Writing 101 – Beloved – ” Beloved” 


You know the name, Amanda?

It means Beloved.

A coincidence, I think.

Maybe my parents named me, 

Because they also loved.

I don’t want to think about it.

But the issue that scares me about–

My Mom and Dad is,

They don’t talk often to each other.

I read an old journal, my Moms,

She called my Dad Beloved.

Now my Dad does what he wants.

And my Mom does her thing too.

He is always hard to buy–

Any kind of present for, anything.

And I don’t understand a marriage

That appears so seperate, 

But has lasted thirty years and 

Then some, I watch and–

I see little things, my Dad caring for

My Mom when she’s ill.

But he went downstairs and napped. 

They stake out places in the house 

Some are her places and 

Many places are left to him and some —

Are the little spaces I take up.

It’s weird being thirty at home and thinking.

You have connections to these people;

But you don’t see them.

They are not a them, they are–

Two seperate beings who came

Together to be,

A whole, two halves of one being,

I wonder at this because I wonder for me,

Can I live Beloved . 

A whole who is part of another.

Or will I be like my parents 

Who somehow work and, 

Remain to each other Beloved. 

Despite their difficulties,

They are still together.

But that happy feeling love hides, 

I live in a dream world I see;

There are few good guys.

I loved once it broke and shattered. 

Now I lay in my bed at night.

Thinking of someone new.

A distant man who’ll call me,

His own in our life, I’ll be,

His Beloved girl. 

Who named me Beloved?

I don’t see why you called me her.

When I could be any —

One without this painful name. 

——

©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved. 

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27 thoughts on “Writing 101 – Beloved – ” Beloved” ”

  1. A wonderful, and moving, portrait of your parents’ marriage, and that ache that comes with wondering about your name.
    And yet, they named you — the product of the love of two separate, distinct identities, whatever their difficulties might be. So, you are the visible symbol of that love.
    A lovely poem!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lovely poem Mandi. How strange it is to hear you talking about your parent’s marriage from your viewpoint. I’m sure they are a lot happier together than they appear. Their marriage seems to have become comfortable like an old pair of broken in houseshoes. I think your name is beautiful and I think it is wonderful that it means, “Beloved.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Coincidental or providential, I think the name suits, because you write much and with keen insight about love. The way you describe your home puts me in mind of a Venn diagram. The circles of your mom, your dad, and you–and where those circles are blended over. Maybe that’s a diagram of love. I hope, of course, you find Beloved. A fourth circle of love. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Christopher. Thanks for reading and commenting. I’m glad you think I am insightful about love. I don’t know if I am or not. Yes, it is important for everyone to have a space of their own even in the context of familial love. Thanks again

      Like

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