100 Word Wednesdays: Poem – Italian Sonnet – “Living Small Dreams” #100WordWednesdays #flashfiction #poetry


Thanks to Bikurgurl for hosting this week’s #100WordWednesdays.

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Credit: Jessie Williams Via Unsplash

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Deep night and the darkness should seem mean, 

But in day time light exposes, reveals. 

The tranquil night holds me and conceals, 

I’m finding that black pitch, it redeems.

Souls in the day ashamed of life’s greeds, 

Broken, lost, but I’m more than what I seem. 

I’m like you, I have fond hopes and wild dreams.

More basic, I just want to have life’s needs. 

Water, food, health insurance, no delusions. 

Meds so I’m like you, not fearing night screams, 

Not having nightmares on cold streets mean. 

A homeless woman, battered, unseemly, 

Wishing for small things, a roof and hygiene. 

Wishing you’d help, want out of here, achieving —

Life where I don’t struggle but live small dreams. 

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©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved. 

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Hey, You’ve had A Bad Day


What does a bad day feel like to you? Do you ever notice how they just hit you out of no where? You wake up believing that today is just going to be like every other day, or most days at least, and then something horrible happens and you just know it’s going to be one of ‘those’ days.

Not to mention the fact you can have all kinds of bad days and they can all be a different type of bad day. Sometimes you get sick. Other days, unfortunate events keep happening to you. Some days you just cannot complete anything. On your worst days you have some kind of huge accident or find out some bad news.

Today isn’t the worst day I’ve ever had. But it ranks up there with some of the days I have detested in regards to my state of health. For those of you who don’t know, I suffer from a depressive mood disorder, insomnia, and chronic fatigue. I won’t talk about that too much but I’ve had quite a few new followers lately, so it’s fair to warn you what I mostly mean when I am unwell.

Things began with a night of particularly unrestful sleep. And this fact can make or break a day for me because the issue with chronic fatigue is you can sleep all you wan’t but you never feel truly rested and not fatigued enough to deal with the day as somebody who does not suffer from chronic fatigue does. For instance, I never feel mentally or physically rested enough to be able to concentrate on a job or do a work out at the gym.

So I woke up after having dreamt very intensely (as many people who take Meds sometimes do) and I just couldn’t sleep-in enough to make myself feel well enough to get out of bed. I was excited because I wanted to go downtown and do a bit of shopping at Winners and maybe take in the Farmer’s Market at city hall but frustratingly, I just felt to sick to do that.

Another issue about chronic fatigue is on a bad day where you haven’t slept well or are exhausted for any reason you often feel flu like symptoms. So I was tired, feeling sick to my stomach, chills, and to top it off I really did have a bad cold.

I did manage to sleep after awhile and I took some Advil Cold and that helped me feel about 40 percent better. Then it just took the rest of the day until about now to feel normal again. This has been one of my worst days in along while and I know it’s been coming on because I’ve felt extra tired and worn down most of the week.

Separating my personal illness from just a cold or the real flu is difficult at times and not often possible. But I am determined to get that flu shot on Wednesday to avoid the flu. And I am excited because I am going to get my hair done. That’s always fun. I moved up my appointment today to give me something to look forward to.

That’s my crappy day. Generally, I just try to stay positive on days like these and think there are better times to come, even if I am sick in someway all the time. Being sick is part of life, whatever the illness you are prone to.

How about you? Did you have a bad day this weekend? How do you deal with everything when you’re feeling your worst? I think the only thing that could have made my day worse would have been having to go out and do something and be around people and be nice while I felt ill. How do you react around others when your ill or having a bad day?

An Empty House


www.eofdreams.comHappy Monday! I hope everyone had a great weekend and is enjoying the nice weather that has suddenly come upon us in certain places in Canada. For me it has been a tough weekend and I ended up canceling a great deal of my weekend plans.

I had planned to go to my boyfriend’s place Saturday night and stay until Sunday but most of the weekend I spent sleeping. I slept so much that I got tired of sleeping. I was sore from sleeping. Yeah! Big deal you say, I only wish I could sleep that much but their comes a point when you want to do activities and talk with people and go out to the mall and do weekend like plans. Too much sleeping makes you sleepy. But I have a good reason.

20140109-144018.jpgI went to the Psychiatrist intending a minor medication tweak but well the medication changes ended up being more than I expected. I explained to my doctor how I needed to be able to concentrate better and have the capacity to sit through a 3 hour class at night again. She told me that the 600 mg of Gabepentine I was on for sleep was horrible for cognitive function. Plus, we went down in the dosage of another pill I am taking. My doctor gave me some type of old antipsychotic that has the side effect of causing you to be extremely tired. I couldn’t handle a whole pill I slept all day the first day. When I broke the pill in half it was much better but getting used to antipsychotics especially with sleep side effects is very difficult. Today is the first day I feel kind of normal and not like I’m so doped up I just can’t do anything. Today I need to go the Psychiatrist again and check in. I still feel out of it a bit like I am very run down so it will be a bit difficult to do this today but today by far today  is the best day I’ve had. And the sleeping aspect of the medication is very effective which is great, and it won’t cause me to gain weight. So yeah! All around.

www.dogpictures.co
http://www.dogpictures.co

On Saturday my dog finally passed away. You probably do not know it has been a downhill battle for her these past 2 months. She couldn’t walk anymore due to her arthritis and something was going on with her that we just didn’t know about. I woke up on Saturday and started petting her before realizing her teeth were in funny place and she wasn’t moving. My Dad told me she had died about 15 minutes ago. It is very sad and I miss her a lot.

Today is the worst day because it is my first day home alone without her ever. There was no one to eat my scraps at lunch and beg. There was no dog to pet when I got up or to sleep at the end of my bed on the floor. There is no dog sitting below me and just to the right on the rug as I write this. Those things are the hardest to get over. It was her time, don’t get me wrong, she was suffering and that wasn’t right. But the house has this peculiar empty feeling as if a part of its soul has been taken away and I suppose the feeling will go away eventually but now I still search the house for signs of my dog and listen for her now and then.

Friday is Good Friday and both of my brother’s will be coming over for Easter dinner and I suppose that means church at night too if I can manage it.

20140130-210221.jpgThe stripping of the altar on Easter Friday is always on of the most eerie practices I ever experienced at church. It is symbolic of Christ’s death on the cross but the church always feel so hollow and empty on Good Friday. Everyone goes home in silence. I suppose just like my dog is a big part of my house Jesus is the soul of the Church and without him it would be empty. But at least on Easter morning, the altar cloths, Bible, Candles, and Communion ware are put back and the Church once again feels like Church. That is because Jesus rises from the Dead and comes back to life having defeated Sin, Death, and the Devil.

Easter is a happy time and I have so many good memmories of waking up early for Easter baskets with chocolate and small presents when my siblings and I were little kids. So it will be a good ending, after I feel will be a tough week getting used to new meds and going to class for the first time this year at the U of A.