Poem: Free Verse – “A Congested Mind” #poetry #amwriting 


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——–

They call it the unknown

The future lying before you. 

No matter if you’re psychic, 

No one knows what happens. 

There are varied scenarios,

Ways it could play out, 

But truly we don’t know the future

It’s a mystery creeping forward, 

And it pulls us along on our knees.

Whether we go willingly, 

Or go kicking and screaming;

Time marches in to the beat,

Of father time’s own drum. 

****

I don’t know what’s coming, 

I know worrying won’t help. 

I think sometimes I try to give advice, 

Reassuring myself in kind. 

There are bright possibilities, 

Hoping people become, 

More kind than they are mean to each other. 

Pray people look-out for each other, 

But sometimes I think society is self-centred. 

I admit to such fault and others too,

But I’m still fearful;

When I think of a year or two ahead, 

I’m afraid what if it’s not the right plan? 

Experience deftly taught me,

Plans are dim outlines of reality. 

Mostly, life goes where it goes

And God only knows where or why. 

Leading us through dark valleys, 

Into trenches with piercing bullets flying. 

Into classrooms with screaming kids, 

A gunmen on the loose. 

He leads us through to people, 

Whose power makes one nervous. 

How even democracy isn’t safe —

A tyrant could rule all. 

Maybe the world will surprise me, 

But I fear for the little person. 

*****

My own personal fears weigh heavy, 

Though others bear pains greater. 

Of lawyers and cases, 

Of corruption and crime. 

Those crimes we deem terrible;

Those crimes brushed under the rug. 

Greed and all those other sins,

Abhorred but freely ignored. 

Though I can never say what’s worse —

My own flaws or imperfections

Or those I’m faced with. 

Stress shows through cracks, 

Egg yokes running. 

No one likes raw eggs except in cookie dough

The future is overwhelming. 

But at least they’ll still be cookie dough, 

And I don’t know why —

I’m particular and observant

Why I know it’s better to be alone

Than be truly alone with another. 

Why I wait for that spark

Why I wait for the morning dawn. 

A smile in his eyes which is genuine

Wherever he is. 

But maybe happiness is a puppy

Paws following me on the hardwood, 

Barks at random sounds. 

The glory of a puppy skidding down —

The off leash trail and wheeling;

Turning around to jump on me, 

To pick her up when she’s tired. 

*****

My bones are stiff and ridged

My dreams fall to despair

So many books and writers, 

And not anyone can compare

How to rise above the masses, 

Or fill your own niche contented. 

But perhaps one could be something

Success in small moments. 
Afraid and weighted

Need to cry, tears unshed, 

Because disease is cruel. 
Even if Heaven is the end of the tunnel,

So many words are left unsaid

The timing of it all, does it work? 

I feel alienated

Though I try hard to keep the connection

It’s all in your planning Lord;

So must I say, your will be done.

——-

©Mandibelle16.(2016) All Rights Reserved. 

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Writing 101 – 3 Important Songs in My Life


1. Christina Aguilera – Fighter

 

This song represents to me a women who will never give up and never break no matter how much you push her. She is a strong women, “a fighter,” and she’s not going to let the man who was in her life or anyone else win that fight. In fact, she thanks the guy who hurt because he made her what she is and he has made her “stronger,” ” makes her work a little bit harder,”  made her “that much wiser,” made her work ” a little bit faster,” made her “skin a little bit thicker” made her ”  that much smarter.” She thanks him for making her “a fighter.”

I started playing this song when I meant K in university. He was the first guy I’d ever been crazily attracted to and I knew he liked me back. The thing was I was awful shy and I didn’t handle the situation well and when I couldn’t deal with so much attention I tended to ignore the person giving it to me.  Then I realized he wasn’t paying me much attention anyways. He had a harem of girls at his table and even though I sat by myself in the Cafeteria and he would wave to me he never came to talk to me and he never shared anything much about himself with me when he did. He acted bored when I sat by him and finally when I told him I liked him and that sometimes I ignored him because ” I was in my own world” or to say it better, I was busy as hell, to busy to put up with his crap — taking 5 courses in University, working 20 hours a week, going to the gym, and partying with my girl friends on the weekend — he took this the wrong way. But I had finally figured out that he liked the fact that I  liked him but didn’t want to make a real effort for me, I was just another girl who was a friend, but not that important.

I started listening to this song and I realized that even though he was a jerk he had made me a stronger person. I spent all this time worrying about him when I was better than the way he was treating me, many other guys who were friends treated me better. I was a fighter and I wasn’t going to cry and get all upset because he wouldn’t give me the time a day. He was my first love ( or so I thought at the time) but later I learned he was just the beginning of a stronger me. A me that could push herself and get through very hard times like sickness, and a difficult job, a me that could survive rejection, a me that was wearer and carried her strength about her like a cloak. It isn’t always obvious but God made me a strong women he made me a fighter, a women who knows what’s worth fighting for.

2. Billy Joel – She’s Always A Woman

She’s Always a Woman is one of my favorite songs and I could hear it hundreds of times and never get sick of it. I love it because it describes a man who loves a women who is most definitely flawed; that she’s flawed is of great value to her person. For example ” she never gives out, and she never gives in, she just changes her mind” but she’s still “always a woman” to him. I have always thought that this is the way that people should love each other: because of their flaws and all their imperfections. When I met the right man one day, I wanted him to love me like this because I was “frequently kind and suddenly cruel,” because ” I did as [I pleased I] was nobodies fool.” I wanted him to love me just as I am and not because he had some image of how he wanted me to be or thought I should be. It’s the kind of the love that doesn’t count mistakes and I kind of love immortalized by John Donne in a poem whose name escapes me where he loves a women even though she is clearly not the most beautiful or perfect creature.

I have put this kind of love to practice in my life when I love my family or love my friends, when I meet new people. I don’t try to push such high standards on people, something I used to do, instead I try to accept people for who they are and try not to get so upset when they do something that hurts me. I’ve learned to realize they are only human to and worthy of love anyways. I think if people put this to practice more they would find like Billy Joel there is beauty in being flawed and that our flaws make us who we are. Nobody could love someone who is perfect because nobody is perfect and can’t be held to that standard.

3. The Fray – Be Still

I think this is the most important song to me because when I think of the song I think of the Bible verse “Be Still, and know that I am the Lord Your God.” I think of the song as God or someone who loved you without failing, watching over you, and telling you to just “Be Still” and relax. “Be Still”  and everything will be fine. It’s like a lullaby. “If no one is standing beside you, be still and know I am” that line always reassure me that we always have God and people in our life to depend on. That when things get really bad,  and they do, we always have a higher power and family and friends to guard against the situations in life where we are hurting and falling apart.

This song puts me to sleep some nights when I feel at my lowest. It makes me feel like I am not alone in my suffering nor in my life. That there is a tomorrow to look forward to and that times won’t always be this bad. That we should “remember hard” the words to “Be Still” and not spend time worrying about the bad times in our life that we cannot change. That even when we lose sight of ourselves, there is always someone who remembers us and cares.