Lists, My Thoughts, Nonfiction, Writing

A List of Quirks #amwriting #lists


This week Le Duchesse D’Erat‘s list prompt is a list of our quirks.

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1. Lists – I make lists for most everything, to remember information, to remember items I have to buy at the store, to make note of something I want to research more, etc. It’s a memory tool but I also feel such gratification when I can cross items off my list.

2. Spiders and bugs – I despise them. Spiders are the worst but I’m not fond of any kind of bug. I wish they would stay outside, all of them good bugs or bad. 

3. Dishes – I like to wash them in the dishwasher. I don’t understand people who do their dishes by hand when they have a new working dishwasher (unless it’s a pot or large dish). Your dishwasher uses hotter water to wash your dishes to kill bacteria and not to mention, it uses less water than you do washing dishes by hand. Washing dishes which could go into the dishwasher, is a waste of water.

4. Organization – I’m quite organized. You may not be able to tell I’m organized but I know exactly where I put things and why, so I get annoyed when people try to organize me because it pretty much puts me into chaos and then I have to go and fix everything. So, if I do something a certain way, I have my reasons.

5. Clothes/Makeup – I like to look put together and stylish. I know in the end clothes and makeup are things but when I dress nice and my makeup appears nice, I feel better. I feel prepared and I feel like I can face whatever will come my way. Also, having to attend medical appointments or whatever kind of appointments, and meetings, I have found looking your best effects how you are perceived and often treated. I like to look as if I take care myself well and my appearance matters.

6. Eating – I’m a picky eater. I’ll leave it at that. I don’t eat carbohydrates almost at all. And when I follow a diet, I do better eating healthy, than not planning my meals.

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©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

Short Stories And Serial Stories, Writing

Writing 101 – Mrs Pauley


Do you see her lying there on the stretcher? The police and the paramedics around her and all the neighbours standing by shuffling their feet and talking quietly. Well, that’s Mrs. Pauley as stiff as a door nail, dead. She was a curious old thing but Mom said she’s lived there in this house where we’re gathered on the driveway, forever. She had six kids, didn’t pay her mortgage, never came out except to garden a bit.

I been in her house once. It was messy. There were dishes piled in the sink and bugs flying around the house. Mrs. Pauley’s house stunk like mold, mildew, and garbage. Oh, and that old lady smell. Not the good kind that Grandma’s house smells like but something putrid. Mom used that word I thought it aptly described the smell of Mrs Pauley’s home.

She didn’t like kids to much, she said we were noisy and loud. But my Mom told her that kids were just loud and became over excited easily. Mrs. Pauley didn’t have much use for other neighbours opinions and she let my Mom know that.

Curiously today though, I watched as a couple of cop cars pulled up to her house. I was sitting on the step in our front yard working on my math problems. Math was so hard! The police officers knocked on Mrs Pauley’s door but she didn’t come out. She wouldn’t have even if she was alive, she didn’t care for coppers. The police knocked again then tried the door. Strangely, the door just opened which was odd because Mrs. Pauley always locked up tight to keep the riff-raff out.

I guess the house really smelled because the police came out covering their mouths and noses with their hands and an ambulance arrived. Neighbours began to come out on their lawns and some crept to Mrs. Pauley’s drive way to see if they could help. But into that gruesome place went the paramedics and then later they brought out this stiff body covered up. I swear I could see Mrs. Pauley’s hand curled hanging from the stretcher as if she’d just been drinking her coffee.

She had six boys but none of them were here. They lived all over the place, Mom said. I was grossed out as we went over to Mrs. Pauley’s driveway and I could smell the stagnant house. My mom talked to the police said she had seen her just hours ago. Just like that Mrs. Pauley’s continuous presence on the block ended. They sold her house, cleaned it out first, and there was a funeral Mom went to with Dad. I didn’t miss her, but I knew I should.

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Health, Writing

Just A Little More Time


I would like a little more time please, just to figure my situation out. I would like you to stop asking questions about the state of my life. Because when I tell you how things are for me, I’m not sure that your listening to me. I’d say at least half the time you are off thinking about something or listening to something else. I know you can’t multitask but some of those conversations I had with you ( or with myself ) they were important to understanding me and how my life works.

