I haven’t set out to write about any real particular topic tonight. But more than usual I am noticing how lonely a house can be when you’re the only one in it. I’m at the point, where if I didn’t know my parents were coming back in two weeks, I would taxi out to the closest animal shelter and adopt a dog on the spot. Just so I had something to talk at who would listen to my voice even if it didn’t understand what I was saying. That’s one way of dealing with lonileness.
But the truth is we all get lonely at one time or another. We get lonely with our significant others, our closest family, our best friends, in crowds, in deserted parks, and such as me in empty houses. I’ve been trying my very hardest to stay busy and set out little tasks that I can do to make the time pass. But truthfully when you’re by yourself you have a lot more time to focus on everything about yourself.
I’ve cleaned my room from top to bottom except for a few minor details. I’ve reorganized, thrown out, dusted, etc… And I think over 3 days for someone with chronic fatigue I’ve done well. Tomorrow it will take me a very short time to empty the garbage, empty the recycling and take it outside, dust my fan, and vacuum. Then my room will be beautifully clean and I’ll have that sense of accomplishment. Mostly, that sense of accomplishment works against me because I don’t have all the energy I require to complete all the goals I want to do.
Then I will go downstairs and clean my washroom well, breaking the tasks down into manageable steps. I will tie up the cardboard and take it out and pray that there are no spiders hiding under the stack. I will finish copy editing modules 3 and 4 this week. So far, the course is not so bad but I better not jinx myself because there is a lot to memorize in three weeks. And it’s not copywriting if I wrote that before very different thing, copy editing.
Thank God, I get paid and can pay bills and buy that dress I’ve had my eye on. I can pay my parents back for taxes and save a lot for Vegas in June. I also can go down town twice to have a dress hemmed and a pair of low boots re-heeled for next year. I can go to the art gallery and,perhaps, a movie if my little brother gets his act together.
Honestly, I just have to keep planning because a lot of my friends are busy or taking vacation at this time. Otherwise, I would have made way more plans with them. I am watching my favorite shows now that they are finally on again, I only have three or four. And so for I’m horrified that certain characters or leaving, dying, or will be critically injured. It’s crazy how involved you can get in TV drama, despite the fact it’s not real.
So, I want to know how do you keep busy when you’re lonely? I’m alone a lot of time during the day but the weekends and nights are killing me. I think I’m probably driving my boyfriend a little nuts up north with all my chatter. Sometimes I know there is stuff to do but I just don’t feel like doing it. That has certainly changed — if there is something to be done I feel like I have to get it done, other then the moments I rest briefly or nap. I’m scared to feel alone and have nothing to do, I hate that feeling. Do you?