Navigating Anew – It’s Okay


Ever since I left hospital, I have felt as if I’m navigating completely new territory that I have no experience with. I don’t know if what is affecting me is the new medication I’m on or a lack of the old ones I went off. So, my health and getting through each day has become a challenge. 

Each day it is extremely difficult to get out of bed and start my day. The best description I can come up with is that there is this giant wall and I have to climb over it inch by inch to reach a point in the morning when I feel okay. It is difficult to get out of bed, shower, and do my hair and makeup. I sleep to 11:00 am almost and that is too long, but it takes me to 1:00 pm to feel somewhat myself. But still everything feels so much harder to do. Maybe I’m overmedicated I don’t know. But struggling through each day is difficult. I try to remember to take things day by day and not to worry.

But my stomach always feels upset and I’m getting aching muscles as side effects. Not to mention I learned from my dentist since about a year after I started taking medication (became ill) the enamel on my teeth has rapidly been decaying until I have none left on my lower teeth and we don’t know the exact cause. I have always taken care of my teeth well. I only ever had one cavity so this is disappointing and troublesome on top of the rest of my health problems. 

Still, I have tried to plan things and go out and do things despite feeling not so up to it. This week it was just my weekly blood test and the dentist but atleast I walked a bit around downtown and the weather was a beautiful twenty-three degrees celsius. Next week I will have my blood test and my Uncle’s funeral. I will hopefully see my friend on Wednesday night for a couple hours and then on Friday I am getting my nails done at The Beauty Lounge. I hope I can do everything I need to do. 

I have to find sometime this week to go to the Shoppers near our house to pick up some parcels, get medication, and some other things. Either tomorrow or Saturday I will do that. And sometime I need to see A. We saw Jurassic World on the weekend. It was very good. I really liked the storyline and of course the newest genetically modified (for modern time) dinosaurs. It did justice to the original Jurassic Park too, one of my favourite movies as a child. 

I’m looking forward to feeling better and doing more things. I would like to do some catch up on some beauty blogs, do some work on my novel, and read some books so I can tell you about some of those. Things will be fine I just have some kinks to work out. In medicine, nothing is ever as good as it seems. So of course, a drug that makes me sleep is going to have some consequences for my energy in the day. But things will get better, I’m positive that I can with my doctors help find solutions. Thanks, for reading.  

 

Advertisements

Notes to Sleep By


I think I am having one of the most boring weeks of my life? I am well enough again after July to be up and about the house all day but I am finding myself a tad bored of reading which is saying something because I can usually read all day most days now and love it as I always have. English Major right here.

I don’t always feel that I need a nap in the day, daily chores, and preparing myself for the day only takes so long, even if I have chosen to do my hair in some special way since I have time.

I’m in this in-between stage where I’m healthy enough to be around the house but not quite healthy enough to be out and about doing too much, that just seems to exhaust me.

So, I walk a short distance — I still feel odd walking without a dog — and I concentrate as much as I can on some book, writing, and a tad bit of scrapbooking. I am trying to do more around the house but it seems when I get to rearranging things for more then a couple hours the usual fatigue kicks in. Same old problems.

I did happen to get together again with A over summer but he has been on a long vacation since the end of July visiting Paris, France, Morocco, and Barcelona, Spain. We’ve kept up communication well but I miss him a lot by this point, we’ve never been a part more then 3 weeks and although we message often I haven’t heard much lately so that usually means the cell reception is bad wherever he is in Morocco now.

He tells me he is coming home soon and I’m extremely looking forward to seeing him and hearing stories about his travels and all the friends and relatives he has seen. Although, I was happy to have a break to think before he left now I believe as the euphemism goes “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

I’m also doing this Writing 101 mini – course through WordPress, it’s about writing every day for a month and writing on varied topics, so I’m excited to have a little something to do until my editing course starts in November by distance learning.

I will be taking Proofreading and if that’s full then I will take Copywriting, both beginner courses. I just think Proofreading is the place to start since it’s more of checking for grammar and spelling etc. kind of idea as opposed to Copywriting which could involve changing more significant grammar, wording, and maybe even changing some ideas that don’t quite make sense ( at least suggesting). But I am happy to do whatever course I end up in.

The next two weeks will be busier, I have a wedding a few coffee’ s and some errands, shopping, and a visit to my favourite, The Beauty Lounge. If I am fortunate enough, A will be back and I’m thinking if he returns in the day I could meet him at the airport. I certainly think he’s worth the cab fare. fall will pick up as it always does and I’m excited for when it does.

Making Yourself Useful


Every 3rd week of the month when A comes up to Edmonton from his job as a cook near Ft. Mcmurrey, I stay over a night or two at his apartment. When I’m at home I always have activities around me that I could be doing but when I am at A’s place I’m never quite sure what to do.

We watch some TV together, talk a bit, and he often cooks supper. I do the dishes and since I get up earlier then him I have time to fully shower and get myself ready for today. Today I cooked myself breakfast (eggs) and offered to cook for him but he had to go off and do an errand. And often I find he just has to take off and do errands and I don’t think he wants me to come with him to do these errands. So I hang out at A’s place and after cleaning up a little I feel useless. I feel as if I should be doing something but I’m not quite sure what to do.

The problem for me is I have never had a long term boyfriend before or a best guy friend so I don’t know what course of action I should take. Should I insist I come with him on at least some of his errands or should I just be content to stay at his apartment. Why I worry about this situation is because I think that how we act about situations such as this now is indicative of how our relationship will be in the future after a longer amount of time or when we are married. Will he want to include me in what he does then or will the situation be such as now, me waiting home like the good little girlfriend. I know he is careful because I have less energy but sometimes I think he doesn’t want to share his life with me.

But I’m really not sure as a couple what is a comfortable amount of each other’s life to share with each other. Shouldn’t we maintain the awesome connection we have on dates at his apartment or my home? I’m not sure. I just know I’m sitting here and I don’t know what to do or how to react to him just leaving me for 2 hours. I know he has stuff to do and that A probably isn’t aware I feel this way but I’m nervous he sees me as useless. That he thinks I can’t take care of myself because I still live at home and have health issues. What do I do? I really don’t know

Any ideas?