Where Does The Good Go

” Where do you go with your broken heart in tow/ What do you do with the left over you/ How do you know when to let go/ where does the good go? Where does the good go?” Thus begins one of my favourite songs popularized by Grey’s Anatomy back in the day Where Does the Good Go?

I always think of this song when my life is about to change. When things have been particularly bad and are about to blossom. Not only is it the song Meredith and Christina dance to on Christina’s last episode of Grey’s it is a song of questioning and hope. Tegan and Sarah wrote the song on one of my favourite albums popularized by Grey’s but I often find myself asking ” Where does the good go?” It seems sometimes that the bad just hits you out of nowhere. You weren’t expecting it, but you didn’t have a choice. The good is gone and now you are alone with the worst of the worst.

It is a song that also speaks about relationships. When is the right time to give up? When is the right time to stick it out? Where did the good in your relationship go? And like Christina and Meredith I’d say dance it out! Some decisions are not logical they are emotional and highly volatile if handled incorrectly. So dance it out. Take the ” left over you” and move on. Take whatever you thought would be and just dance. Finding ways to deal with pain are important. It’s vital in life. So don’t let go, take the left over you and relax. Don’t expect to know where all the good things in life went. They will return in due time. You will build yourself stronger and better and you will build a you you can be proud of as time goes on. Dance the pain away and the brokenness and the part of you that just needs to heal. The good is still here, you just couldn’t see it behind the pain for a moment. Life always gets better. Where God closes a door, he opens a window. The good gets us through the pain, the rage, all that we must embrace. The good carries on despite the bad. The good makes us strong for when we are week. It never goes away.

So Tegan and Sarah fans and early Grey’s fans remember you are stronger then the bad. You are the good in the world. There is no left over you but a complete you ready to face the world and grow.

Life Changing Events

What’s a life changing event to you? When did it happen? Was it a big event or kind of small? Life changing events are all around us. They force us to change direction and pick another way. They effect us so subtlety we never even knew that they happened.

I feel like I’m heading into some life changing events and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. All I know are they are changes that presented themselves to me and I have made a choice for better or worse. They could be painful changes. They could be great changes. They could be changes I don’t feel all that much. But either way I know I’m moving into that unknown space. An area I have scarce been before. I’m hoping their self affirming changes. I’m hoping they’re confidence boosters. I’m hoping my change from the normal doesn’t get me into to much trouble. But I also agree with the statement ” if you’re not happy with your life, change something.” So I am changing something. I’m headed of into the distant future into the ” silver waters of the estuary.” I could sink or swim. I could get hurt. I could survive a changed woman and be alright or fantastic.

But a little plot twist in life was just what the doctor ordered. A little sideline to the hum drum of this everyday life of being tired. But it gets better, there are several plot twists about. And all one can hope is that all these twists work themselves out in the end for a better tomorrow.

Places I never Want to Visit

Prompt: Is there a place in the world you never want to visit? Where, and why not?

The first place(s) I can think of that I never want to visit are Syria, Iraq, Iran, and anywhere they make a woman where a hajab … I think that’s what it is called. The reasons being is I am a feminist and believe in equal rights for woman as men. Not that your going to get that every place else but I believe in not having to cover myself up in the boiling heat, that a women’s beauty is for everyone to enjoy not just her husbands, and that I should be able to be myself wherever I go. Changes in places such as this must be made by men who must learn to control their own behaviour and not blame woman for their disgusting displays of prejudice against women and what they wear and how they act.

I’m also not a huge fan a places with wet muggy heat. I’d go but not when it’s crazy hot and the humidity is through the roof. The thing is I have really pale skin and burn easy and have always been sensitive to the sun. I have been heat sick more times then I care to remember. Combine that with chronic fatigue and I would have to just lay in bed all day under the air conditioner and attempt to get up and not feel too sick every once in awhile.
So, there are certain hot muggy places I would never go at certain times of year. Dry heat is a different story I can handle that extremely well.

An Offer I Couldn’t Refuse

Prompt: Here’s the title of your post: “An Offer I Couldn’t Refuse.”

Set a timer for ten minutes, and write it. Go

I was 20-years-old and my friend was 18-years-old and we were going out to a martini bar later that night. ” So, pre-drinking?” my friend Tara said. ” Of course” I said. There was nothing to really think about it was given that we would pre-drink before the bar, we usually did. Tara had a big bottle of Smirnoff vodka and some 7up. We helped ourselves to a couple of big glasses full of the stuff and sat down to play a game on the couch with Tara’s cousin Rhonda.

Every time Cartman said a particular word on SouthPark we had to do shots of Malibu Rum. We watched episode after episode and did many shots of Rum. And let me tell you to this day I cannot not drink Malibu Rum or smell that coconutty sunscreen smell without feeling a little queasy. But we felt fine at the time, just nice and tipsy after all the liquor we had consumed.

We took a cab to the martini bar and a lot of the people there were more friends of my brothers but that was okay. We talked to everyone and I can’t remember half the people we talked to or what was said. My brother got a text ” Your sister is so drunk.”

