Photo Challenge: Poem – Bop – “How To Save A Life” #dVerse #amwriting #poetry


Thanks to NEKNEERAJ of MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting this week’s photo challenge. I’m combining it with a #dVerse prompt. Thanks to Kim from Poet’s pub for hosting a poetry prompt on the theme of saving someone’s life. 

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Credit: Cetrobo

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How to save a life? Say the right words, 

Offer hope, say there’s more to live for, words —

Of compassion, tomorrow’s one more —

Day and within a day, world rewards. 

Those who could barely escape their despair, 

Providing hope, strength — live another day. 

If I’d known then, how to save a life. 

If you stepped back and gazed beyond, 

You would know, wonderful times are yonder. 

Take a moment breathe, be optimistic, 

Don’t let despair rule you, you’re not ‘with it,’ 

The clouds will lift, you’ll see and start to think. 

Your mind’s patterned to survive, not sink. 

You’ll see today, that your thoughts deluded, 

Don’t see that you’re needed, included. 

If I’d known then, how to save a life. 

I miss her, can’t ignore it, can’t undo, 

It’s why I sit here talking with you. 

There are times I wanted to help — couldn’t, 

I don’t know if the right words stop your doubt? 

But you should know I’m here until —

You decide to ask for help, fight to live. 

If I’d known then, how to save a life. 

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“How to Save A Life” – The Fray

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©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved. 


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Day 11 – NaPoWriMo/A to Z Challenge/Writing Prompt: Poem – Bop – “Peripheral Madness” #NaPoWriMo #AtoZchallenge #poetry 


Today’s NaPoWrIMo prompt is to write a poetry form called the ” Bop, a kind of combination sonnet + song. . In the basic Bop poem, a six-line stanza introduces the problem, and is followed by a one-line refrain. The next, eight-line stanza discusses and develops the problem, and is again followed by the one-line refrain. Then, another six-line stanza resolves or concludes the problem, and is again followed by the refrain.” For the A to Z Challenge the authors name will begin with letter J from GoodRead’s quotes. Thanks to MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for last week’s writing prompt and picture. 

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Credit: MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie

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“I don’t think it had ever occurred to me that man’s supremacy is not primarily due to his brain, as most of the books would have one think. It is due to the brain’s capacity to make use of the information conveyed to it by a narrow band of visible light rays. His civilization, all that he had achieved or might achieve, hung upon his ability to perceive that range of vibrations from red to violet. Without that, he was lost.”  ― John Wyndham, The Day of the Triffids

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Sight I think is amazing for what could, 

We see without vision, eyes to perceive? 

The world around us is intricate, complex, 

So our eyes make sense of the colours, shade —

Tints, tones, complementary colours, those —

In the same family, yet inside were sightless

Gazing beyond sight, gazing within, without. 

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It’s fascinating to think how each of —

Us sees the same thing differently; by —

Sight and experience — the image changes. 

All see such varied pictures notice where, 

The colours blur, wind; how they can deceive us. 

How red, green, purple, blue, orange and yellow, 

Mix together, painterly dragons fly. 

Optical illusions nearly missed disguised. 

Gazing beyond sight, gazing within, without. 

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Blended carefully the animals come —

To life; birds, unicorns, oxen, and some, 

Mythical creatures, pale faces turned down. 

See not only within the painting see —

Inside your heart, for the truth sits there, 

Ignore the blindness, learn to fathom more. 

Gazing beyond sight, gazing within, without. 

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©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved. 

September Quotes of Note #amwriting #quotes


Here’s my first set off quotes for September! Enjoy and keep what you like. 

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©Mandibelle16.(2016) All Rights Reserved. 

