Flash Fiction for the Aspiring Writer: Poem – “It’s a Fact of Life” #amwriting #poetry #flashfiction 


Thanks to Priceless Joy for hosting FFftAW September 5, 2017. 

Excuse the length. I saw the photograph and it fit my poem well. Since I’m still two weeks behind I don’t know that it matters 🙂 

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Credit: Artycaptures.wordpress.com

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When I visit here, 

It’s a fact of life. 

Blood drawn with tiny needles.

Some days they sting, 

Stringing out two seconds. 

Other days, the needle doesn’t register. 

It was a fact of life,

I had to visit here each week,

For the first six months. 

Then, every other week, 

Now each month the rest of my life. 

It’s a fact of life, 

So I don’t pay much attention. 

Facing away when the needle grazes, 

The same ‘good’ vein. 

Blueish-purple in my left arm, 

Silver-violet threads of blood vessels. 

Some months these needles bruise, 

Leave my skin raw and red; 

But If I’ve someone skilled,

There’s a slight indentation. 

Each month —

Babies crying concertos. 

An ominous feeling in the air. 

They’ve no choice —

But to know sharp pain. 

A poke stinging eternities of fire, 

For a wink in time. 

Wailing and —

The waiting room patients’ sigh. 

Then silence follows, 

The miniature massacre. 

Everyone checking, rechecking watches, 

Pulling out phones. 

Waiting for that sickening needle, 

Shuffling in seats,

Legs crossed and uncrossed. 

Glossy magazine pages turned, 

With frequent frustration. 

Toddlers running,

Mothers trying to calm them, 

Hushing their lively squeaks. 

I’m used to having blood drawn, 
Turning my head, 

Focusing on some object, 

Or a distant thought. 

There’s persistent pain as the needle pulls, 
My blood into the tube. 

Six to nine tubes today, 

Blood annexed for annual work. 

These tests burn —

Worse than the tattoo artist’s etching. 

Sketching out the black lines, 

Worse than her needle, 

Grazing repeatedly, 

Skin with vibrant colours. 

Back and forth movements, 
Calming and hushing,

Knowing what to expect and where. 

Conversation, music soothing, 

Then, the artist is done. 

Her needles leaving, 

A work of art behind. 

But the blood test needles ache worse. 

Similar to the last flu shot,

Some years not felt at all.

Other years a poke that —

Throbs all day. 

Despite praying the pharmacist,

Will slide the needle in,

Not deliver a death blow. 

Droplets of bright blood plop, 

To the stark white floor. 

She laughs, this never happens. 

Her mouth turns downward, 

Because you grimace, 

Squish your eyes shut counting the seconds;

Until the hurt dulls. 

She wonders why you wince, 

Why you’re so sensitive.

Says the swelling will fade, 

You’ll live, 

It’s a fact of life. 

It’s a matter of proper training, 

Slipping any needle in gently. 

Not jabbing and mincing, 

A persons veins or muscles. 

Yet still, a fact of life. 
But I remember being six and crying,

Fighting my mother, 

She was angry. 

Because I saw the needle, 

And refused. 

Today, the blood test needles are thinner. 

Adults can ignore them, right

Grit their teeth while the bloods, 

Ripped away, into a tube. 

It’s a fact of life. 

That some things are sharper and dig holes deeper, 

Than blood tests, flu shots, or tattoos. 

There is greater pain flowing from our insides,

If only the hurt could be drawn out as blood. 

If happiness, no worries, and no obligations —

Was all that remained behind. 

If only —

The tattoo artists colours, 

Garunteed you with fantastic health. 

And flu shots didn’t speak of fragility; 

Only the best humors in our blood. 

Gossamer strings supporting dreams. 

——-

©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved. 

 

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Photo (Collage) Prompt: Poem – Free Verse – “Angel Down, Angel Down” #amwriting #poetry #angeldown #ladygaga


Thanks to MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting this week’s collage prompt: 

http://www.mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com

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Lady Gaga Live – ” Angel Down” 

I’m so thrilled with Lady Gage’s new album. I love her dance and pop-music stuff but her new songs, some of them go deep. This is one of those songs and I used the lyrics “Angel Down” for this poem. What I love is how in the video she is live, and sounds the same as if you were listening to her on her new album. Talented singer! 

