I feel like I’ve been distant on here lately. But sometimes you need a break from the usual. I have always found it easy to pull a lot of inspiration from myself and those around me. From past experiences and from my friends and events around the world. Christianity too can be something encouraging as well as a vivid imagination.
I have been trying my hand at some freelancing but it’s been a lot of effort. It saddens me to see how little a writer’s words are worth be they for blog, article, or essay. But at least where I am now pays a better than where I started at which was doing short pieces of writing for experience only. So I have been trying to do some other writing as well as blogging. Some days it’s works and others not so much. I know I’ve had to cut back on my prompts recently so my blog schedule will be based on how much I have to do each week for freelancing. I’m not earning much of a thing but at least I feel like I’m contributing a bit more and learning new ideas.
I also continue to look for and submit poetry and some short story fiction to some different sites and magazines as well as edit my novel when I’m able to focus on a couple of chapters at a time. If anyone enjoys writing and is interested in being a beta reader for a paranormal romance please let me know. I would appreciate your opinions very much. My book is on Wattpad so you’d have to read it in their, but it has an app and allows a person to comment on each chapter after they’ve read it. Or you can go to the site on your computer HERE. Just check it out and if you’re interested in reading my book, let me know in the comment section below. I appreciate it! 💕❤ My user name is @mandibelle16.
One thing I love about writing is that I am always acquiring more knowledge. Recently, I have been doing more academic writing and I have been relearning citation and rules for academia. At the same time I think about my novel and my other creative writing in the back of my mind, finding distance has given me a better perspective on my plots, characters, and stories.
Also sometimes watching your favourite TV or Netflix programs, reading books, and walking outside in the warmer weather we’ve been having, makes one feel well and helps me think things through and visit different angles. “Suits” is an excellent and entertaining legal drama if anyone’s interested in watching the seasons on Netflix. As I’m going through my own case right now, it drew me in but its characters are witty, charming, and funny except for the character of Louis. But you have to hand it to the actor, he does a superb job of being slimy and repulsing lol.
Additionally, I’ve also been drawing, working on portraits, and colouring using various mediums. Art very much inspires me so it’s been fun to play around with that a while. I’m also working on a few technical glitches with my blog and the WordPress app, trying to figure some of those things out as well. I do want to make some changes to my blog. It’s only a matter of sitting down, figuring them out in the little time I have concentration well enough — along with everything else — and then doing those changes. Eventually, I’ll figure it out 🙂
As well, I’ve been working on my health. This year I have tried to learn a more basic healthy recipes and I’ve researched my health condition a bit more. I’m doing this 5:2 Diet which means five days a week you eat how many calories you would eat for your body and amount you exercise. It’s recommended for CFS/ME patients as medication can cause significant gain. As I can do little beyond a small walk now and then and some weight loss yoga, I eat just over sixteen hundred calories a day but of course a woman who exercised more or was just out and about more would eat around two thousand calories or more on a normal day.
On a side note: I so recommend an online subscription to Gaia if you can’t make it to yoga classes at the gym always. They have all different levels and lengths of workouts. From beginner to difficult yoga of all types, to Pilates videos, meditation and breathing videos, and short little videos that relieve back or neck pain in around ten minutes which I love. Everyday new videos are added and you there is such an array of options that it is so worth the subscription about $13.00 (in Canadian currency)/month and I think anywhere from about $7.00 to $9.00 US depending on your subscription.
Anyways, two days a week on the 5:2 Diet, you choose which days you eat only 500 calories as a woman and only 600 if you’re a man. Once you get into it, it’s not so bad and you learn what foods are filling and healthy to eat. I haven’t been able to drop to five hundred calories but about to 600 on fast days. I do yoga of twenty to twenty-five minutes for two and sometimes three days a week and I’ve been able to lose what the diet promises, about a pound a week. So for me after three weeks, three pounds and today was the first time I noticed my clothes fitting better. That’s my hope honestly, for my clothing that I own and like a lot, to fit well. Also, to be able to continue purchasing future clothing in regular sizing. (P.S. I have plans for some spring fashion and makeup blogs so we’ll see how things go later!!).