It’s Okay to be an Introvert 


 

introvert comic
Introvert Comic http://www.softwarehamilton.com

 

In second year University, I caught the eye of a certain basketball player. He was in an English class with me. He was tall, loud, and had the most beautiful blue eyes. I thought he’d be fun to be with. But it was difficult for me to talk to him. He caused me to feel anxious. I knew I had to only become used to his loudness to be comfortable around him, but I never felt relaxed. He didn’t attempt to get to know me better, to make me feel comfortable around him, despite my shyness.

At first, I was so shy I would ignore him, unless I absolutely ran right into him. I only felt this knot in my stomach and I stuttered when I talked to him. I was extremely frustrated with the entire situation by third year university. I finally told the basketball player I liked him. I told him truthfully, I often didn’t talk to him because I was busy taking five courses and working half-time. I tried to get across to him that when I was busy, I was off in my own world. I was attempting to get him to make an effort and ask me out.

I received a funny look from the basketball player for saying ‘I was in my own world,’ even though he rubbed my back to make me feel better. That was the end. I wasn’t a fun girl to him because I wasn’t outgoing and he didn’t understand how busy my life was.

During the years I had this ‘thing’ with the basketball player, I grew used to other girls I didn’t know talking behind my back, calling me names, and being critical of me. I went to a small university and it often felt like high school because young woman became easily jealous over the smaller guy population.

It took me years to get over the preconceived notion that I was shy — a wrong attribute to have. I learned a guy maybe hot and seem fun, but if he didn’t make the effort for you, you shouldn’t waste your time on him. Sometimes I would build a guy I liked up in my mind, as if they were perfect and not a flawed person. I would have been more comfortable being me if I realized I shouldn’t have to try so hard to please a man I liked. Even someone you are attracted to, and makes you nervous, is approachable if you remember they are only human like you.

Also, I learned when I started working, because a person makes you nervous is no reason to ignore them if they haven’t given you a decent reason to avoid them. The exception to this was catty and gossipy women. I learned some woman are going to be touchy even as adults when they should know better than to spread gossip or call names. These women are people whose mean words you should ignore. Better yet, ask them to repeat what they said so you can hear it clearly this time. Embarrass them.

Most significantly, I learned I was not a shy person but a woman who was often an introvert. It didn’t mean I wasn’t social and fun to be with. But I required time alone to ‘recharge my batteries’ while others ‘recharged their batteries’ off the energy of a crowd.  I liked small groups better than large noisy functions. I felt and still feel a few trustworthy friends is all a girl needs, even though it is fun to meet new people. I also enjoy working independently, or one on one with people. I am extremely talkative in this kind of situation and I feel a more meaningful connections with others in small group settings.

In my opinion, we have a society which is often centred around extroversion. It’s not an acceptable value because it causes people who identify with introversion to feel that if we are shy and not outgoing, there is something wrong with us. There is nothing about a person that is deficient because they are introverted. Certain people are skilled at hiding their insecurities and may appear outgoing but at heart, they are introverts. Some introverts such as myself are more clearly introverted.

I don’t identify with being a shy girl anymore. I’m a listener, a loyal friend, and an observer. I have no problem stating my opinion or saying no. I am happy to be me in the ‘background’ and not taking center stage. This doesn’t mean I never get noticed. It means the right people notice me and take me as I am. I want to be around people who see introversion as a vital part of society, not a hindrance.

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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

Dealing with My Worst Qualities. 


Prompt: What is your worst quality?

 

It is a great deal easier to write about my worst qualities then my best. Mostly, because I am aware of my faults more than my best characteristics. There are two things I do that are my worst qualities:

My, first worst quality has to do with my ability to not be able to contrentrate long or be multi-functional anymore. I am not blaming my health for it; I am saying my health intensified the issue.

I can do one thing at a time and it is often frustrating when I am working on writing up a paper or blogging about a subject, and someone starts trying to have a conversation with me. It makes me angry because I can’t multi-task, the person talking to me is interrupting my ideas and line of thought. And you know how if you are a creative person, ideas often flow out of you when they do; you have to write, paint, or do whatever you do to get your burst of creativity on paper. Meanwhile, a person is still talking to you none-stop and asking you questions and it is annoying. At the same time, I feel bad about being irritated.

