Bop - 6 lines, refrain, 8 lines, refrain, 6 lines, refrain, Current Events, dVerse, Health, MindLoveMisery's Menagerie, My Thoughts, Nonfiction, Poetry, Religion/Morality, Tale Weavers Fiction/Poetry, Writing, Writing Challenges

Tale Weaver: Poem – Bop – “I’ve Enough” #poetry #taleweaver #dVerse #amwriting 


Thanks to Michael of MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting Tale Weavers #176. The Prompt is what it is we want in life. Also, thanks to Bodhirose of #dVerse Poet’s Pub for hosting open link night. 

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Google Free Image

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All the things I want, do I really need? 

Do I need more shirts, more heels, is that greed? 

If I made my sum of money wanted, 

Would it ever be enough? Life’s haunting  —

Me to spend more cash, not to save some more;

Could having more money make you poorer? 

All I want, need, matters not — I’ve enough. 

——–

If I was perfectly healthy, I would lose, 

Freedom over some of, my time; I’d choose —

A job with variety, nice colleagues, laughing, 

Not working casually from home alone, aghast —

At how much harder it is with details, 

How precision is difficult, I rail —

Not often, but when I’m tired, frustrated, 

When my short term memory is flustered. 

All I want, need, matters not — I’ve enough. 

——

Yet I’m able to focus on writing —

My dream; building my talent’s exciting

I’m able to write, home or a coffee shop, 

Or to binge watch Netflix when I’m feeling, 

Energyless and downcast, mind reeling. 

Wishing I had my blessings and wasn’t ill, 

I desire my full health, yet I’m fulfilled. 

All I want, need, matters not –I’ve enough. 

——

©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved. 

Fiction, Friday Music Prompt, MindLoveMisery's Menagerie, Music and Performers, My Thoughts, Religion/Morality, Sunday Photo Fiction, Travel, Writing, Writing Challenges

Friday Music/ Sunday Photo Fiction: Ship to the Stairway #flashfiction #musicchallenge 


Thanks to Alistair Forbes for hosting SPF. Thanks to MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for this week’s music challenge, “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin 

——-

Credit: A Mixed Bag – Alistair Forbes

——–

“Stairway to Heaven” – Led Zeppelin 

——–

“This will get us there, you’re sure?” Avery asked the Captain. Her hands shook and sweat beaded on her forehead. 

” Yes Madam, as I’ve told the other passengers, who are equally as persistent, this will take us to the first step.” 

“The Stairway to Heaven? I can’t believe it. It’s for real, isn’t it?” 

“Well, Madam Avery, that’s what you paid all your money for. This is the only ship that can take you there. We’ll arrive shortly. Ask a flight attendant to give you some pills to calm you down. Soon, you’ll never need medicine again.” 

“But, what’s at the top of the Stairway? Streets filled with glittering gold? No more crying and no more pain?” 

“When we’re there you’ll know. Have faith, Madam.” 

Avery looking pale and feeling dehydrated suddenly fainted. The whole idea of reaching Heaven by space ship seemed unimaginable. 

When she woke up she was lying on a soft bed. There was a gate formed of pure gold and silver. Two regal guards stood nearby. 

“You there, both of you, where is this? I was supposed to be in Heaven I paid a great deal of money to get there, ” Avery said. 

The guards chuckled, “Madam Avery, don’t you know the Stairway and Heaven itself cannot be bought by humans.” 

“But what am I doing here?” 

“Quiet now. You’re in processing, they’re trying to decide about you,” one guard said. 

“Decide what?” 

“If somewhere deep inside you know Heaven was purchased for you long ago. If you know who bought it,” the second guard replied. 

Avery stomped her foot, “I deserve what’s coming to me.” 

The first guard shook his heads,” Wherever you end up, Madam Avery, you can be sure of that.” 

——

©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved. 

