Photo Challenge/Saturday Mix: “We’re Done” #amwritingpoetry


Thanks to NELNEERAJ of MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting Photo Challenge and Sarah of MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting Saturday mix on the theme of onomatopoeia and the three words rustle, thud, and hoot.


Credit: Google

Our balance as love-birds is precarious. We’re alike yet, so different. Holding our Adho Mukha Vrksasana‘ handstands, eyes closed; our breath mingling. It’s a habit of ours, mutual meditation of bodies and minds. We breathe deep, yet struggle to hold our pose.

A rushing sensation floods my brain. My blood pumps downward and dizziness threatens.

You groan. “Hold it five more minutes.”

I say nothing. You’re too close, I need distance. I’m sick of this arrangement. You take flight far from me; there’s never any communication, until you’re home. It’s as if I don’t exist for you until there’s no one else.

My muscles relax and I flex my feet, rolling my body through my spine, then my hips, until I’m in table top, and then, sitting cross legged. You’ve noticed nothing. Do you ever? I shove your side. Your spindle-legs flail in the air; you can’t right yourself. Thud!

“What the hell.” You glare and examine the scratches on your body.

I shrug. “Too much. I can’t keep this up.”

“Huh?”

“Everything.” My lungs ache; I feel caged. I want to scream.

“What’s wrong with you?” You cock your head and study me, hands on your knees. Your beady eyes send nervous chills.

“Her, all the hers. Cassandras and Stephanies. Kassies and Ashleys.”

“You’re the only Claire.”

I stand. The sun’s hot on my arms as I yank on yoga pants. Crisp spring leaves rustle above me in the river valley along with the some hooting bird. The breeze quickens, and I shiver, stretching high into mountain pose.

I peer at him, as he considers me. “I think I’m tired of peacocks like you. I don’t need your strutting or the women. The never knowing where you are, or if you care.”

You frown, run your hands through your hair, while your toes dig into the grass. “What are you talking about?”

“I need to concentrate on other things, not where or who you’re leaving here for next; the never knowing if you’ll return.” I turn, shoving my feet into pink Tom’s. My breath eases. I’m relieved that I said it, finally.

“Claire, stay. Please.” You twist your hippy-beard and your beady eyes beg.

I close mine and sigh. ” I can’t; no more.” You reach for your water bottle, gulp it before slamming it against a tree. Twigs crack, the bottle dents.

You swear, but don’t follow me as I hike back to the car. When I no longer see you, my body quivers, wracked with sobs. With each step I rid myself of your poison.

A few minutes later I rub my eyes with my hoodie sleeve. I don’t care that they’re pink and swollen.

That’s when it hits me –the silence of no drama, no worry weighing my entire being down as stones. I let the silence permeate me; a peace I haven’t experienced in years crashes over me. We’re done. My lips turn upwards and I smile. I haven’t done that in years either.


©️Mandibelle16. (2019) All Rights Reserved.

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Photo Challenge: Fiction – Hung Out to Dry #photochallenge #fiction #MLMM


Thanks to NEKNEERAJ of MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting the Photo Challenge Prompt. This is a piece from my writing class, as well.


Credit: Bleach Film


“I tried, but I don’t love you. I hate hurting you. I’m sorry I cheated.”

“Are you? How do you switch your emotions off like that? Like a light-switch?” Jen’s voice was shrill.

Michael met her eyes but refused to answer. She stumbled into the living-room deaf to his begging. The back door slammed and his admissions ravaged her heart. These new wounds bled, sucking the life from her body. He’d hung her out to dry.

Dizziness overcame her and Jen lay on the couch, head buried in a pillow. She tried to absorb her ex-fiancés words, but her stomach was queasy and a strange ache grew inside her. It clenched and tightened, a fist squeezing her heart. Michael’s insidious behavior, shocked her. Her thoughts circled and her conscience hammered until she couldn’t stop them from revealing missed clues.

Jen was overcome with a sense of hollowness. Tears stung, traveling down the plains of her face as she peered into the fireplace mirror eyes flared-red, swollen with flat-gray irises; she felt emotionless and weary. There would be no more sunrises in life, not now, not ever.

Her heart ached, and the tangible throbbing pulsed and amplified until she couldn’t hide. Sobs wracked Jen’s body. She shivered, even when she pulled over a thick throw. Michael’s festering splinter of betrayal infected her heart and savaged her; nothing could ease Jen’s suffering.


©Mandibelle16. (2018) All Rights Reserved.

#November Notes Day 20/ Sunday Photo Fiction: A Wreck of A Marriage #flashfiction #amwriting #music


For November Notes Day 20 the prompt song is “Wreck of the Day” by Ana Nalick. I’m combining the prompt with Sunday Photo Fiction (SPF). Hosted by Alastair Forbes on November 26, 2017.


