Fiction: Morning Runs and Bad Memories #amwriting #fiction


Another piece from my class with edits.


Credit: Zac Ong via Unsplash


He’s hot. Go join him.” Jacklyn filled Yasmin’s coffee.

“Sam’s weird. He keeps perfect running pace behind me at the park. Even worse, he comes in here for coffee.”

Yasmin pulled her sleeves over her hands. “He makes me skittish.”

“Talk to him.”

“I’m scared to, I think.” Yasmin adjusted her ponytail as Sam ambled to the front counter. He paid for one of Jacklyn’s gourmet Cinnamon buns. He caught Yasmin’s eye and winked.

Jacklyn’s eyebrows raised. “He was ogling you. That’s why he’s been running behind you. Oh, and he’s always had his morning coffee here.”

Yasmin peered at Sam. He smirked, inclining his head. “What’s so good about him?”

Jacklyn winked. “He tells me he loves my buns.”

Yasmin smirked. “Oh, yeah? He rubs ‘me’ the wrong way.”

“You’re thinking about him rubbing you?”

Yasmin rolled her eyes.

Jacklyn sighed. “Sam doesn’t have a creepy bone in his body, and he’s intriguing and well built; you have to admit that. It must be those long runs chasing you.”

“He asked Robbie about you. Sam sees you every day and thought you’d be more comfortable with him by now.” Jacklyn prodded.

Yasmin squeezed her fists tight, her breath rapid.

Jacklyn kneeled. “What’s wrong? Sam’s not trying to hurt you. Why does he make you so anxious?” She clasped Yasmine’s hand. “Robbie said that sometimes women have a good reason for reacting how you do. He’s a retired cop.”

Yasmin froze. Fractions of memories flashed through her mind. “There was someone. I didn’t expect it; he came from behind.”

“Do you mean?” Yasmin nodded, and Jacklyn wiped at a tear. “I’m sorry. Have you talked to anyone?”

“I have, and I’m okay. Robbie’s right. Sam’s brings back bad memories.” Yasmin chewed her bottom lip. The tang of blood made her halt. “I was walking home when the other guy attacked. Sam looks nothing like him. But, he makes me nervous, both in a good and bad way.”

“Maybe, you should chat with Sam? If only to see he’s harmless? Robbie says he wants to get to know you. He knows Sam because they play Rugby league together, and ge’d kill him twice if he hurt you.” Jacklyn squeezed Yasmine’s hands. She moseyed behind the front counter to help a harried barista.

Yasmin stood and stretched, she tossed her ponytail. Sam’s glinting eyes remained glued to hers. She sat across from him.

“Hi, I’m Yasmin.” She quivered and her pulse soared.


©Mandibelle16. (2018) All Rights Reserved.

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16 thoughts on “Fiction: Morning Runs and Bad Memories #amwriting #fiction”

  1. I really enjoyed this story 🙂 So well writen I felt as if I had overheard the conversation at the café (at Go Dog Go, perhaps… hehehe) You really have a way with dialogues. I’m almost jealous, I have a lot of trouble with them! Bravo, my friend! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Cyranny. I’m learning to edit like a billion times. You start to see where your repeating words and where in fiction, you don’t have to repeat or qualify statements. I’m so pleased you like the dialogue. When I first learned about ‘showing verses telling’ dialogue was the first way I learned to do this, so hopefully, it’s better than other methods. I think you just start listening to others and how they speak. Also getting rid of dialogue tags and having more action tags is effective. The odd time, you need one, but mostly not. tHaha, it could be the GoDogGo Cafe. But when I started writing this piece, it was about three-times its length. It’s called ‘The Blitz’ coffee shop, and completely made up. But I cut the name, it wasn’t necessary for the assignment. Thanks again for your support.
      Cheers 🙂 Have a lovely week.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My, Yasmin’s brave. I agree with the comment above about dialogue. You really craft yours well. I get a clear sense of the characters and their attitudes and motivations. I hope Yasmin’s going to be okay. I hope your week is off to a pleasant start.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Christopher. I think Yasmin will be okay, this is a first step for her. I’m glad the dialogue is working well too. And I hope the narrative begins to work with it as well 🙂 The week is starting off okay. Was sick the past couple days, flu going around, but tonight feeling quite a bit better. Did manage a bit of Sunday writing for my course and some freelance work today. Tomorrow will be freelance work all day, as well.

      How are you doing and feeling? Have you had the procedure you needed? I hope you did and that you are starting to notice a difference. I see you’ve been writing more and aim to comment on a few more of those posts tomorrow or the next day. Thanks again for reading my work, and your kind words. 🎈🍷 Stay well and enjoy Easter! 🐣

      Like

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