Amelia awakes slowly. She can feel the medication weighing her down and she just wants to stay asleep. She goes back to sleep and awakes a couple more times her head spinning and hurting every time she attempts to wake completely.
Finally, it’s 10:45 a.m. and it’s time for her to arise. Amelia slowly and half-heartedly pushes the covers off her body. It is freezing outside her cocoon. She slowly sits up trying to avoid the dizziness that comes from her sleeping medication. Slowly, the spinning fades away but her body hurts and her stomach is nauseous. She attempts to stand and does so with infinite care. Amelia feels awful. But she knows in a few hours this will go away and she will feel okay, if it’s a good day.
She turns on the light from the spinning fan above her head, It cooled her last night, this morning she is cold. The light brings pain unbidden to her eyes and she closes them for a few minutes as the dizziness returns. Amelia stumbles to the kitchen where a bowl of fruit is waiting. She eats it slowly hoping it won’t upset her stomach anymore. When she is done she has 2/3 cup raisin bran with some milk. So far her stomach is okay.
Amelia wants to return to bed to lie down and not try anymore but she carefully gathers clothes and goes down to her bathroom. The shower helps a bit and unplugs her ears and stops her head from hurting so much. After, she does her makeup and her hair it is 12:30 p.m. She is still in pain. Her stomach is now churning and her head aches. She didn’t sign on for this when she went to try new medications. At least before she didn’t feel sick all day. Amelia is scared it will always be this way. She prays for mercy.
Then, Amelia sits down on the couch in the living room and types in the code for her Ipad. She goes through emails and answers a few. She reads blogs and comments on some. She still feels horrible. Amelia still feels sick. She wants to read, to start a new book on her Ipad but her head has a piercing pain. She takes two advils and the pain dulls to a slight ache. The rest of her still feels ill, She wonders how she will go out next week.
Amelia feels hopeless. Doctors are so blase about side effects. They think they know which side effects will come from a medication but they don’t always know. If the side effect isn’t common they say it doesn’t come from the new medication even though the side effect only started with the introduction of the new medication. Amelia wants to go back to bed but it is 1:00 pm now and she is starting to feel a bit better.
She sits and writes and feels trapped because she needs the medication to sleep. She doesn’t have anyone who understands how she feels on this medication either. If she brings up how bad she is feeling she just gets stuck in a conversation about how bad the other person feels too or how so many people have it worse. It’s very frustrating for her, as if her suffering is not valid. She knows she has support but at the same time she feels very alone. Pain can do that. Will things ever get better on this medication? She doesn’t believe it.