Credit: A Mixed Bag – Alastair Forbes


“Wreck of the Day” by Ana Nalick


Tessa had been in a bad mood all day and wished she hadn’t agreed to go sailing with Thomas. He had no idea that she had walked in on him in her own bedroom, not once three years ago, but many times since then — including yesterday.

Tessa had loved Thomas since she was thirteen and had never realized he was a serial-cheater until five-years into their marriage. Then, she’d discovered she couldn’t have children. Signs of Thomas’ frequent mistresses became glaringly apparent thereafter. Jewelry she never received, expensive shoes that weren’t her size, and pieces of expensive and foreign left in their bed.

Each time Tessa had seen him and another women, she stopped loving Thomas a little more. She’d been desperately close to the coffin of hope too many times. Every time she had walked in on him, she got in her BMW and drove as fast as she could away from the wreck of the day. She’d disappear and Thomas never asked where she’d gone.

When they arrived home to the comfort of their home after sailing, Tessa slammed the bedroom door on Thomas’ face.

“Sleep in another room.”

“Tessa, what’s wrong, love?”

She ignored his pleading tone. “Pack your stuff up when I’m at work, you’re moving out. We’re also getting a divorce. You’ve been cheating on me for years and I’ve walked in on you and various women, one too many times.”

Thomas stomped away and Tessa fell into bed. It was finally quiet in her head and her heart felt at peace for the first time in eight years.


“Driving away from the wreck of the day

And the light’s always red in the rear-view

Desperately close to a coffin of hope

I’d cheat destiny just to be near you

If this is giving up, then I’m giving up

If this is giving up, then I’m giving up, giving up

On love, On love

*****

Driving away from the wreck of the day

And I’m thinking ’bout calling on Jesus

‘Cause love doesn’t hurt so I know I’m not falling in love

I’m just falling to pieces

*****

And if this is giving up then I’m giving up

If this is giving up then I’m giving up, giving up

On love, On love

*****

And maybe I’m not up for being a victim of love

When all my resistance will never be distance enough

*****

Driving away from the wreck of the day

And it’s finally quiet in my head

Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed

And if this is giving up, then I’m giving up

If this is giving up, then I’m giving up, giving up

On love, On love.”

*****

— “Wreck of the Day”by Ana Nalick


©Mandibelle16. (2017) All Rights Reserved.

Part 6: Never Again – Finding Peace.


Please read Part 5 of ‘Never Again’ here.

Part 6: Never Again – Finding Peace.

(Three-Months Later).

“Kasia, are you finished packing?” Jolene asked her daughter.

“Yeah, I’m good Mom, but I had to get another suitcase. I did more shopping then I thought.” Kasia was huffing and puffing as she dealt with her suitcases, bringing them outside Chateau Blanc for Luc to load in an SUV.

“I’m not ready to leave Mom. I’ve had such a fantastic time here, seeing Auntie Cathy and hanging out with Damon.” Kasia sighed. ” I can’t believe I didn’t meet him until a month and a half ago . . .and you’re leaving Luc behind too?” Kasia exclaimed with surprise.

“Kasia,” Jolene said. “We have to go back to Ottawa for awhile at least. Auntie Cathy will be moving into a condo close to where we live soon. She only has to finish training her replacement event planner and do a bit of packing.” Jolene cleared her throat reaching for a bottle of water in her purse.

” Luc owns Chateau Blanc but he’s found an experienced caretaker to keep the place running. Luc’s a trained architectural Engineer and he’s taking a job at an Engineering Firm in Ottawa. He’ll have a great deal of input on projects and doing them to LEED standards around the world. You know he is passionate about the environment…” Jolene said shrugging with a smile.

“What about Damon? How will I see him. If I’m supposed to travel around with you and have a tutor for high school, when will I see Damon?” Kasia asked worriedly. “I’ve been saving money to travel. You know, the money I made modelling for La Petite Mademoiselle and a few other shoots, Simon, your agent, could find for plus-sized models in Nice… How will you see Luc if we’re always travelling?” Kasia asked. Jolene smiled as Kasia peppered her with questions. They’d both been extremely occupied the last few weeks.

“There is going to be some changes, Kasia. I’m not going to model anymore. I will have business trips with La Petite Mademoiselle in Europe. I have hired a couple of Presidents for the Canadian and United States chains. Judy thought it was a great idea, she wants to travel more with her husband.” Jolene explained.

” Judy and I will be dealing with our expansion into France and into other select European cities. You will have occasions where you will be able to come to France with me or Luc and see Damon, while you work on Grade Ten material with your tutor. Damon maybe in Grade Twelve, but he also has his last year of high school to get through in Nice.” Jolene reminded Kasia.

