#NaPoWriMo Day 8: Poem – Free Verse – “Ambivalent Heart” #amwritingpoetry


For NaPoWriMo Day 8 , I wrote my own poem unrelated to the prompt.


“And I can’t be running back and fourth forever between grief and high delight.” – J.D. Salinger


Credit: Victor Freitas via Unsplash


Thoughts twist, wind, the fog is dense, and the staccato in my head throbs;

I wish I could explain it, but I can’t.

That moment where my eyes glaze and nothing in me knows how to fight;

When there’s nothing in me, I’m a sack of flour and I’ve folded.

As wheat in the grainery refined to dust,

Those moments I’ve nothing, and I slump, a leaf crumpled.

Fight or flight escape, collapse is imminent; the walls of Jericho tremble.

A smile, a sigh — what do I want? What do I do? What to say?

What roads we wander without knowing why, stumbling back and forth.

Then, my heart pumps energy bolts, lightening,

A fist squeezes my heart rigid, eyes of doe flutter.

Headlights incoming, is it enough?

You owe me nothing, we’ve two diverse paths,

Yet, ‘blue blue eyes’ catch me, and somewhere inside flutters;

Aching of past mistakes, selfish liars.

Scared I’ll never make it, waiting for clear words;

I don’t know what to say.

Ask me to let you know.

Ask, talk more, do something; I’m walled in place, and I can’t move.

I hate unsaid words, but some regrets strangle worse.

Never ever again, he broke me worst;

Never ever, because his eyes still haunt with that youthful glaze.

But, I go about my business and somewhere inside I glow;

A radiance lifts sedating fog, and sometimes I’m so alive,

It’s amazing, celestial enlightenment.

Sometimes, I’m so exhausted I can’t think beyond headaches;

My thoughts unravel and I’m nothing.

Am I never enough?

But sometimes that’s the problem, I can’t read brail or sign language, but I hum,

Lifted into the breeze as rice paper, far away —

Ask for help, leap!

Don’t resign to tears, not when you’ve the choice not to be crushed;

Go about the day, forget the fray.

‘Blue blue eyes –‘

Tonight I’ll sleep, twist the sheets, awake eyes puffed; then, sweetness infuses.

Tomorrow’s another day, and ‘blue blue eyes’ linger with an ethereal hue.


©️Mandibelle16. (2019) All Rights Reserved.

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mandibelle16

I'm a Canadian girl who loves the local sports scene. The NHL and CFL And recently, some NFL games. Also, I’m into hatha yoga, walks in the river valley; drawing and painting, makeup, hairstyles, and the beauty niche. Also, I enjoy learning about improving my writer the other topics in seminars, classes, TED Talks, and podcasts. I’m a casual Freelance writer and worker. Both on various subjects of academia in the humanities, social sciences, business, arts, and architecture. I’ve also freelanced blog in beauty, health, skincare, and related topics. I’m an excellent researcher in most any subject. I’m also a freelancer of a different kind for a company called Givergy. Moreover, I love dogs and love hanging out with my friends and family whenever I'm able. I enjoy spring, summer, and early fall when the weathers warm and there are many festivals and activities occurring. I'm also a writing fanatic. Check-out some of my published poetry on www.spillwords.com. I’ve been published on other literary sites, as well. Recently, I had a short story published in a Cinderella Anthology, Cinderella Reimagined. It’s available here: https://www.amazon.com/Cinderella-Reimagined-Anthology-Retellings/dp/1979701970/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1523903011&sr=8-1&keywords=cinderella+reimagined If you need to contact me or are a blogger/writer or a blogger for a cause and are interested in being Interviewed, please visit my ‘contact page’ at the top of my blog.

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