back as easily;

Requiring movement to maintain fitness,
And junk food, oh you’ll pay for it later! 

Sharing a bottle of vodka, tequila, or wine;

Drinking almost all of it, 

Can this be done anymore, and survived? 

Two glasses of wine or two beers, 

Every once in a while seems alright, 

Or face the two-day hangover regrettfully.

The biggest thing about being thirty-one, 

I’ll never get back years in my twenties, 

Lost in fatigue and mental illness, affects of meds;

They’re fond memories of genuine friends;

Futures, I see possibilities of having.

But someone wise once wrote, at the ages if 15 to 32:

Don’t worry about marriage, kids, or being grown-up;

Just enjoy and learn, explore the world. 

The wanderlust calls to me endlessly, 

A mysterious adventure waiting;

Such planning, such difficulties, such hardship; 

For a fantastic trip; I could barely walk all day, 

Or afford it; but wouldn’t it be worth it? 

To have thousands of foot prints,

To cover my pages, and see it’s okay – life goes how it does.

Thirty-one it’s only begun; an age of aspirations, 

Hopefully, inspirations to write more of;

As numerous as my days in all my years allotted. 

Passion and a life to live, anyway I know how.

Grace of God abounding; encircling profoundly, 

His child, he won’t let stumble long.

He guards with angels, and —

His forever promise of light in the dark; 

As wise JK Rowling wrote through Dumbledore:

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times; 

If only one will Remember, to turn on the light.” 
——

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved

Advertisements

When I Awoke


Waking up to reality can be a cold splash in the face or a more subtle realization, as if you have been fighting your way through cotton cobwebs that never end and suddenly, you are as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Your entire perception has changed and you are awaking to a world of colour and a place where the rules of reality don’t apply. My friends and I would call this feeling ‘floating in the pink clouds’ or ‘existing in your own bubble.’ Now that I’m here, I would call this place wonderful and enchanting. I would call it a reprieve from reality and my everyday problems. I would equate this place with a profound sense of love, peace, and tranquility although, it isn’t always about these terms. But it is a place I feel grounded and safe, connected to my significant other in a way I have felt with no one and can barely describe. Some people might call this phase untruthful and that it is not how things actually are between couples. But I believe there must be some truth to it as John Donne wrote about the connection among couples being a world unto itself. In The Good Morrow Donne writes ” If ever any beauty I did see, / [w]hich I desired, and got, ’twas but a dream of thee” (6-7). These lines suggest that to the poet that the finding and receiving of the most beautiful things is not nearly equal to finding the person you love. In fact, all good things before the speaker found his love become hazy and obsolete as if the speaker was in a dream before he found his love.

Perhaps, this is an overalls romantic and unrealistic thing to feel, nonetheless, it is something I am experiencing. I think the feeling I get around my boyfriend is rather odd actually and I doubt a lot of my family understand it because of his religion. But we both walked into this relationship knowing it was a practical difference between us and many times I have pondered over it and the reason I love someone who has these beliefs I feel are untrue. But it doesn’t seem to make a difference I just love him more. I have come to believe that no matter our beliefs it is my job to love him throughout this life. And maybe somehow God will allow me to reach Him in ways that just aren’t possible now. I would like to love him forever, but this lifetime is enough if need be. I know loving your first boyfriend can be a laughable ideal. But I am not 18 or 19 years old either. I know we have details to work through and that there will be challenges between us. But I know what I know, that this is real and worth the hardships I probably will endure for it.

I became quite sure of this this past week. It was like I was slowly waking up and the warmth from the sun finally hit me and when I awoke it was into that ethereal world of colour and sharp realization, that I had everything in front of me and was in need of nothing.