“I think, it’s best to keep most of your modelling work for La Petite Mademoiselle, until you are eighteen. I don’t want to overwhelm you when you need to focus on school.  Not to mention, I would like for you to still put a shift in every week in our flagship store in Ottawa when we are home. It will help you to know how our company works on the ground level.” Jolene added. Kasia sighed, not completely happy with her Mom’s solution for Kasia’s schooling and work. Would she get to see Damon enough between work and school? What if Damon forgot about Kasia for some other girl?

“So, if you’re busy overseeing things in Europe, how will you organize your schedule with Luc’s” Kasia asked Jolene.

Jolene’s face lit with a smile. “I have something to tell you… I’m getting married to Luc! He asked me last week. It was so hard for me not to tell you. I wanted to wait for the perfect time, I suppose that’s now.” General shrieking ensued and the details of the proposal were shared.

” Luc will be doing some projects in Europe as well, so all three of us will often be back at the Chateau Blanc and Auntie Cathy is welcome, whenever she wants to come along.” Kasia was taken aback. Everything seemed to be falling into place. Kasia was overjoyed Luc would be her step-dad. Her only Dad, as far as Kasia was concerned. She missed Damon alread, even though he was chatting with Luc. He had come to the Chateau to see Kasia before she went back to Canada. “Damon,” Kasia called. . .

——

An iPhone began ringing and Jolene felt her pocket buzz. Her face went pale when she saw the number on the phone. It was Scott’s work number. Jolene felt sick. She hadn’t heard from Scott since she left Nice over five-years-ago. Jolene wasn’t ready to talk to Scott. But perhaps, she should accept his call and tell Scott once and for all, to leave her alone.

“Hello” Jolene said quietly, walking away from Kasia.

“Hello Jolene,” Scott said.”Nice of you to get in touch with me when you were here.” Jolene said nothing at first.

“Why would I want anything to do with you Scott. I don’t love you anymore and I’m not attracted to you. Our time together is a lifetime away, I’m getting married.” Scott laughed

” So, I heard. It took you a long time. It was difficult getting over me, huh?” Scott said.

” And why is that?” Jolene questioned Scott.

“Because you will always have me in our daughter, Kasia. She looks a lot like me you know. You should have told me about her.” Scott said sounding wounded.

” How did you find out about Kasia? You can’t have her. She’s mine, my daughter — not yours. You wanted me to abort her.” Jolene said furiously.

“Kasia came to visit me a couple months ago. She wanted to meet me. I can’t blame her. She’s a smart girl and tracked me down.” Scott remarked.

“Damn it,” Jolene said, “Auntie Cathy told her everything. I knew we should have kept our mouths shut about you, Scott. You stay away from Kasia, I mean it! I can afford a great lawyer these days so don’t try anything. You are not allowed to see Kasia until she’s eighteen. Then, it is her choice, unfortunately.”Jolene yelled into her phone.

“Relax, Jolene. I don’t want anything from you or Kasia. Kasia wanted to meet me but she doesn’t want a relationship with me. She also told me to stay away from her and you.” Scott said hushing Jolene.

” I don’t need Katrina finding out I have an illegitimate daughter, who might be a threat to the money Katrina brought to our marriage. She wouldn’t like it if Kasia inherited anything. Additionally, having somewhat a relationship with my own daughter Sara and my boys is hard enough.” Scott told Jolene, tiredly.

“So, what are you calling about then?” Jolene seethed.

“I need to apologize,” Scott admitted to Jolene.”It was wrong of me to tell you to get rid of Kasia when she was barely a person. I saw her at my office and I’m so thankful you never got the abortion. She’s a beautiful girl and I have no doubt she will be as successful in life as you Jolene.” Jolene couldn’t believe Scott was apologizing.

“Kasia hates me for trying to have her aborted and that bothers me. I couldn’t stand it if my daughter Sara was as mad at me, as Kasia is mad at me,” Scott admitted. “Kasia is also upset because of what I did to you. I can’t change myself  Jolene. I am who I am.” Scott said.

“But, I regret cheating on you the entire time we were together, when you were off modelling. I was never your ‘one,’ and only guy. I’m no women’s ‘one.’ I’m my own guy. I like to be in control and be with whoever I desire. Katrina understands this, she has had a long-time affair with another man. Kasia believes that guy provides for Katrina, what I should be providing for her, love and attention.” Scott said, his voice scratchy. Admitting his faults was hard for him, Kasia had made him think.

” I’m sorry I met so much to you Jolene. I wish I hadn’t met much to you. I would have broken it off sooner, but I had plans…”

“You are and were selfish Scott,” Jolene shouted.” You never cared about my feelings or what I thought about something. You even tried to tell me I was pretending I wanted a baby — which is why I never told you about Kasia.”

” It wouldn’t have mattered had you told me you had had our baby. My Dad said Katrina was the right wife for me. She is in a sense. . . What I wanted to tell you though is for Kasia: Do not let her end up with a guy like me. I told Kasia ‘boys will be boys’ and that men naturally cheat. She called me on it and I thought about it and she’s right, not all men cheat. My half-brother for instance, is faithful to his wife. He works at the company with me.” Scott said.

