#OctPoWriMo Day 19/Photo Challenge: Poem – Free Verse – “Free Love” #amwritingpoetry #photochallenge


For OctPoWriMo Day 19, the prompt is “What Do You Want?” I’m combining with NEKNEERAJ’s MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie Photo Challenge.


Credit: PrettyScary@DeviantArt

They say when you breath slow, head between your legs,
When your mind works out things,
Your lost words will flicker home.
You’ll not feel drained, the sky’ll end hailing;
You’ll soak up the rain, a starving tulip, not cowering.
There are ways to feed your soul, and feed mouths.
And you try to listen inside,
to the conscience that knows only His tones.
I have plans, great journeys ahead;
I plan for you to prosper and bloom despite your frail limbs.
Yet, I scramble; I’m turning up rocks as I limp;
Tilling this garden, as my hands bleed life.
Dirt acrid, stuck in my nails, tattooed on my skin,
An oder I’ll not forget —fresh, as the dew on the grass after the storm;
Nose-wrinkling pungent, life’s essence.
I peer into the vastness, to the valley where I beg to rest.
I’m tumbling with trepidation; I’m scared of unknown sensations.
I’m pushing against the grain — I’m not easily killed, defeated as weeds by chemicals and garden gloves.
Lie near me on the peppermint grass, stroke my hair as it floats ‘round my face;
Loose on the grass as whiskey, as in the pale chinook winds, we find peace and relax.
Lie beside me, for I am weary of fighting alone;
I don’t know how to carry your burdens — our burdens or mine.
My eyes slip closed and I sleep in Neverland,
Lost girl fierce, but never little.
Still, I’m the determined pink daisy as a-new-day’s sunlight feeds my soul;
So, nourish it well dear one, and for your love, don’t ask so much that I break.
Feed my soul, hear my prayers, Lord.
Sometimes I’m the wilting violets, the frost slips in as fingertips black pluck at my leaves, my frozen petals.
Feed my soul, and answer its song.
Have I chosen right?
Or, am I gliding towards a ledge,
More than hanging my toes over a bit;
Am I free falling towards darkness and sin?
Or, am I trying to trust, to hope, and to love?
A entrepreneur for authenticity and someone whose love sets us both free.
Oh Lord, am I free wheeling to death?
A cat who’s twitched too late before the coyotes growl at bay;
Before mistakes will cost me dear.
Yet, in the end, my love and I are asleep in the grass, Protect our small worlds,
I can’t find the answers and each day we struggle.

Hear our petitions when we forget, you carry us both when we stumble — even when we can neither find free love, but from you.


©️Mandibelle16. (2018) All Rights Reserved.

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Poem: Free Verse – “Hope Scarred” #amwriting #poetry


http://www.brainyquotes.com

———

Please don’t give me hope,

Don’t come into my life a moment,

Leaving me with expectations.

You think I’d know better,

Having experienced this situation often;

Expectations are dangerous, 

Few people in life meet them,

No matter how basic, 

The expectation maybe.

Don’t set me up to fall, 

To get sucked underwater,

You the undertow drowning my sorry soul.

Should’ve known better, 

You weren’t a genuine Pearl,

Should’ve known by now, 

Those who care for me, make time for me.

Should have known by now,

But you made me believe, 

This time you were for real.

Now I’m deflated, hurt, and frustrated.

What is it with you? 

 I can’t even expect you to be, 

A dependable friend?

No, of course not, the fault is mine.

I can put expectations on myself,

But never on you, never on anyone.

Just let the pixie dust and fairytales, 

Burn into the night, a haunting fire.

But hope is not destroyed, 

It only burns brighter in the flames warm.

Keep your hope and your dreams, 

 I live in the real world;

It hurts me, scars me, damages me.

You totalled the destruction.

Tomorrow I rebuild torn, 

But knowing, no man —

Can expect anything from me, until I say.

Right now my hope is crushed.

You taught me to be hopeless, 

Made me feel lost and forlorn.

For now, a true fact, hope is the bird I scorn, 

Tomorrow, hope has *feathers, and will be reborn.

——-

* “Hope Is A Thing With Feathers” – Emily Dickinson

——-

©Mandibelle16.(2016) All Rights Reserved.

Poem: Wrapped Refrain – ” Glaring Light “


unknown

—–

Reigns of my courage lives, you don’t —

Know my plight, expectations won’t,

Be lowered for your quarrel, your fight.

Bending rules, wield arms for the right.

The demons abandon with light, with light I’ll prevail.

Darkness hides from being shone upon, darkness wails.

—–

Pushing black-night into harrowed,

Blood run wild, enemy finds woe.

At turn of the tide light blossoms,

Carving out spaces, reveals one, 

Staring into the face of evil, shadow fades, runs.

No fear in sun’s glorious glow, darkness hates sun.

——

Let beams of white with their might,

Tell wicked hiding, no more night.