Often, it is my Mom who is trying to talk to me. Before, I was ever ill I remember being so mad because I would be researching, writing up a paper, or working on a spreadsheet from work and she would pepper me with questions. But I knew she only wanted to talk to someone after a busy day at work about what went on good or bad. She wanted to talk to someone who wasn’t involved in her office life and get my opinion or view on a situation. She wanted to be able to talk about the people at her work, honestly. She wanted to ‘take a load off.’

I want to be able to talk with my Mom and others. But if I am busy or worn out after doing activities all day, I will brush people off. I will tell my Mom to stop bothering me. I go to my room and finish what I’m doing or sleep if I’m tired. I want to be chatty and happy but I feel bothered and drained by people talking at me and asking countless questions at times. So my first big flaw is I am irritable and single-minded. I am working on actively being a better listener. But it is hard at the time of day everyone gets home from work because I am worn out from the day and my medication is wearing off. I want to listen more and be involved in the conversation and not tune it out or walk away. Sometimes I able to be a better listener and sometimes I’m too irritated to pay attention.

The second flaw I have is something I try to attend to before it becomes worse. I have a tendency if I get mad or angry to let the issues I’m upset about build-up inside me. I get stressed-out when this occurs. I will sort through issues in my head trying to solve them. “Problems to solutions that don’t even exist,” I was told once. But the issue is my problems are real and bothersome. And I attempt to be a nice kind person so I don’t usually tell someone off or ask them to stop doing something unless they are especially bothering me.

An issue arises, however; if someone is repeatedly doing a hurtful action. Or if a person keeps doing a whole bunch of bothersome and hurtful actions all the time. I try to tell myself it is no big deal. I pray about it. I practice yoga and meditate sometimes. I write a lot as you know. And often writing helps a ton. Sometimes if I write something up and even if I don’t post it because it’s too personal or mean about another person, I feel better.

But every now and then someone pushes my buttons and I explode into yelling and tears. I’m a soft spoken reasonable person so when I yell and scream people are surprised and usually offended. Maybe, they didn’t realize something was a larger issue to me then they would have thought. Maybe, I am blowing the situation out of proportion. And maybe, I genuinely have the right to be so upset at someone.

I scared and hurt a friend in Vegas once when I erupted with anger. My friend T and I needed to take L aside and talk to her before the situation got worse but neither T or I did. L had been treating T and I badly the entire summer. Not to mention, she wanted to do all these things with us in Vegas but didn’t actually have the money to pay for it so T and I ended up paying for L, on many activities we did. Also, the fact L had a wonderful boyfriend who was our friend too, and L was flirting and making out with other guys made T and I angry.

I have told this part before: while we are in a club, T became so drunk she was sick and we had to leave the bar. We tried to get L to leave because we promised to stay together, all three of us. L kept telling us to wait and I finally told her T and I had to go, the bouncer was about to carry T and I out the back exit. L chose to stay with two guys she had been flirting with all night.

We finally saw L again as we got back to the hotel room. She was angry too and tried to blame it all on us and said we had abandoned her at the club. I knew T would never stand up to L because she prefers not to handle situations head on. T used to let a person treat her badly, instead of standing up to them. Luckily, she has become better at this over time.

I was so mad about L’s behaviour all summer. I exploded. L was shocked and she asked me why I would even want to be her friend if I thought so badly of her. And I told L how bad she was treating her boyfriend and if she didn’t stop, even T said she’d tell L’s boyfriend on her. L had been treating T and I badly too. L left our room with all her stuff. She wouldn’t talk to us the rest of the trip.

