Sunday Photo Fiction: The Herd Never Heard. 


I am at the crosswalk on Jasper ave and then . . .  there are young businessmen in colourful shirts and patterned ties talking loudly about sports; there are elegant older women in pencil skirts and flowing blouses shopping; homeless men in ragged winter coats and broken shoes begging; toned women in their Lululemons running back to the gym; bicycle messengers in their black mud-spattered garb; student’s in blue jeans and t-shirts hanging onto heavy backpacks waiting for the bus; there are the beauticians and hairstylists in their leather leggings, and funky light pink hair having conversations with clients; and there are people who are running home and quickly walking the dog with their husband or wife in tow.

There are also pretty girls with long black hair, heavy makeup, and leather moto jackets who are waitresses at restaurants of good repore; there are CEO’s and their top men in fine suits with pin stripes from Holt Renfrew who are negotiating deals; their are men with New’s boy hats and skinny jeans walking quickly to a retail job selling clothes; there are men in semi-casual khaki’s and a stripped rugby shirts working at cubicles in healthcare; there are firemen in there navy uniforms laughing loudly eating at the Wok Box; there are security guards in grey shirts and ties with a badge looking through a women’s large shopping bag; there all old-women dressed in their warmest down coat, with silver hair, and creased grey eyes looking to make some purchases at the Winners; there are old men sitting in the food court over coffee regailing each other with tales of their lives and of past jobs and children grown up and busy, of grandchildren who visit; there is a blind man led by a black dog in a jewel blue vest, stopping safely at the crosswalk before the cars go by.

Then there was me. An observer of everything, watching everything around me, knowing what they’re all doing. I was there a few days ago crossing the street in heels. Stepping onto a curb before I am pushed by two large men in suits not paying attention to a 5’1″ women. When the car drove over me I didn’t even feel it. I had hit my head on the concrete curb of the street. I was lying there bleeding and the hords stepped around me. They barely flinched when the truck drove over me, as if I was meant to be road-kill.

But I watch them from a tree a wisp of myself. And I wonder if today someone will care about the lonely and the lost, those too short and whose voices are too small to be heard above the noise.


Thanks to Alistair Forbes for hosting SPF.

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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

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Guilty Pleasure: Pepsi (with warnings!)


Mandibelle16

Prompt: Tell us about a guilty pleasure that you hate to love.

http://www.aquaterracorp.ca Pepsi. Can 355ml

There are a few guilty pleasures I am culpable for loving. I am not all together proud of these pleasures but I do like them.

My worst guilty pleasure is drinking Pepsi. Some people drink coffee, some people drink energy drinks, and I drink Pepsi. It is addictive, truly. I never used to drink it except every now and then when I’d end up at the food court for lunch. But there were times at home when I got bored and wanted something sweet. And I was okay at first having Pepsi once in awhile but soon the sugar intake became addictive and I was drinking one a day, and sometimes two. There is so much sugar in Pepsi about 10 teaspoons. It is better to put a couple teaspoons on your Shreddies or…

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Guilty Pleasure: Pepsi (with warnings!)


Prompt: Tell us about a guilty pleasure that you hate to love. 

 

http://www.aquaterracorp.ca Pepsi. Can 355ml


There are a few guilty pleasures I am culpable for loving. I am not all together proud of these pleasures but I do like them.

My worst guilty pleasure is drinking Pepsi. Some people drink coffee, some people drink energy drinks, and I drink Pepsi. It is addictive, truly. I never used to drink it except every now and then when I’d end up at the food court for lunch. But there were times at home when I got bored and wanted something sweet. And I was okay at first having Pepsi once in awhile but soon the sugar intake became addictive and I was drinking one a day, and sometimes two. There is so much sugar in Pepsi about 10 teaspoons. It is better to put a couple teaspoons on your Shreddies or Cornflakes then drink one can of Pepsi.

I have tried countless times to stop drinking it. To go back to drinking Pepsi only as a treat on some weekends or at the food court every now and then. I can stop for a little while. It is tough for a week or so but then I stop craving the sugar so much. But I always fall back into this pattern of drinking Pepsi again. It starts with a couple of them a week and increases from there.