” Kasia needs to find a guy like my half-brother. Not like me or her Grandpa. And tell her Scott said he will do his utmost to ensure someone like him does not marry her half-sister Sara.” Jolene pressed the phone to her ear. She was amazed at what Scott told her.

“For real, that’s all you want?” Jolene stuttered. “You want Kasia to end up with a kind and faithful partner? You aren’t trying to get me to sleep with you or have an affair with you? You promise to leave Kasia alone, even though I never told you she was your daughter?” Jolene could barely say anything she was so surprised by Scott’s reason for calling. She heard him sigh on the phone.

” As far as I’m concerned Jolene, you and I are done. I have my life and you have yours. We may be connected by Kasia but I promise, I won’t interfere in your lives. If Kasia in the future, wants to contact me so I can help her get into a prestigious university, I can help her, it’s the least I can do.But I have one request Jolene. . . ” Scott’s voice sounded sad to Jolene. She didn’t remember Scott ever sounding emotional.

“Please send, me a picture of Kasia once in awhile on your phone. Not often, just so I know she’s okay.” Jolene couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She kept her voice neutral.

” I can do that, if Kasia doesn’t mind. I will tell her what you said,” Jolene remarked. “I’ll mention you can get her into a prestigious university, no strings attached. And I will definitely make sure she never falls for a man like you.”

“Great. . . gotta go Jolene. My 3:00 pm is here. Good Luck.” Scott said distractedly. Jolene heard the phone click and knew, Scott had moved on. She couldn’t blame Scott for that. It was time for Jolene and Kasia to move on in life as well.

——

I watch my niece as she finishes walking down the aisle. Beneath her veil, her face is glowing. Her eyes are fixed lovingly on her fiancé, Luc Devereaux.

Luc has a giant grin on his handsome face. He told me earlier, “Aunt Cathy, I can’t believe I get to marry Jolene. I always thought and dreamed about her. She’ll be my wife, and I get a beautiful step-daughter too.”

I carefully patted my new nephews arm. He used to be my boss but now, I am his cherished Auntie.”You’re perfect for Jolene and Kasia. You’re all exactly what the three of you needed, ” I tell Luc.

I see Luc take Jolene’s hand and slide on her wedding band. Jolene does the same for Luc. Beautiful Kasia is her Mom’s maid of honour in a couture pink gown.

But Jolene is simply stunning, channeling Grace Kelly. She is the perfect vintage leading lady in her bridal gown, except for one thing. Jolene’s back reveals a tattoo I never knew she had until I helped her change into her dress this morning.

Jolene’s tattoo is a quote that reads: “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is all you have to be.” 

Jolene’s tattoo demonstrates all that she has come through in life to be at the the altar with her ‘one,’ Luc. It tells me Jolene will be strong whatever she faces in life. But she isn’t alone. She has Kasia, Luc, and as always, her Auntie Cathy who had the pleasure of walking her cherished niece, down the aisle.

Fin

——

©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

Part 5: Never Again: Kasia Meets Scott (her Dad).


Please Read Part 4 of ‘Never Again’ here.

Part 5: Never Again – Kasia Meets Scott (her Dad.)

(A month later).

Kasia was walking around a neighbourhood in Nice, shopping for Spring. She remembered a time when it was difficult for her mother Jolene to make ends meet.They could afford only items which were majorly on sale, or search for quality items of clothing from the thrift store. Sometimes, Kasia still found an item or two at the thrift shop.

Although, Kasia preferred to buy from La Petite Mademoiselle, her mother’s clothing store chain because of the sizable discount Kasia received, sometimes she enjoyed buying a few fashion pieces at some more unique boutiques. A sky-blue silk scarf and a shiney pair of gold leather heels, were Kasia’s unique fashion finds  this day. Jolene wouldn’t be expecting Kasia to be home for a few hours. Kasia had planned her trip that way, she had someone she needed to visit before she went home.

—–

Kasia had enjoyed spending a great deal of time back at the Chateau with her Auntie Cathy over the past month. Cathy had shown Kasia old pictures of her Mom,  as well as pictures of Kasia’s Grandparents. Kasia pointed out how beautiful Aunt Cathy was in some of her old pictures. Cathy smiled at her and changed the subject, showing Kasia pictures of her deceased husband Henry and telling Kasia stories of how Cathy and Henry met. Kasia had sipped her wine, while Aunt Cathy talked. She wasn’t paying much attention to Aunt Cathy’s repeated story but Kasia perked up when Aunt Cathy flipped to photographs of Jolene with a handsome young guy. Jolene seemed to be in many pictures with this one boy.

