Broken


I think to be happy, we must in our hearts be free.
But yet captives are happy with chains and darkness.
I hear them sing in tunes of bliss, yet us who fought for freedom are we really at liberty?
I think to be pleasant, we must also be thankful,
For how can you be happy, if you do not appreciate what you have.
But yet people in Africa starve and have little but shelter, not even their health.
So, I’ve learned that you can have nothing and be pleasant and laugh.
You can have everything in the world and yet have nothing for all you own, so share the little you have.
For some a little is a lot.
I think to be joyful you must be useful and have purpose.
But John Milton told me ” [he] also serves [God] who only stands and waits.”
We must be careful who are master is or we shall be enslaved, by the trappings of a wordly life, someday we must proceed.
We might think we need so much, when we need so little, we need no purpose, when our purpose, is heaven.
We need only wait to be fulfilled and have meaning.
And I thought to be happy, I needed someone, but I’ll tell you the truth there are 2 sides to that card.
Sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone, to discuss and have great conversations and hear through another’s eyes.
But sometimes happiness is a quiet day, in a peaceful place.
It’s a time to restore energy and think on the world a bit.
It’s a sanctuary where one can pray and take the time to hear nothing.
Yes, there are many different ways I thought I could be happy.
Many ways I could confess, I thought were the right ways to go.
But all in all, it’s no secret that happiness is not the goal.
Rather, be content and look above, that’s where life begins.
We cannot have happiness without falling into despair.
We cannot find joy if sometimes there is no tears.
We cannot find freedom, if sometimes we are not enslaved.
And we cannot have sanctuary or great conversations, if sometimes we don’t have one or the other.
You see, there are varied ways to look on happiness, but a better way is to think
and love the world for what it is – broken.

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Photography101- Day 19 – Double Trouble or Triple


He hit me on the head, was sure my eyes had bled.

The doppleganger image hit me, and it lingered as I fell,

I didn’t know if there were two, or if I saw just one.

But I was sure inside me, that I was seeing double.

Nikki on the Couch
Nikki on the Couch
Nikki on Couch (Lighter)
Nikki on Couch (Lighter)
Oranges
Oranges
Oranges 2
Oranges 2
Oranges 3
Oranges 3

Boudoir Photography and A Little Self – Confidence


www.media.photobucket.com
http://www.media.photobucket.com

Why would anyone do Boudoir Photography? Isn’t that more like for your boyfriend or husband? Isn’t it embarrassing posing around in sexy lingerie, especially if you haven’t got the perfect body?
I think those are all questions people like me asked ourselves before checking out Boudoir Photography. Although, I’m sure some places aren’t the classiest about the whole affaire many photographers are and strive for elegant photos of you in your sexy best. Think of a 1950’s bedroom and the luxurious lingerie women wore back then or think of the simple underrated sexiness of slumming it around the house in your boyfriends comfiest jersey and your underwear, except either way you look gorgeous because your hair and makeup have been coiffed voluminously and your cat eyes done perfectly by professionals. Some places even have all women staff to make you  more comfortable and to make you feel more comfortable in your own skin.

And who gets boudoir photography? Women of all shapes and sizes in all kinds of classy outfits. Usually you get to pick about 3 to 4 outfits for an hour or so session. If your like me that was no problem, in fact, it was hard to cut down my choices. I chose a couple bra and panty sets, a couple of corsets, and a silk negligee. I had matching shoes and jewelry for most of my outfits. But actually, the particular photographer I chose had jewelry, shoes, and other outfits to choose from should I change my mind or want to use anything she had brought, from a few participating stores.

The shoot I went to took place in a classy hotel, but many photographers have their own studios for you to choose from. After changing into my first outfit, I was a little nervous because I didn’t know how to pose and I felt a little self conscious about my weight but my worries were soon obliterated. The photographer knew exactly how I should pose and move in the most attractive manner. We used props like a blanket, the bed, the chair, a mirror, and the curtains. And she was constantly showing me how the pictures looked even before she went and subjected them to some photo retouching. I felt great looking at those photos, very self-confident about myself and my body.

www.mediaphotobucket.com
http://www.mediaphotobucket.com

Many women go to get Boudoir Photography for their husbands or boyfriends. Although, my boyfriend would like the photos, the real reason I went had nothing to do with him. I was doing this for me. I wanted to be able to say to myself in 50 years look this how I looked when I was young, not to bad eh? I didn’t even want my boyfriend to see the photos at first but they turned out so well that I had to show him and he approved of the classy boudoir photographs my the photographer had taken.

It was an hour and a half session the first time I went so it was long time and we took a lot of pictures in various poses. Later, I was mailed a CD with the best of the photograph’s on the CD and I had 2 photo books made. One photography book I made for me and one for my boyfriend. All in all though it was a confidence booster for me and helped me feel a lot better about a body that had seen about 25 lbs of weight increase in 4 years due to medication and the inability to stay fit. I felt like a sexy bombshell and I knew that if I looked this great under my clothes then with my clothes on I would feel even better.

So, here I am 2 years later, after that fun and renewing experience. I have put on another 12 lbs due to medication and I don’t feel so good about my body. My boyfriend always tells me he loves what he sees but I have decided to try Boudoir Photography again for myself to see how I really look at this stage in my life, almost 30-years-old. I am a bit nervous to see what I will see but I know that I will feel good about what I see after and that the photographer will make look good even if I’m a little chubby now. I have chosen my outfits and I am excited to go, to have my hair and makeup done again and to prove to myself that I am just beautiful as I was 2-years before.

I know I can’t go and get Boudoir Photography every time I gain a little weight. But a place I was planning on going for it had a groupon for a good price and I have heard fantastic things about the company. So I am excited to look sexy under the camera again reaffirm what I already know, I look good skin deep and otherwise.