Part of it has to do with the caffeine in Pepsi. I lack energy and the caffeine gives me a boost to start moving and do something when I feel unmotivated. I have read it takes twenty-one days or three weeks to break a bad habit and replace it with a good one. I have gotten to day fourteen before going back to my old ways.

Plus, I love how Pepsi tastes. I like the flavour of Pepsi in a can or in a fountain drink. It’s not the same out of a bottle. I don’t like how super-sweet a bottle of Pepsi tastes. I have attempted to change out Pepsi with water and lemon juice and it works for a bit until I have a day where I need energy badly and can barely prepare myself for the day. I have also been successful at changing out my Pepsi, which I have around 10:30 am or 11:00 am, with an energizing green tea which has caffeine in it. Tea is tasteless in comparison, however. Although, one can of Pepsi isn’t so bad for you, what bothers me is how often I want a second can and have a second can of Pepsi.

I have learnt how a person’s body does not metabolize all the sugar in Pepsi and how it builds up as fat and in your belly and causes bloating. It is especially dangerous that Pepsi causes belly fat because belly fat builds up around your organs as visceral fat and it can cause complications for your health.

Pepsi causes weight gain and significant growth in your waist circumference over time. If everything else is equal in your diet it is said a can of Coke (Pepsi) can add an extra 14.5 pounds on a person per year. There is also a 20 percent chance increase of heart attack in someone who consistently drinks soft drinks. Not to mention, Pepsi can compromise a person’s learning and memory formation especially if you are young. Combined with all the medications I am taking, I am increasing my chance of becoming a diabetic in my elder years by drinking soda. Research also shows Pepsi has links to Cancer and can acellerate the aging process.

Moreover, Pepsi is bad for your teeth. If you drink a can, you are supposed to wash your mouth out with water and leave your teeth awhile. Then an hour later brush your teeth. If you brush your teeth right away, the acidity of the soft drink will harm the enamel on your teeth. The acidity of Pepsi with your teeth is unhealthy. Once the enamel on your teeth is gone, you can’t get it back.

Honestly, Diet Pepsi is not better for you, neither is Coke, or Diet Coke. A Dietition explained to me how Diet Pepsi is actually worse for you then merely drinking regular Pepsi. Apparently, the artificial sweeteners in Diet Pop such as aspartame, do not satisfy a person’s apetite and can lead to increased weight gain compared with regular soda. Diet soda increases desire for fatty food and interferes with natural bacteria in our stomachs making us less tolerant of glucose. Never mind, increased risk of heart attack and stroke over people who drink regular pop. Craving more fatty food is minimal although still relevant with regular Pepsi or Coke. Additionally, a problem with any soda is it contains high- fructose corn syrup. This high intensity sugar made from corn, increases body fat and makes you hungry.

For more information you can read these articles:

1.Diet Pop vs. Regular Pop
2. Eight Reasons You Should Stop Drinking Pepsi

3.What Drinking Coca-Cola Actually Does to Your Body
4.What the Ingredients in Pepsi and Coca-Cola Actually do to Your Body

I’ll be starting to ween myself off Pepsi again now. 21 days to go…

 

http://www.freshvending.com Side Affects of Soda

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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.

Dealing with My Worst Qualities. 


Prompt: What is your worst quality?

 

It is a great deal easier to write about my worst qualities then my best. Mostly, because I am aware of my faults more than my best characteristics. There are two things I do that are my worst qualities:

My, first worst quality has to do with my ability to not be able to contrentrate long or be multi-functional anymore. I am not blaming my health for it; I am saying my health intensified the issue.

I can do one thing at a time and it is often frustrating when I am working on writing up a paper or blogging about a subject, and someone starts trying to have a conversation with me. It makes me angry because I can’t multi-task, the person talking to me is interrupting my ideas and line of thought. And you know how if you are a creative person, ideas often flow out of you when they do; you have to write, paint, or do whatever you do to get your burst of creativity on paper. Meanwhile, a person is still talking to you none-stop and asking you questions and it is annoying. At the same time, I feel bad about being irritated.

