Hey all! It’s been a long time, and I’m sorry to have been away so long. I’ve spent the last month recovering in hospital from a severe depressive episode. There’s still a ways to go to improve my stamina, but the hardest part is done. At least my diagnosis is known forsure — I suffer from Clinical Depression where I can become so depressed I have a psychotic episode. But, with new medication and the help of modern ECT (which I highly recommend), I’m looking forward to continuing through life and improving my little apartment and finding another part-time job. For now I’m at my parents working on healing a little still. Here is a poem I started a month ago, before the episode got bad, finished today.
The writer takes a pause,
The world it spun, titled without cause.
Forgotten nights and fierce dramas played;
Yet, I stay; I pause — only for a breathe of time.
A moment to confess;
Assured that darkness can never win the day.
Although the sun is abeam and we drag our paint brushes through clean–
It’s a stronger light than you could imagine.
Eternal, brilliant, fluorescent, suffering a just fierce burst;
— Than the glow of morning wins adream.
So, that in the black pitch of fright we see;
Darkness is short, never forever.
Forever is but a moment if you realize —
Dim dankness will cease, and the night’s short minutes are minuscule gleaming beams of white.
They block out the pitch of fright;
Time that pauses pain, such gusts of cruelty cannot prevail;
Thus, we continue on —
And in life we’ve hope, despite death shrouds.
Those pollutant clouds that choke — only sweet clean air has us afloat.
Here shrill cobalt birdies fly and never die;
No lost trips in wild night, no wild wild frights or shadow‘s clawing.
Nothing but our vivid faith for tomorrow’s war won;
And in reality I find(perhaps), a better life aglow.
I hold on for brilliant light beyond the dusk, and harrowed breadth of night.
This is no nightmare or sordid dream, so hang on —
A better life bends t’ward us; And courage is a radiant resplendent breath awake.
The creators Mercy and passion still live —
If only we forget not to hope.
For a better life, for better seconds to each other give;
Forgive and hang-on-tight to the bold flashes of a sunny, light blue Friday dawn.
The battle has faded; now forever altered we move on.
Soldiers dragging our feet as swishes of paint,
Each step t’ward life’s resilience.
©️Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved (2019).