The Happenings of A Woman in Autumn


Fall is one of my favourite times of year, especially this year with the beautiful twenty degree Celsius weather we are receiving in Alberta. I think back to previous years and I am positive I was already wearing a warm winter coat and high boots to walk through the snow. So, if we can just keep this up until December, I’d be happy. 

This previous weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving, just like American Thanksgiving, without the Black Friday. My whole family was over at our house including my brothers, Nathan’s girlfriend, my Grandma, and some Asian friends of my Dad’s. Supper was good, I helped my mom as much as I could. Mom strives to make thanksgiving a healthy meal as much as possible. We still had turkey, perogies, cabbage rolls, and stuffing but we also had a healthy green salad with fruit and pecans, stir fried vegetables, and little baby potatoes in the ovan with a bit of olive oil and more vegetables. We also have to take into consideration that my Dad has to eat gluten-free. So, we have his most desired dessert, pumpkin pie with whipped cream and Dad just doesn’t eat the pie crust. I also managed to bake my Neiman-Marcus cookies where you blend the oatmeal into a powder. They are chocolate chip and pecan cookies. To save ourselves, my Mom and I sent all cookies home with my brothers. 

I also had a fantastic time planning and taking part in a big dinner for my best lady pals at Earls Downtown. We were all seated around a big round wooden table so it was a tad hard to talk to everyone but I think I managed. I was just so happy every lady their made it out.

 Sitting there I realized three of our group were moms of little children and everyone except me was married or had a serious boyfriend. This didn’t particularly bother me but I though about it later, although I miss have someone by your side, I was okay with just being single right now. After four years, it feels right for me to just focus on me and my health and getting that back to a place where I can go out more and also I would like to lose some weight. I miss seeing my good friends more than I do, but life happens and makes it harder to mesh your lives with those you would like to as often as you once did.

I talked to A, that was a big step. He is not mad or upset about what happened when we broke up and I’m glad. I think this was a good thing for us both to do. 

I am also finally, able to concentrate and work on my class after a month of nothing working out. Just in time for the midterm I have notes, pictures of slides, and the textbook so I can study and do well on the midterm Tuesday afternoon. I was able to arrange the exam time for the day, rather, then at night with the class. Next project after this will be an essay on a display of pieces of furniture we might choose to do. I will have to get some research material for this project I think. I am so glad I can do the course from home. Although, I find art history extremely interesting so I would have liked to hear what the professor said about these furniture pieces we’re studying.

Next, week I have the midterm and a blowout and makeup at Icon the next day. It was a groupon I’d bought to use on my birthday, but since I was in hospital at that time I didn’t. I also hope to figure out what is making my teeth so acidic the enamel is disappearing, and to work on losing weight through these 7 minute workouts and healthy clean eating. 

Take care, 

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It’s a Wonderful Life


I am taking the cab over to see A and to take him out for an early birthday supper. When I show up at his apartment a little old lady lets me in in a unit adjacent to A’s unit and A is stretched out on the couch in a favorite t-shirt and dirty white sweat pants. The sweat pants bother me but I would never say anything such as haven’t you got some dish soap to put on those pesky stains but it’s okay because A always changes to look good in public: another name brand t-shirt and expensive ripped jeans and new black shoes. 

He wants to go to Red Lobster for his dinner but I go inside and can hardly stand the seafood smell and know even if I order chicken it will taste like it smells. So, we head to Olive Garden which is delicious: soft warm bread, salad chicken Marsala and chicken something else for A. Also, he orders some big drink non-alcoholic because he doesn’t drink and I get to try real sangria which is less fizzy or sweet then my favorite sangria at Joeys. But a glass of red wine with fruit in it is good too.

 We are there till 6:45 pm and arrive home by 7ish and just my luck one of my favorite movies is on Jurassic Park but the second movie The Lost World and I watch that until 11 pm and then the news. A went to work out and briefly debate leaving my makeup on to go out later. I really should have but I’m so tired and when A leaves around midnight I snuggle into his brand new duvet and fall asleep having brought an extra sleeping pill because it’s hard to sleep in someone else’s bed. But I fall asleep quickly and A is such a gentlemen and sleeps until late morning in the living room as not to wake me.