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She built her life, she built it strong, made it so —

It wouldn’t fall;but you can fortify —

The keep, make it so no one can slip in, 

There are always cracks within perfection; 

Angel Down, Angel Down. 

——-

You can see the lines forming before she breaks, 

Memories from the past she thought would save. 

She’s safe –an illusion broken when the mirror —

Of life shatters within her face, she’s beat; 

Angel Down, Angel Down. 

——

Trapped in a birdcage, no song to sing, 

Her tunes aren’t lucid and her wings are clipped, 

Such dreams as a young woman, such glad times, 

Now she’s angry, so frustrated — life’s a lie; 

Angel Down, Angel Down.

——

Paints her makeup mask, hide the mirror’s blood tracks, 

She thinks she’s imperfect tries to conceal —

New dress, she’s pretty, long legs on display yet, 

She can’t hide feelings, she doesn’t fit in here;

Angel Down, Angel Down

—–

He said heels were stupid, girls can’t walk on —

Four-inch needles; yet they made her happy.

Night of the dance, stumbled; wore light blue chucks,

Sitting on the radio at the party crying; 

Angel Down, Angel Down.

——

Years pass, another day spent sifting in, 

Her see-through life, on clothing racks, she —

Attempts to find the perfect fit,  but she —

Knows like her, it’s elusive, can’t be found; 

Angel Down, Angel Down.

——-

Music saves some, for others it magnifies

A hurt and hole inside her –can God even fill? 

Remembering hideaways, experiences —

To fill the void within, smile with tears dripping;

Angel Down, Angel Down. 

——-

Time in lavish living rooms, won’t make her, 

Feel love she’s so denied; she can’t even —

Love her own body, isn’t what it was, 

She fingers trinkets bought, fears with tears smear; 

Angel Down, Angel Down.

—-

Jewel she thought would invoke good memories, 

Fill her with hope and joy again; sharp pains of —

Her past; but now her wings have been pried off,  

She’s a habiscus plucked and dying slow; 

Angel Down, Angel Down.

—–

Packing suitcases, her body trembles, 

She’s going on journey; her state of mind —

Broken; but she’s trying to heal and she —

Prays new memories, stop her rapid descent; 

Angel Down, Angel Down. 

—–

Please somebody, please help an Angel Down and —

Unlock her cage –the one she created, 

Show her some love, let her taste freedom. 

Be someone she can trust, so she won’t fade;

Angel Down, Angel Down 

—–

Angel found her feet and flew, 

Sailed above clouds anew;

The sun glints of her smile and–

She’s brand new bird who trills;

Angel Found,  Angel Found. 

——

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved. 

Photo (Music) Challenge: Poem – LaJemme – “All of Her” #poetry #amwriting #music


Thanks to MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting this week’s music challenge. This one brought back memories of teenage angst and pain. It was one of my favourite bands and songs in high school. The band for this week’s prompt is Evanescence and their song: “My Immortal.” 

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Evanescence – “My Immortal”

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source: http://www.schumansblogspot.com

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Childess fear, devoice, perfectly placed; your words.

Compelling words, you’re afraid, have no voice.

Love, not a choice, it hurts; guess it’s for the birds

Faltering, smothered; clear you sing no choice

——-

Suffer, no relief uncovered.

Linger, another wound betrayed so.

Resonating light, preserved false love.

Scoundrel, thieving; she is wasting.

——- 

Wipe bruising tears, yours deceiving.

Crocodile pours saltwater, stings.

Petals droop, swims face down, soul forming

Nothing left, sinner stole her soul’s wings

——–

 Captivating man, just leave her within

Solid glass splits; why is life frustrating?

Fractured from ripping, your words scream flitting.

Untrustworthy, you’ve stole all her being. 

———

Give her up, let her go; life moves forward.

