Sunday Photo Fiction: The End of The CorkScrew #flashfiction #amwriting #fiction 


Thanks to Alistair Forbes for hosting SPF. 

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Credit: © J. Hardy Carroll
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Kathy walked into The CorkScrew. During the day it had masqueraded as a cafe with coffee, tea, hot chocolate, soft drinks, and any alcohol you felt like adding. At night the old place truly came alive as the beloved town bar where everyone met to have fun and catch up. 

However, the building no longer met fire code regulations. It hadn’t when she started working here as a bartender when she was sixteen, having procured a fake ID. But twenty-five years later the place was so terrible it had to be torn down; even renovations couldn’t save The CorkScrew. 

At the front of the bar were bottles from years gone by. For some reason one could still get an ancient bottle of 7Up to mix with lime juice and Vodka. There was original Coca Cola and original Pepsi, whatever you preferred to have with your Rye or Rum. 

Kathy along with neighbors, patrons, and friends — some she’d known all her life — had come to the bar one last time to watch as The CorkScrew was boarded-up. Oddly enough, even the rats seemed to be leaving the building, which only made Kathy cry harder. 

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©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved. 

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A List Portrait Of Myself.


Thank You to La Duchesse D’erat for hosting this weeks list prompt. The list prompt for this week is a portrait of who you are.


Eating – For the most part a lot of protein and green vegetables. I am supposed to increase my protein because I’m not getting enough and am not losing weight because  I’m eating too little protein.

I’m not sure about this advice, but it is what my coach says from the supplement system I am on. I’ll have to check at the end of the week. Hopefully, I haven’t gained weight.

For protein I like greek yogurt, pecans, almonds, avocado, chicken breasts and thighs, occasionally pork or beef, and eggs.


Drinking – “Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink.” – “Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner”

Kidding though. There is much water I’m supposed to drink. I have about five or six glasses of eight ounce each day, more if I can. Every few days I like a glass of milk or a Pepsi.


Watching – Scandal! It’s my favourite show and so exciting. Olivia can’t go anywhere near Jake and ruin her father’s plans of getting him into the Oval Office, or he’ll slit Jake’s throat. Olivia broke Jake’s heart so he wouldn’t die. All the candidates are being gathered for election for the new President after Fitz. It will be interesting who makes it into the Republican and Democratic leadership position on the show. Funny enough, there is a Donald Trump like character on the show.

Also love – Grey’s Anatomy, Vampire Diaries, Season 5 of Downton Abbey, and The Catch.


Going – Who knows at this point. I would like to take a small vacation somewhere. I’m thinking Vancouver at this moment.


Reading – The Shadow by Sylvain Reynard. Excellent writer. If you haven’t read the writer’s first series beginning with Gabriel’s Inferno, it’s awesome and has three books to it. This is the second book in his vampire series, which is connected to his first series. Yes, they are romance type books but have a lot of theology and paranormal aspects as well.


Texting – I’m kind of in a constant state of texting.


Playing – “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. A classic which never grows old.


Working – 1. On blogging and my different prompt challenges. This Month I’m doing #Mayday prompts from C.L. Kaley of new2blogging, please join in doing her prompts each day in May. Link to her page after each prompt.

2. Finishing How Was Last Night For You the last few chapters in first draft. I need to write the happy ending then, the first draft is done.

3. Working on editing in a major way, the first chapter of How Was Last Night For You. Going to be making sure, every sentence should be there for each chapter.


Listening – Well besides to my IPAD music, the Edmonton Global News is on. Bad fires in Ft. McMurray, Alberta. The entire city has had to evacuate. It’s awful!


Thanking – God, I don’t live in Ft. McMurray and praying for the people who have to leave their homes, probably to come back to nothing but scorched debris. I don’t think insurance covers this fire damage unless they find out it was arson. ‘Acts of God,’ aren’t covered by insurance. Prayers for them please!


Buying  – I paid my cellphone bill.


Planning – I want to finish my novel off in first draft. Then I need to edit and do more research on publishing. Also, need to figure out the vacation thing.And I need to spend a few days reading books, instead of writing them.


