Do Clothes Make The Woman?

Prompt: How important are clothes to you? Describe your style, if you have one, and tell us how appearance impacts how you feel about yourself.

  It has always been important to me to have clothes that make me look good ever since I was a little girl. When we were poorer and did not have so much money I hated that I had to wear second hand clothing from some other little girl but I knew we were poor so I didn’t complain much about it. I have had to buy my own clothes since about grade eight and I did not have much money to buy clothes until I was in university. Before that, Christmas or my Birthday was a grand affair because I got to go shopping and buy whatever I liked at the stores I liked. But I still always bought only clothes on sale to stretch my funds.

Luckily in highschool, we wore uniforms but there was always one day a month where we got to wear street clothes so it was a big deal to have a new outfit every month. I had a bit of money so most often I was able to scrape enough money together to buy a new shirt at least. In university, I wore what I wanted and mostly had the money to shop a bit and buy what I liked every so often. Luckily, my tastes ran to Gap, Jacob, and Hollister and those stores had sales very often. So usually, I could always find a shirt or two and occasionally I would buy an item from Lululemon since wearing yoga clothes to school from Lululemon was a big deal. 


 My style now runs more to what I like to wear. Every couple months I can get an outfit I like and I can buy it from where I would like to which is usually Banana Republic, Anthropologie, Lululemon, or Victoria Secret. I enjoy shopping but I also learned from over shopping about 3 years back, that too much shopping can get you into debt (along with other things). I have a budget of what I can spend on clothes or even makeup and I stick to those budgets.

I think you can tell that appearance is quiet important to me but you have to wear what suits you and looks good on you. I am almost 30-years-old and I’m a couple sizes bigger then what I was in university and I can’t wear the tight bar tops and short skirts I use to on a night out. I can’t wear tummy revealing tops tops to school and I would rather people see me as professional or at least well put together. I would always care about this because my mother taught me to but also because I am sick and can’t work I look a lot more approachable, intelligent, and with it if I dress nice. This does not mean I will always be able to shop at Anthropologie but wherever I can shop I will shop to look nice.

  I feel better if I am dressed nice as if I have my armour on to face the world. I feel more confident, and more like myself. I feel ready to face the day and take on the tasks I need to get done. Even if I am just going to a doctors appointment I dress up and don’t wear yoga pants. This makes me feel I am on the same level with my physician and that he or she knows I mean business and can comprehend well what they are saying because I am educated and have insight into what they are saying to me. Do clothes make the woman? No, the woman makes the clothes and they help her present herself in life.


Day 7 – NaPoWriMo – Money – “What has Worth?”

Who decides what has value or worth?

That you should have money, that I should not?

Who decides who is rich and who is poor?

They say it’s up to hard work but I’ve seen plenty,

Work their hands to the bone and come out with nothing.

Who decides what money is worth?

That the Canadian dollar was on par with the US dollar,

But now it’s twenty cents below.

Who decides the value of money?

Who decides who should have plenty and who should have little?

What is the value of a piece of paper?

A meal, a house, clothes on your back, a nice living room. a pet?

What kind of value does money have?

When what some pay for is trash but has great value.

While other’s pay for expensive art and feel that is of the greatest value.

What is money to our society when in the Great Depression they had suit cases full

But it had no worth at all.

When to the child five dollars is a huge amount.

But to the adult five dollars won’t even by lunch.

Who loves money?

Isn’t it  said: ” Money is the root of all evil.”

Or is that to cliche for a poem on what is valuable and worthful?

I like to have money and I don’t know how I’d do without out it.

But I tend to think the time I spend with people or a dog

Has far greater worth.

Photography101- Day 19 – Double Trouble or Triple

He hit me on the head, was sure my eyes had bled.

The doppleganger image hit me, and it lingered as I fell,

I didn’t know if there were two, or if I saw just one.

But I was sure inside me, that I was seeing double.

Nikki on the Couch
Nikki on the Couch
Nikki on Couch (Lighter)
Nikki on Couch (Lighter)
Oranges 2
Oranges 2
Oranges 3
Oranges 3

How I Learned Not to Shop

This blog is an update as well as an advice providing write-up. When I first started getting paid for my job as a receptionist in 2007/2008, I was more like a kid in a candy store then a responsible graduate who had taken business and math courses that had focused partially on dealing with money.