Current Events, Event, Licentia - aabbccddeeAA, BBffgghhiiAA, CCjjkkllmmAA, Memories/Childhood, Mirrored Refrain xaBA, xbAB, xaBA, xbAB, etc, My Thoughts, Poetry, Quotes, Writing, Writing Challenges

Writers Quote Challenge: Poem – Licentia – “Filling The Cup” #writersquotechallenge #poetry #amwriting


Thank you to Jacqueline and Bernadette, from A Cooking Pot and Twisted Tales for hosting the All New Writer’s Quote Challenge. Here’s this week’s prompt quote: 

“We are all vessels. The question is what are the contents of your vessel?” 

——–

http://www.pinterest.com

——

We are all vessels in life, full of what we choose,

Let what whispers you would in, wisely proved.

We cannot keep all the dreary out nor —

The demons within; release what’s ill and poorly. 

Light shines in your shadows keeps the cobwebs, 

From ceasing thoughts which need to be said. 

Let your vessel overrun with hope, joy —

Though difficult, let not out what annoys. 

Tranquility, contentedness find, 

Don’t let the dark days your soul to confine.

We are all vessels in life, full of what we choose,  

Let what whispers you would in, wisely proved. 

—–

We cannot keep all the dreary out nor —

The demons within; release what’s ill and poorly. 

Find vessels alike, fill each other’s cup

Never destain to ask all your friends,”What’s Up?” 

Tears fill us sometimes, but joy overflows too, 

Let happiness feed each other, connection through —

Friend or family uplifts one another. 

Strangers walking trade smiles, vessels fill love. 

We are with each other so we might as well live

Providing all people with kindness given. 

We are all vessels in life, full of what we choose, 

Let what whispers you would in, wisely proved. 

—–

©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved. 

My Thoughts

Poem: Free Verse – “Young and Beautiful” #music #poetry #amwriting 


Credit: Chemo Madoz – http://www.pinterest.com

——

“Young and Beautiful” – Lana Del Rey 

——-

Such a wish have humans, 

For the fountain of youth. 

Retaining our vivacity, 
Twenty-something good-looks. 

To maintain an image of fresh faces, 

Yet carry the wisdom age gains. 

I think if we knew anything, 

We’d know it’s a curse to be young forever. 

For all such wisdom acquired in life, 

There’s a price to be paid. 

Experience taught and it —

Marked us with age spots, 

With wrinkles and scars, 

With under eye circles, 

Nightmares and inner trauma. 

Journeying through life we learned

 Our lesson, or perhaps we haven’t yet? 

When we are young, 

We are carefree and full of vigor. 

Not thoughtful in how we think or react,

No maturity, no flash of pain;

The liberty of youth suits the young. 

But to be a man or woman-child with —

The eyes of our great-grandparents,

Bearing several lifetimes of burdens;

I think, for a mere human, 

Would be too much grief to bear. 

For the older we become, 

We learn from birth we’re dying. 

Life is a quest and it’s meant to end

We’re meant for the heavens, 

Free of our lifetime of issues

Emotional, psychological, and physical decay, 

The exhaustion of life. 

The old realize when their time is coming —

That it is right. 

A lifetime of sorrows, to have so many years,

Would break a soul completely;

Nevermind a physical body. 

That’s why the young are beautiful,

Life hasn’t wounded them. 

They are too ignorant to see — 

Life isn’t meant on earth to be eternity —

The light shining to restore body, soul, and mind, 

In heaven shines for all,  

In timelessness we will be young,

All of us appearing how we ought;

No imperfections, 

Perfect creations.

Handling both knowledge and beauty,

Eloquent and graceful;

Gods children thankful

And only those who die young,

When life is torn by accident

By atrocity and ill health, 

(And the aged)

Understand this concept. 

As their grandparents did or do, 

Only the ill and dying, have vantage of this, 

Life is so frail;

A wisp of a veil torn, 

We’re all too busy living to see. 

——

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved. 