” Who’s that?” Kasia asked Aunt Cathy. Cathy’s hesitation was all Kasia needed. “That’s my Dad,  Scott right?” Kasia exclaimed. Cathy bit her lip and worried it between her teeth. She looked back at Kasia.

“Yes, that is Scott Jeune. Please, Kasia stay away from him. He’s not a nice man. Your Mom never told you about him sooner because he is selfish and arrogant. You don’t need him and his problems in your life. You are still so young Kasia, barely fifteen-years-old.” Kasia listened to her Aunt but in the back of her mind, she was already waiting for when she could be alone and Google Scott Jeune on her tablet. Kasia was going to meet her Dad one way or another, while Jolene was kept busy with meetings for work.

—–

Jolene had been spending hoards of her time with the owner of the Chateau, Luc Devreux. Kasia couldn’t remember her Mom actually dating a man more than once or twice. Her Mom always came home upset and dejected after the few dates she had. Luc was a fun guy and he made Jolene happy. Kasia couldn’t believe how light-hearted and content her Mom was when Luc was around.

Best of all, Luc was aware of how special Kasia was to her mother. Luc wasn’t outgoing as Jolene was, but he was a dependable and kind. He was the complement to Jolene’s outgoing personality. Luc was helpful, thoughtful, and a good listener. He invited Kasia along with him and Jolene often, but Kasia knew her Mom needed alone time with Luc too. Kasia was glad her Mom had someone to spend alone time with.

Kasia was a teenager and boys her age, were mostly in an awkward phase — even though she was friends with many of these boys. Kasia was often attracted to guys a bit older then herself, to her Mom’s horror. The last guy Kasia had liked had been eighteen.

—–

Nevertheless, Kasia took a taxi into Nice today. Shopping was Kasia’s coverup story, because most of her time would actually be spent talking with her Dad. Kasia had made an appointment with Scott Jeune, through his assistant. Scott worked at Jeune Incorporated. Kasia had no idea what she would say to him, or if Scott would even believe she was his daughter. She simply wanted to meet Scott, to confirm in person, who her Dad was.

Kasia wouldn’t go as far as saying she wanted to spend time with Scott, after she met him. She didn’t want to cause trouble for her Mom, going to see Scott; her Mom had  kept herself and Kasia hidden from Scott for five-years. But Kasia felt she had a right to know her own father. Anyone, who saw them together and had eyes, would know Kasia was Scott’s daughter. Kasia had seen how similar she appeared to a young Scott in Auntie Cathy’s photographs.

When Kasia arrived at Jeune Incorporated, she checked in with a receptionist and was directed to Scott’s office, to his Personal Assistant. Kasia felt nauseous as she waited to meet Scott, she wondered if she was making the right choice coming to Scott’s office.

The green tea Kasia drank made Kasia’s stomach upset and she jerked when Scott’s assistant told her, ” Mr. Jeune will see you now, Miss Gudroe.” Kasia nervously stood up and straightened her pencil skirt. She followed Scott’s assistant to his office and sat down on a soft leather chair. A skeptical pair of brown eyes assessed her. Kasia couldn’t breath, she was sitting in front of her Dad.

“Hello Kasia, pleased to meet you. I’m Scott Jeune. My assistant told me you say you’re related to Jolene Gudroe. I’m a bit confused; I’m not sure why she didn’t come here with you. You seem a bit young to be attending business meetings.” Scott said smirking. Kasia bit her lip, drawing a dot of blood.

“Well the truth is, Scott, I’m here alone. I made this appointment on my own and Jolene doesn’t know about it. I’m Jolene’s daughter. I’m here to see you because I only found out a month ago, that you’re my biological father.” Scott looked shocked.

“That’s not possible. Your mother and I broke up when we were twenty-one.” Scott said gruffly.

” Yes I know,” Kasia replied. “But she was pregnant and you wanted her to abort the baby. She only told you she aborted her baby. She was trying to hide her pregnancy from you and that is partly why you never saw her in person after you told her to ‘take care of me.’  Jolene kept me. I’m her daughter and your daughter too.” Kasia said, emotion evident in her voice.

Scott laughed. ” How much money are you after Kasia? I know a trick when I see one. You’ll get nothing from me. I hear your Mother is doing financially well, ask her for money.”

“It has nothing to do with money,” Kasia said firmly.”It has everything with me wanting to meet my Dad.” Scott shook his head in disbelief.” Look at me Mr. Jeune, can’t you see we look related. Besides not having your brown eyes, we look a great deal alike.”

Scott’s face had gone white.”Jolene didn’t abort the baby. You are that baby, that would make you fourteen?” Scott said.

” Actually, I just turned fifteen.” Kasia was happy to be a year older and closer to being more grown up.

” I can’t believe she never told me, ” Scott declared suddenly angry. ” What  is wrong with Jolene. You have existed for fifteen years and she never once mentioned you.” Scott’s fingers dug into the leather of his armchair, making indents.