L made up with T because she hadn’t yelled at her, even though L had been a bad friend to T, ditching her for guys countless time. After many emails and some time L and I were friends again three months later. I finally apologized because she wouldn’t. And funny enough, she became closer to her boyfriend. L saw how valuable he was, and ended up becoming engaged, and marrying him.
Even though, L was misbehaving, she didn’t deserve to be yelled at so loudly and L didn’t deserve to have everything T and I were mad at her for dumped on her. People are imperfect and you have to pick and choose your battles. Some things about your friends you have to accept; just as you have flaws so do they. The best friends love you after you’ve shown them your worst side and you love them after you have seen the worst of them. Ultimately, it comes down to choosing your friend or choosing to be right.

I am careful now because of this situation in Las Vegas when I was twenty-three, to not let my anger build up. If I have a big problem with someone or something they are doing, I am honest. And I try hard to tell people how I’m feeling in such a way  that isn’t accusatory but rather focuses on how something is hurting me or causing me to feel a certain way. The truth is people do not always realize they are being hurtful. Often, you need to tell the person who is damaging you to stop treating you a certain way and they will listen and cease.

Not letting issues build up helps. I also have learned to let some issues go. I try to get someone else’s view on the situation, Google the general problem, or pray about it. For many situations I find looking at them from a different perspective is helpful. If you see the situation differently it won’t become a problem that will build up. I have also learned that you have to say goodbye to some people or take your issues with a person to a higher authority. But since we are adults, there is usually no higher authority, unless it is a work issue or an issue of crime.

So for instance,  I had trouble with a girl who was editor of a magazine I volunteered to write for. She didn’t understand why I was upset about her editing my articles to sound entirely as if they were in her voice. Some of her other editors were being taught to do the same. I didn’t find out until later when I took actual editing courses, what this editor was doing was incorrect and rude. You always try to preserve the voice of the writer and the way the article is written as much as you can. I was confident enough in my writing skills, my BA in English Literature, and the couple hundred articles I had written for her magazine previously. My ideas and my writing style wasn’t bad but my grammar and spelling needed work.

The editor wrote me a letter saying I had to work on my grammar and spelling, which was true. And she had tried to let me improve but I wasn’t, so she increasingly, cut down my article writing until I was only writing one article a week; before I was writing nothing. I exploded to her letter with a nasty email. She thought this was exactly how I was going to react. She probably had the same issue come up with past contributers to her magazine. I ended up apologizing to her for being ageist because she was more than five years younger then me with no degree, so I didn’t trust her writing or editing experience. Honestly, I had good instincts with her, despite my hasty email.

In truth, she was being manipulative and I finally recognized, she didn’t like my writing style. She was looking for people who wrote how she wrote on her personal blog and in her articles. And she didn’t want me to write for her magazine even when she needed writers. I was offended but I knew I didn’t want to be a writer like her or for her. She said the magazine was expanding and the writers had to expand or become better with it. I agreed but still had problems with how she chose to write and what she focused on in her magazines.

I didn’t like how she regularly wrote about cheating with men and women and ruining relationships. Although I support LBGT people, I was offended that she rarily had articles pertaining to man and woman couples, boyfriends and girlfriends.  I found this editor to be selfish, micro -managing, and immature despite her attempts to appear professional.

She didn’t want my writing but wanted to use my blogs to tweet and post. She wanted to stay friends but didn’t want me to write for her because I was offended by her note. I had every right to be.

So, I let her go. I stopped supporting the magazine by buying the quarterly issues. I wouldn’t let her use any of my writing for her magazine. I unfriended her on Facebook and Twitter. I stopped taking her text messages and didn’t give her my new number when it changed. I unsubscribed from her blog and anything related to the magazine. It was a great decision.

I don’t know where she is at now. I hope she is well and has worked out some of her life and issues with the magazine such as finding writers. It was mean of me to write her a nasty reply to her email. She didn’t deserve it, even if she lacked a degree or experience. But I couldn’t be friends with her after how she talked about my writing, how she treated my skills as if suddenly they were useless. I knew from professors, writing articles in the Edmonton Journal in University, and even strangers my writing was good. It didn’t mean my writing didn’t require improvement (it still does and will forever) but I didn’t like how she belittled my skills and my person. I let her go.