I get up around noon and shower and start making latkes for breakfast when A sneaks up behind me. I make two for me and one for him as he is having eggs. They are a treat, he offers to buy me some but I insist he doesn’t because latkes are so many calories plus we put jam and the laughing cow cream cheese on them. I am full but A is always trying to feed me, pop, cookies, and whatever else. I am big enough, I insist. 

We watch Simpsons and a movie then go for a nap where I get to be nice and close to A. He drives me home and we increase our cholesterol with a stop at McDonalds then A actually comes into talk with my parents both my Mom and Dad. I am a happy girl and have enjoyed the weekend. If only I’d been able to stay up to go out. Oh well. . . 

It’s a Beautiful Day


Im here in sunny Edmonton and besides being a tad windy the weather is beautiful and sunny. The sky is clear and blue as trees wave in the wind. The snow is melted and I’m thinking of venturing outside. Instead I’ll write this blog that I hope you’ll all enjoy.

First, I am crazy excited to get my new yoga wear from Jennifer Hudson’s line: Fabletics. They have extremely cool workout wear for cycling, running, yoga etc. and it’s good quality and the style and price beat Lululemon by a mile. Your first outfit is half off plus a low regular shipping cost and each full outfit is only fifty dollars. This means you can get an entire outfit — a sports bra, shirt, and crops for that price. The only bad thing about this service is it’s a subscription service so you’ll get an email from Fabletica once a month with new outfits and you have to remember to decline if you don’t want an outfit or it will automatically charge you and send you one. I don’t like this part but their stuff is so cute I can see myself getting several outfits and each for only half the price of a pair of Lululemon pants. Plus, sizes go up to 18-20 (or something around there) so they’ll fit everbody. I’m going to try a couple outfits and see how it goes. You can always quit. And I’ll let you know how the outfits work out once they arrive. My friend has been very pleased with her first outfit. 

Next, I’m officially in Copywriting (my spring course). It’s another one of those do 4 modules and discussions in 3 weeks plus an exam worth 80 percent course. I think having an exam worth that much is excessive. SFU Editing is delusional. I’m seriously considering not taking anymore editing and doing Creative Writing Certificate on SFU online. I think it is more where my talent lies but I will see how well I can do on this editing course. I should be doing module 1 right now but I can’t concentrate for the life of me. 

Also, my Mom and Dad will be gone to China for 2 weeks so I will be home all alone. I’m trying to plan activities to keep busy. Of course, there is both courses to do. And I’m going for a little pampering at the spa. Then I will be spending time with A. Also, I have somethings to do Downtown one day, errands I’ve put off. And the rest I’ll figure out. For now that’s all. Headed to A’s today or tomorrow.Looking forward to seeing him!

Thanks for reading! 

Just a Few Things To Say


One thing I detest about chronic fatigue is that on different weeks and days I can feel very different. Some days my body just wants to lay in bed all day and some days I actually feel quite normal and want to go to the mall, the art gallery, the Beauty Lounge, or some other place that is not a doctors office. Yesterday was one of those days I spent in bed. My ears were so plugged up and I had such a headache that I spent the day sleeping. This was not CF related just a cold/flu and once I went to the drugstore that evening to get some Buckley’s I felt so much better just like that. It is my go to medicine for congestion but Neocitran is also very helpful at night.

This morning I feel okay. I was almost considering going to the mall but I still feel quite tired. So, I stayed home and did school work for my Fiction course. We are critiquing the beginning of each others works of fiction and I had a couple of stories to go through this morning. Both quite interesting and I feel how will I compete? But I know my style is just different then the people I’ve been reading. So my story which is basically chapter 1 is my 10 pages that I will be submitting from How Was Last NIght For You and I did do quite a bit of work on a setting which the first chapter was missing. I hope it fits in okay because the rest of the story, especially that first night, is dark and chaotic for Nina and John. Anyways it’s been a helpful course and I hope it can manage two at the same time as I’m starting the Copywriting course next Monday. Both will end around the same time and I pray they will balance out so I’m not trying to do two big assignments at once.

