It plays out, how it plays out.

Hi, It’s been awhile. I wish I could say I’m completely feeling better but I’m laid up in bed. But I do feel well enough to do a little typing. Thank goodness, I’m quite bored of just laying here and sleeping but feeling sick anytime I get up. Part of what I have is due to a terrible head cold the other part, the flu part, symptoms from trying a new medication, ironically with less side effects then the one I had before. So, yesterday I switched back to Rispirdone and I haven’t felt the good effects yet, it’s only been 12 hours. But my stomach doesn’t hurt and that’s a relief.

It’s been a week now since I broke up from A for good. I think what finally did it for me when he said ” it’s on you” and I was mad because relationships take two to screw up and I was also happy because I didn’t have him to badger me about making a choice. I could make it on my own and I was ready to be done with our relationship. I didn’t even think about wanting to contact him all week. Yesterday was the first day I felt sad and started to think about all the memories and good times we had built together. Breaking up isn’t easy especially when you’ve invested three and a half years. I think about the situation and think A would like this, or I should pick this up for A. Then I drop my iPad as if I’ve been burned because I realize again it’s just me now and it was my choice. And I’m happy about my choices, relieved, but I still miss when the situation was great between A and I.

But there is a finality to this this time. I don’t want to go back. I want to move ahead. Some day I want a relationship with a different guy and I have a little better idea what I’m looking for. A did some things really good and really bad. I’m sure I did too. Hopefully, I can learn from my mistakes and I hope he does too. I’m glad he’s in school and has that to distract him. I’m proud he finally went, but I can’t tell him that so this will have to do.

Despite having an insanely bad week I’m looking forward to spending more time with friends and a fiction course and copy writing course this spring. I’m thrilled to go back to Las Vegas with my Mom. and I’m considering either a certificate or MA in Creative writing. I’m still slowly working on my book and I’m even still thinking about that tattoo I always wanted. Just a little worried about the pain.

That’s it for me until I’m a little better still.