Hey all! It’s been a long time, and I’m sorry to have been away so long. I’ve spent the last month recovering in hospital from a severe depressive episode. There’s still a ways to go to improve my stamina, but the hardest part is done. At least my diagnosis is known forsure — I suffer from Clinical Depression where I can become so depressed I have a psychotic episode. But, with new medication and the help of modern ECT (which I highly recommend), I’m looking forward to continuing through life and improving my little apartment and finding another part-time job. For now I’m at my parents working on healing a little still. Here is a poem I started a month ago, before the episode got bad, finished today.
The writer takes a pause,
The world it spun, titled without cause.
Forgotten nights and fierce dramas played;
Yet, I stay; I pause — only for a breathe of time.
A moment to confess;
Assured that darkness can never win the day.
Although the sun is abeam and we drag our paint brushes through clean–
It’s a stronger light than you could imagine.
Eternal, brilliant, fluorescent, suffering a just fierce burst;
— Than the glow of morning wins adream.
So, that in the black pitch of fright we see;
Darkness is short, never forever.
Forever is but a moment if you realize —
Dim dankness will cease, and the night’s short minutes are minuscule gleaming beams of white.
They block out the pitch of fright;
Time that pauses pain, such gusts of cruelty cannot prevail;
Thus, we continue on —
And in life we’ve hope, despite death shrouds.
Those pollutant clouds that choke — only sweet clean air has us afloat.
Here shrill cobalt birdies fly and never die;
No lost trips in wild night, no wild wild frights or shadow‘s clawing.
Nothing but our vivid faith for tomorrow’s war won;
And in reality I find(perhaps), a better life aglow.
I hold on for brilliant light beyond the dusk, and harrowed breadth of night.
This is no nightmare or sordid dream, so hang on —
A better life bends t’ward us; And courage is a radiant resplendent breath awake.
The creators Mercy and passion still live —
If only we forget not to hope.
For a better life, for better seconds to each other give;
Forgive and hang-on-tight to the bold flashes of a sunny, light blue Friday dawn.
The battle has faded; now forever altered we move on.
Welcome, this is late, better late than never I suppose. This week is my last Steeped Tea Event for December, except maybe Boxing Day. My last 2018 charity event is Monday, called the ‘Snowflake Ball’ for a children’s hospital wing, in the University Hospital in my city. I’m excited, but I know it will be a long one by the end of the night. Enjoyable too. There are so many worthy causes out there and I love that I can be apart of them. Looking forward to the fashion at this one too.
I have a couple of stops left to Christmas shop before the 24th, & also Christmas baking, cards, and special foods, those kinds of things to prepare once work is done for awhile. This year has turned out to be so different than many other years. Both, in ways I’m glad about and also in taking giant leaps — I’m still in the process of figuring life out. I wish this involved writing more, but I’ve gained experience in other areas I hope will be useful in the future. Here and there I get to write a poem, and comment. These are the most relaxing times for me. Sometime I will have a lot more to say then, what I can say right now. But it’s been a good year — answered prayers, and time to catch up on some quotes.
Thanks to Sonya of Only 100 Words for hosting #3LineTales. Sorry, a bit of cheat with this one, but I couldn’t get the idea out of my head for the photograph. I think it’s 4 or 5 sentences. But who’s counting. 😉
Credit: Jerry Kiesewetter via Unsplash
Say, there’s a million dollars in one green box (ignore the yellow boxes), and there’s Monopoly money in all the other green boxes, but you don’t know what green box has the million dollars, and what boxes have Monopoly money.
You select green box number 7 as the box (you guess) has the million dollars, but it’s also revealed that in green box number 2, there’s only Monopoly money; do you choose a different green box or stay with green box number 7?
Many people would say, there’s a 50/50 chance your first choice is the correct green box with the million dollars, but they’d likely be wrong, and here’s why: There was a 3/4 (75 %) chance of you choosing a box with Monopoly money, and there’s still 1/2 (50 %) chance of you choosing the Monopoly money, when green box number 2 is revealed. There’s only 1/4 (25 %) chance of you choosing the million dollars; therefore, you should change your green box selection because there is a greater probability you were, initially, wrong choosing green box number 7, than choosing the green box that contained the million dollars.
For November Notes Day 30, the final prompt song is “Break the Shell” by India Arie. I’m combining with the #3LineTale prompt by Sonya of Only 100 Words.
Credit: Hans Vivek via Unsplash
“Break the Shell” by India Arie
Hard decisions are frustrating, such as spray painting a mural and wanting it to be perfect, then watching it painted over in white the next day; but we can’t let indecision and fear hold us back as shadows too make a person whole. We want to live a life without pain but that life doesn’t exist because life hurts no matter what and is meant to be felt; if we stay inside ourselves, then we’ll never accomplish our potential. I am certain that flying free means breaking out of our shells to thrive and take chances; and if we don’t decide to try we’ll remain trapped on the ground, always wondering, what if?