Sunday Prompt: NonFiction – Bad Days Mean Good Days Ahead #amwriting #nonfiction 


Thanks to Oloriel of MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting this week’s Sunday Prompt. This week we are to share the happiest moment in our life, or the saddest moment and how we overcame it. 

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Credit: MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie
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I’m not going to share my saddest or my happiest moment. I think these moments  constantly shift. But I will tell you about yesterday, for me it was a day where I felt hopeless. I’m a goal-oriented person and when I’m not feeling well enough to complete even the tiniest goal on my to do list, I feel lost and useless.

The background to this is as some of you know, is that I deal with depression that has caused what my psychiatrist has diagnosed as Chronic of Severe Fatigue. I’ve had it for years, I’ve always known.

Most doctors don’t even recognize CFS or ME as a disorder although there is information about people suffering from it hundreds of years ago and presently everywhere. As well a good friend of mine also has CFS/ME but hers while sharing some similarities, is a bit different from mine — she is able to work.

I’ve been homebound lately feeling extra fatigued and also because my insurance company ended my disability in November –I’ve lost a great deal of my income for the moment. When I’m so fatigued there are days it’s too much to take a bus.

Sometimes I have no choice but to take a cabl. Some days I wake up greatly worn out even after sleeping all night. The kind of tiredness CFS or ME produces is beyond sleepy –it’s mental and physical exhaustion. So when you can’t afford a cab and only the bus, it makes a person feel trapped when the ride their is tiring. 

At times when I’m home too long, I feel lonely and bored. I enjoy being out with friends and family or being able to visit a coffee shop, the mall, the art gallery (etc.), to be around people. The CFS doesn’t allow me to work (go to an office etc). as I never know how I will feel each day. On the flip side, I also need to be home a great deal to recharge. When I go out it’s not for more than a few hours, it’s what my body can handle.

Some days I can’t concentrate well on reading. Some days I can’t concentrate on writing. Other days I can’t do anything but watch the TV or programs on Netflix and after a while, even the stimulation from that bothers me. One or two days a week I feel well and get quite a bit done, only to exhaust myself for the following day.

Yesterday I felt awful even though I had it in me to do a short yoga video and a few simple chores that needed done, then I was physically and mentally worn out and frustrated. I was bothered that I have to stretch a small income so far and that I couldn’t take the cab a short way to this local coffee and book shop or to the mall to look around and have some Edo for lunch. 

I’ve also been dealing with weight issues due to a medication. I can’t switch medications, these ones work the best, but as a person who was a chubby child it bothers me I can’t keep my promise to myself to always stay fit. Each diet I try doesn’t work. I need intense cardiovascular exercise but beyond a bit of walking when I’m well I don’t have the energy for it. So yesterday, that too felt overwhelming. 

As well I’ve been freelancing and realized starting out, even to only make a a few extra hundred dollars a month is difficult. It’s like any career, something you have to learn from and build upon overtime.

But today I woke up and my outlook on the world had changed. I prayed last night and I realized this morning, I’m doing fine. I have a warm place to live with nutritious food and for the most part, I can buy what I need each month and do a few things with friends. My friends are also extremely understanding of what I experience and that along with my family’s understanding is a blessing as well. 

I’m hoping on ‘good days’ I can learn to endure the bus, to get out of the house more often because being around people makes me happy, even if I’m only an observer on certain occasions. 

I don’t feel lost today. I stopped focusing on ‘me’ and ‘my problems’ and recognized even though I think I have it bad certain days, others are experiencing much worse problems around the world.

I also realized starting something such as a part-time freelance career (even a limited number of hours a week) after not being able to work after nine-years at all, will take time, more than a few months effort and additional learning.

Most vitally I realized God has me and my problems in the palm of His hand and He is taking care of me even when I feel stuck in life. He says even when I’m still and not doing much at all, it’s enough. Yesterday was a bad day but sometimes you need bad days so you know how to be thankful for good days. Do you agree? 

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:14

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©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved.

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Flash Fiction for the Aspiring Writer: Poem – Lauranelle – “The Best Wait Ever” #amwriting #poetry #flashfiction 


Thanks to Priceless Joy for hosting FFftAW.

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Credit: Dawn M. Miller

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Painfully stuck in airport for hours wait, 

Sitting here staring the clock ticks slowly. 

Here with you life’s perfect –it doesn’t grate. 