Often, it is my Mom who is trying to talk to me. Before, I was ever ill I remember being so mad because I would be researching, writing up a paper, or working on a spreadsheet from work and she would pepper me with questions. But I knew she only wanted to talk to someone after a busy day at work about what went on good or bad. She wanted to talk to someone who wasn’t involved in her office life and get my opinion or view on a situation. She wanted to be able to talk about the people at her work, honestly. She wanted to ‘take a load off.’

I want to be able to talk with my Mom and others. But if I am busy or worn out after doing activities all day, I will brush people off. I will tell my Mom to stop bothering me. I go to my room and finish what I’m doing or sleep if I’m tired. I want to be chatty and happy but I feel bothered and drained by people talking at me and asking countless questions at times. So my first big flaw is I am irritable and single-minded. I am working on actively being a better listener. But it is hard at the time of day everyone gets home from work because I am worn out from the day and my medication is wearing off. I want to listen more and be involved in the conversation and not tune it out or walk away. Sometimes I able to be a better listener and sometimes I’m too irritated to pay attention.

The second flaw I have is something I try to attend to before it becomes worse. I have a tendency if I get mad or angry to let the issues I’m upset about build-up inside me. I get stressed-out when this occurs. I will sort through issues in my head trying to solve them. “Problems to solutions that don’t even exist,” I was told once. But the issue is my problems are real and bothersome. And I attempt to be a nice kind person so I don’t usually tell someone off or ask them to stop doing something unless they are especially bothering me.

An issue arises, however; if someone is repeatedly doing a hurtful action. Or if a person keeps doing a whole bunch of bothersome and hurtful actions all the time. I try to tell myself it is no big deal. I pray about it. I practice yoga and meditate sometimes. I write a lot as you know. And often writing helps a ton. Sometimes if I write something up and even if I don’t post it because it’s too personal or mean about another person, I feel better.

But every now and then someone pushes my buttons and I explode into yelling and tears. I’m a soft spoken reasonable person so when I yell and scream people are surprised and usually offended. Maybe, they didn’t realize something was a larger issue to me then they would have thought. Maybe, I am blowing the situation out of proportion. And maybe, I genuinely have the right to be so upset at someone.

I scared and hurt a friend in Vegas once when I erupted with anger. My friend T and I needed to take L aside and talk to her before the situation got worse but neither T or I did. L had been treating T and I badly the entire summer. Not to mention, she wanted to do all these things with us in Vegas but didn’t actually have the money to pay for it so T and I ended up paying for L, on many activities we did. Also, the fact L had a wonderful boyfriend who was our friend too, and L was flirting and making out with other guys made T and I angry.

I have told this part before: while we are in a club, T became so drunk she was sick and we had to leave the bar. We tried to get L to leave because we promised to stay together, all three of us. L kept telling us to wait and I finally told her T and I had to go, the bouncer was about to carry T and I out the back exit. L chose to stay with two guys she had been flirting with all night.

We finally saw L again as we got back to the hotel room. She was angry too and tried to blame it all on us and said we had abandoned her at the club. I knew T would never stand up to L because she prefers not to handle situations head on. T used to let a person treat her badly, instead of standing up to them. Luckily, she has become better at this over time.

I was so mad about L’s behaviour all summer. I exploded. L was shocked and she asked me why I would even want to be her friend if I thought so badly of her. And I told L how bad she was treating her boyfriend and if she didn’t stop, even T said she’d tell L’s boyfriend on her. L had been treating T and I badly too. L left our room with all her stuff. She wouldn’t talk to us the rest of the trip.

L made up with T because she hadn’t yelled at her, even though L had been a bad friend to T, ditching her for guys countless time. After many emails and some time L and I were friends again three months later. I finally apologized because she wouldn’t. And funny enough, she became closer to her boyfriend. L saw how valuable he was, and ended up becoming engaged, and marrying him.
Even though, L was misbehaving, she didn’t deserve to be yelled at so loudly and L didn’t deserve to have everything T and I were mad at her for dumped on her. People are imperfect and you have to pick and choose your battles. Some things about your friends you have to accept; just as you have flaws so do they. The best friends love you after you’ve shown them your worst side and you love them after you have seen the worst of them. Ultimately, it comes down to choosing your friend or choosing to be right.

