Prompt: A story of when you were on the outside looking in.
High school can be a difficult time for many people. And these days, girls can be especially mean. I suspect they always were. The difference is that while boys will go punch each other and get into a fight, and things will be fine between them; girls, will go behind each other’s back. They will spread rumours and make not so subtle hints to another girl they don’t like or feel jealous of, they will hold a grudge a long time and leave the girl they’ve hurt, so to speak, on the outside looking in. But some girls can be extremely cruel, I remember one girl telling me she shoved other girls in lockers or garbage cans in Jr. High. I guess we all saw the movie Mean Girls. Some of us took it too literally.
I was never unpopular in high school. I played sports and I received high marks at some courses. I was extremely gifted at art. But grade 10 was one of the toughest years for me. I had been bestfriends with two girls Josie and Tia and we spent every Friday and sometimes Saturday over at Josie’s house watching movies, and hanging out. In grade 10 I excitedly introduced Josie to my friend Amy from elementary school and Josie became friends with Katie; whose brother Josie had a crush on, as well as Aimee.
We all hung out together, a large group at first. But Josie and Katie seemed to get close and I felt myself drifting away from, but not wanting to. I was friends with Amy because we also played basketball on the school’s girl’s team. But I think Amy could even see that Josie and Katie just thought I was someone they didn’t want to be around. She tried to help but it didn’t make a difference.
I made friends with another grade 10 student Melonie, who was fun and I played volleyball with. But Melonie made friends with two grade 12 girls and didn’t want to be my friend either. It was tough being the principals daughter at a small high school. It really hurt me how Josie treated me after being such close friends with her in grade 9. I remember a time in grade 11 where we were walking together for some reason and neither of us could think of a thing to say, that’s how far a part we’d grown.
But by grade 12, all the kids in our class got along; I wasn’t weird because I was the principal’s daughter. I was friends with Josie and Katie. We all worked on the Graduation committee under Amy. My friend Tia experienced the same outside looking in experience I did, although, I think worse because she left the school after grade 10. I didn’t learn until later, how tough it was for her.
But throughout University I hung out with Amy, and Josie and Katie when they came to the same small university a year or so later. We had great fun times at the bar and birthday parties. I made a big group of other friends who were my bestfriends in third year. Since I finished university, Josie has been one of my closest friends. I can tell her everything and at times we don’t see each other for months and then when we do see each other, it’s as if we were never apart. Conversation and jokes run freely. We text a lot too.
High school was all about being on the outside looking in for me in grade 10. But time changed, people change, and you realize sometimes that you are no better then other people. I can recall a few times where I was mean and left out other girls. Once this girl Hanna, I meant in choral camp, came to our school dance. She wanted to hang out but I followed around Josie, Katie, and Amy because I wanted to fit in with them. I would have had much more fun hanging with Hanna who is also an awesome friend to this day, despite how I treated her then.
I also was mean to a girl named Addriena who wanted to fit in with me and the group I was desperately trying to hold onto. I ignored her and was mean. Plus, I’ve never really gotten girls who don’t take care of themselves when they are perfectly able. I was mean to her and she ended up leaving the school too. I saw her again in University, I believe I apologized. She was beautiful then and dressed well and had a boyfriend. I feel awful still that I made her feel as if she on the outside looking in. I got my just desserts I think.
*All names were changed for privacy.
I actually had playing in my head this song featuring Ellie Goulding and made by Taylor Swift’s boyfriend and DJ, Calvin Harris, during this post as theme music.