Visiting – My Grandma I hope for Mother’s Day. Also, my Great-Godmother sometime soon.


Wondering – Why is this list so long?


Feeling – Tired and frustrated. I’m trying to write and people keep talking to me all day long. I love the late hours when people are asleep and I can write in peace 🙂


©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

 

A Grocery List 


Thanks to La Duchesse D’erat for hosting this week’s list prompt entitled, grocery list.

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Grocery List:

1. Spinach: Truthfully, I used to hate spinach and I’m not a huge fan of it cooked, unless you hide it inside lasagna or in chicken with goat cheese. Otherwise, I’ll take fresh spinach over lettuce any day.

2. Dark Green Lettuce: The darker, the green of the lettuce, the better it is for you. I think I buy Italian blend or something like that. I prefer it to romain lettuce.

3. Raspberry Vinaigrette Dressing: My go-to salad dressing and it’s good for you because it’s a Vinaigrette not a cream dressing, the same goes with Italian dressing. 

4. Italian Dressing: (See Above).

5. Whole-Grain Bakery Bread: I don’t eat much bread honestly. But I freeze it and unthaw a couple of pieces when I eat it for toast or with becel and a bit of strawberry jam on the toast. Bakery bread is a must, you can’t compare it with the stuff which is full of preservatives.

6.  Large Eggs: Eggs are a great source of protein. I have them about once a day in an omelette, scrambled, or boiled.

7. Almonds (unsalted): A fantastic source of protein and the good kind of fat to eat for your body. 1/4 cup is a good serving size for me.

8. Pecans (unsalted): More expensive, but an awesome protein and wonderful to put in salads. They taste so good, I love them.

9. Milk  1%: I have adored milk since I was small. My parents used to call me their ‘calf’ but now I don’t drink too much of it. Maybe, an 8 ounce glass every couple of days or 1/2 cup in my cereal. Some people say milk makes you fat, after all it’s what causes calves to grow large and round. On the otherside, there are many studies showing how vital milk is for your bones and teeth because it has Calcium in it. Plus, the added vitamin A and D is beneficial, especially in winter when it becomes dark early. I hate almond or coconut milk, so I won’t be giving milk up. I should add, I am sensitive to whey as an adult so I have to be aware of of how much milk I drink and what brand.I couldn’t have to much milk and feel well anyways.

10. Greek Yogurt: They whey is removed from Greek Yogurt and it is one of my go-to’s for protein. It keeps you satisfied and is healthy for you. I like it with granola and fruit sometimes, mostly with fruit.

11. Chicken breasts: My meat go-to I like chicken breasts in salads, with little potatoes and roasted vegetables, (etc.) About 4 or 5 ounces is a good portion size of chicken for me.

12. Turkey bacon: Well, as many of us, I love bacon. Turkey bacon is healthier for you and still yummy! 

13. Boneless Chicken Thighs: (See number 11, basically the same but tend to BBQ these).

14. Ground Beef: Not my favourite but a good meat to have at times in taco salad or to make into meatballs or hamburgers.

15. Marble Cheese: Just to have in my omelette or on a burger.

16. Green Tea: Every day I have two or three cups. I like the Starbucks brand, Spearmint and lemon by Tazeo.

17. Strawberries: For fruit salad in the morning with other fruit.

18. Oranges: (See 17)

19. Pineapple: (See 17)

20. Nectarines: Love them on their own actually. My favourite fruit! 

21. Cherries: Good on their own as well. Delicious! 

22. Red Wine: Have to go to the liquor store to buy it, but it’s always good to have a bottle on hand for company or a Friday night.

23. Asparagus: Steemed with becel.

24. Baby carrots: Raw about 1/2 cup. 

25. Cauliflower or Broccoli: Steamed with becel, about 1 cups worth per person.

26. Dark chocolate: It’s a necessity! 

27. Mini Pepsi’s: Also a necessity. Every once and a while I like one.

28. Raisin Bran: Sometimes I have for breakfast or a midnight snack 1/2 cup.

29. Becel: Less fat then butter.

30. Strawberry Jam: For toast, a jar lasts a long time.

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©Mandibelle16.(2016) All Rights Reserved.