I am careful now because of this situation in Las Vegas when I was twenty-three, to not let my anger build up. If I have a big problem with someone or something they are doing, I am honest. And I try hard to tell people how I’m feeling in such a way  that isn’t accusatory but rather focuses on how something is hurting me or causing me to feel a certain way. The truth is people do not always realize they are being hurtful. Often, you need to tell the person who is damaging you to stop treating you a certain way and they will listen and cease.

Not letting issues build up helps. I also have learned to let some issues go. I try to get someone else’s view on the situation, Google the general problem, or pray about it. For many situations I find looking at them from a different perspective is helpful. If you see the situation differently it won’t become a problem that will build up. I have also learned that you have to say goodbye to some people or take your issues with a person to a higher authority. But since we are adults, there is usually no higher authority, unless it is a work issue or an issue of crime.

So for instance,  I had trouble with a girl who was editor of a magazine I volunteered to write for. She didn’t understand why I was upset about her editing my articles to sound entirely as if they were in her voice. Some of her other editors were being taught to do the same. I didn’t find out until later when I took actual editing courses, what this editor was doing was incorrect and rude. You always try to preserve the voice of the writer and the way the article is written as much as you can. I was confident enough in my writing skills, my BA in English Literature, and the couple hundred articles I had written for her magazine previously. My ideas and my writing style wasn’t bad but my grammar and spelling needed work.

The editor wrote me a letter saying I had to work on my grammar and spelling, which was true. And she had tried to let me improve but I wasn’t, so she increasingly, cut down my article writing until I was only writing one article a week; before I was writing nothing. I exploded to her letter with a nasty email. She thought this was exactly how I was going to react. She probably had the same issue come up with past contributers to her magazine. I ended up apologizing to her for being ageist because she was more than five years younger then me with no degree, so I didn’t trust her writing or editing experience. Honestly, I had good instincts with her, despite my hasty email.

In truth, she was being manipulative and I finally recognized, she didn’t like my writing style. She was looking for people who wrote how she wrote on her personal blog and in her articles. And she didn’t want me to write for her magazine even when she needed writers. I was offended but I knew I didn’t want to be a writer like her or for her. She said the magazine was expanding and the writers had to expand or become better with it. I agreed but still had problems with how she chose to write and what she focused on in her magazines.

I didn’t like how she regularly wrote about cheating with men and women and ruining relationships. Although I support LBGT people, I was offended that she rarily had articles pertaining to man and woman couples, boyfriends and girlfriends.  I found this editor to be selfish, micro -managing, and immature despite her attempts to appear professional.

She didn’t want my writing but wanted to use my blogs to tweet and post. She wanted to stay friends but didn’t want me to write for her because I was offended by her note. I had every right to be.

So, I let her go. I stopped supporting the magazine by buying the quarterly issues. I wouldn’t let her use any of my writing for her magazine. I unfriended her on Facebook and Twitter. I stopped taking her text messages and didn’t give her my new number when it changed. I unsubscribed from her blog and anything related to the magazine. It was a great decision.

I don’t know where she is at now. I hope she is well and has worked out some of her life and issues with the magazine such as finding writers. It was mean of me to write her a nasty reply to her email. She didn’t deserve it, even if she lacked a degree or experience. But I couldn’t be friends with her after how she talked about my writing, how she treated my skills as if suddenly they were useless. I knew from professors, writing articles in the Edmonton Journal in University, and even strangers my writing was good. It didn’t mean my writing didn’t require improvement (it still does and will forever) but I didn’t like how she belittled my skills and my person. I let her go.

So, I have learned some tricks to working off stress and dealing with problems before they become so large I explode in tears and screaming. Every once in a long awhile, I can’t help it but I am getting better. We cannot always overcome our flaws but we can try to manage them.

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©Mandibelle16. All Rights Reserved.