Once a person gets to their ideal weight on the 5:2 Diet, they can keep fasting two days a week or drop to one day a week to maintain. Out of all the programs/diets I’ve tried I love that this is safe weightless and healthy because it’s four or five pounds a month and about making choices to eat better and to exercise instead just for a little bit at a time.
You don’t receive that instant ‘wow factor’ as fast-diets promise but I believe this is healthier for you because it takes place over months and is doable for ‘life.’ If you mess up, choose another day that week to fast and after the first week you honestly are used to the fasts for the two days. Two days are easier than dieting for an entire week all the time.
I didn’t think it would work as I had read about it before with caution. However, the plan worked for a family member first who showed my some YouTube videos on it and they were quite convincing. He has lost the weight and maitained his level of exercise. So something to check out if you’re interested. I borrowed the book from the library and it’s a simple diet to be sure.
Also, I’m afraid my biweekly interview is going to be a day or two late this week as I’ve got to finish a project first. So apologies there. As for my lack of writing and commenting, I will do as much as I’m able.
So without further ado, here’s a poem I wrote a while back. It’s comforting but also sad. It’s based around, knowing a loved one is facing the end. It’s difficult for the person and their loved ones, but at the same time, relief because that person will never feel pain again in Heaven.
Thanks for reading!
” I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” – 1 Timothy 4:7-8 (NIV)
One last mile, one more Christmas comes to pass,
Praying for ages, memories and lifetimes.
The quicksand buries, but light still yet shines,
A beacon, slowly immersed — death’s paid wrath,
We don’t know how long the present will last.
Keep wide the door, heaven’s gate you’ll enter,
All time converges, earth isn’t center.
We’re a blip, nothing’s linear, we’re the past;
Before glory, laud, and honour shown,
Is to God, in our eternal rest and home.
Someday you’ll go, tears mark your finish line,
But these days you run, pray you’re unconfined;
To be free of your burdens, what you dread,
Your time with us not taken — not the end.
You’ve run the race my friend, endured the course,
And all our memories are so dear, of your face —
Brightly lit, your smile, a fighter’s proud grace.
You kept it up, as long as you could, and would —
Have had a runner’s chance, enduring pain, stood —
Humbled but kept striding in all you faced.
Every hill with vision, pose, setting your pace;
Life, your race, needed winning; without fear —
Embrace theend engaged; approaching so near,
Throw yourself into battle you’ve waged,
Never to be a victor, not to be caged;
Instead found eternal rest, your end page,
Last word fin, your Lord called: “Come home dear one.”
I’m not sure how to explain the meaning behind this song for me. It came out when I was around eighteen or nineteen-years-old. I relate it to a sense of freedom and fun times had with friends, especially with friends who have remained friends ten or more years later. Not to mention, this song kind of keeps staying popular as time progresses. That I know of, there are about three different versions of “Crazy In Love,” and I’m sure there is probably more. It is a song that always gets me dancing.
2. Red High Heels – Kelly Pickler
Maybe this more of the partier in me, but it is also a piece of the girl who became the woman. It is about self-confidence and finding yourself in a world that tells woman they have to do so many things to be beautiful. To me this was the anthem of the girl some guys treated miserably. They didn’t care for her feelings, they just saw an opportunity to try to take her home. This is a power anthem, “your about to see just how missing me feels, in my red high heels.” Proof that great shoes are vital to a woman and a woman is most powerful when she sticks to her guns, and doesn’t compromise her values.
3. Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood.
Haha more lady power! Sorry guys I would never actually do this to any man’s truck, but there are a few guys I dealt with that I wanted to do this to their vehicle. Some guys when they are young especially, don’t know how easily and carelessly they hurt women. So this song just made me feel good about myself again and I loved dancing to it in country bars with my friends. It is Carrie Underwoods second huge hit and she sings it awesome live in concert. I’ve seen her a few times luckily.
4. Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol
I think this song came about around the sametime the show Grey’s Anatomy was in its first few seasons. Almost everybody I knew, loved this song when it came out. I found meaning through it on Grey’s, it was often played when Derek and Meredith were experiencing a special moment as their relationship developed. Later, it was played last year, when Meredith let Derek go and took away life support, as he was brain dead after his SUV was hit by a semi. It also played when Meredith went into the house Derek built for their family, –alone for the first time after Derek’s death. So, I suppose I really just love Grey’s and the relationship Derek and Meredith had, held a truthfulness and closeness I wanted someday in reality. The song also reminds me of sadness when I think of what could have been but isn’t. It’s about being about that wonderful time in love, when you want to “just forget the world.”
5. Be Still – The Fray
The full meaning of this song is difficult for me to grasp. On the surface, I think it is some guy telling his girlfriend, that he will be her resting place, and always be there for her. But in my mind, in my heart, I’m sure the lead singer is talking about God. “Be still and Know that I am the Lord Your God.” I have turned to this song in many situations when I have felt helpless, worn out, and hopeless. Each time I hear it, I hear God telling me it is going to be okay that I need to do nothing but “be still.” He will do what needs to be done, he is ultimately in control.
6. Fighter – Christina Anguilera
This is a song I first played when things never went anywhere with the first guy I loved/liked. To this day I don’t know if I loved him or not. I think I did, but I’m not sure why, I didn’t know him that well to love him did I? But it still feels as if the emotion was there. Getting over him, or maybe my idea of him, took a long time. From the time I downloaded this song on my IPod, it gave me hope and showed me how strong I can be. My experiences, made me “a fighter.” And today when I hear this song, I know I will always fight for what’s important to me, not men who act how he did.
7. Temporary Home – Carrie Underwood
I think this is a beautiful song. Carrie Underwood is one of my favourite artists. One reason is because she can sing kick ass girl power anthems but can also sing songs that are softer, of a spiritual quality. This song makes me cry when I hear it. I’m not sure why, but it makes me think of Carrie’s lyrics and how life on earth is only a temporary thing. One day we’ll die and if we have Jesus, we will go to heaven — life with him is more important then life on earth.”This is my temporary home, windows and rooms that I’m passing through. This is just a stop on the way to where I’m going. I’m not afraid because I know, this is my temporary home.”
8. The House that Built Me – Miranda Lambert
I don’t think that anyone has gotten to where they are without the help of their families, whether that family is related or not. This song makes me cry too, because it reminds me that my family built me, made me the person I’ve become. It makes me think back to those years when I was a child or a teenager, almost wishing I could experience those times again. But I’m an adult now and here where I am, my family is still building me.
9. Fix Me Up – Tegan and Sara
This song is also, one of those wonderful songs played in the beginning of Grey’s Anatomy. It has a lot of correlation between Derek and Meredith and their relationship on the show. I heard the song and went out and bought the CD immediately. It is a lovely song. It always made me think that we can try to fix and change someone all we want but in the end we only need their love. “This love is all I have to give,” Tegan and Sara sing. Like Meredith, we have to put ourselves out their and give the best love we can give in life.
10. Brave – Sara Bareilles
This is a new song for me, I’m not sure why I didn’t hear it before now, considering I’m a huge fan of Sara’s. It has influenced me a lot lately. I’m trying to push myself as a writer and as a person, out of my comfort zone. I’m trying to make my writing better and trying to get some of it published. In addition, I’m working hard at being healthier and eating well. But it’s hard being brave. Even though you maybe trying to be brave, not everyone is. And you can’t push someone who is not willing to push themselves out of their comfort zone –frustrating but true.