Guilty Pleasure: Pepsi (with warnings!)


Prompt: Tell us about a guilty pleasure that you hate to love. 

 

http://www.aquaterracorp.ca Pepsi. Can 355ml


There are a few guilty pleasures I am culpable for loving. I am not all together proud of these pleasures but I do like them.

My worst guilty pleasure is drinking Pepsi. Some people drink coffee, some people drink energy drinks, and I drink Pepsi. It is addictive, truly. I never used to drink it except every now and then when I’d end up at the food court for lunch. But there were times at home when I got bored and wanted something sweet. And I was okay at first having Pepsi once in awhile but soon the sugar intake became addictive and I was drinking one a day, and sometimes two. There is so much sugar in Pepsi about 10 teaspoons. It is better to put a couple teaspoons on your Shreddies or Cornflakes then drink one can of Pepsi.

I have tried countless times to stop drinking it. To go back to drinking Pepsi only as a treat on some weekends or at the food court every now and then. I can stop for a little while. It is tough for a week or so but then I stop craving the sugar so much. But I always fall back into this pattern of drinking Pepsi again. It starts with a couple of them a week and increases from there.

Part of it has to do with the caffeine in Pepsi. I lack energy and the caffeine gives me a boost to start moving and do something when I feel unmotivated. I have read it takes twenty-one days or three weeks to break a bad habit and replace it with a good one. I have gotten to day fourteen before going back to my old ways.

Plus, I love how Pepsi tastes. I like the flavour of Pepsi in a can or in a fountain drink. It’s not the same out of a bottle. I don’t like how super-sweet a bottle of Pepsi tastes. I have attempted to change out Pepsi with water and lemon juice and it works for a bit until I have a day where I need energy badly and can barely prepare myself for the day. I have also been successful at changing out my Pepsi, which I have around 10:30 am or 11:00 am, with an energizing green tea which has caffeine in it. Tea is tasteless in comparison, however. Although, one can of Pepsi isn’t so bad for you, what bothers me is how often I want a second can and have a second can of Pepsi.

I have learnt how a person’s body does not metabolize all the sugar in Pepsi and how it builds up as fat and in your belly and causes bloating. It is especially dangerous that Pepsi causes belly fat because belly fat builds up around your organs as visceral fat and it can cause complications for your health.

Pepsi causes weight gain and significant growth in your waist circumference over time. If everything else is equal in your diet it is said a can of Coke (Pepsi) can add an extra 14.5 pounds on a person per year. There is also a 20 percent chance increase of heart attack in someone who consistently drinks soft drinks. Not to mention, Pepsi can compromise a person’s learning and memory formation especially if you are young. Combined with all the medications I am taking, I am increasing my chance of becoming a diabetic in my elder years by drinking soda. Research also shows Pepsi has links to Cancer and can acellerate the aging process.

Moreover, Pepsi is bad for your teeth. If you drink a can, you are supposed to wash your mouth out with water and leave your teeth awhile. Then an hour later brush your teeth. If you brush your teeth right away, the acidity of the soft drink will harm the enamel on your teeth. The acidity of Pepsi with your teeth is unhealthy. Once the enamel on your teeth is gone, you can’t get it back.

Honestly, Diet Pepsi is not better for you, neither is Coke, or Diet Coke. A Dietition explained to me how Diet Pepsi is actually worse for you then merely drinking regular Pepsi. Apparently, the artificial sweeteners in Diet Pop such as aspartame, do not satisfy a person’s apetite and can lead to increased weight gain compared with regular soda. Diet soda increases desire for fatty food and interferes with natural bacteria in our stomachs making us less tolerant of glucose. Never mind, increased risk of heart attack and stroke over people who drink regular pop. Craving more fatty food is minimal although still relevant with regular Pepsi or Coke. Additionally, a problem with any soda is it contains high- fructose corn syrup. This high intensity sugar made from corn, increases body fat and makes you hungry.