My arm falls asleep, your heavy head rolls, 

Further onto my chest; I need to get up. 

Legs start to tingle, I’ve sat too long so —

I gently moving your head; my ‘buttercup,’ 

You hate when I call you that but you make me smile. 

Happiness, tranquility; I’m drugged. 

Departure board reads, plane is still awhile. 

Walking for coffee, some lunch, magazines. 

You’re awake when I return, you beguile;

Your grin makes you quiver and I preen. 

Unaware we stare, our stare held timeless.

You appreciate me (and food); your eyes gleam. 

We’re both stuck here all night, it’s liveable, 

We both forge a tighter bond insurmountable. 

Painfully stuck in airport for hours wait. 

Here with you, life’s perfect — it doesn’t grate. 

—–

©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved. 

November Notes: Poem -Day 24 – Italian Sonnet – “The Blame”


This days song prompt is “Buses and Trains” by Bachelor Girls.


“Buses and Trains” – Bachelor Girls


woman-hiding
http://www.pinterest.com

Mom, you didn’t say, how cruel the world is,

I could blame you for it all, but I’m grown.

Teach me, I could’ve learned by your grace known.

Each day I’m run down by trains, it’s fun this–

Game; ears ringing from sound trains make hissing.

Or a bus in front of me is coming, near miss —

Only by seconds I’m safe, empty words moan.

Why do I being pulverized feel sewn

Together a quilt, with all pieces, its bliss.

How do I explain I needed guidance?

It hurts me, you decided, gave me up.

 Without your words, boys became as chocolate,

Choosing the worst, failing being grown-up.

Addicted, inhaling them, drug sate.

You could’ve taught me better, it’s too late.


img_2951-22


©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

 

#OctPoWriMo – Day 16 – English Sonnet – “Love Your Wife and Her Cooking” #amwriting #poetry


Day 16 Prompt: Savoury 

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, savory is defined as: a : piquantly pleasant to the mind <a savory triumph>b : morally exemplary c : pleasing to the sense of taste especially by reason of effective seasoning d : pungently flavorful without sweetness.” 

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http://www.williams-sonoma.com

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You say it’s delicious, you haven’t tasted, 

Anything as savoury as this food. 

 Your words need changing, not to be wasted, 

On food of women, snuck in your bedroom. 

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I’ll help you understand, I’m not one to be —

Crossed; when you don’t come home I wonder where, 

Who you’ve been with? I cook dinner fancy, 

Your favorite foods, savoury taste, you swear.

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But this night has been waiting; I’m scared, 

Tired, always being second, to some whore. 

Eat food and choke; poisoned you’re most aware, 

Should’ve been home; other men me adored. 

——-

Were you ashamed of your own wife you wed?

You cared not for me; fortunes mine –you’re dead. 

——–

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved. 

Poem: Tanka – ” Fearless Footsteps”


Thanks to The Daily Post for the word prompt fearless yesterday. Also, thank you to The Daily Post for today’s word prompt footsteps.

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http://www.flickr.com
 

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You said, be fearless.

Some fears are hard to conquer,

Nothing to fear but fear

Itself, it’s said all the time.

No one knows how hard it is.

—–

Be brave; be bold,

Fearlessness is born fraught,

With thoughts running wild,

I’m terrified inside to try,

Conquering fears is difficult.

—–

May your footsteps lead,

You on the path, being —

Someone who isn’t —

Afraid of what the future —

Holds, because we’re all human.

—–

Don’t be scared to go,

Where ever your footsteps need,

Time will tell you step,

Leap, don’t be full of fear.

Life for the living, is hope.

—–

Don’t be afraid our —

Saviour said, be strong.

On earth, we fight hard.

Life is a while we are breathing.

Breath, have faith, it will work out.

—–

Days our tough, tiring.

Follow where He leads us fearless.

You’re in no danger.

He lights pathways taken, beams–

Lustrous light leads.

—-

Telling you where,

To place each footstep, travel

Where He knows, we go,

Unafraid, fearless,

We’re strong, He’s with us always.

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©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

Poem: Nonet- ” I was her, once”


Thanks to The Daily Prompt for the word prompt envy.

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Sophie Loren envies Jayne Mansfield
Sophie Loren Envies Jayne Mansfield (www.curitibainenglish.com)

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Insidious sin from within me,

Walking beside, head turned to her,

What about me, blank space beside,

Unnoticeable me,

Been with you a while,

You stopped seeing,

Invisible,

little

me.

