Sunday Prompt: NonFiction – Bad Days Mean Good Days Ahead #amwriting #nonfiction 


Thanks to Oloriel of MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting this week’s Sunday Prompt. This week we are to share the happiest moment in our life, or the saddest moment and how we overcame it. 

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Credit: MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie
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I’m not going to share my saddest or my happiest moment. I think these moments  constantly shift. But I will tell you about yesterday, for me it was a day where I felt hopeless. I’m a goal-oriented person and when I’m not feeling well enough to complete even the tiniest goal on my to do list, I feel lost and useless.

The background to this is as some of you know, is that I deal with depression that has caused what my psychiatrist has diagnosed as Chronic of Severe Fatigue. I’ve had it for years, I’ve always known.

Most doctors don’t even recognize CFS or ME as a disorder although there is information about people suffering from it hundreds of years ago and presently everywhere. As well a good friend of mine also has CFS/ME but hers while sharing some similarities, is a bit different from mine — she is able to work.

I’ve been homebound lately feeling extra fatigued and also because my insurance company ended my disability in November –I’ve lost a great deal of my income for the moment. When I’m so fatigued there are days it’s too much to take a bus.

Sometimes I have no choice but to take a cabl. Some days I wake up greatly worn out even after sleeping all night. The kind of tiredness CFS or ME produces is beyond sleepy –it’s mental and physical exhaustion. So when you can’t afford a cab and only the bus, it makes a person feel trapped when the ride their is tiring. 

At times when I’m home too long, I feel lonely and bored. I enjoy being out with friends and family or being able to visit a coffee shop, the mall, the art gallery (etc.), to be around people. The CFS doesn’t allow me to work (go to an office etc). as I never know how I will feel each day. On the flip side, I also need to be home a great deal to recharge. When I go out it’s not for more than a few hours, it’s what my body can handle.

Some days I can’t concentrate well on reading. Some days I can’t concentrate on writing. Other days I can’t do anything but watch the TV or programs on Netflix and after a while, even the stimulation from that bothers me. One or two days a week I feel well and get quite a bit done, only to exhaust myself for the following day.

Yesterday I felt awful even though I had it in me to do a short yoga video and a few simple chores that needed done, then I was physically and mentally worn out and frustrated. I was bothered that I have to stretch a small income so far and that I couldn’t take the cab a short way to this local coffee and book shop or to the mall to look around and have some Edo for lunch. 

I’ve also been dealing with weight issues due to a medication. I can’t switch medications, these ones work the best, but as a person who was a chubby child it bothers me I can’t keep my promise to myself to always stay fit. Each diet I try doesn’t work. I need intense cardiovascular exercise but beyond a bit of walking when I’m well I don’t have the energy for it. So yesterday, that too felt overwhelming. 

As well I’ve been freelancing and realized starting out, even to only make a a few extra hundred dollars a month is difficult. It’s like any career, something you have to learn from and build upon overtime.

But today I woke up and my outlook on the world had changed. I prayed last night and I realized this morning, I’m doing fine. I have a warm place to live with nutritious food and for the most part, I can buy what I need each month and do a few things with friends. My friends are also extremely understanding of what I experience and that along with my family’s understanding is a blessing as well. 

I’m hoping on ‘good days’ I can learn to endure the bus, to get out of the house more often because being around people makes me happy, even if I’m only an observer on certain occasions. 

I don’t feel lost today. I stopped focusing on ‘me’ and ‘my problems’ and recognized even though I think I have it bad certain days, others are experiencing much worse problems around the world.

I also realized starting something such as a part-time freelance career (even a limited number of hours a week) after not being able to work after nine-years at all, will take time, more than a few months effort and additional learning.

Most vitally I realized God has me and my problems in the palm of His hand and He is taking care of me even when I feel stuck in life. He says even when I’m still and not doing much at all, it’s enough. Yesterday was a bad day but sometimes you need bad days so you know how to be thankful for good days. Do you agree? 

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:14

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©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved.