But the year I became ill with a psychotic episode via Depression I started to not spend my money even less well. Luckily, I was only $1700.00 in debt so my Dad could pay that off for me with money he had saved for me from when I was paying rent at home. But 4 years later I really got into debt to the tune of $17 000 and with interest once I had my Dad co-sign a loan so I could pay down almost a small car with interest. I have been doing that paying down $381.00 a month every month since I got into debt.

This was a very stupid thing to do although I must mention I think it did have something to do with a mini-episode of depression or some type of mood disorder during this time as even at that time I could not remember doing it. Just that I came back after a small vacation in Montreal that was all paid for and sometime between paying for that vacation and returning from it in May, I got into debt in approximately 3 months.

By this time I was on disability and making even less then the little I made as a receptionist. And making even $380.00 less then that amount has made my budget very tight. I wasn’t able to save that little amount per month for a small vacation a year, I wasn’t able to shop anywhere even near the amount I had been shopping, even keeping a budget that would provide enough so I could get everything I need each month would become a challenge with medical costs etc.

So, I stopped shopping online altogether at first. Then, I only shopped for what I needed. Every time I saw a dress or pair of shoes I wanted a great deal but I didn’t have the money for I would pin the item on Pinterest. As you can guess, there was a lot of pinning going on at first especially with my impulse spending ways. Eventually I might keep items I liked in my shopping cart and if I very much liked the item, after a a month or two, I might purchase it providing I had an event to wear it to or nothing similar in my wardrobe.

That was the worst of my shopping. At the mall I was pretty good even before I had debt. The tactile quality of an item made me a lot more careful when spending my money. I preferred to spend my money at malls on makeup and I only had so much cash to spend at one time because I rarely used credit cards, and still practice that. And if I spent on them I always paid them off.

The other way I spent less money was quitting a weight loss program called Herbal magic which saved me about $400.00 a month and was the bulk of my debt. It paid for my loan payment every month. It was hard to do but I had only lost about 10 lbs on it due to my medications and it was simply too expensive. The only thing that worked about it was the idea of losing weight by cutting your portion size. All the herbs required were a crazy amount of money.

Now, I have stayed out of debt a year and a half. I’m still budgeting carefully according to what I need each month and I pay careful attention to what I but and the balance on my credit cards and bank account. I think if this is possible for me to do on a very small budget, it is possible for anyone, even on a large budget. It is also important, to know your weaknesses and walk away when you don’t have the money to buy the item you want.


Financial Concerns

canadian-moneyI never had much trouble with my finances until before I became ill back 5 1/2 years ago. Sometimes people who have mental illnesses do not make the best judgement calls where money is concerned. In fact, people with no mental illness at all make mistakes where money is concerned. But since I got into debt about a year ago and had to have my Dad co-sign a loan for me to pay off in 5 years I have tried extremely hard to be financially responsible but sometimes my love of shopping or tendency not to think how much money I have to spend, gets the better of me.

The worst aspect I have found about living on a really limited budget, as a person on disability from a job as a receptionist/admin assistant, is that there isn’t room for me to have an urge to buy something because some months, even affording what I need is impossible. For instance, I have to take good care of my skin because if I don’t I break out badly. And if  I don’t use the right products I break out from a reaction to those bad products. I use Clinique products and a Korres anti-aging serum but this month had to give up the serum because I couldn’t afford it. I’m surviving on beauty samples now and I hope they last until next payday so I can buy my particular Korres serum and not little samples of different creams/serums from Murale and Sephora.


The worst aspect about being in debt is knowing that the approximately 5 year loan I have to pay off, won’t be paid off until I am 32

years old and that the extra $400.00 I am paying  to the loan would help me greatly and make my budget less tight. I could save for stuff then, and go on a vacation or be able to have extra money to pay off other debts I need to pay off when it is a pricey month. It frustrates me when all I want to do is work like everyone else and make a better pay cheque but I am to sickly to even try to work for a few hours a week. I just can’t concentrate and pay attention now.

I live at home so that saves me $ because I couldn’t afford to live alone, and I have cheap rent. I only really have to pay my loan payment and my benefits from work. But sometimes when I do the dumbest things such as I think I can afford something but I can’t, and then I try to return the item and the store online is slow at returning my money so then I can’t pay my loan I feel such self loathing. Thank God my Dad co-signed my loan for me but I am trying so hard to keep a budget and not have my parents have to pay for any of my loan. Maybe I’m not the best person to be giving financial advice to people but there is a few things I have learned that I can tell those of you who are really tight on money:

1. Put a bit of money in a RRSP each month even if it is only $25.00 for your future.

2. Make sure you have enough $ to pay your bills first, don’t just assume there is money left in the bank to pay them.

3. Make a list of things you “actually” need each month and decide which of those items can wait and which of them you absolutely have to buy.