Audio Poems, Current Events, Free Verse, My Thoughts, Nonfiction, Poetry, Relationship, Writing

Poem – Free Verse (Audio) – “Just Ask” #amwriting #poetry #audio



Credit: http://www.pinterest.com

———

You might not understand, 
I don’t know how to say, 

It hurts when I’m not invited, 

When you forget me anyways. 
I know I’m quiet, 

I know I’m ill,

I know transportation can be difficult, 

But often, I can work it out. 

I’d rather you ask, 

Than just assume, 

I can’t make it, 

Or attend at all, 

I’d rather you said something

Than nothing at all. 

Instead I see photographs. 

And I was never involved. 

Most times this doesn’t bother me, 

Only when it happens, 

More and more. 

When I see, 

Many friends and acquaintances, 

I had no idea at all. 

I don’t think it’s selfish

For me to say ask. 

I just want to be involved, 

To see my friends and others too. 

To have a social life, 

Not to be judged

Deemed boring or not thought about. 

It hits a place inside me, 

Where I feel disappointed, 

I feel a bit destroyed. 

Do I disappear from your minds so readily? 

That you didn’t even think to ask, 

Even if it’s last minute. 

Even if you thought I wouldn’t go, 

You should’ve given me the choice

Cause it really feels–

You don’t think of me much. 

As if I’m a problem too big to deal with, 

Like I ruin the fun. 

Your good time. 

It’s not fair —

But such is life, 

Because I’m chronically broken, 

I’m not my fun-self anymore. 

I’m just me, 

And I thought we were friends, 

But that means, 

Now and again, 

Think about me. 

Let me come along, 

Even if you think I’ll say no. 

It might surprise you, 

I’m coping well. 

Put yourself in my place. 

But I’ve learned the hard way, 

To never expect. 

Because if you count on people, 

A great many of them, 

They let you down. 

Caught up in their own lives;

BFF’s aren’t always forever, 

And sometimes I hate, 

Feeling alone, 

I’d rather you asked, 

Then assumed

I wasn’t able to go. 

——

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved. 

Fairy Tale Themed, Fiction, MindLoveMisery's Menagerie, My Thoughts, Nature, Tale Weavers Fiction/Poetry, Writing, Writing Challenges

Tale Weavers: #Fiction – Teegan’s Potion Part 1: Tallia, Her Magic Shop, and The Stranger


Thanks to  MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting this week’s Tale Weaver prompt:

——

MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie

 

Tallia heard the chime as the door to her small magic shop opened. She was usually alerted to a customer’s presence ahead of time. She could feel them before they chose to come inside her store and browse. She could especially feel them when they came to her shop with a purpose.

She brushed back her hair, dyed a light purple-hue of grey as was fashionable. Although, she wasn’t much older than her mid-twenties, her business did well. There was always a a demand for certain products she sold. Her Aunt Willow had run this shop for years before her untimely death.

Tallia had kept the name of the shop: Fairy Dust. She had, however, remodeled the shop Aunt Willow had left her to run. She made the shop modern and inviting, but retained its sense of the mystical. She loved her Aunt, but she also loved that the shop was no longer a hole in the wall.


 

Tallia’s store at first glance, catered to those who were browsing for small treasures or jewelry. Knickknack items which were more magic themed souvenirs or memorabilia, than actual magic.

But hidden among the knickknacks were items which could be powerful if used correctly. The items in the restricted section in the back of the store were more powerful than the ones placed out in the open.

The magical items placed here and there upfront were for decor purposes and to let certain customers know what kind of shop Fairy Dust truly was. Only her regulars were allowed in the back with permission.They knew exactly what they were searching for and how dangerous certain magical ingredients and objects could be.


 

A man called out to Tallia in the shop after she let him browse around for ten-minutes; she waited to see what the man wanted. The fact she had not felt him coming alarmed her.

“Hello is anyone there?” the man asked.

