I am Fine Just The Way I am


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Today I would like to chat about being satisfied and proud of yourself, with your body and how you look. I believe every individual was made to look how they look for a reason and are beautiful no matter how they look.Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one person sees as beautiful another person may not but the point is someone somewhere always sees you as beautiful. We all have different tastes and have things about ourselves that we would rather have physically changed. I don’ t think I’ve ever heard of any perfect person who exists who is specifically happy with their whole body. But I do realize that sometimes in this day and age we do have the ability to change our looks and that sometimes this can help the way we look and feel about ourselves such as blue light or microdermabrasion for skin care or procedures such as plastic surgery. These procedures can in certain cases such as plastic surgery also not stop physical unhappiness and cause a person to in a few months to sign up for more life changing botox or surgery that is unnecessary.

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Today I was particularly, fascinated by Julie Chen on the program The Talk who revealed a secret today on the show, that she had surgery on her eyes to make them look more open and wide, less Chinese. You see Julia had a boss and agent who told her that her eyes made her look as if she wasn’t really focused or interested in the person she was interviewing. Julie was beautiful before the surgery and she was beautiful after. The surgery really opened up her eyes and I could see what the her boss and her agent had been talking about. This did not make me think it was particularly right that she had to get this surgery to further her career. Culturally, how someone looks needs to be respected – Julie’s boss her agent were being racist. Even though the surgery really improved her career I felt bad that she had to go to surgery that took a year to heal, to get where she wanted in her career. But I suppose this is no different than models who feel they need breast enhancements, people who undergo intense exercise to look very thin and muscular, or a variety of changes individuals make to become more accepted by the general public and make it in the big time.

Is this really what we expect people to do? To change themselves utterly to become pleasing to our eyes and other senses, to unrealistic standards of beauty? Our we so lost that we cannot accept people for themselves? The truth is we are exactly that way, with ourselves and with other people. We judge them until they are at a point where they feel they must alter something major about their appearance to fit in. Sometimes this is a great thing such as changing a grumpy disposition, or improving the way you personally present yourself (the way you dress or take care of yourself) to other people to be more appropriate. But I still wonder why people must always fit into the norm, why mediocrity, and being the same is what we want. Isn’t it our differences that get us noticed, that make us feel such as individuals. But even those who stand out often end up changing themselves to fit in, to be more socially acceptable. For me, fitting in has always been about being thin.

When I was a little girl my mother did not feed us fatty or sugary foods. We rarely got treats in our lunch and only the odd time did my mom ever bring us a McDonald’s cheeseburgers to school. I ran around the school yard playing soccer with the boys and everyday in Physical Education but still I was a pudgy child. This became really apparent to me in Grade 4 when I began to put on fat to grow and when my mom asked me why I was so sad I said ” I’m fat.”

She tried to show me exercises I could do to make my stomach fitter and my legs stronger. I did them but they didn’t really help. Neither did the “Oh don’t worry you’ll grow” words my mother and other relatives said to me. Always fighting against me was my disgust with my body weight 115 lbs for a grade 4 student and the odd comments by people such as my one uncle who looked at my tummy and tight jeans and said “woh, putting on a little weight are we?”

Lucky, for me I did grow. In grade 6, I lost a lot of weight and in grade 8 a lot more. In fact, I was fine up until I started my first job at age 22 years and realized that eating too much of the treats at work was putting on weight. Once, I was in Jr. High School I had decided to get in shape. I ran hard in gym class, played all the sports I could and when I was not good enough to play sports in University I worked out doing Pilates and the elliptical in the gym 3 times a week. When I started gaining weight as a young adult I hit the gym up big-time running, going on the elliptical, the stair climber, and lifting weights 3 times a week to gain muscle.

Once I got depression I jumped from 161 lbs to 144 lbs, I looked sickly. But you know what they say when you lose weight, you gain 10 lbs more back and than if you’re me, 10 lbs more than that. Herbal magic helped me to lose 10 lbs of what I gained back but I am perpetually stuck at 181 lbs or a comfortable size 12. For 3 years I tried to lose weight with no hope. I needed exercise and exercise made me sick and I didn’t have the energy for cardiovascular exercise; I still don’t. Finding the energy to exercise at all even 20 min of yoga is difficult sometimes. I dream of the day I can hit the elliptical at a speed of 8 to 11, with weights on the elliptical making it difficult to peddle. I dream of playing volleyball, of making it through an entire 1 hour yoga class in perfect form.

But than something curious happened after being on Herbal magic and only losing 10 lbs. I learned portion control and found I could keep my weight stable. Because I am mostly sedentary I need a lot less calories than most people. I can eat around 1300-1500 calories a day and that’s just fine for me because I can’t do the exercise part or enough of it to lose excess calories. Even walking around the block or walking to the bus, I just don’t do that that often even though I should. But you know what, despite the people I see from 7 years ago who say ‘ Oh, you’ve put on weight,’ I am pretty happy with how I look.

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I am the quintessential pin up girl. I have large hips and thanks to the extra weight, good sized boobs. I have a beautiful oval face, white skin, big blue eyes, real blond hair, and legs that are pretty good. The only thing I don’t quite like is my stomach but some body parts you just have to live with. I am just the way I am and I am pleased with my body. I wish more woman would think like me instead of comparing themselves to their skinnier friends or curvier friends depending on if you’re thin or not. It is too bad that people like Julie Chen have to go and change their eyes just to get noticed in Hollywood, but she’s persevered anyways. It is unfortunate that some men might call me a bit fat but I am happy with the way I look.

Confidence in your self-image is key to loving yourself. You are exactly the way you are supposed to be and you always have the option of changing yourself if you feel you must. If you feel you need more exercise or if you feel you look better as a red head. Just remember some changes can effect you all your life. Julie Chen can never get her Asian eyes back and I may never get my pre-depression body back due to a lack of exercise and medication, but life is about learning how to be content and learning to love what you have now. So own your life and your body remember what’s inside whatever body you have is so much more vital to who you are than your appearance.

 

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