For more information you can read these articles:

1.Diet Pop vs. Regular Pop
2. Eight Reasons You Should Stop Drinking Pepsi

3.What Drinking Coca-Cola Actually Does to Your Body
4.What the Ingredients in Pepsi and Coca-Cola Actually do to Your Body

I’ll be starting to ween myself off Pepsi again now. 21 days to go…

 

http://www.freshvending.com Side Affects of Soda

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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

Weighting to Exhale 


I have some thoughts to share tonight just about my life and hopefully some of you out there can relate. I have touched on this topic before but not for awhile.  Weight is always a touchy topic because it relates to body image. 

We are taught these days that women are beautiful at whatever size they are, a size two or a size twenty-two. I think that’s wonderful and I hope that girls can be satisfied with their weight and looks as they grow and become young women. I’m happy to see models in fashion shows in New York and Toronto, who are plus-sized models because the average size for a woman is around size 12 to 16 in North America at least. 

 When I was young (maybe six or eight) I was shamed for being fat. Body image is something that it is engrained in you when you are young. I ate healthy food and only small amounts of junk food. We had a large garden, raspberry bushes, and an apple tree — all organic food. My Mom froze beans and peas, we always ate whole wheat bread, we hardly ever had sugary cereals for breakfast. We biked and walked regularly. But fat has always been something I’ve been afraid of being. It’s a demon I left in childhood only to be met again in my mid to late twenties. It’s too late for me I’ve already developed in my mind a picture of the ideal woman figure. I was never her, even when I played sports and/or worked out regularly. I was always that fat little girl, and in my mind I still am. 

Currently, I think for me body image and fat are something that I’m struggling to reconcile. We all have that number on the scale that we think, we are very overweight if the scale reads that number. We feel that we’ve got a major problem on our hands because the number is too high a weight for our bodies. I have reached that magical number and I am pulling out all stops to get back to a healthy weight. Believe me it’s going to be a lot of work. 

You see, as much as I want women and girls to be satisfied with their bodies, I also want them (myself inclusive) to have bodies that are healthy, whatever size or number on the scale that might be. It’s all fine to say that you are happy being over weight and you love your body; I’m glad if you do. But lately, I don’t feel that way because I’m not fit and I’m not eating right. If I don’t develop some type of plan to deal with my body, fatigued or not, my weight will only increase, and my physical health problems will increase.

Some of my weight issues probably have to do with genes on my Dad’s side due to the fact that many of my relatives put on weight as they get older. But also, having a mental illness and chronic fatigue almost all the time has lead to my weight gain. Mostly, due to weight gained through the side effects of medication — clozapine most recently. I put on roughly ten pounds each time I am on a psychiatric medication for awhile, they usually all cause weight gain. I try to be okay with it. I’m too fatigued to do significant cardio to counteract the weight gain.  But I think part of my problem is not paying attention to what and how much I am eating. 

This means going back to portion control and also not drinking my favourite drink that’s bad for you – Pepsi, especially in copious amounts. It means not ordering burgers, even though my smaller and fitter mother does, and ordering a salad with water not pop. It means trying my hardest to do some type of exercise a day, this will require all my effort. 

I’m trying to do two types of exercise: yoga, just some gentle stretching to keep me limber, and walking for 20 minutes, even though it still feels weird walking without a dog. Sadly, I will feel worn out after 20 minute walks for awhile, that is what seven years of fatigue does to you. It makes it harder and harder to be physically fit. 

The last part of my plan is that I am trying  a few products that have worked for some people I know to lose weight, but they are the kind of products that could work or could not — you never know with diet products. The first is a product that involves drinking veggies, so I receive all of my veggies in my diet; the second product is a product that helps break down fats in your body around meal times; the third product is wraps that help break down fat in your body from the outside  (I don’t know about the wraps but maybe they too will work). I will try these products for three months and if they work they work, if they don’t, it’s no significant financial loss. But I am hoping the products help together with portion control, adding back in some exercise, and getting rid of Pepsi by drinking water and green tea blends. 

