Tale Weavers: #Fiction – Teegan’s Potion Part 1: Tallia, Her Magic Shop, and The Stranger


Thanks to  MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie for hosting this week’s Tale Weaver prompt:

——

MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie

 

Tallia heard the chime as the door to her small magic shop opened. She was usually alerted to a customer’s presence ahead of time. She could feel them before they chose to come inside her store and browse. She could especially feel them when they came to her shop with a purpose.

She brushed back her hair, dyed a light purple-hue of grey as was fashionable. Although, she wasn’t much older than her mid-twenties, her business did well. There was always a a demand for certain products she sold. Her Aunt Willow had run this shop for years before her untimely death.

Tallia had kept the name of the shop: Fairy Dust. She had, however, remodeled the shop Aunt Willow had left her to run. She made the shop modern and inviting, but retained its sense of the mystical. She loved her Aunt, but she also loved that the shop was no longer a hole in the wall.


 

Tallia’s store at first glance, catered to those who were browsing for small treasures or jewelry. Knickknack items which were more magic themed souvenirs or memorabilia, than actual magic.

But hidden among the knickknacks were items which could be powerful if used correctly. The items in the restricted section in the back of the store were more powerful than the ones placed out in the open.

The magical items placed here and there upfront were for decor purposes and to let certain customers know what kind of shop Fairy Dust truly was. Only her regulars were allowed in the back with permission.They knew exactly what they were searching for and how dangerous certain magical ingredients and objects could be.


 

A man called out to Tallia in the shop after she let him browse around for ten-minutes; she waited to see what the man wanted. The fact she had not felt him coming alarmed her.

“Hello is anyone there?” the man asked.

Tallie smiled at the man. He had bright green eyes and dark hair. He was quite attractive, she thought. Then a shadow was caste over her mind. The man appeared harmless enough, but she knew there was some kind of darkness in him.

She held onto the cross hanging from her throat for a moment. It was a protective piece of jewelry and it also confirmed her feelings there was something odd about this man being here. The darkness followed him around and it unnerved Tallia who was starting to experience a headache.

“I’m sorry sir, I’ve had such a busy morning and I need to take a lunch break and go pick up some food. Is there anyway you could come back after lunch?” Tallia attempted to look as if she was faint from hunger.

The man sighed.”I really need your help. It’s not something that can wait.”

“I’m so sorry,” Tallia replied, coming out from behind her cash register.” I need to leave. I can’t wait for food. My blood sugar is too low,” she lied.

The man appeared exasperated. “Alright, I’ll be back in an hour and a half. He handed Tallia his business card. “You will be back right?”

“Of course, Teegan,” she said peering at his business card, “One needs to make a living, don’t they?”

Teegan Foster smiled at this and left out the front door. Tallia could feel the shadow lessening quickly as he walked away from her shop. She decided she would indeed close the store for today.

She hoped this might encourage him to visit another magic shop in the city, where they were more experienced dealing with darker magic. She didn’t want to deal with whatever Teegan Foster’s problem was, unless she had no other choice.

Tallia wrote a quick sign saying she had become ill and would be closed for the rest of the day. She wrote the number of another magic shop on the sign which was close by, for an customers needing emergency supplies. She tapped the sign on the shop’s front door.


 

The following day Tallia returned to work refreshed. Some of her regulars had come to the store this morning. She chatted with them as she helped them find correct items for spells and potions.

She swapped stories with them and they laughed at the happenings in each other’s lives. Many of them had known Tallia since she was as a small girl at the shop; her Aunt had raised her.

Sometime later, Tallia’s head started to throb. She clutched the cross around her neck, feeling the dark shadow around a certain someone drawing closer.

Her regulars had left long ago. She was all alone as she sat down on a stool behind the counter. A green-eyed and sharply dressed Teegan Foster came in the door and stopped abruptly in front of Tallia had the cash register. She instantly felt his darkness clouding her mind and making her dizzy.