Tallie smiled at the man. He had bright green eyes and dark hair. He was quite attractive, she thought. Then a shadow was caste over her mind. The man appeared harmless enough, but she knew there was some kind of darkness in him.

She held onto the cross hanging from her throat for a moment. It was a protective piece of jewelry and it also confirmed her feelings there was something odd about this man being here. The darkness followed him around and it unnerved Tallia who was starting to experience a headache.

“I’m sorry sir, I’ve had such a busy morning and I need to take a lunch break and go pick up some food. Is there anyway you could come back after lunch?” Tallia attempted to look as if she was faint from hunger.

The man sighed.”I really need your help. It’s not something that can wait.”

“I’m so sorry,” Tallia replied, coming out from behind her cash register.” I need to leave. I can’t wait for food. My blood sugar is too low,” she lied.

The man appeared exasperated. “Alright, I’ll be back in an hour and a half. He handed Tallia his business card. “You will be back right?”

“Of course, Teegan,” she said peering at his business card, “One needs to make a living, don’t they?”

Teegan Foster smiled at this and left out the front door. Tallia could feel the shadow lessening quickly as he walked away from her shop. She decided she would indeed close the store for today.

She hoped this might encourage him to visit another magic shop in the city, where they were more experienced dealing with darker magic. She didn’t want to deal with whatever Teegan Foster’s problem was, unless she had no other choice.

Tallia wrote a quick sign saying she had become ill and would be closed for the rest of the day. She wrote the number of another magic shop on the sign which was close by, for an customers needing emergency supplies. She tapped the sign on the shop’s front door.


 

The following day Tallia returned to work refreshed. Some of her regulars had come to the store this morning. She chatted with them as she helped them find correct items for spells and potions.

She swapped stories with them and they laughed at the happenings in each other’s lives. Many of them had known Tallia since she was as a small girl at the shop; her Aunt had raised her.

Sometime later, Tallia’s head started to throb. She clutched the cross around her neck, feeling the dark shadow around a certain someone drawing closer.

Her regulars had left long ago. She was all alone as she sat down on a stool behind the counter. A green-eyed and sharply dressed Teegan Foster came in the door and stopped abruptly in front of Tallia had the cash register. She instantly felt his darkness clouding her mind and making her dizzy.

“Are you feeling better?” Teegan asked her.

Tallia nodded.”I’m fine, I’ll be fine,” she murmured.

Teegan frowned, “I’m sorry, you don’t look well. That’s my fault, here.” She saw him whisper something and the shadow faded and her pain lessened.

“What, what can I help you with Mr. Foster?” Tallia asked, her voice unsteady.

“It’s just Teegan, Tallia. I need a particular potion. Your Aunt Willow was the only one who could make it for me, and her mother before her. I’m positive you know how to make the potion too. She must have mentioned me at sometime; I’m a long time customer.”

“You don’t look so old?”

“I’m older than I appear, much older. But you might not understand such magic yet.”

He came closer to her and stroked her cheek gently.”It’s okay Tallia. The potion I get here, it takes the darkness away for a long time. The pain you feel, the potion will ensure it doesn’t come from me again ever.”

Tallia nodded mutely. When Teegan, touched her, she felt a jolt which was beyond magic. She was attracted to him, more than she would like to admit. But she didn’t trust him.

Instead of looking at Teegan, she stepped away and brought out her Aunt’s old tome from a small room behind the front counter. It was a volume full of customers, spells, and potions from the past two centuries.

Tallia eventually found a page for Teegan, explaining everything she had to do to make his potion. It wasn’t a difficult potion to make and the ingredients seemed normal, she noticed with surprise.

She wondered why Teegan needed it so badly. She also saw the writing of the spell was neither her Aunt’s or her Great-Aunt’s writing. It was a script she had never noticed in this tome before. A woman with skilled and flowing handwriting had first written down this potions recipe.