If I can lower my weight I can improve the image I have of myself because I’d feel more positive about my body being healthier, especially around my middle. Your stomach is the worst place to have extra fat because that fat is visceral. In addition, I would feel and be healthier because my BMI and waist would be smaller. These are two major indicators of good health, although, they are not one-hundred percent accurate. My limbs would also feel less stiff if I did yoga and my cardiovascular activity even walking would be better then just sitting. And clothes would fit better as well.  I could even drop a size or more and have  a greater of variety of clothes to choose from. I’m a size 14 US right now (sometimes a 12) and not all stores go that high in sizes. 

 I know my weight doesn’t devalue me as a person, it doesn’t define me; weight doesn’t devalue or define anyone. But in my case, I feel I have little control in my life, especially with my health. That is another reason losing weight appeals to me, because it is a small piece of life that I have some control over. I can do little to change my mental health and the fatigue it causes, but I fight it because at somethings I can win. Maybe, I will never be a size 8 again but being a 12 or a 10 that’s in better physical shape then I am now, that is worth the effort, worth the fight.

We can’t control everything about our size or our weight. Woman exist into a variety of shapes and sizes. Weight is often a grave subject to talk about because many woman can’t do anything about it due to health problems such as medication, thyroid issues, having kids, lack of time to exercise, and many other reasons. But there has to be a point where you say I will control what I can and at least change that. Take the initiative to be healthier, no matter how small the change. Make changes you can live with through out your life and keep your body physically healthy. 

The Next Few Weeks In A Glance


Today the snow as white crystals blankets the ground and pine trees. I am staring through the crack in the curtains and thinking about the week ahead. What does tonight bring? What does today bring? What does the future bring?

www.widewidths.com
http://www.widewidths.com

I know you all have done your Black Friday shopping. Even here in Canada the sales have caught on and cyber Monday is coming up. But I stuck my money for the month for that kind of thing on my credit card and when I discovered fraud on my card I disgruntingly accepted I would not be doing any Black Friday Shopping. But then. I decided that this didn’t matter much because now it’s December and everything is on sale until the week after Boxing Day in Canada. Plus, the things I want anyways didn’t really go on sale.

www.bananarepublic.ca
http://www.bananarepublic.ca

There are 3 things I want: this black peplum dress from Banana Republic and lets face it, Banana Republic has sales every second day from November until up to Christmas so I’m not to worried about getting that dress. I just need it by new years to go with a pair of sparkly silver heels. The second thing I would like are these handmade boots from Poppy Barley. The are exquisite! Those are quite expensive though and my boots need not be handmade, my usual Naturalizer Leather boots will do as long as they are wide calf and riding boots that are black. Then I will be quite happy. Good wide shaft boots never go on sale! My third thing I want, well guess what? It’s a tattoo. I’ve finally found the perfect picture. And although my tattoo will be 2/3 the size of the one in the picture I will provide and on my back I’m excited to have found that perfect picture.  I am thinking on it a week or two before I actually call for a consultation but there is no doubt in my mind I have found the perfect picture. So artistic and beautiful and probably painful but I am quite interested in getting this tattoo done. I am told it should take 3-4 hours. So those things will be on my shopping list this December. If can throw a couple good priced tops in the mix I will be ecstatic!

www.pinterest.com
http://www.pinterest.com
www.isveryvisual.com
http://www.isveryvisual.com

As for how I will be keeping myself busy? Well I try to keep most of the days open when my boyfriend comes to Edmonton. So he will be up this week and I think I will spend a couple of days being lazy with him and maybe get him to take me out or take him out for a dinner I promised. It all depends on how fast my credit card gets to me, since I put most of my funds on there ahead of time. I would like to take him to Olive Garden because it is so yummy. Pasta and chicken Marsala yum. Salad and bread sticks too. I don’t know if he’s been but I want to take him for a nice relaxing meal for Christmas because he’s been so busy at work and deserves it. Maybe we can go dancing too if the weather is not too bad.

