Recently, I shared with you that A and I had set a tentative time we would like to get married in two years. But the thought of it is literally driving me crazy. How did or do people know they want to get married? What makes them sure? Because in my heart or hearts I’m really having doubts.
It has little to do with A as a person but I just don’t know if he is “the one.” I’m especially feeling like I’m not ready to settle down with him. I know lots of girls are at that stage and want to be there but I feel choked up I won’t ever be able to be single again. I feel sad that there won’t ever be anymore first dates and that I have only ever had one boyfriend. I know I should be happy and grateful a handsome nice guy likes me despite my illness but I’m just not positive that I should get married on that bases even if I love him.
I don’t know what makes someone forsure the person you want to spend your life with but I have doubts because he is Muslim and I am Christian and working that out should there be any kids or even with my family. I have doubts because I’m not entirely sure we’re a match or that he’s the one I want to stay with. I haven’t had a lot of experience with guys so I don’t know if I should just grab on or wait for something better to come along. Marriage kind of makes me feel trapped. Maybe in 2 years I’ll be ready and maybe I won’t. But I’m loath to drag out something if I’m not sure where it will end up after 4 years. He’s a great guy. We’ve had are issues but things bother me so I don’t really know what to do. I feel stuck!