The following is a re-blog and re-edited version of an old poem I found:
The Truth is as a pearl,
polished and genuine,
Gleaming in the waters still.
Deep beneath where the —
Light dances and shimmies on the water’s surface.
It is something taken for granted, something I gave up.
It’s became this hole inside my heart burning, seething,
Twisted and warped beyond recognition.
An evil formed out of something so pure.
A repulsive ugliness which strangles me.
I want to give you that pearl let it gleam in the sun;
Let it adorn a jeweled neck, a sign of hope on a beauties breast.
But I lied and I took our security away,
I lashed myself tight to seaweed, strands of purple haze, watery worries —
They will be my grave, they will make you despise me.
For I am broken soul now and I cannot turn around.
I am set in my ways, though I wail and turn wane.
You are the light of a pearl, the soft flick of ashes, your lashes —
The soot of my pain, as I lie to you again.
The scent of those ashes, that burning acrid smell;
Reminds me of churches, of a place purer than pearls.
Where the air is so still I can hear my breath wrack,
Hear my heart beat, find forgiveness relief.
As I cry in my soul, it’s forgiven but torn.
While you pray to nothing, it separates us more.
I speak of a heart beat between you and me,
A quiet place we rest, but you make me cry in pain.
Wound me, complete me, and I bite my tongue
As my wry wit replies, to the pain on my peaches and cream,
The bruises the aches in my legs, to find no peace.
In that, there is nothing but the trapping of my lies,
The seaweed grief come to strangle my reprieve.
A word of love, taken back, a thought, perhaps, I care little.
But when I am skin to skin and feel,
As close as to anyone that I’ve ever been,
When I would give to you what I’d give to no one else,
You turn your back, you leash me, stop my attempts to train,
So I swirl in and out of this complicated romance, the jumper in the whirlpool.
The one plashless, hopeless because she cannot take back time,
Thinks you and the pearl that glimmers in her eye, would have never been,
Had she not minced words and told you:
“I feel nothing — leave me be;
I enjoy the closeness but you are no shiny pearl of truth.”
I see the future unravel, unruly, uninvited coming near,
Ending because you refuse to believe,
In the significance of ashes and churches.
Because I refuse to live in the world,
The woman with a pearl around her neck.
It’s chocking me, the truth, it slides,
A warm gold chain that clasps the pearl in place,
Tightens the pearl around me neck,
Until lost breath is imminent.
When will I say them, those impending words?
When will I say it I cannot trust you,
I cannot tell the truth,
You choose to do works when faith is needed.
You hurt me, and care little to understand me,
My lips seal the words, close them in a box, turn the key;
Pandora’s box ready to unleash this pearl of wisdom,
Perhaps, wise words, but there are no wise-men here.
©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.