4. If you spend on credit card make sure you pay the amount off as soon as you spend that money and get home.

5. Look for Groupons, Teambuys, Dealfinds, etc. for salon needs such as haircuts, highlights, massages, (etc) and events you like to go to such as a Beer Festival or Yoga classes because you can save a lot of $ that way. Also, you meet a lot of interesting people going different places for less rather then just the same old expensive place. But make sure you place those coupon deals somewhere where you won’t forget about them.

6.  Pay more for classic pieces of clothing that can be worn for more than a year and can be mixed with other classic pieces and shop less often. If you can wait for these items to go on sale, do.

7.  Make sure you give a percentage of your income to charity because it is the right thing to do and it will help you on your income taxes.

8. Eat out only once a month at a nice place, and bring lunch to work or school. Learn how to cook well so you don’t have to keep ordering out — grocery shopping is cheaper and usually much better for you. Just don’t grocery shop when you’re hungry.

9. Find things to do that don’t cost a lot of money like walking your dog, getting a membership at a recreation center, or having friends over for some snacks and wine.

10. Always have a reserve fund. Just like the RRSP contribution it can be small but there needs to be at least something in that account for emergencies.

Poetry: Some kind of Grace

Tried to put my life together one more time.
The advantage of time, you’ll just turn it to ashes again.
There’s no such thing as perfection, just a rejection.
Please don’t let me dig a hole I can’t climb out of this time.

Money is power and money is king.
So hard being a material girl, when you haven’t much treasure.
But we survive the days of little wealth, and find in comfort
“I can survive on my own, I can live on what I have, and that makes it okay to
Want what you often must turn your back on.”
But digging holes is what I do daily.

Your choking me now with the thickness of black smoke
That acrid taste that leaves fire in my mouth.
I’ve burnt another bridge, How long before I burn?
You can be forgiven a million times, pray to heaven,
And be replete and renewed in forgivenesses’ blissfulness.

But sometimes you beg for contrition and it’s not a pretty sight.
Pray to not sin those sins again, but sin works in “spirals”
And takes the sinner from “pride”to “despair,” and there is nothing in the middle.
For no one can contain the soak of poison into our veins.

Vanity, is a place I often lie, and think about the beauty that values things
More makeup, more contour, more glitter, more perfume.
Live the life of luxury or step down from your tower and just be human
Pretty and forget to be vain, but vanity and pride sit together as twins
Dig another hole, die another day, live and let live oh but for the propensity of sin.

To touch everyone and everything.
Make them mad again, play my hand again, lose their trust again.
I can only make right what I have confessed, else I’m caught in wrong doing.
Else, I’m sucked in by the twisting of what is good.
When Eve took the apple she sucked and “she ate,” I ate it with her, she should have known, mother of all. That witch!

And I aim for a life where I can have more control because I have less of it.
I aim for a life where it’s okay to smudge your face and pick yourself back up.
Be a little kinder, help a little more, and I find God in the strangest places,
Coaxing me on, let go of everything, come follow me.
And I stumble along contrite for a minute until I twist my ankle in some unlikely hole.
I should know where it is, I was the one who dug it.

And I know moments of grace, undeserved and glorious,
But I’m always searching for that little bit of hope.
Where grace clothes me and I’m adorned, a creature of sin,
Once rejected and torn, now I sit at my father’s heels and I’m content.
No longer forlorn. I am accepted a stranger no more.
For my time…and in eternity forever.

Works Cited

– Milton, John. Paradise Lost.

Living with the Consequences

Last night I was in a pretty good mood. I had just received my pay cheque and finished buying all but one of my Christmas presents. Thanks to my putting aside $100 or so every month since September I didn’t have to spend much of my pay cheque Christmas shopping. Then I started looking at boots online.