Hence, with the school work the last week of Photography 101 kind of went down the drain and I felt I had enough taking pictures for awhile. It’s too snowy here now and everything is covered up it. So last week of that course shot to hell but that is okay. I would very much like to do Writing 101 again but know I cannot handle that with my other two courses.

Also, I told A I had enough of his “sleeping bags” which are pilling and not very big that he calls blankets for his bed. They are either to hot or freezing. So I looked around and found him a nice duvet it’s a mix of down and microfiber so he won’t get too hot and I got him a nice white and grey stripped duvet cover to go with his red sheets. Finally, I will be comfortable when I sleep over and there will be enough blanket for the two of us. So, looking forward to introducing A to what an actual bed should be like. Just have to get him something to make the mattress a bit softer later and it will be perfect — a padded mattress cover I think.

Everything else is good! I think I will go up to the mall tomorrow and go a few places I need to go and then I am not sure what this weekend holds. A is at work for two weeks. Not sure what my friends are up to yet but I do feel I will need a bit of recuperation after this flu finally goes away.

Take care

Ode for Joy


There are times when life can be so suddenly simple. That no matter the journey ahead you feel especially confident of yourself, of what you can handle and face. I have been polling people on the Internet and in real life asking them if they knew or when they knew there spouse was right for them. 

I have had a great variety of answers from I knew right a way to I found out this person wasn’t right for me. And I guess the truth is we never know 100 percent forsure. What I found more are little moments in time when people realized something about another person that made them akin to them. My Godfather always told me he knew his wife was right for him the first time he talked to her on the phone. He hadn’t met her yet, but he called his mother and told her he had met the woman he was going to marry.

As for myself, I’m still quite far away from marriage but A and I have this general plan. This plan has terrified and made me panic since the moment it became real and it’s 2 years away or more. A has been sure the moment he loved me that I am the girl for him. It is why through 5 break ups of about a week each we keep getting back together. And I complain to my girlfriends that A is doing this again. But I have learnt it is much better to keep a relationship between you and your beloved and that your friends are of course going to take your side. But they haven’t heard the other side of the story which is usually his. Him being dumb or just clueless. Or him keeping his mouth shut when you are dumb or clueless. 

But slowly this whole freaking out about committing my life to someone has eased. A great calm has descended and I feel that I can face what challenges I face ahead. I can face it because I’m with the right person to face it with me and even when times are tough we find our way back. And we have what it takes to make it in life. 

Tonight we saw Insurgent at the movies tonight. I love the Divergent series and this one was great. Like most movies based off the book the script writers took a great amount of liberties from the book but it was still an extremely entertaining movie. Plus, it has Theo James in there playing Four. Yummy! But I digress. My boyfriend went to the movie I wanted, paid for popcorn, and helped me balance everything with what he calls my giant ten pound purse. Then when the movie was out and I couldn’t do up my coat zipper he patiently zipped it up for me. So, if caring for your girlfriend is like caring for a toddler he passed with flying colors, with much appreciation from the toddler. And I felt just really happy and grateful to be with A. 

Plus, I had made him a photo book on mix book (Google it) right on the web and he loved it even though I screwed the end pages up and put nothing in and did not change the template on the back. I love mix book btw it is the greatest. A little tricky but it gives you the best place to play around with lettering and templates and pictures for your book. Just remember triple check what you print. 

That’s all for me tonight! 

When Things Get Busy


One way I have found I have had to function since I first became sick was to actually schedule in rest days into my week. Other people don’t understand this often. They think that if I did something the day before then logically, the next day, I should be restored. But that is not how Chronic Fatigue works. CF works so that you go to sleep but are be never mentally or physically restored. And even restoring yourself to the small levels of energy you have after an event out can take an extra day, even two.
But I have learned how to deal with this. Mostly, I just schedule something every second day and only the odd time do I schedule consecutive days with events.