“Are you feeling better?” Teegan asked her.

Tallia nodded.”I’m fine, I’ll be fine,” she murmured.

Teegan frowned, “I’m sorry, you don’t look well. That’s my fault, here.” She saw him whisper something and the shadow faded and her pain lessened.

“What, what can I help you with Mr. Foster?” Tallia asked, her voice unsteady.

“It’s just Teegan, Tallia. I need a particular potion. Your Aunt Willow was the only one who could make it for me, and her mother before her. I’m positive you know how to make the potion too. She must have mentioned me at sometime; I’m a long time customer.”

“You don’t look so old?”

“I’m older than I appear, much older. But you might not understand such magic yet.”

He came closer to her and stroked her cheek gently.”It’s okay Tallia. The potion I get here, it takes the darkness away for a long time. The pain you feel, the potion will ensure it doesn’t come from me again ever.”

Tallia nodded mutely. When Teegan, touched her, she felt a jolt which was beyond magic. She was attracted to him, more than she would like to admit. But she didn’t trust him.

Instead of looking at Teegan, she stepped away and brought out her Aunt’s old tome from a small room behind the front counter. It was a volume full of customers, spells, and potions from the past two centuries.

Tallia eventually found a page for Teegan, explaining everything she had to do to make his potion. It wasn’t a difficult potion to make and the ingredients seemed normal, she noticed with surprise.

She wondered why Teegan needed it so badly. She also saw the writing of the spell was neither her Aunt’s or her Great-Aunt’s writing. It was a script she had never noticed in this tome before. A woman with skilled and flowing handwriting had first written down this potions recipe.


 

“It will be an hour or so,” Tallia told Teegan. ” I’m sorry, you’ll be waiting so long. You could’ve called the store and I would’ve made it early this morning.”

“Um, I think you would’ve refused me. You would’ve went home again. Am I right Tallia?”

She flushed. “I wasn’t well, Teegan. Honestly.”

“Sure you weren’t,” he said. His smile was dazzling and he had dimples.

“I’ll wait here for the potion. You’ve a comfortable waiting area in the front there. I can sit and read the news on my phone.”

Tallia peered at her modern but cozy waiting are in front of the store’s large window,” Suite yourself, do you want something to drink?”

“A coffee please, with some milk,” Teegan said.

“One moment,” Tallia replied, feeling uneasy about him.

Although he seemed nice, she wondered what happened if Teegan didn’t receive his potion. What could be worse than the shadow surrounding him? She also wondered how old he really was?  Was this potion what kept him from aging? She shook her head at the thought. It wasn’t possible, was it?

Magic often surprised Tallia but not trusting Teegan, she put a bit of sleeping drought and blended it with his milk and coffee. She might require more time than an hour to make this potion.

She wanted to call another magic shop she knew had been around for far longer than she wanted to know. Her Aunt’s store had been relatively a new magic shop, despite it being in the family for generations.

Tallia felt the owner of the ancient store The Black Coven, a man a much older than herself named Jude, might have records what this potion her Aunt made for Teegan actually did. Surely, someone else of his kind had used it as well.

She served Teegan his coffee and he caught her blue-eyes and held them. She felt herself flush. He drank about half the coffee and set in down. He smiled at Tallia, thanking her and meeting her eyes again.

She went to the back of the store to start gathering ingredients. When Tallia came back out front fifteen-minutes later, Teegan was fast asleep. She sighed, trying to calm the hammering of her chest. She felt a bit guilty. Ignoring her guilt, she went to call Jude, hoping he would enlighten her on Teegan’s mysterious potion.


©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

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Poem: Diamanté – ” Fire, Phoenix, Light, and Darkness” #poetry #amwriting #music 


“Just Like Fire” – P!nk

——

Fire,
Scorching, Singeing.

Destroying, Cleansing, Burning all. 

Sparks inside me, embers glowing.

Remenants of yesterday dying.