 

“It will be an hour or so,” Tallia told Teegan. ” I’m sorry, you’ll be waiting so long. You could’ve called the store and I would’ve made it early this morning.”

“Um, I think you would’ve refused me. You would’ve went home again. Am I right Tallia?”

She flushed. “I wasn’t well, Teegan. Honestly.”

“Sure you weren’t,” he said. His smile was dazzling and he had dimples.

“I’ll wait here for the potion. You’ve a comfortable waiting area in the front there. I can sit and read the news on my phone.”

Tallia peered at her modern but cozy waiting are in front of the store’s large window,” Suite yourself, do you want something to drink?”

“A coffee please, with some milk,” Teegan said.

“One moment,” Tallia replied, feeling uneasy about him.

Although he seemed nice, she wondered what happened if Teegan didn’t receive his potion. What could be worse than the shadow surrounding him? She also wondered how old he really was?  Was this potion what kept him from aging? She shook her head at the thought. It wasn’t possible, was it?

Magic often surprised Tallia but not trusting Teegan, she put a bit of sleeping drought and blended it with his milk and coffee. She might require more time than an hour to make this potion.

She wanted to call another magic shop she knew had been around for far longer than she wanted to know. Her Aunt’s store had been relatively a new magic shop, despite it being in the family for generations.

Tallia felt the owner of the ancient store The Black Coven, a man a much older than herself named Jude, might have records what this potion her Aunt made for Teegan actually did. Surely, someone else of his kind had used it as well.

She served Teegan his coffee and he caught her blue-eyes and held them. She felt herself flush. He drank about half the coffee and set in down. He smiled at Tallia, thanking her and meeting her eyes again.

She went to the back of the store to start gathering ingredients. When Tallia came back out front fifteen-minutes later, Teegan was fast asleep. She sighed, trying to calm the hammering of her chest. She felt a bit guilty. Ignoring her guilt, she went to call Jude, hoping he would enlighten her on Teegan’s mysterious potion.


©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

Event, May Day Prompts, My Thoughts, Nonfiction, Short Stories And Serial Stories, Writing

MayDays: Nonfiction – A Visit From Cooper #Maydays


img_1203


Thanks to K.L. Caley from new2writing for hosting #Maydays prompts. Today’s prompt is man’s bestfriend. We’re to write about dogs.


Nikki
Nikki

I found it quite funny, dogs were today’s #Maydays topic. I love dogs and if you have followed me for a while you know I had a dog named Nikki who passed away about two-years-ago. She was a Miniature American-Eskimo – Terrier Cross with a  great deal of personality. Nikki was a pack dog and loved her family but was not so friendly around strangers.

It’s funny with pets, you never realize what an impact and presence they are in your life until they pass away. Nikki became ill and in about three-months she was gone. She is my favourite dog ever and lived about twelve-years. She loved to run, I think running so far was hard on her body as well as some other problems, we never were able to find out.

But today was an excellent day to have this prompt because my brother J visited with his room mate’s dog Cooper. Cooper is one of those fluffy dogs with hair that needs trimming  often. Unlike Nikki, Cooper doesn’t lose his hair. And there’s something to be said for that.

Apparently, Cooper doesn’t give kisses but he gave me a few; he must have been feeling generous. It is hilarious when you hear how people sound when they talk to a dog. Their voice pitch goes high and they talk cutesy. Dogs such as Cooper, love it when your voice does this, they get excited because they hear high-pitched sounds as something good; I read that somewhere.

Down in the basement, Cooper visited my Mom and I came down and we played “go-go” or “zoomies” as Jodi from Life Inbetween calls them with her dog Charlie. We were trying to wear Cooper out and we did. Eventually, he went home with my brother. J sent me a photo of Cooper lying on the couch, not moving a muscle. He texted me: ” [Cooper] hasn’t moved since getting home.”