“Well,” Kasia said matter-of-factly, “It’s your own fault Mr. Jeune.” Scott looked taken aback by Kasia’s comment.

“My fault?”

“Yes, I will tell you why. And I will also tell you why you are going to leave me and my mother alone, despite the fact I’m your biological daughter. I needed to see you today to ensure I was right, that you are my Dad. Looking at you I know. The timing of when my Mom was pregnant lines up exactly for when my mother was seeing you.” Kasia explained.

“You told her you weren’t ready to have kids. You wanted her to get rid of me as if my life was worth nothing. You tried to take away her right to choose. But she loved me even at a few weeks old and kept me. She was so hurt and mad at you, you just threw your money in Jolene’s face and said to her to get me ‘taken care of.’ I hate you for that.” Kasia paused, sipping a glass of water in front of her. Scott was rapt.

“My mother wouldn’t talk to you for a month because she didn’t feel she could tell you she was pregnant — you didn’t want me. And you always planned everything for her. You never gave her a say in your relationship. You wanted her to remain a skinny model and not to achieve her dreams of going to fashion school. Then, you told my Mother you wanted her to stay home and have kids and when a kid arrived, you wanted to abort me.” Kasia shouted.

“Not to mention, I’m aware of how you slept around behind my Mother’s back. My Mom only learned about this later. She loved you so much, she would never have cheated on you. When my Mom first told you she was pregnant, you were dating your wife, Katrina because she had money and did what you wanted her to do. You can control Katrina…” Kasia cried. Scott looked furious.

” You’re just a teenager, what do you know Kasia?” Scott shouted. “Don’t talk about my wife that way. I couldn’t handle a kid at that time I was working, building a future, doing my Masters in Business, and trying to keep up with your Mother’s career. She was always travelling. Jolene loved showing off and having people look at her. If I used her beauty to my advantage so what. She used it, why shouldn’t I as her almost fiancé.” Scott said.

“And yes, I’ll be honest with you Kasia,” Scott said lowering his voice, “I’m a handsome guy. I’ve had my share of women. When your Mother was away, I needed other girls to keep me occupied.It’s how men are. You should know Kasia, you’re a smart girl who undoubtedly attracts her fair share of boys. My best advice for you if I’m your Dad, is that ‘boys will be boys,’ Kasia.” Scott said this last part with ridiculous self-assurance.

Kasia thought Scott was a disgusting pig. Not to mention, if Scott was her Dad, she didn’t need to know about him sleeping around at any point in his life. Still, Kasia was curious how Katrina felt about Scott’s unfaithfulness.

“Does Katrina know you cheat on her all the time? Do your kids know you sleep around? Do you have sons you are teaching to treat woman as badly as you do?” Kasia asked softly. Scott didn’t look perturbed by her questions.

“Fair question,” he mused. “Yes, Katrina knows I sleep around. And she has an ongoing affair with a guy she met in Madrid, on vacation. I don’t mind honestly, it keeps her occupied from bothering me. Not that I’m not ‘with’ my wife often but she knows how it works in our marriage; in many marriages. Just as I said, boys will be boys –men will be men.” Scott smirked again, annoying Kasia greatly.

” And your kids?” Kasia asked Scott again. He shrugged.

“I have a daughter who is about twelve-years-old, and when she is ready to date, I will make sure she eventually finds a guy who will take care of her. I can’t help it if the guy is faithful to her, I wish I could. But I’m not a hypocrite and don’t expect different behaviour from other guys when I am not faithful to my own wife. Sara’s mother will help her to understand. Katrina grew up in a world where she learned exactly what men behaved like in relationships.” Scott said matter-of-factly.

“I have two boys as well. They are young yet, but I imagine they will be a chip off the old block; I was. Does that answer your questions Kasia?” Kasia was tired and Scott made her feel disgusted about all men. She  hoped they weren’t all like Scott, or his Dad — her paternal Grandpa.

“You are awful Scott. I’m glad I never knew you were my Dad before this month. You’re supposed to be faithful to the person you marry, it’s a partnership. You don’t sleep around because you are supposed to love your spouse and be honest with them. Your view of marriage is screwed up Scott. ‘Boys will be boys,’ is a pitiful excuse you use to get away with being a coward and man-whore. No wonder Katrina has a long standing affair with another man. He’s probably treats her the way you should be treating her.” Kasia said angrily.

” My Mom always thought you were her ‘one and only.’ Then you tried to make her get an abortion. You dumped her two-months later. She never got over you and whenever she tried, you would contact her trying to hook-up and have an affair with her. She could never heal because you wouldn’t let her be. My Mom thought for the longest time she would only love you for life. But she was wrong, she is seeing someone now and he’s nothing like you, and I’m so glad.”

