My Thoughts, Novel - First Draft -"How Was Last Night For You.", Short Stories And Serial Stories, Writing

3. How was Last Night For You – Difficult Thing to Admit


Read here for Chapter 2.

Chapter 3: Difficult Thing to Admit

John held Nina’s hand as he opened the door to his grand house. A white sparkling stone face on the outside of the house glittered in the sunlight. Nina walked into the entrance and she felt the slick expensive wood floors. She saw a large living area with comfortable grey couches that bounced when she pushed her hand against their solidness. The living room had light blue accents but was mostly masculine with its light grey furniture and dark charcoal walls. Nina spied two comfortable wing-backed chairs facing a slate fireplace. A thin TV glistened black over top of the mantel. It was a fitting piece for a single man’s domain.

A soft blue-grey sky through walls of windows was transparent over most of the living room and kitchen. Below she saw a well manicured backyard with a large patio and stone pathways. The windows inside spread past a granite bar with four stools, into a kitchen with pristine white cupboards and a butcher block counter top. John seemed to have only the best appliances in his kitchen including a wine fridge and a second oven. There was also a Tassimo instant coffee maker. Nina smiled because she had the exact same one. Nina could smell the delicate but heavenly scent of chocolate chip cookies in the air. She wondered who baked them, a housekeeper?

Nina removed her shoes and John beckoned her to one of the soft grey coaches. They were made of the softest dove coloured suede leather. Nina bounced awkwardly on the sofa before becoming settled. John’s main floor was huge and open concept. Nina felt quite small in the great room. Though walls that were windows enhanced the feeling the space had of being open, it was a dreary day outside and little sun shone in the house.

John felt as if he needed to explain his problems to Nina. But she wasn’t quite ready for whatever fantastical story John had to tell her. The whole situation felt unbelievable to Nina. It felt like a Dark Brother’s Grimm fairy tale come to life.

When John had taken off his jacket and removed his watch, he sat beside Nina on the couch and smiled at her a bit nervously. Nina looked over at the Tassimo Coffee Maker, “do you think I could have a tea John? I’m kind of craving something warm right now.”

“Oh yeah, sure what kind would you like?”

“Green tea or Chi, if you have it.”

“Yeah, I have green tea. I’ll get you one and make myself a coffee too.” John braced his hands on his legs and got up. His tall body brushed Nina as he went into the kitchen and she shivered at the contact. She saw John grin as he passed her. He felt it too.

” Can I get some honey in that tea, John please.”

“Yeah I have honey. Do you want milk?”

“No, I’m fine with honey thanks. I need something a bit sweet.” John touched her arm tentatively when he sat down and handed her her tea. Nina took a small sip and placed her tea on a coaster on a coffee table in front of her and John. John set his coffee down as well. He appeared apprehensive and kept looking at his feet. It was a different side of him Nina thought. So far, he had only been confident and sometimes brash.

John put his arms around Nina’s shoulder and stroked her gently. “Nina, would you like to here my story . . . would you like to know why I am cursed?” He wouldn’t look Nina in the eye when he asked her this. Perhaps, it was because is story was fantastical. He took a drink of his coffee and swallowed slowly while Nina waited for John to say whatever it was he had to say.

Nina was a kind person and she felt sorry for John. She moved closer to him on the couch and felt the now familiar pull of herself towards him. For John to trust her with something like this in his history was a huge deal. ” Are you sure you want to tell me, I mean you don’t know me that well John.” Nina looked at John with huge soft-blue eyes.

John starred back and said:” I’ve never trusted anyone more than my own family to know the story of how I became cursed, Nina.” John took a deep breathe in, ” the fact that you might believe I am cursed to begin with, demonstrates to me I can tell you the facts without you freaking out or thinking I’m crazy.”

” Well, I might freak out,” Nina admitted. But  John barely heard her.