So, I have learned some tricks to working off stress and dealing with problems before they become so large I explode in tears and screaming. Every once in a long awhile, I can’t help it but I am getting better. We cannot always overcome our flaws but we can try to manage them.

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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

Now I’m on the Outside.


Prompt: A story of when you were on the outside looking in. 

  
High school can be a difficult time for many people. And these days, girls can be especially mean. I suspect they always were. The difference is that while boys will go punch each other and get into a fight, and things will be fine between them; girls, will go behind each other’s back. They will spread rumours and make not so subtle hints to another girl they don’t like or feel jealous of, they will hold a grudge a long time and leave the girl they’ve hurt, so to speak, on the outside looking in. But some girls can be extremely cruel, I remember one girl telling me she shoved other girls in lockers or garbage cans in Jr. High. I guess we all saw the movie Mean Girls. Some of us took it too literally. 

I was never unpopular in high school. I played sports and I received high marks at some courses. I was extremely gifted at art. But grade 10 was one of the toughest years for me. I had been bestfriends with two girls Josie and Tia and we spent every Friday and sometimes Saturday over at Josie’s house watching movies, and hanging out. In grade 10 I excitedly introduced Josie to my friend Amy from elementary school and Josie became friends with Katie; whose brother Josie had a crush on, as well as Aimee. 

We all hung out together, a large group at first. But Josie and Katie seemed to get close and I felt myself drifting away from, but not wanting to. I was friends with Amy because we also played basketball on the school’s girl’s team. But I think Amy could even see that Josie and Katie just thought I was someone they didn’t want to be around. She tried to help but it didn’t make a difference. 

I made friends with another grade 10 student Melonie, who was fun and I played volleyball with. But Melonie made friends with two grade 12 girls and didn’t want to be my friend either. It was tough being the principals daughter at a small high school. It really hurt me how Josie treated me after being such close friends with her in grade 9. I remember a time in grade 11 where we were walking together for some reason and neither of us could think of a thing to say, that’s how far a part we’d grown. 

But by grade 12, all the kids in our class got along; I wasn’t weird because I was the principal’s daughter. I was friends with Josie and Katie. We all worked on the Graduation committee under Amy. My friend Tia experienced the same outside looking in experience I did, although, I think worse because she left the school after grade 10. I didn’t learn until later, how tough it was for her.  

But throughout University I hung out with Amy, and Josie and Katie when they came to the same small university a year or so later. We had great fun times at the bar and birthday parties. I made a big group of other friends who were my bestfriends in third year. Since I finished university,  Josie has been one of my closest friends. I can tell her everything and at times we don’t see each other for months and then when we do see each other, it’s as if we were never apart. Conversation and jokes run freely. We text a lot too.

High school was all about being on the outside looking in for me in grade 10. But time changed, people change, and you realize sometimes that you are no better then other people. I can recall a few times where I was mean and left out other girls. Once this girl Hanna, I meant in choral camp, came to our school dance. She wanted to hang out but I followed around Josie, Katie, and Amy because I wanted to fit in with them. I would have had much more fun hanging with Hanna who is also an awesome friend to this day, despite how I treated her then. 

I also was mean to a girl named Addriena who wanted to fit in with me and the group I was desperately trying to hold onto. I ignored her and was mean. Plus, I’ve never really gotten girls who don’t take care of themselves when they are perfectly able. I was mean to her and she ended up leaving the school too. I saw her again in University, I believe I apologized. She was beautiful then and dressed well and had a boyfriend. I feel awful still that I made her feel as if she on the outside looking in. I got my just desserts I think. 

*All names were changed for privacy.

I actually had playing in my head this song featuring Ellie Goulding and made by Taylor Swift’s boyfriend and DJ, Calvin Harris,  during this post as theme music. 