I have wide calves unfortunately, but I think a lot of people must because wide calf boots are always sold out. I found a pair of black riding boots for $200 on my favorite place to buy boots. They were $200 and that is about how much boots wide calf boots cost unless you get lucky and get them on sale for about $150. I was really considering buying them because most of the other boots on the site were sold out and they are impossible to find in stores. You usually have to go online. But there is also this other place called Poppy Barley that makes made to measure boots. I found a beautiful soft looking pair of boots and put in all my measurements and ended up choosing to buy the Poppy Barley boots which were $480.00 with tax. The problem was I wasn’t really thinking at the time, not really.

In the night I started to put next months budget together and realized I owed my parents for Costco and that I needed a few things like concealer and foundation. Because I can have problem skin, I often choose to spend more money on these things or else I break out. What I didn’t think about when I bought those $500 boots was all the other stuff I’m going to need or want to get. There is also this dress on Anthropologie that I’ve had my eye on for Christmas and would only cost me about $100 because I have online gift cards from Anthropologie. I really really didn’t think about this. Of course, they look like beautiful boots and I know I would love them and where them lots, but at what financial cost? I also have to pay for a $450 course in editing 101 at the end of December, that amount would have covered it.

The point is sometimes I make poor decisions. I do things I will regret later, I hate regret but it sure is a good teacher. I woke up at 4:30 am and contacted Poppy Barley to cancel the boot order if that’s possible. The website said they’d get back to me in 48 hours but I’m scared that might be to long. Their hours are 10:00 am to 4 Pm MST and that’s the time zone where I live so I phoned them a couple times at 10:00 am and received no answer. I left a message explaining my situation and called back again at 11:10 am and still got no answer for the concierge. I can only hope they listen to my voicemail or read my email before the order goes to far and they start making out a pattern or doing anything like that. But if I have to keep the boots I will keep the boots.

I just can’t believe that I was stupid like that, that I didn’t think that if I spent so much money on boots that I wouldn’t have money to pay my parents back or get my dress or leave enough for cab fare now that the weather is so cold. We all make stupid mistakes sometimes and must live with the consequences this is what I have learned. I will phone Poppy Barley back and hopefully get through to them sometime today maybe in the afternoon. But I shouldn’t have taken this risk in the first place. I should know what I can and can’t afford, these boots I can’t afford unless I save up for them, and I haven’t saved up enough to buy them, take a course, and do all that I need to this following month.

I’m just feeling guilty I guess. They are wonderful boots and a made to fit me pair would be a dream. A smarter choice would be to wait and get the $200 pair of riding boots I wanted with my Christmas money. Those I can afford. But why do we make stupid decisions? I think we are just wired that way. But the thing is I have to think, we all need to use our brains and think sometimes and we don’t, we get lazy. Waiting a day even to make a decision can be so useful. Somethings look so much clearer in the light of day, and that’s the truth.

Budgeting The Grown Up Way


I am not sure what your parents taught you about how to manage your money when you were growing up but mine taught me to lay everything out on spread sheet and give yourself an amount of money for each area of spending you require ie.) food, clothing, rent, personal needs etc. I always hated this method of budgeting when I was a little girl because it was so restrictive. So when you actually wanted that $80.00 pair of jeans and only had $50.00 in your clothing budget you were not supposed to take another $30.00 from another category to use, even though you had the money. But generally, that’s what I did.

I would save away for things I needed to save for and than whatever cash was left over in my bank account was ‘mad money.’ It was mine to spend on whatever I chose. This method worked for me for quite along time and still does to some degree. For instance, I will overlap between medication and healthcare ( such as money for the dentist or if I need extra-medication one month). I also overlap between clothing and entertainment. This means that some months I spend a lot of  money on clothing or household goods and other months I spend more on going out with friends and drinking and having dinner.

My point is, this method can and does work to a degree. But only certain categories in my budget are flexible, not all. What probably is a better method to work with is is to have a certain amount you have set aside for clothing each month and a certain amount set aside for entertainment. That way you always have a little bit available for each category in your budget and any extra money can carry over to the next month. Essentially, this is what I do now. Being more restrictive with your budget has it’s benefits though.

It really does seem as if you have more money when you set aside some money for each of your budget areas and all of your bills get paid. This also means that if you use a credit card you can pay off whatever you spent right away or as soon as possible because you take the money out of the category you spent it in right away. So if I use my credit card for a cab to Whyte Avenue to meet some friends, immediately, $26.00 or so is taken out of my transportation budget and I payoff my credit card when I get home with $26.00 or however much I put on my credit card that evening. This method works really well for me because if you do not let your credit card build up, it’s not such a hassle to pay it off. Meaning, a little bit to pay off all the time is easier to pay off than $600.00 at once.