Streets safe, bathed in fearsome moonlight,

Vermin slink back, abandon flight.

The turn of moonlight in an orb, causing such fright.

Vermin cannot return to old ways, flee on sight.

——

Morning dawns, birds echoing their songs,

Revealing darkness, won’t take long.

Shadows fade into sun’s rays bright.

White light calms, with it’s sight.

Darkness does not understand that which it is not,

Decay no more in pitch, light overrides, becomes sought.

—-

Showing every evil force light beckons,

Calling to those who would be reckoned,

Judgement of the darkness coming,

No place not to be found, running.

Brilliance and luminescence revealing truth,

Reigns of lies you’ll die; truth is elder, light gives proof.

—–

Thanks to The Daily Press for the word prompt Abandoned.

—–

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

Changing Self-Sabotage


I couldn’t help but read an article from http://www.huffingtonpost.com called 12 Poisonous Thoughts That Are Sabotaging Your Life, I’m not sure how much credibility I give to articles like this but I found these 12 points to be true in that I could most definitely relate to some of them and knew other people would probably relate to the article the same way I had.

www.blitzconditioning.com
http://www.blitzconditioning.com

I found three points to be especially true for me regarding other people. They were: 1. Having to high expectations for other people 2. Caring too much what other people thought of me or feeling like I had to prove myself to other people and 3. Thinking that you can change other people. I immediately thought of examples in my life, especially recently, that these three sabotagers could be applied. Most of my frustrations relate to having an illness where I look and am only  healthy some of the time but that you can’t visibly tell that I am unhealthy the rest of the time. Recently, the events have related to a certain person I call A, my boyfriend.

I most definitely have high expectations for A when it comes to how he treats me and how he deals with my illness. I expect him to keep in contact with every couple of days when he’s out-of-town working and I expect him to talk or text with me everyday when he is here in town. Are these expectations to high? I’m not sure. I don’t think so since communication is key in all relationships.

I also expect A to have conversations with me and not just blow off my texts or chatting since this is one of the main ways we communicate. I have told him that talking really helps me and it  almost ended the entire relationship before because the communication became so bad between us. The sabotaging article would have me believe I’m in the wrong because I have expectations but I counter that with what would happen if I didn’t have expectations? I don’t think what I’m asking qualifies as high expectations for a relationship do you?

What might be high expectations, too high expectations, are the one’s I need him to

www.quotesdump.com
http://www.quotesdump.com

know regarding my illness. Specifically, the fact that I can’t go out twice in one day. So, if I spend 3 to 4 hours with my brother watching a movie I can’t go clubbing at night for that amount of time or less at night. I don’t expect him, by this point, to get mad at me because I just am too fatigued to do a second activity after the first, it’s pretty much impossible for me. But people in general have trouble understanding this concept so why should I expect any different from A? Maybe I’m being unreasonable?

I also think sometimes that I think I care too much what other people think of me. I just want to be liked and I want people to care about me the way I care about them. But this isn’t always possible. I know I shouldn’t take situations so personally but when A told me that he didn’t want to talk to me because I decided not to go out with him I cared what he thought. I cared that he felt this was actually a choice he thought I made when really it wasn’t much of a choice for me, I already had plans with my brother. I see my brother less than my boyfriend. And I cared too much that A thought I was making choices and that he didn’t want to talk to me because I wasn’t going out with him.He was having a childish breakdown.

www.successwithterri.com
http://www.successwithterri.com

In general, I think I just take things to personally with A and with my friends. I’m always trying to get people to understand why even though I look healthy, I’m not always healthy. Often, I don’t feel good at all and there’s a point I can’t handle things anymore. So, it’s become an obsession, hoping people will just understand why I am the way I am. Why sometimes I just can’t go to that event because it is during a time I am sicker, tired, and have less energy. So I think that I have to just let things slide and realize people aren’t perfect. People say words they shouldn’t, and even I’m not perfect in that department. Maybe I can just be more reasonable regarding caring what people think of me and grow a thicker skin..

And this has a lot to do with knowing that I can’t change other people, only they can change themselves. People can understand you but sometimes they have to want to understand you and step outside their own lives. I can’t change that my boyfriend was jealous I was spending time with my brother and not him. He’s never been close to his siblings they way I’m close to mine. And I’m never going to be able to

www.psychalive.org
http://www.psychalive.org

change the fact A is just not a planner. He doesn’t often plan ahead and it’s a challenge for him to do that with me because I am a planner. I have to be a planner in order to fit everything especially ‘rest’ into my life. So, I get mad that A makes these last minute plans and expects me to comply and I should just not spend the time worrying that I couldn’t make it to this particular night because I can’t change him. I can’t change the fact he should have made plans earlier with me if he wanted me to go. And I can’t change the fact that I already had plans that day.

It was a fascinating article in many ways and I couldn’t help but find myself relating to it. And maybe I can adjust myself and try to have lower expectations of people, care less what people think of me, and try not to change people but accept them for who they are.