Sometime I have to get out and get all this blood testing done to make sure I don’t have hypothyroidism or these other diseases that make one tired. I am feeling antsy about testing. In some ways I hope to test positive for something that’s treatable such as the hyperthyroidism or at least high enough that it warrants looking into, because that means there is an easier solution to my health problems then I thought. If not, it means more looking and physical testing and even though we are doing all this testing I’m so scared that the doctors won’t find anything wrong with me and I’ll have psychiatrists and doctors who both say – we can’t help you. ( PS as I am writing this my dog has decided my computer is a very good place to lie and scratch her back. I have removed her but I can’t promise she won’t stay off :)) images (6)

Also, I am very excited for Christmas! Only 3 weeks to go now! 3 weeks! Time to start baking. I have the most amazing recipe for homemade peanut buttercups and of course I’ll need butter for shortbread, to make Christmas tree cookies (spice cookies) and ice them, and some other stuff I’ll have to look up – chocolate turtle squares anyone! The irony of all this is I will not be able to eat any of these things, maybe one thing a day if I don’t have my daily Pepsi.

That is the other thing I’m trying to stop. Drinking Pepsi except maybe at my night class in Spring because I need that Pepsi to stay awake. But I am drinking too many a day so I think the way to go is to stop cold turkey. I think I will lose those 3 or 4 lbs I’ve gained from summer If I stop. I’ve just got to stick to my diet and stop treating myself so often. I have to be hard-core! (Nikki has rolled over on the computer again she is on her back tits up. It is very cute but irritating! ” Look at me” she is saying.) Now that Nikki is gone I will say goodbye. Enjoy your weeks everyone!

Love is a Many Splendored Thing – Poetry and Setting Goals


This morning I thought I’d share a couple poems with you. Just some poetry on the topic of love. A poem that I wrote looking back on some kind of love years ago and a poem I wrote considering love recently. The third poem is a poem on another kind of love that confuses me. I am not in love; I do not think I have ever been but maybe it’s the spring air or all my friends taking the wedding plunge, it’s been on my mind just a bit.

But what is more important then self love? Don’t people say you have to love yourself first? I have found in my later twenties that I am a lot more comfortable being me than I was in my early twenties. This is despite the fact that meeting new people always means explaining my health issues at some point. But I have made awesome new friends and I have also found that there is always things we can do through out the year, and through out our lives, to improve ourselves. I read that it takes 21 days to break a bad habit and later saw on Pinterest that a perfect way to track your progress is to put up 21 sticky note flags numbered 1 to 21 and rip the days off the wall as you become closer and closer to breaking that bad habit.

Today I put two rows of sticky note flags up ( I have a ton so they must have some use since they do not make good page markers being all flimsy). The first goal I made is my ever pressing goal to stop my shopping, especially now that Montreal is a month away and I want to shop at Simon’s there and I want to break my shopping habit. I have complained and explained before how I do thus because I love fashion, I don’t think, and I get bored and it’s something easy to do – shop online. So starting tomorrow I stop for 21 days completely, except for Shopper’s Drug Mart necessities, cab faire, and certain events I already have planned.

The second row of sticky notes goal is a fitness/ health goal. I really love Pepsi. Yes it’s bad but I have been drinking a bit too much lately so for 21 days I am not drinking Pepsi and I will do 15 minutes of yoga 5 days a week. This is my easy goal. A week without Pepsi I will be fine and doing yoga is not bad at all. So that is my self love , self – improvement for the month of May. I already failed both goals today but tomorrow will be better. Now with out further ado, my two poems:

I can’t forget

I never knew you, But I can’t forget
Those days when I was just 19
When the moon rose like fire
Diamonds shimmered in the flame
A look shared between us, set the world ablaze

I never knew you, we shared waves
But you made me something I can’t explain
A girl you shaped and moulded
A women now, but never yours, again
You didn’t know it, but I prayed for you anyways.