“I need to tell you this Nina, I need to tell you because I think, the way I feel about you already, well I think you can help.” John looked at Nina with hope in his bright eyes  His knuckles were white and his forehead wrinkled in consternation. ” I need to tell you my story because other people suffer because of me Nina. Other people get hurt and it drives me insane. I need to share my burden if you can help. Is that too much of me to ask of you? I’m no good, but your still here anyways.”

Nina gulped down her tea and burned her mouth. She held her hand to her lips. Her throat felt raw.  Her voice was small as she admitted to John she’d like to hear his story. ” I feel like I’ve been waiting to hear your story since the night we first meant.” Nina said, “so please tell me and don’t leave me in suspense.” She noticed John had a bit of a tremor in his hands as he took her right hand into his own. She felt fireworks and sense of foreboding when John touched her. But she needed to hear why he was cursed if she continue any kind of relationship with the inauspicious John.

John smiled at Nina and looked down at the floor. Nina looked at his face and noticed how tired and weary John looked. She decided to have pity on him even though his ‘curse’ story was a bit unbelievable. John looked at Nina with piercing eyes and with a ragged voice began to tell her his story. He halted several times to check Nina’s reactions. At times he looked ashamed and other times he looked as if what he was telling Nina hurt him.

Please read Chapter 4 here.

——

©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved.

23 thoughts on “3. How was Last Night For You – Difficult Thing to Admit”

  1. I like it Mandi. It’s a great story and very interesting — it kept my interest the entire time. Something kept coming to my mind as I was reading about his house, kitchen, and kitchen appliances. Ryan (the author that breaks downs young writer’s stories and helps them improve) is always telling them, “Show the reader, don’t tell.” I don’t know if this would apply to your descriptions of his home or not but it will give you something to think about.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would like to know more about this show don’t tell advice. It sounds like good advice but I guess I could use an explanation of what exactly that implies and maybe an example. Maybe, you have a book title by this guy I could investigate. Glad you liked chapter 3. So far it all makes sense together. Thanks for your advice and support as always.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I went to his blog on showing not telling and I understand much more clearly now. It is a difficult concept to explain. Ironically, I just signed up for an online fiction course about 10 min before I read your posts so I think that will help me too. Thanks Joy

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think what I feel is missing is maybe more time in between John telling his story. He is telling a very serious story, he is confessing to really not caring about women. I guess what I mean is maybe making him kinda stumble in it, pause at times, not quite sure how to say things cause of not knowing how she will take it. It seems like he pours it out without taking a breath. How does she feel when he says about how he used women? PLEASE this is just my opinion, I am not a fiction writer, so just saying what came to me as I read. Thanks for sharing the story and eager to read more. LIke the mermaid twist.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is very good advice joyroses. I guess I felt rushed to get a chapter out again when I really needed to leave chptr 3 for a couple days so what he said comes out in a rush. I did question if maybe, John and Nina should go on another date or something first maybe Nina should talk to her bestfriend Tifanny and a chapter should be on that conversation. Either way I have big plans to rework the 3rd and 4th chapters and possibly switch them around this week. And I like your opinion it really helps me and confirms my own suspicions. Im very excited to be taking a fiction course starting february. So im hoping to be able to use this story. Thanks so much for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on mandibelle16 and commented:

    Hi all! I have done my editing and revamping on chapter 3 of “How Was Last Night For You.” This chapter is long but exciting. Eventually I’ll probably have to split it but for now it is how it is. I have one more chapter written up that I’m going to be editing ‘ Chapter 4.’ Then I am going to be writting up new chapters so they will be blogged to you at a slower pace then a few chapters a week. Probably, only one every week or two so I can keep up with the blog. Off to do more planning for the bookl. Have lots more to do for that and the upcoming chapters. Thanks.

    Like

      1. Thanks I’m glad you think so PJ. I don’t really know. I guess things change a lot throughout the book writing process. But I have to get a manuscript finished first in first draft. Thanks

        Like

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