She sheltered, faltered not; tears and regrets, 

She rebuilds, sets constructing her torn heart

Disappeared; tells herself you two never met

———

LaJemme

The LaJemme is a 5 stanza form created by poets Laura Lamarca and Jem Farmer.
Meter: consistently iambic
Stanza 1, 10 syllables per line, Rhyme scheme abab, 4th syllable of each line is to rhyme with the end rhyme of the preceding line.
Stanza 2, syllable count: 8/8/8/6, Rhyme scheme cdef, with cross rhymes in each couplet on 4th syllable
Stanza 3, syllable count 8/8/8/6, Rhyme scheme gfdf, 4th syllable of each line follows the same rule as stanza 1.
Stanza 4, 10 syllables per line, Rhyme scheme hihi, 4th syllable of each line is to rhyme with the end rhyme of the preceding line.
Stanza 5, 10 syllables per line, Rhyme scheme abab, 4th syllable of each line is to rhyme with the end rhyme of the preceding line.

Please see www.shadowpoetry.com for more information.

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©Mandibelle16.(2016) All Rights Reserved

A List Portrait Of Myself.


Thank You to La Duchesse D’erat for hosting this weeks list prompt. The list prompt for this week is a portrait of who you are.


Eating – For the most part a lot of protein and green vegetables. I am supposed to increase my protein because I’m not getting enough and am not losing weight because  I’m eating too little protein.

I’m not sure about this advice, but it is what my coach says from the supplement system I am on. I’ll have to check at the end of the week. Hopefully, I haven’t gained weight.

For protein I like greek yogurt, pecans, almonds, avocado, chicken breasts and thighs, occasionally pork or beef, and eggs.


Drinking – “Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink.” – “Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner”

Kidding though. There is much water I’m supposed to drink. I have about five or six glasses of eight ounce each day, more if I can. Every few days I like a glass of milk or a Pepsi.


Watching – Scandal! It’s my favourite show and so exciting. Olivia can’t go anywhere near Jake and ruin her father’s plans of getting him into the Oval Office, or he’ll slit Jake’s throat. Olivia broke Jake’s heart so he wouldn’t die. All the candidates are being gathered for election for the new President after Fitz. It will be interesting who makes it into the Republican and Democratic leadership position on the show. Funny enough, there is a Donald Trump like character on the show.

Also love – Grey’s Anatomy, Vampire Diaries, Season 5 of Downton Abbey, and The Catch.


Going – Who knows at this point. I would like to take a small vacation somewhere. I’m thinking Vancouver at this moment.


Reading – The Shadow by Sylvain Reynard. Excellent writer. If you haven’t read the writer’s first series beginning with Gabriel’s Inferno, it’s awesome and has three books to it. This is the second book in his vampire series, which is connected to his first series. Yes, they are romance type books but have a lot of theology and paranormal aspects as well.


Texting – I’m kind of in a constant state of texting.


Playing – “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. A classic which never grows old.


Working – 1. On blogging and my different prompt challenges. This Month I’m doing #Mayday prompts from C.L. Kaley of new2blogging, please join in doing her prompts each day in May. Link to her page after each prompt.

2. Finishing How Was Last Night For You the last few chapters in first draft. I need to write the happy ending then, the first draft is done.

3. Working on editing in a major way, the first chapter of How Was Last Night For You. Going to be making sure, every sentence should be there for each chapter.


Listening – Well besides to my IPAD music, the Edmonton Global News is on. Bad fires in Ft. McMurray, Alberta. The entire city has had to evacuate. It’s awful!


Thanking – God, I don’t live in Ft. McMurray and praying for the people who have to leave their homes, probably to come back to nothing but scorched debris. I don’t think insurance covers this fire damage unless they find out it was arson. ‘Acts of God,’ aren’t covered by insurance. Prayers for them please!


Buying  – I paid my cellphone bill.


Planning – I want to finish my novel off in first draft. Then I need to edit and do more research on publishing. Also, need to figure out the vacation thing.And I need to spend a few days reading books, instead of writing them.