Acrid smell, Burnt scent, Dusty death.

Blowing winds, Becoming but —

Ashes.

——–

Fire,

Flaming, Fluid heat, 

Interrupting life, Avenging, Lighting pathways.

Devastating the place called home.

Lighting the way back to safety, when enclosed.

Luminous candle, Glowing street lamp, Gleaming stars.

Beaming, Brighten’s with —

Light.

——

Ashes,

Grey silt, Smokey remains.

Leftovers, Burnt black-wood, Coughing fits.

From the ashes, rises the grand Phoenix.

Still the Phoenix becomes the fire.

Spreading fast, Blackening souls, Killing life.

Warmth, Hearth, 

Fire.

—–

Phoenix,

Reddish feathers, Flying past, 

Wings spanning, Soaring fast, Exploring the sky.

The fire brings the smoke to rise in plumes, 

The smoke also signals rebirth — to live again.

Light in Darkness, Glistening stars, Glazing flame.

Hope in , Glory of —

Light. 

—–

Light 

Beaming, Revealing, 

Unravelling mystery, Untwisting falsehood, Enlightening knowledge.

Shadow has no place to hide from light;

Darkness loves the corners hidden. 

Nightmares, Souls which quake, Fear Whispers, 

Gloomy, Depressing, 

Darkness.

—-

Dark, 

Twilight falling, Shaded sky, 

Creeps in Shadow, Blackening, Opaqueness.

Not a breath of light or air to spare in life;

Darkness in death, leads to despair without hope. 

Taking Cover, Teasing Fate, Testing Boundaries.

The End, Fini, 

Death.

—-

Death,

Scythe wielded, Bones rattling,

Soul gone, Decaying body, Empty shell.

The dead will rise at the end of days;

But until then, those of light stay in rays. 

Breath of freshest air,  No worries, No sorrow,

Peace, Promise Kept, 

Heaven.

—–

Fire,

Blazing inferno, Uncontrollable, 

Crisp hearts, Burnt hands, Wild fire’s agony.

Fire cooks our food, the first discovery of man;

But fire too, is life and rebirth; death is not the end.

Renewing life, Forest regrowing, Animals returning,

Hopeful for, Breath of —

Life. 

——

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved. 

Poem: Free Verse – “Neverland and Celesetial Beings” #amwriting #poetry 


http://www.science.nationalgeographic.com

——–

The words flitted through my head, 

As many words, words which may never be said. 

I felt the forms of celestial beings, 

The sky alight, starlight and star bright. 

Twinkling stars forever in their journey of millions to ten billion years, 

Black holes it would seem, a stars end, and another beginning. 

Like the words of poets, of mortal men, 

Glimmering sheen; spoken out loud,

Perhaps, for thousands of years. 

One day all words will flicker out, 

One day no one will remember the words, 

Said eons ago, but for His words; the designer, 

All other words fade to pitch, disappear into black holes. 

We wish for an eternity, yet we dream of fantastic world’s — Neverlands,

Our own earth to flawed to be genuine.

—–

I wonder what words we remember most? 

Are they the words of love and endearment? 

Or the words of intense, raging emotions?

The times we screamed as teenagers,

Angry at life, our parents the world.

Or the times we shrieked, like banshees, for our broken hearts. 

Are they words said at a loved ones funeral?

Or are those words always covered up, oozing untruth? 

Maybe, they’re the words of passion and heat? 

Said between, blissful, exultant kisses? 

Were these words in any situation real? 

Said to make us feel better, to feel okay, 

To make us feel that the world was right? 

Yet we keep spinning in our thoughts, beneath the heavens,

Residents of former Eden, spanning the globe. 

Beneath celestial lights, the greatest burning blasts of sun a flame. 

The stars we wish, mean there is and was a Neverland, 

Perhaps, a flying PeterPan to lead us? 

But Wendy, she wisely came back to earth; 

As Wendy, I stay grounded in reality. 

