Poem: Ghazal -“Newest Illusion”

A Ghazal is a poem that is made up like an odd numbered chain of couplets, where each couplet is an independent poem. It should be natural to put a comma at the end of the first line. The Ghazal has a refrain of one to three words that repeat, and an inline rhyme that precedes the refrain. Lines 1 and 2, then every second line, has this refrain and inline rhyme, and the last couplet should refer to the authors pen-name… The rhyming scheme is AA bA cA dA eA etc.

Please see Shadow Poetry for further information.

To explain this definition in my poem, ‘illusion’ is my repeating refrain and the word ‘trusting’ is the inline rhyme word that I’m working with in my poem for line A.




Mirage of sensations, not trusting your illusion.

Letting go, letting you in — difficult, just an illusion,

Words swimming in my mind, creatures of the depths in flight,

Begun ‘us,’ place my heart in your hands — I must; illusion.

Images of red, colour offends me from my past life,

Wobbly bridge, cross to you or stuck, you an illusion.

Travelling wisps in the darkness they kiss, ghostly mist.

Implies, in my dreams, I have to risk, not just illusions.

Fantasy helps me escape you’re real, you’re here.

Thoughts unravel typing, wonder must I see illusion?

Confusion alludes to facts, can’t trust my own heart beating so fast.

Around you I find, feeling lust I conclude, you’re illusion.

Days will pass, yesterday is past, don’t relax yet, sublimity.

Thunderstorm forming, anger conforms, rusty old illusion.

Moments they hinder, life from lingering as you drift on by,

Would you be my shelter, find in me hope and trust — illusion.

Our minds whirl, spin, all over the place, seeking a resting place.

Need you to be my peaceful place in life, not just illusion.

Wrapped in your arms, haven of warmth, hearts beating as one,

Didn’t know, what I know now, you’re a must, no illusion.


©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.







Summer Is Before Me

(My mother and I in Las Vegas, two years ago at the Mirage).

I feel my shoulders relax, my neck untense, my eyes close briefly; my last project for Interior Design Studies this year, is done. No more drawing little tables and chairs, elevating windows, researching flooring options, or any of that, atleast not until September. Since I am unable to work right now, and only go to Interior Design school, this means that a free wide open summer is before me. I will soon have all this time before me to spend however, I want. Having this kind of freedom is a good thing and bad thing.

First, of all I am a bit worried not to have a routine of school and homework to keep me grounded. Since I am on disability really I have a lot of time that some people would consider ‘open’ or ‘free’ time but I have found that it is  important  for me to maintain a routine (as I have stated before in past blogs). Going to school and doing homework serves as my job, what I am able to do as a job, usually so now what? Now what do I do? You know how it feels after a certain amount of time where you are no longer enjoying free time but ‘killing’ it? Finding anything, whatever you can think of to fill time, well that can happen to me and has happened before. The other challenge I have before me as has been the case since I had my depressive episode three years ago, I simply do not have the energy to do all that I want to do or could do. This is a difficult thing to explain to people who go go go until they sleep but for me it feels sometimes that I am I am both mentally and physically fatigued even before I get and do anything. I am able to push myself and sometimes just go for maybe 4 or 5 hours on a good day and then whatever it is anyone else has that just allows them to keep doing what they have to do, well that just runs out in me. I become sleepy, my mind becomes foggy, I physically slow down, and if I have left it to long I may not be able to make it home. At this point, I just need to lay down, zone out, and watch TV or listen to music and recover. I don’t know why this happens and I hope all the fine doctors helping me out will be able to help me get past this, but I don’t know.It is a physical thing as much as it is a mental thing. Getting back to my main point, however, what I am saying is not having energy prevents me from having a productive day sometimes.

So what I endevor to do this summer, is as always to create a routein but with options. I have improved my yoga skills over the years and am going to be going twice a week to the YMCA for a yoga class at lunch and if I am not too tired out after the Yoga class I will go on the elliptical for 10-20 minutes. My goal is to get into better shape, to strengthen my body and lose some of the weight that medications associated with depression often cause. That will be my routein, but what I am most excited about is the free time I wil have to go to summer events and work on projects around the house.

My mom has a great many ideas on how to redecorate and reorganize the house. We are looking at doing our living room, kitchen, and downstairs TV area. Now we will see which projects actually get done but I am really hoping to start using some of my interior design skills to help plan and see through some of these mini residential designs. If nothing else I am excited to work on my own room which I have been slowly redecorating as budget and time allows. My main summer project is to repaint my dressers, mirror,  and side table a slightly brown but more grey color called seal, it’s really quite nice and since the rest of my room is soft blue and white I think these pieces will really make a statement. Plus, I have to go searching for some nice handles maybe at Restoration Hardware or Home Depot if nothing else. I also need to find a bit more fabric to do some scarves for my dressers. So this will fill my time for awhile.

Secondly, I am an avid scrapbooker. I have plenty of pictures from past vacations and good times with friends that I need to geet printed up or have printed up and will cut paper, add doodads, sparkles, ribbon, whatever to make photo albums that are interesting and beautiful to look back on. I would also like to make some home made cards. We have so much stamping and card making supplies that we have hardly used in my house, and having nice home made cards (just as pretty as the one’s you can find at the store) are always a good thing to have on hand. So this will get me through July.

As for the rest of time I have friends and relatives to visit, books to read, blogs to write,  walks to take, wedding events, and I think I will get Netflix and watch Madmen from the beginning. I have just started to get into it this past season and have a lot of catching up to do. Not to mention, the regular doctors appointments and weeks dedicated to my boyfriend (since he is only here one week a month) because of work. Most excidetly, I will be taking my forth trip to Las Vegas this coming week in June and I dare anyone not to have fun in Vegas. There are so many things to do, places to go, and things to see.

So, there you have it, summer is before me, and I have not even begun to mention all the festivals that take place in Edmonton that I hope to be a part of. So I hope you all have a great summer and look forward to hearing about what you do in your vacation time in the summer? What’s your favorite way to relax or to stay busy?