Visiting – My Grandma I hope for Mother’s Day. Also, my Great-Godmother sometime soon.


Wondering – Why is this list so long?


Feeling – Tired and frustrated. I’m trying to write and people keep talking to me all day long. I love the late hours when people are asleep and I can write in peace 🙂


©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

 

Poem: Rondel – “Unique: Not Only a Body”


 

http://www.litebook.com
 
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I’m extraordinarily original.

I’m incomparably unique.

You’ll think, not good enough to speak —

To — but my value is untypical.

—-

I’m compassion, genuine.

You’ll not see past my sublime shine.

I’m extraordinarily original.

I’m incomparably unique.

——

Only trying to make you seek,

Me for being someone that’s kind.

Someone whose worth isn’t resigned.

To value merely, her body reaped.

I’m extraordinarily original.

—–

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved. 

On Mental Illness and the Latest


I feel like I am moving through life at the pace of a snail. I think of all the things everybody is accomplishing and all the events happening with the beginning of school and busier times at work and I feel frustrated that I am not a part of that world. Or, I am only part of that world to such a minute degree. I use to love that world it filled me with exhilaration and I crammed every minute of it full that I could with people and events to go to. I was at the cusp of life and beginning to accomplish things that I had always dreamed I could accomplish, when I fell ill. You all know ( or most of you know) that story and my battle with mental illness and chronic fatigue.

This battle has forced me to slow down to a great degree. I look and see everyone else so busy and aware of so much around them that I feel lost. I try to get out but it’s not the same having goals now as it is having a job. I’m constantly reminded of that by the “why are you so tired” when people arrive home after a challenging day. As if, I can help the fact that I don’t work and can’t be around people all day accomplishing something and giving back to society. It doesn’t make my time any less valid or useful. But I do try to stay involved with the world to pick up little facts here and there and be aware of what’s going on in the news and in people’s lives. I’m not always able to listen as long as I like but I try to be on the same page as other people. But it’s difficult because explaining how much rest I need or that I am worn out after a couple of hours is frustrating for me and my friends and family.

Sometimes, I just need to be alone. I crave that time when the only noise I hear is the TV or the music from my Ipad. I like the soothing atmosphere I feel when people aren’t up and about doing everything around you, and I can just read my book or write what I need to write. I have always needed this alone time even when I was well but these days I just find I need more of it.

But frustratingly, I hate this alone time as much as I need it. I want to be where things are happening, where people are talking, and I want to be involved in life, not merely an observer. And it drives me crazy how when I finally get to be around people how irritated I feel lately. Irritated because they talk and talk about themselves and although I’m glad to listen, I don’t feel I have place to talk about me or I get this feeling I shouldn’t be talking about me because then I’m just feeling sorry for myself and talking about this horrible illness we call mental illness that people shy away from and stop talking about it when it is brought up in conversation.

Some people try, I know they do, but it is difficult for someone to understand mental illness without some experience of their own whether from themselves or a loved one. I think it’s very important that people with mental illness understand that you or your life is no less important because you can’t do things that other people can do. You are not invalid because you cannot work or socialize the way you’d like to. Also, it is vital to note that an incredibly large number of people with mental illness are extremely smart and/or creative. Why this happens especially to people with those personality traits I don’t know but I think it is good to note that just because someone acts differently then you or has the challenge of mental illness does not make them dumb or talentless.

Doing things with mental illness is often like performing tasks through a veil. If you have a mental illness you always have that problem in front of your face to work around and through as you are dealing with others and going about your daily life. Everybody has this problem to some extent with their own difficulties but it is an excellent way to understand what people mental illness go through each minute of their lives. Mental illness is like carrying all the packs of mountain on a hike while everyone else gets to hike up pack free.

