Now I’m on the Outside.


Prompt: A story of when you were on the outside looking in. 

  
High school can be a difficult time for many people. And these days, girls can be especially mean. I suspect they always were. The difference is that while boys will go punch each other and get into a fight, and things will be fine between them; girls, will go behind each other’s back. They will spread rumours and make not so subtle hints to another girl they don’t like or feel jealous of, they will hold a grudge a long time and leave the girl they’ve hurt, so to speak, on the outside looking in. But some girls can be extremely cruel, I remember one girl telling me she shoved other girls in lockers or garbage cans in Jr. High. I guess we all saw the movie Mean Girls. Some of us took it too literally. 

I was never unpopular in high school. I played sports and I received high marks at some courses. I was extremely gifted at art. But grade 10 was one of the toughest years for me. I had been bestfriends with two girls Josie and Tia and we spent every Friday and sometimes Saturday over at Josie’s house watching movies, and hanging out. In grade 10 I excitedly introduced Josie to my friend Amy from elementary school and Josie became friends with Katie; whose brother Josie had a crush on, as well as Aimee. 

We all hung out together, a large group at first. But Josie and Katie seemed to get close and I felt myself drifting away from, but not wanting to. I was friends with Amy because we also played basketball on the school’s girl’s team. But I think Amy could even see that Josie and Katie just thought I was someone they didn’t want to be around. She tried to help but it didn’t make a difference. 

I made friends with another grade 10 student Melonie, who was fun and I played volleyball with. But Melonie made friends with two grade 12 girls and didn’t want to be my friend either. It was tough being the principals daughter at a small high school. It really hurt me how Josie treated me after being such close friends with her in grade 9. I remember a time in grade 11 where we were walking together for some reason and neither of us could think of a thing to say, that’s how far a part we’d grown. 

But by grade 12, all the kids in our class got along; I wasn’t weird because I was the principal’s daughter. I was friends with Josie and Katie. We all worked on the Graduation committee under Amy. My friend Tia experienced the same outside looking in experience I did, although, I think worse because she left the school after grade 10. I didn’t learn until later, how tough it was for her.  

But throughout University I hung out with Amy, and Josie and Katie when they came to the same small university a year or so later. We had great fun times at the bar and birthday parties. I made a big group of other friends who were my bestfriends in third year. Since I finished university,  Josie has been one of my closest friends. I can tell her everything and at times we don’t see each other for months and then when we do see each other, it’s as if we were never apart. Conversation and jokes run freely. We text a lot too.

High school was all about being on the outside looking in for me in grade 10. But time changed, people change, and you realize sometimes that you are no better then other people. I can recall a few times where I was mean and left out other girls. Once this girl Hanna, I meant in choral camp, came to our school dance. She wanted to hang out but I followed around Josie, Katie, and Amy because I wanted to fit in with them. I would have had much more fun hanging with Hanna who is also an awesome friend to this day, despite how I treated her then. 

I also was mean to a girl named Addriena who wanted to fit in with me and the group I was desperately trying to hold onto. I ignored her and was mean. Plus, I’ve never really gotten girls who don’t take care of themselves when they are perfectly able. I was mean to her and she ended up leaving the school too. I saw her again in University, I believe I apologized. She was beautiful then and dressed well and had a boyfriend. I feel awful still that I made her feel as if she on the outside looking in. I got my just desserts I think. 

*All names were changed for privacy.

I actually had playing in my head this song featuring Ellie Goulding and made by Taylor Swift’s boyfriend and DJ, Calvin Harris,  during this post as theme music. 

The Outside

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Poem: To Chocolate


Do you remember when we were chocolate – carefree? The doors that were closed to us. The windows that disappeared? And the world was before us, a giant piece of chocolate cake. The richest chocolates melting enticingly; with each bite the fork was licked clean.

But then we realized the world doesn’t always taste nice. That people don’t always eat the best chocolate. They fritter their calories away on sugar. And so much wasted time on cheap chocolate held us back from the habits we learned: Only eat healthy food, and for dessert only eat delicious chocolate, what is the best. Think: the richest chocolate lava cake with fantastic vanilla gelato, and caramel.

But finding the best chocolate is a hard test of time. You eat bitter and old chocolate just because it’s available. People offer Nestle when they should be offering Lindt, Godiva, and Purdys. You learn to say no, and save your chocolate for the finest chocolatiers. But you gorge on the delicasies when gorgeous chocolate hits your tastebuds. 

You feel sick after too much rich chocolate. You drink a glass of milk. Wash away the richness, the divine melting on your tongue. We are feast or famine when it comes to wonderful chocolate. It’s hard to save your chocolate for a tiny piece each day. Might as well get it over with, eat the entire box.

And I don’t eat chocolate often, but I like the endorphins. I like the best kinds of chocolate dark with lots of cocoa. I like it when the Cocoa tree is stripped of cocoa beans and the maker takes the cocoa beans and dries them in the sun; I don’t like the smokey flavour drying it by the fire leaves,  it ruins chocolate, a sin.

 I am picky about my chocolate and certain, it’s the extra food group. So many of us understand, a taste of fine chocolate is the door to many worlds with several windows left open too. Remember when you were young, you dreamed in chocolate. Because today just in a moment delicious  dark chocolate satiates your hunger and makes everything yum.

Writing 101:Day 13 – The Drug House


Prompt: Play with the word count. 

 

http://www.spiritvoyage.com
 
There is a house across the street where the people come back and forth, even at 4:00 a.m. In the day, a black truck sits infront of the house grumbling and rumbling making a horrible noise; the driver probably thinks his truck is cool. It runs forever sitting there, polluting the air.  It could be a house where the rooms are rented out or maybe some couple or family lives there. 

But there are always people arriving, leaving, and smoking. We wonder what else they do in this house. Do they sell drugs there?  Is their clientele the people coming and leaving? It would make sense with all the arrivals and departures, at all times day or night.

 While I wonder, I’m sure that I see a scruffy man on the coach do a line of cocain from a dirty coffee table. In the back people are smoking Marajana, I can smell it, it doesn’t bother me except that in this house it could be a ‘gateway’ drug. I wonder whose life is being ruined by the drugs these people are selling. 

But then again they could just be neighbours and I really haven’t seen anything weird going on; I’m just surmising and imagining the worst. My mind has slid to a place where I’m judging these people and I’m expecting criminal activity. Better shut the curtains.