Lately, I find myself having to squeeze a lot into my days and what I’m doing compared to the average person isn’t that much. Most people are pretty accepting of how I need to function. We can usually both find a day that suits us to meet. But lately, I feel like a crazy person trying to schedule in all the friends I missed seeing over Christmas, blog, start reading for my fiction course, read other books, keep my areas in the house clean, go to appointments, have time for self care, exercise, and schedule in A who is here everyday until the first year of his chef school is done in the next two months or so. Plus, I’m trying to find time to do wedding scrapbooks for a couple friends, not wear myself out, and do all the little things that come up. Maybe this isn’t much to you but for me I’m trying to fit everything I can into like 1/3 of a day because that’s what I can handle.

I use to thrive in a busy environment. And if I couldn’t find something to do I would find something such as the gym, walking the dog, or reading while working full time and going to the gym three days a week. But I loved it and I had boundless amounts of energy to do some things at night and on the weekend. But it’s important that I try not to compete with that person because I’m not her anymore. There has got to be some slowing down btw 23 and 30 anyways. But sometimes I wonder if cramming my days so full was healthy? Maybe it got me to where I am today — chronically fatigued. I’ll never know what truly caused my body to react with such fatigue mentally and physically but there are always little things I wonder if I could have done different. If I could have stopped my synapses on my neurones from misfiring. But I could wonder forever.

For now I just do the best I can and take delight over the little things like my new knee high leather boots that came in today finally. They fit perfectly. Or I value that I will see my friend on Thursday. We’re busy so there’s been time in-between but every time were apart when we see each other again it’s the same as it’s always been — giggles and laughter. Plus, I’m excited for a Writing 201 poetry course. Anyone else taking this? Sign up please it will be fun.

So as busy as I am for me, it’s important to take the time to relax and build up strength because that gets me through the day. Not to mention, having a plethora of things to look forward to. There is only 5 months to Las Vegas that is something in itself.

Things Are How They Are


It has been a tough two weeks. This week I made a friend who turned out to be a fake and only wanted one thing. It’s understandably difficult for me making friends my age so it was a bit disappointing after all this talking to have the relationship come to nothing. Some people are disappointing but they are who they are I guess.

I struggled withe break up with A. We made up and then broke up again all in the expanse of one week. But I finally feel right again having painfully worked through our issues, this time I hope for good. Nothing worth having is ever easy and I feel that we are both stronger because of our difficulties. I don’t know how many couples break up and get back together a bunch of times, I am told. But I guess this is weird for couples who just stay together to understand. But I feel now our relationship has direction and that A will treat me a lot better. Having him home going to school helps a lot right now. Because sometimes I think distance creates problems between us but I’m told since he takes my good and bad, I too have to accept his good and bad. I think I can work harder at doing that.

I was so busy going to a doctors appointment on Tuesday and then off to Winner’s because I’m really trying to organize the space I call my room. There is still vacuuming, dusting, and organizing to do but I organized my scarves, jewelry, and got a new duvet and cozy flannel sheets with Christmas gift cards. There is so much left to do I wish I could do more at once.

Wednesday was the dentist and I was just exhausted after. And today I ended up staying up too late chatting with said bad friend and was exhausted even more by 2 am when I finally fell asleep. Today I woke up at 11 am and didn’t get much done. I fell down the stairs yesterday and am so bruised up I am moving like an elderly women. I did do my nails. I love bubble gum pink by Quo Orely and got a non chip top coat to help it last on my fingers in the same brand.

I am going to dinner with A tomorrow after his class and that will be so nice. In the day I plan to relax and clean up a few more things in my room. The next week I have to go visit my Great God Mother Evelyn at the hospital and I’m looking forward to some Winter Fest at the U of A with a couple friends.

Cheers all!

It plays out, how it plays out.