My own difficulties these days are because of a medication I am on called Clozapine. I was actually doing okay and the bad side effects were starting to go away when my body became use to the drug and now I can no longer go to sleep just on that drug. I need some immuvane to help me fall asleep, and I am becoming use to the immuvane really fast. The alternative is to up the Clozapine does and that is about all my alternatives. I was so frustrated at my doctor’s office the other day that I began to cry. I didn’t mean to but it’s horrible to now I will have to experience bad side effects again in order that I may sleep. For now I am not upping the dose but I will have to do it if I want to sleep. But I can’t handle the side effects and take a course in Fall and go downtown when I need to pick up stuff, drop stuff off, or schedule an exam for in the day. But it has become very important to me to get this Residential Design Certificate. It’s like then I can say, I’ve accomplished something these past seven years.

After that life is pretty much, well, whatever I want it to be. I want to get debts paid off. But I also really want to try for a creative writing masters at UBC. I was thinking about applying in the Spring when application time is. I can receive some funding as a disabilities student and I’ll get to write so that won’t be so bad. I am also deciding on whether or not I might like to try some drawing courses in the day somewhere. I am talented in art but I haven’t done it in a while. So who knows where I will go.

After, a four-year relationship the idea of dating is daunting. I always feel as if my illness is a big mark against me. Although, I know some guys won’t care, I know a lot will and it stops me from getting back into the whole dating thing especially when it comes to be able to go out at night and date. I started some online chatting but I am wondering if I just need to deal with my health and school now and if that would be a better thing, then trying to find someone I would like to date. But my friends almost all have husbands and boyfriends and I feel as if I spent to long with A. But sometime I will meet the right person I want to date again. For now, I’m just moving along trying to deal with everything else.

Thanks for reading!

That Inbetween Place


I’m not sure how other long distance relationships work, I thought everything was working out in mine. Communication has always been one of the issues between us, at least in my opinion. But it is hard just texting all the time, then him coming back for a week , getting close again – just to be separated again. It is frustrating trying to make plans with someone who will not or cannot make plans. I do what I do most of the time and he does what he does. I’m luck if I get to see him one day when he is back. Usually he is taking off to Saskatoon, Calgary, Red Deer somewhere for most of the week. Sometimes with good reason and sometimes just to get away.

He used to invite me along at first, now he never would – I guess I should have gone the first time he asked. This time he is off in Saskatchewan, his Canadian home ( he’s not from here.) But I always wonder why he cannot set set aside an extra day for me when he’s off. I know he is going to get car parts for his beloved 1993 car. But I also know he is off to see friends there too. I feel kind of like I’m second to his car, and his other friends. I get what’s left of him. I just want to hang out, get to talk and know more about him.It’s good when I am with him but hard when I am not because he doesn’t really talk to me- just usually a few words. He will not answer all my questions. And when something such as one of our visits does not work out – he won’t tell me that he can’t come get me. I mean just say it! Tell me I hate getting all dressed up for him just guessing if he’ll come see me/ get me or not.

I wanted him to let me know what is going on but he will not offer information up to me at all. I had to pry it out of him. It’s like some power thing with him – manipulation, so I do not know too much what is really going on with him. So a couple days ago I thought he was coming up to Edmonton next week but it was this week. He texted me, wanted to meet up but between me not being able to drive and his car badly in need of parts it didn’t work out. But he didn’t tell me he said he might pick me up. So not a word ! I called so I could actually talk to him, but he told me not to do that because his phone is long distance! But who cares about a few minutes long distance, I needed to figure out what was going on. I got frustrated and told him he needs to be clearer with me to me communicate. Usually he would text me more but he never did – never said a thing. I think he’s mad but I don’t know. I just need to know what’s happening so I can plan; I have life you know! I’m mad, i I realize that. I ask you, what am I to him that he cannot give me more time with him and not just on his schedule. It’s us when your boyfriend and girlfriend – not just me or him. So I told him to skype, nothing yet. We need to talk, cause I let my guard down around him, I care about him. Does he feel the same way? Or is it just lust.

Men are so frustrating and I can fix nothing if he does not like when I call- I’d rather we talk in person though. I am hurt and I miss him, cannot stop thinking about it if it’s just me or what? I’m in this Inbetween place, it is the strangest place to be – not knowing. I hate it!