Yes, I want to work. I want to work more than anything and more than most people who work actually do. But I can’t, that is not a privilege I have. So don’t tell me ” I don’t want to work! ” because if I could go to a job where I was content at and make it through the whole day, be able to concentrate on my work, and not become so fatigued I’m useless at my desk, I would be there. If I could be along side colleagues for 8 hours, making friends with some of the girls my age I work with I would, and If I could build a career and learn more, take school at night to understand my job better I would. But I was 23 years old the last day I was at work and I had a breakdown. Things had been wrong for awhile and I didn’t know I was having a psychotic episode and I didn’t know that that episode would change my life forever.

Why would I take a certificate in Residential Design after deciding in the end it is something I can’t do? Because it was 2009, I needed something to do and The Faculty of Extension at the U of A had a daytime course called Residential Design and it seemed interesting and I liked it. It was 3 hours a week and I could spend time in the other days of the week working on the projects and papers. I didn’t do the best work at first but I improved, the course was a way to measure my mental improvement. It was also related to commercial development, the type of company I worked for before I got sick. I kept taking courses in design in the day until I couldn’t, until the only courses I needed to take were at night. It was extremely hard for me to do night courses and I have one left. I decided I might as well get the certificate after taking 6 of 9 courses even though I knew I won’t really use the certificate. I don’t have the energy levels to be an interior decorator, nor if I’m honest the passion. It was more something I did for myself.

It was not a waste of money, education is never a waste of money and teaches you way more than just the subject your taking. Education helps you to think, to weigh decisions, to think practically and logically. Education is portable knowledge so don’t ever ask me why I am taking Residential Design, I will use it, just not the way you think.

Why am I doing practically nothing right now? Well you see, mental illness or physical illness that causes mental illness, whatever I have, is not black and white. Little things that you can no longer do due to your illness can have repercussions on the rest of your life. Doctors, medications, therapy, and healing (if it’s possible) all take time. Not to mention if you read any of my other recent blogs, you’ll understand I’ve been regressing this past year and my psychiatrist can no longer help me. I have spent the last 4.5 years trying to solve my illness with psychiatric medication and it helped a little. But I still have no energy and there’s a physical reason for that. So now I turn to my family doctor to help me find some hope of recovery physically. Do you know what it’s like to never wake up refreshed? To never not be fatigued? Do you know how it is to have to cut short most of your evenings, and I only get a few, because you can’t handle being out anymore, you’re just too tired? Do you know how hard it is to do just usual every day activities such as studying or house work? Do you know how hard it is not to be able to cardiovascular activity when you so desperately want to lose the weight you’ve put on through medication and inactivity?

You did not get these things yesterday. You were asking for the 3rd or 4th time. And some other things just to clarify: yes I can drive. But I gave that privilege up because paying attention, and the speed of the road was too much after I was sick. I had my license for 2 years and passed the test. Now it’s been about 4 years since I have driven and I can’t afford a car or insurance to drive my parent’s cars. Even if I could, they take their cars to work in the day when I possibly could drive.

Yes, I can cook. It may be only a few dishes but I can do those dishes well. My own diet is pretty simple and cooking foods together often seems to make them fattier so cook simply. Also, worst of all, my Dexedrine wears off right around supper and I become useless from the withdrawal until about 7 pm or later.

Yes, I have money but I’m living off of about $1500 a month right now and that doesn’t go far. I try to save some money to see you and take cabs but it shouldn’t be such a big deal giving me rides sometimes and paying for things a little more since you make 4 times my wage. I realize you have more expenses but I have bills too. It’s not like I can do any better, I’m stuck with what I make. Plus, you know I’m trying to pay down debt and stay on budget. On the same note, when I have the money to contribute please let me. Let me pay for lunch, or buy you a small Christmas gift, it’s not that hard to let me give back.

I think that’s it. Do you understand now? Just give me more time, I can’t fix everything on my own or maybe even at all. Just like me for me right now. That’s all I ask.