I’m Not Talking to You – But You Should. Here’s Why:


Some of the most passive – aggressive behaviour to deal with is when someone who is angry at you has decided not to talk to you. Something was said by one or both parties, possibly in the context of a fight, now one person decided not to communicate but to cut off communication altogether.

I used to be guilty of this type of behaviour where you ignore another person in a fight or simply when you cannot deal with their baffling behaviour. One of the things that I’ve learned being in a relationship for three and a half years and having many long lasting friendships, is that it is important to talk disagreements out and never go to bed when you’re angry at someone. These perhaps cliche ways of acting are extremely vital to building and supporting relationships.

You and the person you are fighting with need to know that it’s okay to fight with one another because everyone has varied points of view. Sometimes issues just evolve to the point that there is no other way we can make our particular views known except through a fight. Not to mention, to last, relationships need to be able to withstand fighting. Not everyone is going to agree with everyone else especially in close relationships. If two people are able to compromise or accept each other’s habits, that says a lot about the strength of their relationship — that they can withstand bad and uncomfortable times. Other times in relationships compromise is not possible so partners and friends must learn to change their own habits and attempt to adapt to the other person’s seemingly odd habit.

But not talking to someone at all and not getting to the root of the problem is counter – intuitive because nothing becomes dealt with between two persons using this method. If I refuse to talk or both of us refuse refuse to talk about our issues we are no better then two little kids sitting there sticking our tongues out at each other. Sometimes problems can be forgotten and just left if they are not that important to the health of the relationship to begin with but in many cases this just isn’t true.

In many situations it feels better and relieves pressure on both individuals to just sit down or even write each other about the problem between them and put everything, all issues and feelings, out in the open so they can be examined and resolved. It’s not always the funnest or most happy option but it is the best option because it is the fastest method to a solution.

Everyone gets angry and upset once and awhile at least. Some people seem like they are upset all the time. So it is important to be calm and vital to acknowledge another person’s anger on certain issues and pay attention to them, make them feel validated, and explain your view in a helpful manner. And nine times out of ten if you make someone feel validated they are going to be a great deal more helpful to you in solving the problem and finding a resolution. Most importantly, forgive each other and don’t hold a grudge for the things that made you angry. This is why passive-aggressive behaviour such as ignoring others is not useful at all but counter-intuitive and anti-solution making.

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12 thoughts on “I’m Not Talking to You – But You Should. Here’s Why:”

      1. I hate that feeling as well. Like you, I use to be like that. I think it was because I was so immature. I don’t know who is doing it to you but can you approach them and ask to talk about it?

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      2. Yes, I know Mandi. Look at it this way. He is using it to get to you and to have it do to you exactly what it is doing. If you refuse to let it get to you then he will have to find another way of communicating to you. Hopefully, next time, with REAL communication.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I totally agree with what you wrote. I think everyone deserves to have the chance to sort stuff out or at least have particular time set aside to meet and discuss issues when they have *cooled off”. I feel so hurt when I am prevented from working out the issues.

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  2. I do have to confess that I did this. But only once (as an adult and that I can remember), and it was me freezing out a guy who had broken my heart and did not care nor notice that I was not talking to him. So it wasn’t so much ignoring someone I was mad at as it was not talking to someone who wasn’t talking to me.

    But yes, it is passive-aggressive and childish, and pretty much the worst thing you can do when you actually want to continue a relationship with someone.

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    1. Sometimes, my Mom told me after reading the blog, there is simply nothing left to say. This makes me think of your situation to so maybe there are times when ignoring someone can be the best option?

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      1. Wellllllll, yes, and it’s not like I talk to this person now. But when the person realizes you’re not talking to them and they say hi to test it, probably not the most mature thing to just walk by without saying a word. Again, I was younger and hurt. Considering I’m embarrassed looking back and I didn’t really get over him until we did talk and he apologized, I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s not a good coping mechanism 🙂

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