I don’t know who was more excited by Cooper’s visit, my family and I, or Cooper. But I think my Mom is coming around about not having another dog and would be in favour of getting a small dog such as Cooper. I’m crossing my fingers.


©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

Daily Prompt, Writing

An Offer I Couldn’t Refuse


Prompt: Here’s the title of your post: “An Offer I Couldn’t Refuse.”

Set a timer for ten minutes, and write it. Go

I was 20-years-old and my friend was 18-years-old and we were going out to a martini bar later that night. ” So, pre-drinking?” my friend Tara said. ” Of course” I said. There was nothing to really think about it was given that we would pre-drink before the bar, we usually did. Tara had a big bottle of Smirnoff vodka and some 7up. We helped ourselves to a couple of big glasses full of the stuff and sat down to play a game on the couch with Tara’s cousin Rhonda.

Every time Cartman said a particular word on SouthPark we had to do shots of Malibu Rum. We watched episode after episode and did many shots of Rum. And let me tell you to this day I cannot not drink Malibu Rum or smell that coconutty sunscreen smell without feeling a little queasy. But we felt fine at the time, just nice and tipsy after all the liquor we had consumed.

We took a cab to the martini bar and a lot of the people there were more friends of my brothers but that was okay. We talked to everyone and I can’t remember half the people we talked to or what was said. My brother got a text ” Your sister is so drunk.”

That’s when Tara went to the washroom and threw up. As soon as I could get her out of the bathroom we cabbed back to her cousin’s place where we were staying and Tara was so sick she literally just threw up for ages. Once, she had briefly stopped I washed her face and sent her to bed. That’s when I got ill. So, so ill.

Tara and I were throwing up in the bathroom all night and into the morning. When I was feeling semi normal I knew I had to eat something to finally feel better. I ate a muffin and threw up again and this time felt better. Tara took a little longer.

Later, eating chicken soup we watched an Oiler’s playoff game and recovered. We had finished a medium bottle of Malibu Rum and almost the entire bottle of vodka. No wonder we got sick. From then on, if someone asked me if I wanted to pre-drink I took it easy. I was only sick that bad one other time in my life and I have no desire to be that sick on alcohol again. Malibu Rum was an offer I should have refused.

Health, My Thoughts

Hey, You’ve had A Bad Day


What does a bad day feel like to you? Do you ever notice how they just hit you out of no where? You wake up believing that today is just going to be like every other day, or most days at least, and then something horrible happens and you just know it’s going to be one of ‘those’ days.

Not to mention the fact you can have all kinds of bad days and they can all be a different type of bad day. Sometimes you get sick. Other days, unfortunate events keep happening to you. Some days you just cannot complete anything. On your worst days you have some kind of huge accident or find out some bad news.

Today isn’t the worst day I’ve ever had. But it ranks up there with some of the days I have detested in regards to my state of health. For those of you who don’t know, I suffer from a depressive mood disorder, insomnia, and chronic fatigue. I won’t talk about that too much but I’ve had quite a few new followers lately, so it’s fair to warn you what I mostly mean when I am unwell.

Things began with a night of particularly unrestful sleep. And this fact can make or break a day for me because the issue with chronic fatigue is you can sleep all you wan’t but you never feel truly rested and not fatigued enough to deal with the day as somebody who does not suffer from chronic fatigue does. For instance, I never feel mentally or physically rested enough to be able to concentrate on a job or do a work out at the gym.

So I woke up after having dreamt very intensely (as many people who take Meds sometimes do) and I just couldn’t sleep-in enough to make myself feel well enough to get out of bed. I was excited because I wanted to go downtown and do a bit of shopping at Winners and maybe take in the Farmer’s Market at city hall but frustratingly, I just felt to sick to do that.

Another issue about chronic fatigue is on a bad day where you haven’t slept well or are exhausted for any reason you often feel flu like symptoms. So I was tired, feeling sick to my stomach, chills, and to top it off I really did have a bad cold.

