How will I become that?

He's got the whole world ................
He’s got the whole world ……………. (Photo credit: ClaraDon)

In the Bible, God promises that his Word will be a “light unto our path” and a “lamp unto our feet” (Psalm 119:105). The problem I find with this statement comes when you actually picture it. A person, walking in darkness along a path holding a lamp, a light above their  head trying to see where they should place the next footstep, at least that’s the picture I get of Psalm 119:105. The thing is, holding that little light up in your hand you cannot see very far down that path, you can only see where your next footstep goes if that; you are unable to anticipate what lies more than a footstep ahead of you. I liken, this to life. We want to know where we  will we go, what we will we be, and were trying are best to foresee where that is, but the truth is we can barely see a footstep in front of us, that is all we really know.

Thinking about this predicament scares me a bit. I cannot begin to relate the life of spunky 23-year-old moving her way up in a commercial development company to the somewhat wiser, albeit not as fearless 27  year old before me fighting for energy just to do every day things sometimes, just to attend one class a week, at night, and pay attention to what is being taught; to do her part in her group project just like she said she would, even though truth be told her energy is low, like light of the sun peaking through the sky. It is just a small thing to some people, but for her it is a big thing. It means she can do something, use her skills for something productive, and towards a future, but looking at the future she cannot even imagine being off this couch studying, trying to make it work in the ‘real’ world again, dealing with all those people, starting to work her way back up the corporate ladder again. That is one of my biggest fears in a nutshell. Because I can only see and do what I can in this Business course now as I work, not for this project, not for this course, not for the semester, not for the year, and certainly not in the grande scheme of life. And as I am reading the textbook and reading about all the little things involved in an interior design business,  all the little things that go into a business plan, the process becomes overwhelming; I become overwhelmed. Then I look back to point ‘A’ years ago in University, in High School, starting to work, always so sure of myself, but not anymore. Now truly if I am lucky, I see only a “lamp unto my feet” (Psalm 119:105)  So how at one time was I the student who was so sure of herself, am I the older Student who is so unsure of herself, and how does she relate to the ‘adult’ who needs to be able to support and take care of herself, in her future?

I do not know the answer. We cannot tell the future and that is the truth. And we never even when things looked good, knew what lay ahead, we just thought we did. What occurs to me is that I have very little control over my life that is sharply destined by God, bad things, and the whims of other people; that even when I try to exert some control I just end up where ever  anyways. There is a plan alright, but on days like today, I cannot see that plan in action. The best thing I can think of to do on days like this where I can barely see what lies ahead of me is to take my worries and my problems and literally place them in God’s hands. Just like the song, “He’s Got the The Whole World in His Hands” I guess now he has my little problems too. I still wonder and I am still scared, but at the same time I feel this big weight lifted off my shoulders because the only answer to this problem, is that Jesus has to deal with it. Just as he dealt with the sins of all people on the cross, he must deal with my inadequacies too. So I am okay for a little while, the sun is peaking out, and one day when I have the strength to handle the responsibilities I am working towards, I will. Just like that.


I Will Never Stop Learning

Kotowski Palace in Warsaw, interior design
Kotowski Palace in Warsaw, interior design (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am taking a business course for Interior Designers, and am finding that so far the course could be an overview for a business course in general. Our main assignment for the course, worth 50% of our mark, is a business plan for an interior design business. The first time the instructor told me this I think I was vaguely shocked. She handed out the instructions comprising a general layout for a business plan – all things included there in, went through the course guide that somewhat explained this outline, left us to form groups, and left me wondering how this assignment would ever come together. How could we possibly know all the things we needed to know to make a business plan by session 10 when this assignment was due?

I am still in that phase but today I finally pulled it together and started reading through the text-book. Making use of not only an $80.00 purchase, but finding information that further supported and added to the information the instructor had taught us in class (which often feels like she has trouble fitting into an entire class). As I started to research on the internet, things in my head started to fall into place, and I started to think and plan things out.  So now I feel a little better, you see  I have some knowledge now and that makes me happy and feel smarter. Not that I do not learn in class, I do, I am fascinated by what I learn, but it is also 6:30 pm – 9:30 pm at night when I am learning this information so often I feel fuzzy like that fascinating information goes in one ear and out the other. But when I am at home finally studying in the day, repetition kicks in, so does new neuropathways (now awake) connecting the information I am learning to what I have already learned and making something of it, that I think could one day be a business plan with my group.

So that is today in a nutshell. But I am finding all wonderful amount of things in this textbook – things I wished I had learned before I had started working, or even before the end of my Bachelors Degree such as information on making business presentations, putting together and responding to RFQ‘s (Request for Qualifications)  and RFP’s (Request for Proposal), business manners, and building client relationships. Some of this stuff is instinctive, but some of it I could have really used a background in before I started working. Even though, that has been about 4 years now, it occurs to me how funny it is that this information should all become so clear now that I am at home. So you see, an inquiring mind, never stops learning. Information can be found anywhere if only you look and in the most odd places. Four years ago, if you would have told me I was going to try to be a certified interior decorater I would have smirked at you, but not so now. And I am finding this course particularly packed full of useful knowledge, my only hope is that someday I will use it outside the classroom; I am convinced I will, perhaps, in the most surprising places.