“Who’s she seeing?” Scott asked, “She still loves me. Jolene always will, this guy is only the newest model. Jolene was as much of a whore as I was.” Kasia shook her head in disgust at Scott’s jealousy and lies. She stood up and held out her hand. Scott appeared confused but he shook Kasia’s offered hand. His touch gave Kasia chills.

“Nice to meet you, mon pere, now stay the hell away from my Mom and me. Jolene hates you and so do I.  I understand why my Mom never told me about you, she was ashamed of you. You are an ass and I never want to speak to you again and I want nothing from you. Don’t contact us ever.” Kasia screamed the last part and Scott was taken aback at her fury.

“Wait Kasia…” Scott tried to reason with her, ” you’re my daughter, you can’t introduce yourself and then tell me to leave you alone.” Kasia was already striding out of Scott’s office.

” I just did,” Kasia replied giving Scott the appropriate finger.

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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

Dealing with My Worst Qualities. 


Prompt: What is your worst quality?

 

It is a great deal easier to write about my worst qualities then my best. Mostly, because I am aware of my faults more than my best characteristics. There are two things I do that are my worst qualities:

My, first worst quality has to do with my ability to not be able to contrentrate long or be multi-functional anymore. I am not blaming my health for it; I am saying my health intensified the issue.

I can do one thing at a time and it is often frustrating when I am working on writing up a paper or blogging about a subject, and someone starts trying to have a conversation with me. It makes me angry because I can’t multi-task, the person talking to me is interrupting my ideas and line of thought. And you know how if you are a creative person, ideas often flow out of you when they do; you have to write, paint, or do whatever you do to get your burst of creativity on paper. Meanwhile, a person is still talking to you none-stop and asking you questions and it is annoying. At the same time, I feel bad about being irritated.

Often, it is my Mom who is trying to talk to me. Before, I was ever ill I remember being so mad because I would be researching, writing up a paper, or working on a spreadsheet from work and she would pepper me with questions. But I knew she only wanted to talk to someone after a busy day at work about what went on good or bad. She wanted to talk to someone who wasn’t involved in her office life and get my opinion or view on a situation. She wanted to be able to talk about the people at her work, honestly. She wanted to ‘take a load off.’

I want to be able to talk with my Mom and others. But if I am busy or worn out after doing activities all day, I will brush people off. I will tell my Mom to stop bothering me. I go to my room and finish what I’m doing or sleep if I’m tired. I want to be chatty and happy but I feel bothered and drained by people talking at me and asking countless questions at times. So my first big flaw is I am irritable and single-minded. I am working on actively being a better listener. But it is hard at the time of day everyone gets home from work because I am worn out from the day and my medication is wearing off. I want to listen more and be involved in the conversation and not tune it out or walk away. Sometimes I able to be a better listener and sometimes I’m too irritated to pay attention.

The second flaw I have is something I try to attend to before it becomes worse. I have a tendency if I get mad or angry to let the issues I’m upset about build-up inside me. I get stressed-out when this occurs. I will sort through issues in my head trying to solve them. “Problems to solutions that don’t even exist,” I was told once. But the issue is my problems are real and bothersome. And I attempt to be a nice kind person so I don’t usually tell someone off or ask them to stop doing something unless they are especially bothering me.

An issue arises, however; if someone is repeatedly doing a hurtful action. Or if a person keeps doing a whole bunch of bothersome and hurtful actions all the time. I try to tell myself it is no big deal. I pray about it. I practice yoga and meditate sometimes. I write a lot as you know. And often writing helps a ton. Sometimes if I write something up and even if I don’t post it because it’s too personal or mean about another person, I feel better.

But every now and then someone pushes my buttons and I explode into yelling and tears. I’m a soft spoken reasonable person so when I yell and scream people are surprised and usually offended. Maybe, they didn’t realize something was a larger issue to me then they would have thought. Maybe, I am blowing the situation out of proportion. And maybe, I genuinely have the right to be so upset at someone.

I scared and hurt a friend in Vegas once when I erupted with anger. My friend T and I needed to take L aside and talk to her before the situation got worse but neither T or I did. L had been treating T and I badly the entire summer. Not to mention, she wanted to do all these things with us in Vegas but didn’t actually have the money to pay for it so T and I ended up paying for L, on many activities we did. Also, the fact L had a wonderful boyfriend who was our friend too, and L was flirting and making out with other guys made T and I angry.

I have told this part before: while we are in a club, T became so drunk she was sick and we had to leave the bar. We tried to get L to leave because we promised to stay together, all three of us. L kept telling us to wait and I finally told her T and I had to go, the bouncer was about to carry T and I out the back exit. L chose to stay with two guys she had been flirting with all night.

We finally saw L again as we got back to the hotel room. She was angry too and tried to blame it all on us and said we had abandoned her at the club. I knew T would never stand up to L because she prefers not to handle situations head on. T used to let a person treat her badly, instead of standing up to them. Luckily, she has become better at this over time.