I did manage to sleep after awhile and I took some Advil Cold and that helped me feel about 40 percent better. Then it just took the rest of the day until about now to feel normal again. This has been one of my worst days in along while and I know it’s been coming on because I’ve felt extra tired and worn down most of the week.

Separating my personal illness from just a cold or the real flu is difficult at times and not often possible. But I am determined to get that flu shot on Wednesday to avoid the flu. And I am excited because I am going to get my hair done. That’s always fun. I moved up my appointment today to give me something to look forward to.

That’s my crappy day. Generally, I just try to stay positive on days like these and think there are better times to come, even if I am sick in someway all the time. Being sick is part of life, whatever the illness you are prone to.

How about you? Did you have a bad day this weekend? How do you deal with everything when you’re feeling your worst? I think the only thing that could have made my day worse would have been having to go out and do something and be around people and be nice while I felt ill. How do you react around others when your ill or having a bad day?

Health, My Thoughts

Begging For Freedom


There are many perks to living at home while you or in school or having a place to keep your belongings while you are travelling as a young adult. But there comes a time when I think every girl and guy I know wants or has already left home and now lives on their own or with roommates. I am quite jealous about this ability other people have. In fact, now that my brothers who are both younger then me have moved on their own I very much resent not being able to support myself enough both financially and in doing every day activities necessary to living outside your parents home.

I understand many people may want to live at their parents house with little rent and with little to do but watch TV, do light chores, do a bit of studying or reading, and sleep, but that is not me. When I started working back when I was 23 years old I enjoyed the freedom having your own substantial enough pay cheque gave you. I liked that I could drive but I had no problem taking the bus, and I was planning to move out the January in 2009 when I became Ill with my current depression and chronic fatigue.

It is not that I am unappreciative of my parents goodwill in letting me live at home. In fact, I am extremely grateful because I could not afford to live alone, buy my medications, and all the other little necessities that a girl needs like makeup that won’t make her skin break out, an iPhone , tuition for classes, clothing more than I need it, and being able to get my hair cut and highlighted a few times a year. Some of these things I didn’t realize how much I took for granted until I had to make a budget on what little I could afford while paying down a loan. Yet, I still find I am blessed.

That doesn’t chase away that unmistakeable inner voice that tells me I shouldn’t have to be dealing with certain issues such as having greater privacy. I need a place to put my shoes so I hang them on the back of my door in a shoe holder from Home Sense. Having this shoe holder hanging off my door means that my door never closes all the way so other members of the family are prone to just walking into my space without knocking or thinking twice. It annoys me that at almost 29-years old I am dealing with this still. My bedroom is my one place to go where I can relax and not worry about people talking to when I’m trying to read or when I’m not feeling well at certain times a day due to medication and fatigue.

Also, when I picture myself at home I picture myself being able to earn my keep more than I am able. I think this bothers my parents sometimes but I don’t know maybe they just accept like I do that I do not have much energy left after getting ready in the morning, studying or reading, and a trip out for a few hours once or twice a week. But I feel this constant pressure that I should be cleaning the living room up where I sit more, doing the floors, washing my dishes more than I do, and cleaning my bathroom in one cleanup instead of in pieces at a time. I’m sad to admit I just don’t have energy and it has gotten worse these past 2 years. I think I should be helping grocery shopping and always be able to pick up my medications from Costco but the truth is there are few more exhausting places then Costco even if I’m just going along with someone.

But I want nothing more then to have a good job and build a career, live on my own, be able to contribute more substantial amounts of money to RRSP’s and charity, to build a life, meet new people, and to just have an independence that doesn’t require me to rely on my parents so much. But I know realistically, right now that is not possible but I emphatically wish that someday it will be possible for me. I don’t want a permanent illness and Im not ready to settle for the fact that I may have one. I want to believe that there are ways to cure chronic fatigue and live with depression. I mean, if you do not have hope what do you have? Nothing.