In a necklace around my neck, 

Wearing pixie dust, my hope —

That anyone can learn to fly, and one day find their forever home.

That any child has a home, where they are loved and safe. 

Hoping no one is a lost boy, 

Not without support and a fighting spirit, 

To carry on; their feet on the ground like Wendy — the mother. 

——

Oh stars spinning round the earth, you glow brighter —

Than the pixie dust of tinkerbelle’s sacrifice. 

Brighter than the gleaming moon, off of Captain Hook’s hook, 

Gleam keener than the crocodile’s eyes,  who follows Hook relentlessly.

Who wants to run forever from crocodiles? 

When they have a taste for your flesh, 

They want to devour you whole and escape is a distant goal. 

In real life, they’re too many crocodiles, 

Beneath celestial beings of the universe, in shimmering luminescence. 

Exist terrible creatures of horror and disease, 

Of hate and harms if every kind.

Those whose souls are so filthy, 

You would think they could never be clean.

But the filthy harmers, are rather variant from Hook’s crocodile, 

Imagine the music playing when the Crocadile comes, Disney made famous. 

The ticking of the clock, the crocodile had eaten, 

The metaphor for time always clicking, 

It’s heels along with Captain Hook’s boots.

So we discover, even if we’re Peter Pan, 

Life is not Neverland; even in Neverland, time keeps on ticking by. 

We cannot fly with Tinkerbelle’s pixie dust, 

Everyone and everything ages; we cannot escape this, 

If we were created from a black hole — a Big Bang —

A gigantic vacuum in reverse. 

Maybe, we are as stars gleaming only a moment? 

Mere seconds in reality, than forever, dying out. 

Re-existing in our heavenly home, 

If we followed that one star to the Manger.

And even Peter Pan chose one day, 

To stay home in the real world. 

He realized in an epiphany, eternity was too long to live as a child. 

He saw eternities vastness, in his old -young eyes, 

And said most clearly: “One day I want to die.” 

——

Peter Pan (Disney) – Crocodile Music

——-

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

Poem: Free Verse – “Words After Turning Thirty-One” #amwriting #poetry 


http://www.pinterest.com

——–

What do we become as women at thirty-one?

Are we put out to pasture? 
Or are we doing the kicking to the curb? 

Are we like the woman of the 1960’s? 

Childless, no husband, so no value? 

Are we no longer desired? 

Are we spinsters, old-maids, bachelorettes for life? 

Or are do we fit my Uncles words:

“The most beautiful women are in their thirties.” 

Is it just the beginning, or is it the end? 

A last stretch of youth?

Or maybe, a reach for adulthood? 

Where some intelligence kicks in, 

And you’re tired of the lies, 

Meaningful nights; mornings depressed. 

So, you’ll wait for the right kind of guy, 

With the right kind of flaws;

Or maybe you live your own charmed life? 

Happy to be single, confident, relaxed.

Is it coming out of bubble gum and pink clouds? 

Finally not a girl;

But a woman who can impact change? 

Is it refinement and elegance? 

A striving for grace and eloquence? 

Is it realizing there is no Prince Charming? 

No white horse or Disney fairytale? 

Building your own life,

Do you forge it the best you can? 

Is it becoming aware even greater, 

Your teachers in childhood are growing older;

Your most lives won’t be around forever, 

So, you gather their wisdom while you can;

Spend time with them now.

Time steals loved ones; be they young or old.

Is thirty-one when you realize,

You are not impervious to dying at anytime in life? 

Severe fatigue, cancer, lupus, Thyroid troubles, 

Depression, anxiety, car accidents, the flu, MS;

Disease in some form, affects us all, 

Bodies which don’t bounce back as easily;

Requiring movement to maintain fitness,
And junk food, oh you’ll pay for it later! 

Sharing a bottle of vodka, tequila, or wine;

Drinking almost all of it, 

Can this be done anymore, and survived? 