Hi, It’s been awhile. I wish I could say I’m completely feeling better but I’m laid up in bed. But I do feel well enough to do a little typing. Thank goodness, I’m quite bored of just laying here and sleeping but feeling sick anytime I get up. Part of what I have is due to a terrible head cold the other part, the flu part, symptoms from trying a new medication, ironically with less side effects then the one I had before. So, yesterday I switched back to Rispirdone and I haven’t felt the good effects yet, it’s only been 12 hours. But my stomach doesn’t hurt and that’s a relief.

It’s been a week now since I broke up from A for good. I think what finally did it for me when he said ” it’s on you” and I was mad because relationships take two to screw up and I was also happy because I didn’t have him to badger me about making a choice. I could make it on my own and I was ready to be done with our relationship. I didn’t even think about wanting to contact him all week. Yesterday was the first day I felt sad and started to think about all the memories and good times we had built together. Breaking up isn’t easy especially when you’ve invested three and a half years. I think about the situation and think A would like this, or I should pick this up for A. Then I drop my iPad as if I’ve been burned because I realize again it’s just me now and it was my choice. And I’m happy about my choices, relieved, but I still miss when the situation was great between A and I.

But there is a finality to this this time. I don’t want to go back. I want to move ahead. Some day I want a relationship with a different guy and I have a little better idea what I’m looking for. A did some things really good and really bad. I’m sure I did too. Hopefully, I can learn from my mistakes and I hope he does too. I’m glad he’s in school and has that to distract him. I’m proud he finally went, but I can’t tell him that so this will have to do.

Despite having an insanely bad week I’m looking forward to spending more time with friends and a fiction course and copy writing course this spring. I’m thrilled to go back to Las Vegas with my Mom. and I’m considering either a certificate or MA in Creative writing. I’m still slowly working on my book and I’m even still thinking about that tattoo I always wanted. Just a little worried about the pain.

That’s it for me until I’m a little better still.

A Bad Start


Not Getting Along
Not Getting Along

It’s been one of those too crazy weeks. It began fighting with A over a disappointing New Year’s not just because I had a throbbing headache that night but because he took off around 5:30 pm on New Year’s, left me all alone, and decided last-minute he needed a haircut. He waited 3 hours to get this haircut which he could have easily gotten a couple of days later. There was nothing wrong with his hair. At least not wrong enough to leave me alone 3 hours in the dark ( I couldn’t find the damn light switch that worked). And you know when you have energy then suddenly everything calms right down and sucks the life out of you. Being with other people and talking and getting ready with them keeps you going. But by the time A got home at 8:30 pm I was upset, had a headache, was starving, and I just had no patience anymore, and no reason to go to Earls for supper and out to the Druid.

A had brought McDonald’s home and instead of us going to Earls we ate that. Not what I

www.keno.com McDonald's :Logo
http://www.keno.com
McDonald’s :Logo

had in mind at all. He was the one so tired at the beginning of the night so we watch the New Year’s concerts in NY and I go to bed angry and yet again he leaves to go out with friends to go God knows what hours. I just really felt we were supposed to be spending New Year’s Eve together and he kept taking off and not saying anything about it.

I took the time to do my hair which takes a while to curl, dress up, and put on silver stiletto heels I knew I’d be hating in 10 minutes and I spent the night alone. I explained this to him the next day and he was like ” Some times you just talk shit, and I don’t want to talk about it.” I was really hurt and angry because communication is something he struggles with me so much. And later he won’t talk to me, hence my ‘I don’t want to talk to you’ article and then he goes back to work and I’m just like whatever I can’t focus my energy on being angry this long.

www.stevewright.info
http://www.stevewright.info

So even though I have such reservations about his communication and the fact he might just take off with his friends next time I want to go out I just forgave A and now we are talking again. Texting back and forth, as he works up North. I miss him because I usually do, and last time was such crap. So coming down off of being so upset took a lot of energy out of me and I had a tired New Years and the weekend.