The Outside

Writing 101 – Say Something


I was young. It was 10 years ago now. How was I to know that the chemistry I felt between us was nothing more than physical. How was I to know that you and me would never be anything, that you would follow me in the back of my mind for the next 10 years. I wonder if you understand how insignificant you made me feel. I wonder if you knew I didn’t want to be part of all the other girls who followed you around and sat beside you. I wanted to be different from them. For years I thought it was my fault that we never worked out. I thought because I was shy and felt great anxiety around you that I was the reason you never made an effort to talk to me. I believed that because what I felt for you was greater than anything I’d felt before and that the chemistry (to this day) was more than I had ever felt, that I should have done more, said more.

This story is not about a conversation that was significant; this story is about one hundred little conversations that never existed. It’s about one hundred little waves of the hand that we shared and that’s where the connection stopped. But I never understood how for years I thought of you, when I saw another guy. I compared the feeling I got around you to the feeling I got around him. I put you and guys like you on some pedestal, until one day after so much had happened to me I learned how to look guys like you in the eye. I learned how to flirt. I learned to look for other guys not like you — to ignore that huge sense of attraction — because guys like you were fake, thought they could have any girl. Guys like you got off on attention from pretty girls, they didn’t know how to treat pretty girls. Guys like you didn’t know how to be with a girl and make her feel fantastic. Guys like you were users. I hope today your still not like this.

Still, for years, I wanted the guy I thought you were. I never found him. I found another guy who loved me and took care of me and talked with me. But the chemistry is not like it was, the excitement isn’t there. I don’t know if I have just grown up or if I’m settling. I love him, but a part of me doesn’t, a part of me belongs with you. I think you stole it the last time I saw you walking down the temporary pathway to the university library. Your thickly lashed blue eyes looked at me and became huge and then we said “Hey” to one another.  It was the last of one hundred conversations we never really had. My first step towards freedom.

Say Something – A Great Big World

In this Little Life


I think that in these little lives we lead it is vital to immerse ourselves in culture, in society, and in varied points of view. It is difficult to leave our judgements of events and people behind but it is absolutely necessary for us as culture to do this to encourage ourselves and others to think and not just consider the first thing we hear to be the truth. Sometimes the truth is something easy to uncover and other times it is necessary to sift our understanding on a subject; then, we can truly see what is truthful and what is false. In short, it is so important that we use our minds to think and not to judge.

Another thing I have begun to believe is that it is not our business to care about the bad things people say about us in passing or in our face. Leave other people to their negativity and live your life the best you can. Each of us knows whose opinions in our lives are extremely important and when their opinions are important. But to all the randoms out their who judge people on how they look, on their weight or lack there of, on who they used to be, on who they are, or just who they think a person are or use to be, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes people are just making comments and talking and other times they are simply being inappropriate.

These I think are the most important things I have learned lately. Nobody knows your life like you do and no one can make you act a certain way, that’s up to you.

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In other news, I am slowly starting to feel better from June and July. I think I would be fine but malaise is a major issue. I had a great time shopping at WEM on Saturday but once we hit about 2 pm it was overdoing it for me and I spent the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday sleeping and trying to recover. We went for lunch at Spaghetti Factory too they have this delicious mushroom stuffed Ravioli if that’s your type of food dish.

I’m hoping my ability to last improves or at least my ability to recover doesn’t take 2 days. But it is still good to be out, once the back to school crowd came, It was time for us to leave but it wasn’t to bad until about 2 pm. at WEM. I’m hoping to be able to go to Kingsway or Downtown at the end of this week or Friday to pick up some things at and just get out again for a bit besides short walks.

Additionally, I have a blog(s) on some great makeup I’ve been using called Tarte. I love it very much and it’s mineral so that’s pretty awesome. And maybe a fall fashion piece after seeing a bunch at the mall(s) and online.

Take care.