——

When I catch you in the backroom,

Looking at her full of desire,

Kissing her face with love,

Green demon inside flails,

Screeching, betrayal,

Not understanding,

Envious,

I was her,

So loved,

Once.

—-

©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner: Why Don’t You Love Me?


Dear Dad,

 “I know it’s only been three weeks” but Mom says she doesn’t know when you’re coming back. She tries not to cry in front of me but I know when she is crying because her mascara runs and her face turns red. Mom lays in bed and I don’t know what to do.

I tried laying beside her and rubbing her back. I tried making her soup (from the can) but I can’t make her eat. She doesn’t get up to make supper much or clean. I’m trying to help out but it’s hard, I have homework too and I’m only nine-years-old. I don’t get to play with my friends anymore, there is too much to do.

I had to ask Oma Jane and Opa Paul for your email. I phoned them and told them what happened. On the weekend I go to their house. Oma sends me home with food for the week that I can microwave. She yelled at Mom to ‘get up,’ but I got mad at Oma and I hit her. I told Oma Google said Mom is depressed. 

Before you left, I heard you fighting with Mom. You got mad at her and then she cried and you shouted at her loudly. Mom is trying her best like me. Oma isn’t sure if you’re ever coming back. Where are you Dad, how come you never answer my emails? You used to call me everyday from work. Don’t you love us? What did I do? Why don’t you love me?

Jessica 

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Thanks to Roger Shipp for hosting FFftPP.

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http://www.publicdomainarchive.com
 
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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

Poem: Words Spewing.


  
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Sometimes there are few,

Words to say. I don’t want to review,

Each moment of each day,

I want to stop thinking and play.

——

I would like my soft sheets,

To rock me gently to sleep,

I would be happy to hear,

The silence of a moment disappear.

——-

I would just like to be,

Without this need I see,

My hands they itch,

To write, the twitch.

——

And the words flow like fire,

They are my desire,

Excitement wells within me.

And dreams help me to seem,

—–

I know what I’m doing,

When the words are forth spewing,

I am caught in delight.

With pages that take flight.

——

©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

Poem: Laturnes – “Shine in Light.”


The Lanturne is a five-line verse shaped like a Japanese lantern with a syllabic pattern of one, two, three, four, one.

Please see Shadow Poetry for more information.

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You

May find

Comfort in

Waiting for the

Time

—–

You 

Might find

Things will be

Alright and be

Fine

—–

What

Will you

Do when you

You are unstable

Fall

——

Will

You try 

To remain

As a Yogi so

Calm

——

Or 

Explode

In movement —

Lightening quick

Energy.

——

They’re

Choices

To act on

Decide your way

Fast 

——

They’re

Choices

To think about

Life makes time so

Slow.

——

In 

The end

There is you

Sliding falling

Alone

——

And

You may

Struggle with

Finding inside

Hope

——

In

The dark

It’s hard to

Find your way out

Look.

——

Shine

Light on

The problem

Dawn glows glimmer,

Hope.

——-

How

Is it

Easier 

To leave unsaid

Words.

——-

Words

Whispered

Hide secrets

No one will know

Ever.

—–

Light

Reveals

Darkness hides

The horrible truth,

Grow.

—–

Be

Not in

The blackest 

Places you find

Thrive.

—–

Be

In the

Sparkle seen

Glittering sky

Alive

—–

Crash

Through the

Walls that hold

You in place move,

Close.

—–

Fight

There is 

No hiding 

Thrive or snuff out

Light

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©Mandibelle16.All Rights Reserved.

Poem: Minute Poem- “Histarically.”  


So, I decide I want in on some of the poetry forms I’ve seen some bloggers doing. This form and description are from Annie on What the Woman Wrote and you can also check out Shadow Poetry here.

Minute Poem: a rhyming verse form, 12 lines of 60 syllables written in strict iambic meter. Formatted into 3 stanzas of 8-4-4-4 syllables each. Rhyme scheme: aabb, ccdd, eeff. Best suited to light verse – humorous, whimsical, or semi-serious. 

 

www. galmeetsglam.com
 
I hate that you won’t wait to see,

All that is me, 

All that I dream,

The way I seem.

We’re going at a speed I can’t chance,

It’s not a dance,

This is real life,

Why leave me strife. 

I want to dream fantastically, 

Histarically, 

Is it a ruin?

Live in light strewn. 

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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.