These are just my personal  thoughts and experiences with budgeting. Some of the other things I can tell you about budgeting this way is you cannot buy everything you would like or sometimes need at once. You need to spread out items you need progressively throughout the month and throughout each month. I was used to getting all that I needed done at once, now if I can’t afford a professional bikini wax this month but have wax strips at home I have to do it myself. Or if I don’t have the money left to cab somewhere and that is the only way I can get to a place and my friends are going to some event I sometimes have to opt out of the event because I can’t afford the taxi ride, booze money, and the event ticket. What I might do is catch a ride from a friend and take the bus home and not drink. Sometimes when you budget you have to make choices such as that and those choices are not always fun. But budgeting your money does help with your waistline because you watch where you eat out and drink a lot more and that is a good idea for many people.

I also have to watch what I buy in clothing now. I am a lot more conscious of how much something costs. I don’t just look at how nice the fabric is and how good the item of clothing looks. I look at that first then I decide whether it is worth the price and whether I can afford the item that month. $200 boots for me might be worth it because we have winter 8 months of the year and the boots are a leather classic style a can wear for 2-3 years. But some things like fad items, may not be as worth it to me especially if they are made cheaply. If I really want that cheaply made $80 sparkly tank top I can wait until it goes on sale in a month or find a cheaper version of it because odds are I won’t be wearing it more than a season or 2.

But budgeting has been going really well for me and I’m actually glad I got into trouble with my money so I learned again, how to budget properly. The only thing I regret, is the debt payment I make every month 😦

What are some budgeting strategies that work for you? Do you manage your money well or are there times that you do and don’t?

A Hard Day Doing Nothing

Today is a very hard day. It is difficult because today is one of those days where I am stuck at home with nothing to do. I have gone through the motions of the day extra-carefully today, especially getting ready. I am getting portraits done in the park at 5 pm and I love having my picture taken when it’s professionally done but I am just waiting, and waiting, and there is nothing else to do or maybe I do not have the motivation to do other things; I don’t know.

This morning I put on my makeup which I usually keep more natural, but I did it more like going out makeup so thick black cat eye’s and extra coats of mascara. I put a finishing powder on my makeup and am even wearing lipstick. I am shimmered and bronzed and my brows are darker. Then this afternoon, I took a curling rod and half curled and/or made my hair wavey. I turned my head upside down and shook the waves out a bit and now I have the perfect hair style. In the shower I shaved my legs and underarms and put on a bright turquoise blue dress that has been sitting in my closet for a year. It has an interesting back with a visible zipper and triangles on either side of my back. The front is very gathered and pleated and I put a bright pink belt with gold clasp around my middle to give me a waist. When I get pictures I will post if they are good. I have two pairs of black heals to try with the outfit and a pink and gold necklace. I hope the photos are fun because the waiting is long.

Flurt didn’t have an article list to choose from this week, so no Flurt articles. My room is organized, the bathroom is clean, the living room is clean, and I’m not feeling like I want to concentrate on scrapbooking right now. I have spent a lot of the past 2 days listening to a book on my iphone but today not really into that, or reading a book. I am really fighting a temptation to shop.

I discovered this store I have seen but not often gone into at West Edmonton called Anthropologie and they are online now. I have already chosen what I would like to buy when I get paid again. But then I think, I could probably put the money to better use, it’s just more lingerie and a darling robe. So having absolutely no money to waste right now I cannot buy anything and as I’ve mentioned buying is something that’s really easy to do online when you are bored so I am really fighting it because I am trying to keep my budget. I also have to watch the money I spend on cabs right now.

I am not happy about it.  I suppose if I was not getting pictures ( I can’t handle the trip to and from downtown and pictures) I could bus downtown but everyone is busy going back to school and doing whatever. I don’t mind having coffee by myself and I even have Starbucks gift cards but then, I haven’t been so good on my portion control diet lately and I am trying not to cheat on that. So not sure what to do?

I start Green Design next Tuesday thank goodness and their is always reading to do for that but well, some courses you need to read for and some you don’t so I am the typical procrastinating student who will wait to find out which kind of course this is. But I am really looking forward to have something to do. Plus, you need stuff happening in your life to write about right! I have a blog in the works coming besides this one but I really need to edit it and work on it (it’s an essay on a book in the news) and I am just not very good at concentrating right now.