I never knew you, It seemed like I did.
There was innocence hiding in my smile
But you chose not to talk, you threw me away
I never forget you, your apart of my life
You remain in a way, I don’t want you anymore.

I still don’t know you, you hurt me all the same
8 years ago is such a long time, I struggle in my world
You shine like you always did, false smiles
Dimples genuine, deep down a charmer, a good guy
You wrung me dry, because you never explained

You never left my life, you ripple through the days
I am not your girl, but you never did say
Anything to make the wanting go away
To seem like a human being who cared
You are magician, you tricked me the worst of ways

You never ever leave me in peace for long.
Because you were significant in some small way
Showers of pearls and tears and rain
I’ll never see you as just some guy
You never even knew me, but you mark me anyways

You’ll probably never acknowledge me
You never really did, I’m the girl spellbound for life
Tricks, twisting, trailing down my heart
You’ll never make it right, and you’ll never know
The girl you can’t explain, now she’s far away and free.

What Could They Have Ever Wrote

What could they have ever wrote
that made love seem unbroken.
No you never fight every single time.
No you never argue about insignificant things.
No he’ll never force his will on you and see that you push back.
No he doesn’t seem to see a night with him is better than it’s ever been.
And no you’ll never fall in love at exactly the same time.
He could force you quietly or he could hold you tightly.
But you cannot say I’m in love with you
until it’s something that you breath,
until you feel it with every finger tip, every eye lash, with your innermost depths.
Love is such a complicated thing and togetherness all the more.
Being together meets I like you a lot,
be prepared for sparks to shimmer,
for pleasure that hurts as much as it heals;
For a closeness so near you never want to break skin contact.
Be prepared to use it and abuse it’s power,
to be decimated by that power.
Be prepared to simply dream that he’ll ever get it right.
Until he does and you scream a touch so binding,
it makes the love and togetherness hard to separate.
It makes those wild nights and afternoons,
a way to confuse, to confound.
So watch and see yourself fall in line,
love is patient, love is kind.
The idea of love kind of blows my mind.
It makes me whole and splinters me like ice.
Love is many splendored thing.
If he answered your questions,
told you his plans
and let you touch him in public just a little bit more.
Love is such a broken thing,
how does one know that you have chosen well?
How does one know what the future brings?
I’m afraid to love it could depress me, change my life, make the future difficult.
So I never say I love you until I know all these things,
until u say I loved you first.
And I say it when I know it.

I am Confused By This World

I am confused in this world
Astounded by the hate
All the different kinds of enmity
Kill me very quietly
All this prejudice leaves me empty

I’m not the kind of person
That you would really notice
I am just one person standing still
Admist all this delusion
And all this hate its humbling

And I’m not a girl
Who would let what’s in the world control
They way that she should act
When everyone else is crazy
I think you all should listen a bit

I have some things to say:
Here are my worries, myself laid bare
Because this world is made of glass
And we are all but shards
What do you think of prejudice?

I wish you’d stop hating
People are just trying to make it right
To them it feels right to love one another
A piece of the puzzle falls into place
Be that person of same sex or different

And everyone is raising awareness
But we all know it already
I never proclaim loud and proud that I’m straight
Don’t you get it, it’s just as hard being one way
As it is another

That’s why it really irks me
That you always have to have parades
And talk in such a way that you have it worse
I don’t know why the whole world
Celebrates your freedoms

If you are naturally born this way
Then let yourself just be
As all the others are just the way they are
Your LBTG issues important as they maybe
Are not the be all end all

When people are dying every where
When others are starving just to eat
When their is much abuse
When there are racial retaliations
Terrorists plotting destruction

It’s beautiful what makes us different
But even more astounding is that we’re the same
That there is a need to look beyond you and me
To see the shady world beneath
Not just the issues oppressing you

The one’s I hear far to much
But everyone has a cause
I guess that cause is just yours
But I wish your little bubble would pop
That you would see the truth

There are issues loving a boy being boy
There are issues being a boy loving a girl
And those issues deserve equal representation
It’s hard for everyone
Hate is nothing special