This song represents to me a women who will never give up and never break no matter how much you push her. She is a strong women, “a fighter,” and she’s not going to let the man who was in her life or anyone else win that fight. In fact, she thanks the guy who hurt because he made her what she is and he has made her “stronger,” ” makes her work a little bit harder,” made her “that much wiser,” made her work ” a little bit faster,” made her “skin a little bit thicker” made her ” that much smarter.” She thanks him for making her “a fighter.”
I started playing this song when I meant K in university. He was the first guy I’d ever been crazily attracted to and I knew he liked me back. The thing was I was awful shy and I didn’t handle the situation well and when I couldn’t deal with so much attention I tended to ignore the person giving it to me. Then I realized he wasn’t paying me much attention anyways. He had a harem of girls at his table and even though I sat by myself in the Cafeteria and he would wave to me he never came to talk to me and he never shared anything much about himself with me when he did. He acted bored when I sat by him and finally when I told him I liked him and that sometimes I ignored him because ” I was in my own world” or to say it better, I was busy as hell, to busy to put up with his crap — taking 5 courses in University, working 20 hours a week, going to the gym, and partying with my girl friends on the weekend — he took this the wrong way. But I had finally figured out that he liked the fact that I liked him but didn’t want to make a real effort for me, I was just another girl who was a friend, but not that important.
I started listening to this song and I realized that even though he was a jerk he had made me a stronger person. I spent all this time worrying about him when I was better than the way he was treating me, many other guys who were friends treated me better. I was a fighter and I wasn’t going to cry and get all upset because he wouldn’t give me the time a day. He was my first love ( or so I thought at the time) but later I learned he was just the beginning of a stronger me. A me that could push herself and get through very hard times like sickness, and a difficult job, a me that could survive rejection, a me that was wearer and carried her strength about her like a cloak. It isn’t always obvious but God made me a strong women he made me a fighter, a women who knows what’s worth fighting for.
2. Billy Joel – She’s Always A Woman
She’s Always a Woman is one of my favorite songs and I could hear it hundreds of times and never get sick of it. I love it because it describes a man who loves a women who is most definitely flawed; that she’s flawed is of great value to her person. For example ” she never gives out, and she never gives in, she just changes her mind” but she’s still “always a woman” to him. I have always thought that this is the way that people should love each other: because of their flaws and all their imperfections. When I met the right man one day, I wanted him to love me like this because I was “frequently kind and suddenly cruel,” because ” I did as [I pleased I] was nobodies fool.” I wanted him to love me just as I am and not because he had some image of how he wanted me to be or thought I should be. It’s the kind of the love that doesn’t count mistakes and I kind of love immortalized by John Donne in a poem whose name escapes me where he loves a women even though she is clearly not the most beautiful or perfect creature.
I have put this kind of love to practice in my life when I love my family or love my friends, when I meet new people. I don’t try to push such high standards on people, something I used to do, instead I try to accept people for who they are and try not to get so upset when they do something that hurts me. I’ve learned to realize they are only human to and worthy of love anyways. I think if people put this to practice more they would find like Billy Joel there is beauty in being flawed and that our flaws make us who we are. Nobody could love someone who is perfect because nobody is perfect and can’t be held to that standard.
3. The Fray – Be Still
I think this is the most important song to me because when I think of the song I think of the Bible verse “Be Still, and know that I am the Lord Your God.” I think of the song as God or someone who loved you without failing, watching over you, and telling you to just “Be Still” and relax. “Be Still” and everything will be fine. It’s like a lullaby. “If no one is standing beside you, be still and know I am” that line always reassure me that we always have God and people in our life to depend on. That when things get really bad, and they do, we always have a higher power and family and friends to guard against the situations in life where we are hurting and falling apart.
This song puts me to sleep some nights when I feel at my lowest. It makes me feel like I am not alone in my suffering nor in my life. That there is a tomorrow to look forward to and that times won’t always be this bad. That we should “remember hard” the words to “Be Still” and not spend time worrying about the bad times in our life that we cannot change. That even when we lose sight of ourselves, there is always someone who remembers us and cares.