Friday Fictioneer: Gone For A Swim #flashfiction #amwriting


Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff for hosting FF. 

Credit: CEAyr

——–

 “You don’t ever come out here on this balcony alone, don’t open the doors, and no going into the river,” Sandra told her daughters sternly. 

“Why Mommy?” Mia and Ilah asked. 

“You can’t swim my dears. If you fall into the river you’ll drown. Mommy would be so sad without her girls.” 

——

A day into vacation, Sandra left briefly to buy sandwiches for Mia and Ilah.  

As soon as their Mom left, the girls unlocked the balcony doors and pulling a chair outside, both of them climbed up onto the balcony ledge. 

“Want to go in?” Ilah asked Mia. She nodded and they held each others’ hands and jumped. 

 Sandra returned to hear her girls’ screams. She dove in the river to save them but it was of no use. 

Tears mixed with water as she realized, her daughters were gone. 

——-

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.  

30 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneer: Gone For A Swim #flashfiction #amwriting

  1. joyroses13 October 5, 2016 / 9:45 pm

    This is awfully sad but it does go well with the picture and the names of the girls are creative as well. Good job.
    I am glad when Dewey was near a river that he didn’t drown 🙂 He made a surprise showing today 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • mandibelle16 October 5, 2016 / 10:22 pm

      Yes, I’m going to be reading about Dewey’s last couple adventures tonight. For small kid, I think you’d have to watch them so close to this water. It would be too tempting for little ones.

      Mia is a pretty common name I think more recently. Ilah or Isla, has been around a long time. My friend named her daughter Ilah and the actress Isla Fisher, has the other spelling of the name 🙂 The movies that come to mind of her being are Wedding Crashers and The Shopaholic movie from the Shopaholic books.

      Liked by 1 person

      • ceayr October 6, 2016 / 7:09 pm

        Forgive me intruding on your conversation, ladies, but Islay – pronounced eye-la – is one of the larger Scottish islands, famous for its malt whisky and its archaeological interest. There have been finds of arrow heads as old as 10,000 years BC. Yes, ten thousand. Anyway, it has long been used as a girl’s name in Scotland, so it has undoubtedly travelled.

        Liked by 1 person

      • mandibelle16 October 7, 2016 / 1:12 am

        That’s very interesting to know. Thanks CE. I will consider the spelling for possible future children or more likely, dogs 🙂

        Like

  2. Joy Pixley October 6, 2016 / 12:20 am

    What a tragic story! Every parent’s nightmare, that they stop watching for just a short while, and that’s all it takes.

    Like

  3. Iain Kelly October 6, 2016 / 6:09 am

    Tragic tale. Should’ve listened to their mother, but that’s kids for you. Nice writing as always.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mandibelle16 October 6, 2016 / 6:18 am

      Thanks Ian. Yeah it’s true they should’ve listened. Also in that environment, I question her popping out even for 15 min to grab the sandwiches. Too tempting for little girls three and four years old.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. rochellewisoff October 6, 2016 / 9:43 am

    Dear Mandibelle,

    Sad story. Mama underestimated her daughters’ abilities to get out.
    Note: When posting your URL for your link, make sure it’s for your story and not just your blog so the reader doesn’t have to scroll through the story after it. I hope that makes sense.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    • mandibelle16 October 6, 2016 / 4:58 pm

      Hi Rochelle,

      Glad you liked the story despite its sadness. My apologies, I’ve linked to many flashfiction challenges using the correct link before using the button, with the right story. It wasn’t something I’d realized I’d done.

      Thanks for the heads up.

      Like

    • mandibelle16 October 6, 2016 / 4:54 pm

      Thanks again PJ for reading and your kind comments. Yes, the girls didn’t listen. Also they are young maybe like around four years old, so maybe it wasn’t a great thing to leave them alone even four fifteen minutes to get food. The water was too tempting.

      Like

      • Priceless Joy October 6, 2016 / 4:55 pm

        I agree with you. They shouldn’t have been left alone.

        Like

    • mandibelle16 October 6, 2016 / 4:50 pm

      Thanks again Jade. I think too, the girls were too small to leave even for ten or fifteen minutes. The water was too tempting and children are smart, able to unlock, locked doors etc.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. nonsmokingladybug October 6, 2016 / 6:41 pm

    Sometimes we need reminders like that. Too many young kids drown in the water, because they can’t swim.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mandibelle16 October 7, 2016 / 1:15 am

      That’s a good point. Vital to start them in the water early. I have a brother though, never made it past ‘yellow’ or level 1 or maybe he completed it. He hated the water and swimming. One time at the Lake his floating raft drifted to far, Mom ran in all dressed to make sure he didn’t go to far out. So yes, kids need to learn, like it or not.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. ceayr October 6, 2016 / 7:10 pm

    Good and tragic, Amanda.
    And almost as long as one of your comments!

    Liked by 1 person

    • mandibelle16 October 7, 2016 / 1:11 am

      Thank you CE. I know I had a word count for this, sorry to disappoint. But I write what I think and when things make me think . ..
      hugs my friend and Happy Thanksgiving. It’s this weekend in Canada. 🍁

      Like

  7. clcouch123 October 6, 2016 / 10:43 pm

    This is despair defined. How quickly, it seems, that everything that matters is lost. Ably written, Amanda.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mandibelle16 October 7, 2016 / 1:09 am

      Thank you. It’s one of those things, leave the, for 15 minutes . . . to tempting.

      Like

  8. Joan October 7, 2016 / 3:43 am

    Now, that is heart wrenching. So sorry for her loss

    Liked by 1 person

  9. momtheobscure October 7, 2016 / 6:14 pm

    This reads like the beginning of a fairy tale or folk tale – to warn one of the dangers of not listening to mother, of leaving your young children alone, of not learning to swim? I’m one who doesn’t know how to swim despite taking lessons as an adult.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mandibelle16 October 7, 2016 / 7:59 pm

      Yeah, I suppose it could be like a true fairytale, where the children really did get lost or go missing. I’m not the best swimmer, but I can do basic swimming, backstroke, and floating and treading. It’s harder to learn as an adult I bet so good for you for trying!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. patriciaruthsusan October 12, 2016 / 9:41 am

    Really sad and one of a mother’s greatest fears. You can’t leave young children alone near water. Good writing, Mandibelle. —– Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    • mandibelle16 October 12, 2016 / 5:47 pm

      Thank you Suzanne. Yes, that’s what I thought when I wrote this “a mother’s worst nightmare.”

      Like

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