Two glasses of wine or two beers, 

Every once in a while seems alright, 

Or face the two-day hangover regrettfully.

The biggest thing about being thirty-one, 

I’ll never get back years in my twenties, 

Lost in fatigue and mental illness, affects of meds;

They’re fond memories of genuine friends;

Futures, I see possibilities of having.

But someone wise once wrote, at the ages if 15 to 32:

Don’t worry about marriage, kids, or being grown-up;

Just enjoy and learn, explore the world. 

The wanderlust calls to me endlessly, 

A mysterious adventure waiting;

Such planning, such difficulties, such hardship; 

For a fantastic trip; I could barely walk all day, 

Or afford it; but wouldn’t it be worth it? 

To have thousands of foot prints,

To cover my pages, and see it’s okay – life goes how it does.

Thirty-one it’s only begun; an age of aspirations, 

Hopefully, inspirations to write more of;

As numerous as my days in all my years allotted. 

Passion and a life to live, anyway I know how.

Grace of God abounding; encircling profoundly, 

His child, he won’t let stumble long.

He guards with angels, and —

His forever promise of light in the dark; 

As wise JK Rowling wrote through Dumbledore:

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times; 

If only one will Remember, to turn on the light.” 
——

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved

Mineral Makeup: Is It A Good Option for Your Skin?


Bare Minerals Powder
Bare Minerals Mineral Veil Powder http://www.sephora.ca

Mineral makeup is not a ‘new’ thing as many of us believe. “Bare Escentuals” sold it’s mineral makeup in the “1970’s,” launching a new powder foundation they claimed was more “natural” than traditional makeup. Mineral makeup began as an alternative to regular foundation. It’s popularity is due to an increase in people’s knowledge of mineral makeup and demand for makeup with as few artificial ingredients as possible. Although makeup with artificial ingredients has an upside, so does the use of mineral makeup.  Mineral makeup has an absence of “filters” such as “talc, chemical dyes, binders, and chemical preservatives,” as well as having “health benefits,” for the user.

Traditional makeup it is most effective in covering up blemishes on the skin. These products provide coverage but they may prevent the skin from breathing and can “worsen redness, blemishes, and dryness of the skin.” In turn, you may need to wear more traditional makeup products due to these issues if they arise.

Natural makeup on the other hand, can give you similar or better coverage in comparison

Clinique Even Better SPF 15 Liquid Foundation
Clinique Even Better Makeup SPF 15 http://www.sephora.ca

to traditional makeup. Often mineral makeups such as foundations, have a buildable coverage. Many woman claim that mineral makeup gives them a more “natural” appearing makeup look. As if, you are not wearing any foundation at all.

Mineral makeup also has an increased shelf life because it does not encourage the growth of bacteria in the product due to how mineral makeup is made. Products aren’t contaminated as they are with the use of traditional makeup products. Aspects of daily life such as heat, rain, and tears, may cause some traditional makeup to melt off or smear. The same issue does not occur with natural makeup which is resistant to unforeseen aspects our makeup goes through on a daily basis.

Becca Mineral Blush
BECCA Mineral Blush http://www.sephora.ca

When applying mineral makeup, a little goes along way. It is best to build coverage in small shear layers until you have the coverage you desire for your foundation. Always wait until your moisturizer has absorbed into your skin first, before applying mineral makeup.

Nonetheless, “Perry Romanowsksi, author of Can You Get Hooked on Lip Balm? Top Cosmetic Scientists Answer Your Questions About the Lotions, Potions and Other Beauty Products You Use Every Day,” doesn’t think mineral makeup is as great as consumers think.'”All makeup is mineral makeup,'” Romanowsksi says. “‘You’ll find the same mineral ingredients — titanium-dioxide, zinc-oxide, mica, and iron-oxides — in conventional products.'”