That’s when Tara went to the washroom and threw up. As soon as I could get her out of the bathroom we cabbed back to her cousin’s place where we were staying and Tara was so sick she literally just threw up for ages. Once, she had briefly stopped I washed her face and sent her to bed. That’s when I got ill. So, so ill.

Tara and I were throwing up in the bathroom all night and into the morning. When I was feeling semi normal I knew I had to eat something to finally feel better. I ate a muffin and threw up again and this time felt better. Tara took a little longer.

Later, eating chicken soup we watched an Oiler’s playoff game and recovered. We had finished a medium bottle of Malibu Rum and almost the entire bottle of vodka. No wonder we got sick. From then on, if someone asked me if I wanted to pre-drink I took it easy. I was only sick that bad one other time in my life and I have no desire to be that sick on alcohol again. Malibu Rum was an offer I should have refused.

Writing or Reading?

Prompt: If you had to choose between being able to write a blog (but not read others’) and being able to read others’ blogs (but not write your own), which would you pick? Why?

I keep going back and forth on this one because I love to both read and write and learn so much from accomplishing both. But If someone held a gun to my head I’d choose writing simply because for me writing is extremely cathartic. I don’t know how many times I have felt so much more light at heart because I was able to write down a bit of prose or poetry. I’d go as far to say that writing is a passion something that is a part of me that I couldn’t live with out. It is an innate part of me, expression. Something that I must express or go crazy otherwise.

This is not to say that I don’t nearly equally love reading other people’s writing such as blogs. I have some absolute favourites I’d be devastated not to see in my inbox during the week but if I had to choose it wouldn’t kill me inside not to read blogs. Somehow I’d manage. The thing is there are so many blogs and some are wonderful and some are not so wonderful. And that’s okay because everyone is at their own place in their writing. But finding blogs that truly speak to you almost all the time is a challenge. Very rarely to I say ” Yep this person gets me completely.” I’m sorry if this is mean but I’m sure others feel this way to.

Weekend Realizations

It’s 7 pm and I am sitting on the couch in my snazzy 3 ” leather knee high boots waiting for A to come pick me up for the weekend. The boots smell like wonderful buttery leather and I think with leggings and the tank top I’ve got on they will look wonderful at Hudson’s tonight.

But A has other ideas. We decide to go to WEM instead, our giant mall here in Edmonton, and A would like to do a little shopping for a coat. I agree to go along to spend time with A and because I require a couple of items at Sephora. When I don’t require items at Sephora who knows but I did actually really need the face wash. But these damn boots. Walking around WEM at a decent pace in 3″ heels is not my idea of fun. Now, I decide, I need flat good looking boots because who knew I couldn’t walk in my brand new boots. They actually are only for dress.

A doesn’t find his coat and even though I only look a bit I am fast waring out between my 10 pound purse and boots. Luckily, A is not a guy who is embarrassed to be carrying my purse. But my feet feel like they are teetering in my boots. I just need to build the right muscles up. But the next day I fall over beside A’s car, nearly underneath it between the boots and the ice. “They look sexy,” A tells me and they do look good. I just wish they felt good. These were expensive boots, shouldn’t there be more support on the bottom of my foot.

Somehow, I make it home and get back to A’s carrying my over night bag and 10 pound purse. The boots come off, nighty goes on. We’re vegging on the couch until 1 am when A suggests a snack. He has left overs from cooking class and he has the beef stew and shares some vegetables with me who has the roast beef. So good! And it hits 2 am. A has left briefly to pick up some friends at the bar. I decide to go to bed but find it is hard to sleep this late or early depending on your view, and I don’t sleep well. A does ,however, and we are both up by noon for breakfast which he cooks: eggs easy over, this tortilla looking thing that rises that I eat with cream cheese, green tea, and to top it all off, a chocolate croissant. Not the most healthy breakfast but so good just the same.

A has been super this weekend and he even drives me home taking me to the pharmacy first by my house. Those boots almost land me under the car then, thanks to the ice and I carefully teeter on them getting my stuff out of his car and survive getting to my house to take the now deemed special occasion non-walking boots off. I fall into bed at 4 pm and sleep until 8 pm. I get up have a shower and go to sleep again until 10:30 am the next day. My bed is just more snugly. Time to buy A a duvet and I think I have a brown cover that is in good condition or I’ll find him a cover that’s more manly. But at least we can do cozy at his place I think.

Today I somehow think Valentine’s Day is this weekend. Then I remember 50 Shades isn’t out until the next weekend so it can’t be Valentine’s Day. But I got A my present some yummy Valentine’s Day hedgehogs at Purdy’s and a pair of big lips in chocolate, kisses! But I order them online and send them to his apartment because as I discovered at Christmas for less than I can get to the mall I can order from Purdy’s with standard shipping and viola besides a card, Valentine’s done early.

Well gotta sleep getting my hair done tomorrow at some place called Fluid. I am excited to go there I have never been. It’s near Whyte Ave. Oh, and wearing my mini boots with the small heel. Thee boots can stay at home.