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Financial Concerns


canadian-moneyI never had much trouble with my finances until before I became ill back 5 1/2 years ago. Sometimes people who have mental illnesses do not make the best judgement calls where money is concerned. In fact, people with no mental illness at all make mistakes where money is concerned. But since I got into debt about a year ago and had to have my Dad co-sign a loan for me to pay off in 5 years I have tried extremely hard to be financially responsible but sometimes my love of shopping or tendency not to think how much money I have to spend, gets the better of me.

The worst aspect I have found about living on a really limited budget, as a person on disability from a job as a receptionist/admin assistant, is that there isn’t room for me to have an urge to buy something because some months, even affording what I need is impossible. For instance, I have to take good care of my skin because if I don’t I break out badly. And if  I don’t use the right products I break out from a reaction to those bad products. I use Clinique products and a Korres anti-aging serum but this month had to give up the serum because I couldn’t afford it. I’m surviving on beauty samples now and I hope they last until next payday so I can buy my particular Korres serum and not little samples of different creams/serums from Murale and Sephora.

 

The worst aspect about being in debt is knowing that the approximately 5 year loan I have to pay off, won’t be paid off until I am 32

www.stevewright.info
http://www.stevewright.info

years old and that the extra $400.00 I am paying  to the loan would help me greatly and make my budget less tight. I could save for stuff then, and go on a vacation or be able to have extra money to pay off other debts I need to pay off when it is a pricey month. It frustrates me when all I want to do is work like everyone else and make a better pay cheque but I am to sickly to even try to work for a few hours a week. I just can’t concentrate and pay attention now.

I live at home so that saves me $ because I couldn’t afford to live alone, and I have cheap rent. I only really have to pay my loan payment and my benefits from work. But sometimes when I do the dumbest things such as I think I can afford something but I can’t, and then I try to return the item and the store online is slow at returning my money so then I can’t pay my loan I feel such self loathing. Thank God my Dad co-signed my loan for me but I am trying so hard to keep a budget and not have my parents have to pay for any of my loan. Maybe I’m not the best person to be giving financial advice to people but there is a few things I have learned that I can tell those of you who are really tight on money:

1. Put a bit of money in a RRSP each month even if it is only $25.00 for your future.

2. Make sure you have enough $ to pay your bills first, don’t just assume there is money left in the bank to pay them.

3. Make a list of things you “actually” need each month and decide which of those items can wait and which of them you absolutely have to buy.

4. If you spend on credit card make sure you pay the amount off as soon as you spend that money and get home.

5. Look for Groupons, Teambuys, Dealfinds, etc. for salon needs such as haircuts, highlights, massages, (etc) and events you like to go to such as a Beer Festival or Yoga classes because you can save a lot of $ that way. Also, you meet a lot of interesting people going different places for less rather then just the same old expensive place. But make sure you place those coupon deals somewhere where you won’t forget about them.

6.  Pay more for classic pieces of clothing that can be worn for more than a year and can be mixed with other classic pieces and shop less often. If you can wait for these items to go on sale, do.

7.  Make sure you give a percentage of your income to charity because it is the right thing to do and it will help you on your income taxes.

8. Eat out only once a month at a nice place, and bring lunch to work or school. Learn how to cook well so you don’t have to keep ordering out — grocery shopping is cheaper and usually much better for you. Just don’t grocery shop when you’re hungry.

9. Find things to do that don’t cost a lot of money like walking your dog, getting a membership at a recreation center, or having friends over for some snacks and wine.

10. Always have a reserve fund. Just like the RRSP contribution it can be small but there needs to be at least something in that account for emergencies.

How Much is Your Virginity Worth and Being on Long Term Disability.


Well I have another set of articles from FLURT which I hope you will all enjoy. Today’s articles are about a 20 year old woman who sells her virginity to the highest bidder and the effect this has on women – even though she is using the money to build house to people who don’t have homes. The second article, is a rather personal one, my experience of being on Long Term Disability.

How Much Is Your Virginity Worth?

http://www.flurtsite.com/2012/12/how-much-is-your-virginity-worth/

Living off Long Term Disability Insurance

http://www.flurtsite.com/2012/12/living-off-long-term-disability-insurance/

Thanks,

Amanda