I was so mad about L’s behaviour all summer. I exploded. L was shocked and she asked me why I would even want to be her friend if I thought so badly of her. And I told L how bad she was treating her boyfriend and if she didn’t stop, even T said she’d tell L’s boyfriend on her. L had been treating T and I badly too. L left our room with all her stuff. She wouldn’t talk to us the rest of the trip.

L made up with T because she hadn’t yelled at her, even though L had been a bad friend to T, ditching her for guys countless time. After many emails and some time L and I were friends again three months later. I finally apologized because she wouldn’t. And funny enough, she became closer to her boyfriend. L saw how valuable he was, and ended up becoming engaged, and marrying him.
Even though, L was misbehaving, she didn’t deserve to be yelled at so loudly and L didn’t deserve to have everything T and I were mad at her for dumped on her. People are imperfect and you have to pick and choose your battles. Some things about your friends you have to accept; just as you have flaws so do they. The best friends love you after you’ve shown them your worst side and you love them after you have seen the worst of them. Ultimately, it comes down to choosing your friend or choosing to be right.

I am careful now because of this situation in Las Vegas when I was twenty-three, to not let my anger build up. If I have a big problem with someone or something they are doing, I am honest. And I try hard to tell people how I’m feeling in such a way  that isn’t accusatory but rather focuses on how something is hurting me or causing me to feel a certain way. The truth is people do not always realize they are being hurtful. Often, you need to tell the person who is damaging you to stop treating you a certain way and they will listen and cease.

Not letting issues build up helps. I also have learned to let some issues go. I try to get someone else’s view on the situation, Google the general problem, or pray about it. For many situations I find looking at them from a different perspective is helpful. If you see the situation differently it won’t become a problem that will build up. I have also learned that you have to say goodbye to some people or take your issues with a person to a higher authority. But since we are adults, there is usually no higher authority, unless it is a work issue or an issue of crime.

So for instance,  I had trouble with a girl who was editor of a magazine I volunteered to write for. She didn’t understand why I was upset about her editing my articles to sound entirely as if they were in her voice. Some of her other editors were being taught to do the same. I didn’t find out until later when I took actual editing courses, what this editor was doing was incorrect and rude. You always try to preserve the voice of the writer and the way the article is written as much as you can. I was confident enough in my writing skills, my BA in English Literature, and the couple hundred articles I had written for her magazine previously. My ideas and my writing style wasn’t bad but my grammar and spelling needed work.

The editor wrote me a letter saying I had to work on my grammar and spelling, which was true. And she had tried to let me improve but I wasn’t, so she increasingly, cut down my article writing until I was only writing one article a week; before I was writing nothing. I exploded to her letter with a nasty email. She thought this was exactly how I was going to react. She probably had the same issue come up with past contributers to her magazine. I ended up apologizing to her for being ageist because she was more than five years younger then me with no degree, so I didn’t trust her writing or editing experience. Honestly, I had good instincts with her, despite my hasty email.

In truth, she was being manipulative and I finally recognized, she didn’t like my writing style. She was looking for people who wrote how she wrote on her personal blog and in her articles. And she didn’t want me to write for her magazine even when she needed writers. I was offended but I knew I didn’t want to be a writer like her or for her. She said the magazine was expanding and the writers had to expand or become better with it. I agreed but still had problems with how she chose to write and what she focused on in her magazines.

I didn’t like how she regularly wrote about cheating with men and women and ruining relationships. Although I support LBGT people, I was offended that she rarily had articles pertaining to man and woman couples, boyfriends and girlfriends.  I found this editor to be selfish, micro -managing, and immature despite her attempts to appear professional.

She didn’t want my writing but wanted to use my blogs to tweet and post. She wanted to stay friends but didn’t want me to write for her because I was offended by her note. I had every right to be.

So, I let her go. I stopped supporting the magazine by buying the quarterly issues. I wouldn’t let her use any of my writing for her magazine. I unfriended her on Facebook and Twitter. I stopped taking her text messages and didn’t give her my new number when it changed. I unsubscribed from her blog and anything related to the magazine. It was a great decision.

I don’t know where she is at now. I hope she is well and has worked out some of her life and issues with the magazine such as finding writers. It was mean of me to write her a nasty reply to her email. She didn’t deserve it, even if she lacked a degree or experience. But I couldn’t be friends with her after how she talked about my writing, how she treated my skills as if suddenly they were useless. I knew from professors, writing articles in the Edmonton Journal in University, and even strangers my writing was good. It didn’t mean my writing didn’t require improvement (it still does and will forever) but I didn’t like how she belittled my skills and my person. I let her go.

So, I have learned some tricks to working off stress and dealing with problems before they become so large I explode in tears and screaming. Every once in a long awhile, I can’t help it but I am getting better. We cannot always overcome our flaws but we can try to manage them.

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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.