November Notes: Poem -Day 13 – Etherees Cascading – “I Don’t Understand” #poetry #novembernotes #amwriting #writing #music


Today’s song prompt is called “Shell Suite” by Chad Valley.

——-

“Shell Suite” – Chad Valley

——-

http://www.pinterest.com

——

Signs written on the walls, handwriting no —

One reads such a language anymore.

But you saw the signs, the moment —

Words in my head untangled. 

I don’t understood us, 

Myself, in this mess. 

My feelings confused, 

Time was short. 

Now we’re —

Gone. 

—–

Signs, 

Are so, 

Clear to you, 

I don’t need some —

Gifted seers dream.

Echoes in my head rhyme, 

Tapping my foot along in —

Rapid time, and I wonder where —

My search will begin, if I find us? 

Quarter past, rustle up — we fit or we don’t. 

——

Somehow I’m the one in control, I choose, 

I decide; I want to just go with —

The flow, not worry, not decide;

But at least I have my say. 

Yet life works out your way. 

Grand design heart beats, 

Perplexed by these —

Sounds, friends, foes, 

Yourself, 

Dazed. 

—-

It, 

Mattered, 

Not, writing —

So vivid and —

So crystal clear I, 

Felt resilience in, 

My chest; down to the beach, 

Our getaway, but rhythms ting. 

They keep echoing, it’s exhausting, 

Figuring out your charms, while packing for the sun. 

—-

You’re packing; feel the heart attack we live, 

A life I want not, I’m looking for the shore. 

For a place to get of off the flooding —

Boat before it carries me down. 

Where are you, where’d you go? 

Writings on the wall, 

Said it all well, 

They’re erased. 

You’re gone, 

Fled. 
——

——–

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved. 

Writing 101 – Living in Fear


Static. Motionless. Stagnant. Stale. Still. I have a fear of all these words. When it comes to my life I’m afraid of not going anywhere. I’m afraid I will be still and stuck. I’m afraid of wasting away in a stagnant life. I’m terrified of remaining motionless. I’m afraid of being static. I’m terrified I will end up a stale person. I mean I’m afraid of never getting ahead in life. I’m afraid of never having achieved much of anything. I’m guilty of these fears because I have been sick a long time. I have been sick almost 6 years.

Sometimes, honestly, I could do nothing. I was stuck because I was ill. Too ill to think. Too ill to get out of bed. Too ill to concentrate. Too ill to take care of myself barely. Too ill to make myself lunch. Too ill to rise above being ill. But sometimes I feel a bit better and then I’m afraid because I don’t want to be stuck inside all the time. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to live with my parents much longer. I want to work. I don’t want to miss that event my friends are going to. I don’t want to be too fatigued. I don’t want to take so much time to rest. I want my old life back. But instead I get this life.

It’s not so bad. You get use to your own situation in life. But then I get terribly ill sometimes and I hate life. I’m afraid of disappearing. I’m afraid of never getting to be independent. I’m afraid of being independent. I’m afraid of too much. I’m afraid of of being forgotten. I’m afraid of having high hopes. I’m afraid of that fire within that wants to achieve. I’m afraid of being goal-oriented. I’m afraid of not getting what I most desire — I don’t want to hide the best parts of me.

I don’t want to hide behind manners and trying to fit in. I don’t want to hide behind polite conversation. I don’t want to hide behind false pretences. I want to believe that I can do most anything. I need to believe I have potential. My potential is what hides away. My dreams stay hidden. And every now and then I find a purpose. I want to believe that I can fulfill that purpose. I want to believe I have a purpose. I am potential. But I’m afraid to step into the light the place where creative energy thrives.

I want to write. I want to create. I want recognition. I want a career. I want people to see me not as that person who is sick but as that person who is capable despite sickness. I am plane afraid of not accomplishing my calling. I’m afraid of what people think. I’m afraid of what people say. I want to be capable again. I want so badly to just not be sick. I need so badly God’s grace. And need to achieve something I dream. Is that too much to ask? Or am I just living in fear?

IMG_0559-0.JPG