Tuesday I spent at Rexall and my psychiatrists. Rexall for some odd reason I was trying to find better shaving things for A who said shaving hurt his skin. So I went to the Dove men’s section picked him up some nice shaving cream that is anti-razor burn, some moisturizer for after shaving, and some razors that have more blades on them then his little 2 blade razor so he doesn’t have to go over the same areas on his face twice. Call it part of his Christmas present I guess. There was also a brand of makeup there called The Balm that I always look at when I go there and I thought a couple of pieces of it would be a great present for my friend who has a Birthday in January. So, I picked her up an eyeshadow trio and a blush and sent it off with a card in a bubble pack in the mail. All errands done at Rexall, I went to see Dr. B.

www.woking.gov.uk
http://www.woking.gov.uk

Dr. B told me about my bloodtest results that although they did show a marker for something, that something couldn’t be identified and Dr. S the rheumotologist couldn’t identify anything for me that would out right say I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It’s just something Dr. B and I are mostly sure of since I’ve been tested for everything else and I fit the criteria pretty well. Oh well, I can’t use the term on any medical or financial forms anyways so it doesn’t matter. It’s just one of those things that their is no expertise on in Edmontont, infact, probably around the world. And knowing that I have it forsure would change nothing. I am trying a new medication which I’m hoping actually works. It’s an antipsychotic and has less side effects then the current one I am on because it is newer. So I start that tomorrow and just hope that it helps and it isn’t a waste of a trial,

www.getpositiverevolution.com
http://www.getpositiverevolution.com

I wrote two chapter for How Was Last Night For You, I really feel the ideas and story coming together now as I write. I have lots of ideas now, I just have to see what fits and bring in some secondary characters to make the book more interesting. I am taking a Fiction course in February until May so that should be a huge help in writing a piece of fiction and I plan to write more for the book in the course and use it as my piece of fiction to work on. Hopefully, the professor likes what I’ve written as much as you guys have.

Now, it’s Friday and it’s been a slow day. So, I figured I would end the week with a ‘ What’s Up’ piece and be done with this week. The beginning really spoiled the rest of it I’m afraid. And I’m having a lot of reservations there. Instead I’ll just give myself a confidence boost with Dear Me . . .

Oh well, Happy Weekend!

My Random New Years


Last night I had big plans to go out for supper at Earls or to the Druid later and ring in the new year. But two things happen: the skirt I bought for New Years didn’t suit me so I wanted to return it and waiting for my boyfriend to get his haircut for three hours I became extremely tired and hungry. A came back bringing McDonalds and I was already in a sparkly sweater, leggings, and high sparkly stilettos ready to go out. I had a headache and my head was just thumping. I took an Advil and awhile ago I had texted A, let’s just stay in. Which is ironic because that’s what he maybe wanted to do at first.

But I stayed up to midnight and I watched Ryan Seacrest ring in the new year in NY with a whole bunch of singers and bands. Lady Antebellum was my favourite from Nashville. And pretty much as the ball dropped in NY I was in bed and trying to sleep. I had a restless sleep but now it’s 1 pm and I feel sort of awake. A went out later last night, I wish I could have gone.

I was also thinking about New Year’s resolutions and if I should make any. You are supposed to be direct about your resolutions and break it down into small completable steps. But I’m not sure I can do that because the things I want to accomplish I don’t know that I am humanly able to be able to do them.

I want to be healthy, but I have little control over that besides watching what I eat and trying to do just a little exercise. But I can’t make my illness go away, I can just pray I’ll heal. The other thing that I want to be able to do is know what I have. I think I am becoming close to what disease I have through these recent blood tests. I think I will find some answers, I hope. I want to be able to do cardiovascular exercise to lose weight but I’m just not able.

I can make smaller goals such as I would like to blog three to four days a week. I would like to see a friend at least every two weeks. I would like to keep a cleaner room and I would like to be more useful around the house. I would like to get a B- in all my editing courses or more and I want to pay off as much debt as possible. I would like to take a vacation with my Mom.

There are so many things I would like to accomplish but some of these goals require miracles. And I’m still waiting on those. Some of them I’m able to accomplish and I look forward to completing some of these goals. What are your New Year’s resolutions? Did you have an exciting New Years Eve?

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