Mineral makeup includes ingredients such as “titanium-dioxide” and “zinc-oxide.” These are both products found in sunscreen and can protect the wearer of mineral makeup from the damaging and aging effects of the sun. Romanowsksi suggests, however, that a zinc-oxide mine does not exist, “zinc-oxide is synthesized in a lab.” Also, titanium-dioxide, may start out in a mine but it is refined in a lab undergoing an “extraction and purification process” and this Romanowsksi believes is a healthy procedure because titanium-dioxide from the mine can be “contaminated with mercury and lead.”

One of the best reasons to wear mineral makeup is because it is”non-comedogenic” meaning it is oil free and will not clog pores because it allows the skin to breathe. Although, one should note, many foundations and products that are not mineral products are also non-comedogenic.

What mineral makeup lacks, is what makes it so perfect for your skin. It doesn’t have

Omorovicza Mineral Touch Concealer
Omorovicza Mineral Touch Concealer http://www.sephora.ca

“artificial colours, oils, perfumes, or preservatives to clog pores and irritate skin.” A unique combination of “zinc-oxide, iron, mica, iron-oxides, and titanium-dioxides” that have “anti-inflammatory properties,” are helpful for those with problematic skin.

Mineral makeup can help stop conditions such as “acne, eczema, rosacea,” or those with skin which is “sensitive to sun” because of procedures such as “chemical peels.””‘[M]ineral makeup,’ New York dermatologist Neal Schultz, MD says, ‘ . . .is less likely to cause a reaction [for] women with sensitive skin.'” Because mineral makeup “‘doesn’t contain oil, it won’t aggravate acne-prone skin.'”

Tarte Palette
Tarte Energy Noir Clay Palette http://www.sephora.ca

Today, mineral makeup cannot only be found as a loose powder foundation. You can find “blush, bronzer, eyeshadow, lipstick, liquid foundations,” and other makeup items “presented as mineral products.”

Oddly enough, since mineral makeup has become uber popular, many cosmetics companies have added back to their formulas “the ingredients they omitted when they first introduced mineral products. For instance, after reading the list of [twelve] ingredients in a so-called ‘mineral eye shadow’ from a drugstore” it was hard to tell the difference between the mineral eyeshadow and many other regular drugstore eyeshadows –noted Ni’Kita Wilson.

Wilson says, “it’s impossible for mineral makeup companies to create a liquid foundation with a pared-down ingredients list because microbes thrive in water.” This means many liquid mineral product “formulations . . .include some kind of preservative.” Wilson says, “[w]ithout [preservatives], in liquid foundations [etc.] contaminated products [could] lead to skin infections.”

So, if you have “sensitive skin,” you could see how a “loose mineral foundation” works

Viseart Eyeshadow Palette
Viseart Eyeshadow Palette http://www.sephora.ca

for you. Your best bet is to search “for products with the shortest ingredients list.” Even mineral products with a “longer list of ingredients,” mean that there’s a greater chance  “your skin [may] react to” an ingredient in the formulation of the product.

Mineral makeup can also be a good option with people who “don’t have sensitive skin” issues. But you probably want to keep your expectations low. One mineral product such as mineral foundation isn’t going to correct all your skincare problems such as “large pores” or “uneven pigmentation.” You will still need products such as a good primer, concealer, and a “skincare regimen.”

I wanted to provide you guys with a list of some good mineral makeup brands you can take a look at, keeping in mind some of the facts I found out about mineral makeup as I researched it. Many brands only have certain products that they classify as mineral makeup. You can take a look at some of these products from Sephora and then research into the brand to see if they carry other mineral products. Hopefully this list will get you started. You can also go into your local drugstore to see if any drugstore brand makeup carries mineral products. One brand I can think of is Physician’s Formula. Thanks for reading!