I walked my dog for a short while; I can’t do do yoga in my dress; TV is dull; I can’t get interested in Madmen Season 6 that I downloaded this summer on itunes; I’m not going to go on facebook again; but oh you know what I did do? I cooked chicken breasts for lunch and for the next few days. Half a chicken breast is about 2.5 oz the perfect size, 1/2 a protein and different from Greek yogurt which is my other important protein (6 oz), Also, I can have 2.5 oz for supper since Dad is bringing back a roasted chicken and those are gross and overbaked.

This is turning into a stream-of-consciousness blog – I guess there is laundry to fold and I am kind of hungry maybe some greek yogurt would be good. And why are their so many spider’s around, I get itchy every time I go outside?! I think tomorrow I will bus to kingsway and return the makeup I bought at Sephora which is the same shade as the other Lancome makeup I have but a completely different color because it’s a different kind? Weird! Yes, that’s what I’ll do otherwise I will go crazy at home. Which is what is

happening today.

Just be happy you are busy and have a job and are able to work. I know it’s a busy time of year but it’s so much better than having to come up with things to do and the waiting, it’s really killer.

The Story Of Our Lives: Everything is Right, Then Everything Is Wrong

It has been awhile since I have given you an update on my life. My theme today is my title ” The Story of Our Lives: Everything is Right, Then Everything Is Wrong ” which could have simply said It is impossible for any of us to maintain balance in our lives for a length of time. Life is a series of highs and lows or as John Milton in Paradise Lost might have said: in life we move between despair and overindulgence. Or in other terms, life is like being bipolar your either depressed – as low as you can go, or way high up – having too much of a good time, abusing your limits; there is no or it is difficult to maintain that happy medium in life.

I am so sure, am still so sure that I am met to be a writer in this life, that I have more training left to do as a writer. I have been so sure of few things. But now 2 not 1 obstacles lie in the way of my goal to take an online Masters in Creative Writing at UBC. The first is and has always been getting myself into a program that only accepts 25% of it’s applicants and is a one of a kind program online, especially for non fiction in North America. That did not seem like it was such a large obstacle but the largest impediment to me doing my Masters is me and how I have dealt with my money situation.

I make a limited income on disability and now I will make an even more limited one because every month for the next 5 years I have to pay off my loan to pay off my credit cards. I had to get my parent’s to co-sign on the loan because I had no collateral too. I have tried to gain control of my financial situation before but I have failed twice and this time I cannot fail. It will be hard staying on a budget and being well poor for 5 years but I need to learn. Even harder, is the fact that I cannot just get a better job or another job to pay my debts. What is actually quite a small debt for others, to me is a very large debt being in my financial and health situation. It is doubtful that anytime soon, I will earn more than I get on disability. What is worse, I cannot afford to do my Masters even with scholarships I would be getting and not doing what I know I am meant to be doing really tares me up.

I have not quite acquainted myself with the truth of the situation, that I will only be able to take courses in writing, art, or whatever at the U of A’s Faculty of Extension because $100 a month is all I can afford to save, to save to do something in the week – take one course. I am tossing around the idea of taking writing and editing courses. I could take more creative writing courses but there is no certificate available in that area as I wish there was. Another option for me is to take a fine arts certificate, I have always wanted to do that. I could draw or paint, most likely draw I think because I have 2 courses towards that area, but I really just want to write. This will give me 5 years to develop my writing more I tell myself, you don’t need a masters to be a good writer, but the contacts I would have made and the things I would have learned would have been invaluable! So one day hopefully, I will take that Masters but not soon. It is a moment of despair for me but like any Phoenix, I must rise from my ashes. Cliche but true.

So I am a bit lost right now. I am playing the waiting game, what direction God do you want me to move in? To what will be my next purpose? I don’t know I just know I have to keep a tight budget. I have to do something with my time and that something must have a goal or a purpose. I have to find other ways to keep busy besides shopping online, and lose weight other ways besides expensive weight loss centers. Life is shadowed for me right now. But I know in time my path will be revealed ‘Thy Word Is A Lamp Unto My Feet, and A Light Onto My Path?’ I have spoken about this before, walking through darkness only being able to see a footstep in front of you. Following even though you do not know where life is going. It’s such a hard thing to do and it is necessary to find balance even though I cannot maintain that balance long; balance in life is key.