I am taking the cab over to see A and to take him out for an early birthday supper. When I show up at his apartment a little old lady lets me in in a unit adjacent to A’s unit and A is stretched out on the couch in a favorite t-shirt and dirty white sweat pants. The sweat pants bother me but I would never say anything such as haven’t you got some dish soap to put on those pesky stains but it’s okay because A always changes to look good in public: another name brand t-shirt and expensive ripped jeans and new black shoes.
He wants to go to Red Lobster for his dinner but I go inside and can hardly stand the seafood smell and know even if I order chicken it will taste like it smells. So, we head to Olive Garden which is delicious: soft warm bread, salad chicken Marsala and chicken something else for A. Also, he orders some big drink non-alcoholic because he doesn’t drink and I get to try real sangria which is less fizzy or sweet then my favorite sangria at Joeys. But a glass of red wine with fruit in it is good too.
We are there till 6:45 pm and arrive home by 7ish and just my luck one of my favorite movies is on Jurassic Park but the second movie The Lost World and I watch that until 11 pm and then the news. A went to work out and briefly debate leaving my makeup on to go out later. I really should have but I’m so tired and when A leaves around midnight I snuggle into his brand new duvet and fall asleep having brought an extra sleeping pill because it’s hard to sleep in someone else’s bed. But I fall asleep quickly and A is such a gentlemen and sleeps until late morning in the living room as not to wake me.
I get up around noon and shower and start making latkes for breakfast when A sneaks up behind me. I make two for me and one for him as he is having eggs. They are a treat, he offers to buy me some but I insist he doesn’t because latkes are so many calories plus we put jam and the laughing cow cream cheese on them. I am full but A is always trying to feed me, pop, cookies, and whatever else. I am big enough, I insist.
We watch Simpsons and a movie then go for a nap where I get to be nice and close to A. He drives me home and we increase our cholesterol with a stop at McDonalds then A actually comes into talk with my parents both my Mom and Dad. I am a happy girl and have enjoyed the weekend. If only I’d been able to stay up to go out. Oh well. . .
It’s been one of those too crazy weeks. It began fighting with A over a disappointing New Year’s not just because I had a throbbing headache that night but because he took off around 5:30 pm on New Year’s, left me all alone, and decided last-minute he needed a haircut. He waited 3 hours to get this haircut which he could have easily gotten a couple of days later. There was nothing wrong with his hair. At least not wrong enough to leave me alone 3 hours in the dark ( I couldn’t find the damn light switch that worked). And you know when you have energy then suddenly everything calms right down and sucks the life out of you. Being with other people and talking and getting ready with them keeps you going. But by the time A got home at 8:30 pm I was upset, had a headache, was starving, and I just had no patience anymore, and no reason to go to Earls for supper and out to the Druid.
A had brought McDonald’s home and instead of us going to Earls we ate that. Not what I
had in mind at all. He was the one so tired at the beginning of the night so we watch the New Year’s concerts in NY and I go to bed angry and yet again he leaves to go out with friends to go God knows what hours. I just really felt we were supposed to be spending New Year’s Eve together and he kept taking off and not saying anything about it.
I took the time to do my hair which takes a while to curl, dress up, and put on silver stiletto heels I knew I’d be hating in 10 minutes and I spent the night alone. I explained this to him the next day and he was like ” Some times you just talk shit, and I don’t want to talk about it.” I was really hurt and angry because communication is something he struggles with me so much. And later he won’t talk to me, hence my ‘I don’t want to talk to you’ article and then he goes back to work and I’m just like whatever I can’t focus my energy on being angry this long.
So even though I have such reservations about his communication and the fact he might just take off with his friends next time I want to go out I just forgave A and now we are talking again. Texting back and forth, as he works up North. I miss him because I usually do, and last time was such crap. So coming down off of being so upset took a lot of energy out of me and I had a tired New Years and the weekend.
Tuesday I spent at Rexall and my psychiatrists. Rexall for some odd reason I was trying to find better shaving things for A who said shaving hurt his skin. So I went to the Dove men’s section picked him up some nice shaving cream that is anti-razor burn, some moisturizer for after shaving, and some razors that have more blades on them then his little 2 blade razor so he doesn’t have to go over the same areas on his face twice. Call it part of his Christmas present I guess. There was also a brand of makeup there called The Balmthat I always look at when I go there and I thought a couple of pieces of it would be a great present for my friend who has a Birthday in January. So, I picked her up an eyeshadow trio and a blush and sent it off with a card in a bubble pack in the mail. All errands done at Rexall, I went to see Dr. B.
Dr. B told me about my bloodtest results that although they did show a marker for something, that something couldn’t be identified and Dr. S the rheumotologist couldn’t identify anything for me that would out right say I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It’s just something Dr. B and I are mostly sure of since I’ve been tested for everything else and I fit the criteria pretty well. Oh well, I can’t use the term on any medical or financial forms anyways so it doesn’t matter. It’s just one of those things that their is no expertise on in Edmontont, infact, probably around the world. And knowing that I have it forsure would change nothing. I am trying a new medication which I’m hoping actually works. It’s an antipsychotic and has less side effects then the current one I am on because it is newer. So I start that tomorrow and just hope that it helps and it isn’t a waste of a trial,
I wrote two chapter for How Was Last Night For You, I really feel the ideas and story coming together now as I write. I have lots of ideas now, I just have to see what fits and bring in some secondary characters to make the book more interesting. I am taking a Fiction course in February until May so that should be a huge help in writing a piece of fiction and I plan to write more for the book in the course and use it as my piece of fiction to work on. Hopefully, the professor likes what I’ve written as much as you guys have.
Now, it’s Friday and it’s been a slow day. So, I figured I would end the week with a ‘ What’s Up’ piece and be done with this week. The beginning really spoiled the rest of it I’m afraid. And I’m having a lot of reservations there. Instead I’ll just give myself a confidence boost with Dear Me . . .