1. Amazing Cosmetics: Amazing Concealer Flawless Face Kit,

2. Amazing Cosmetics: Powder Set,

3. No Cosmetics: No Dark Shadows -Complexion,

4.Hour Glass: Veil Mineral Primer,

5.Bare Minerals: Mineral Veil,

6.Omorovicza: Mineral Touch Concealer,

7.Clinique: Even Better Makeup Liquid Foundation SPF 15,

8.Laura Mercier: Mineral Pressed Powder,

9.BECCA: Mineral Blush,

10. Tarte: Energy Noir Clay Palette,

11. Viseart: EyeShadow Palette,

12.Sephora Collection; MicroSmooth Baked Foundation Face Powder,

13.Josie Maran: Argon Black Oil Mascara,

—-

 

http://www.cosmopolitan.com.au/beauty/makeup/2011/5/everything-you-wanted-to-know-about-mineral-makeup/

http://www.webmd.com/beauty/makeup/the-lowdown-on-mineral-makeup?page=1

—–

©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

Thoughts on Aging


Prompt: What are your thoughts on aging? How will you stay young at heart as you get older?

When you are young as a child or teenager and even in your twenties, it is difficult to understand aging. As in, you see a picture of someone you know well when they were near your age and it is difficult to see how they came from being a fresh faced handsome young man to a gray-haired face wrinkles from the sun overweight sixty-year-old. It is interesting how a person looks a bit the same in their old pictures, yet completely different. 

The first big age milestone in my life was eighteen because I could drink and buy alcohol in Alberta. My next big birthday was twenty-one because I could legally  drink anywhere in the world, even in Las Vegas and in L.A. My next birthday I remember of being if some significance was age twenty-five. I was still quite sick and not able to do much of anything but I thought it was something to be a quarter of a century old. I was happy with how I looked, my weight wasn’t too bad, and if I had my health I would have chosen to stay twenty-five forever. 

Now I’m thirty-years-old and I suppose the meaningful birthdays come less often after this, nothing of much importance until I am forty. I spent my thirtieth birthday in the hospital. This summer, my Doctor had me come into the hospital to do some major medication changes. I was able to take less of a cocktail of medications and the medication I needed as an antipsychotic would also help me as an antidepressant and a sleeping pill. On my birthday I was still quite new to the medication they put me on but my Mom and my eldest younger brother took me out to lunch to Earls. It was a nice location but I couldn’t have alcohol. Instead I had chocolate Carmel pudding cake for dessert.

I don’t know what to think about aging from now on. I read somewhere that from the years of fifteen to thirty-two years old we should worry about having fun and seeing the world and don’t worry about settling down until after that thirty-second birthday hits. What happens when I am thirty-two and I still don’t have my life together. For me the factor which is always present for me every year I age is my disease. 

To think about a life-time of possibly being depressed and having to deal with constant low energy levels scares me. What happens if I have to take a different medication and I become fatter because each medication of psychiatric drugs I take for awhile seems to add ten pounds? When do other side effects of medication take effect if they ever do?

 Will I shake when I’m old because of them? How will my lack of being able to be physically active effect me? Will it cause me a heart attack? Will it age me quicker? When am I not young and beautiful anymore? 

Will I have a husband, even if I can’t handle kids? Will he love me for another fifty years? Will I ever be able to live on my own? Will I always have no energy? Will it get worse the older I get? What do I do to live when I no longer receive disability payments? Will my brother’s marry and have kids? Will I see them often? Will I drive again? Can I fulfill my dream of writing books if it takes me so long to write? Will my parents grow very old, older then their seventies or eightees? What about my Godparents? What about it all?

Growing old is hard and overwhelming to me. I see old friends and they are happy, in shape, have good careers, have pets, marriages, have kids, and travel. I feel so far away from that way of life. I feel like I’m thirty in my body, but twenty-five in my head and in my life. I don’t know what keeps you young. Maybe, trying to have a positive attitude. Maybe having a life that’s full whatever your situation. But I’m scared. Not of death. But of suffering in life. Of that I don’t want any more. 

But when I wear myself out thinking and worrying I remember the Bible verse written in Matthew 28:20 “… and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Knowing I have God always with me makes growing old not as scary. 

——

©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.