Iniquity and sin is a burden we all bear
Pray that we all find peace
In the arms of someone we love
That the violence in the world ceases
And we all do better, cause we can

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The Fashion Obsession – The Body Image Makeover – What is too much Information?


summer is finally here
summer is finally here (Photo credit: ShedBOy^)

I have a lot on my mind as you can see from my title. My title could be three separate blogs, but I think each title ties in with each other in some way or another. So to begin with ” The Fashion Obsession:” all of you know from my past blogs, that I love to shop and that sometimes I have shown you some of my favorite fashion and beauty items. You also know that maybe I love to shop a little too much, at least this past spring/summer anyways. What can I defend myself with except with the truth, that I love the color in spring and summer clothes and the way you can wear only a nice little mint sundress with sandals without coat, sweater, tights, boots, and a perhaps, a whole load of other clothing. I love living in my lululemon tank tops of various cuts and styles and nice little crops without having to worry about the snow and cold at the door. There is something about the freedom of clothing in summer that makes me happy. In a warmer climate than Edmonton you could wear spring/summer’s breezy clothing all year round but in Edmonton, things change with the coming of Fall. Suddenly, I feel my fashion obsession waning. Out in the cold and snow its back to mostly black or tan boots of different heights. Gone are the impractical pumps of different colors (except maybe if you work in that kind of office or have a special occasion), gone are the comfortable little flats with no grip, gone are the colorful and metallic sandals in varying heights; gone are the impractical little dresses and tank tops, and lululemon’s are decidedly only for yoga class and the gym – when the cold weather arrives. Shopping on Sunday at WEM I see the the color and freedom of spring/summer clothing has seeped out of the mall. I have tried to hide some of it away for fall – the odd colorful sweater or dress that no one was interested in summer because of its more skin covering qualities but fall is here and that means a new beginning and perhaps, I will not be the spring/summer shopaholic I once was. I can already feel the black, grey, and dark plum from the stores taking over the color and freedom that once was. I feel my interest in fashion dwindle and think well it was a fun ride but back to practicality now. There are RRSP‘s to save for and a Savings account to build, school to pay for, Christmas to save for. Really it is a good thing. But I am already mourning those summer days drinking sangria on the patio, sitting outside reading in the sun and all of that brings to my second title ‘The Body Image Makeover.”

Many people find summer a great time to be healthy and be outside and lose weight, improve yourself physically. I have found it to be the opposite for me this year. I have spent too many days watching Madmen seasons and not out walking my dog and too many days over indulging in summer food and drink. Why I am not so sure but I did. So I am seeing some weight in places I have not seen it before. As before, I am not quite sure how to approach this as working out is a very difficult thing for me to do due to health reasons. I can do a little bit it seems but never enough. So I have launched my own ‘Body Image Makeover’, as much cardiovascular as I can handle, yoga class at the YMCA once a week, giving up Pepsi, and watching my portions. One has to watch herself so carefully it seems sometimes to maintain a healthy weight, while for some, it’s just so easy; doesn’t make sense to me. But when I was trying on fall clothes on the weekend I was spurred into action. Understand I am comfortable at my current weight, but I know according to my BMI, waist measurement, and well I can just tell, its time for a little work. Maybe everyone else does not see but for me I need to regain some control in this area. So my next title, and my next question. Was that too much information for you?

Would you rather not read a blog on personal things like deciding to lose weight or too much shopping? What is the line you cross in writing between too much information and a helpful or interesting amount of information. I recently, realized you have to be very careful what you say online, I mean I knew, but I did not realize that you cannot give direct name associations (like my uncle aunt etc. did this…) and you need to be really careful because even if you are okay sharing personal information, someone else may not be if it affects them. Maybe this is generational too I think. To me it seems younger people are more interested in sharing information about themselves online then their parents. It’s a thin line to walk. And what would the audience, or readers like to hear? What is safe to share and what is legal? Well those are other questions too. How much is right amount of information to give and what is too much? Maybe you can tell me? I would love to hear some opinions.