An Empty House


www.eofdreams.comHappy Monday! I hope everyone had a great weekend and is enjoying the nice weather that has suddenly come upon us in certain places in Canada. For me it has been a tough weekend and I ended up canceling a great deal of my weekend plans.

I had planned to go to my boyfriend’s place Saturday night and stay until Sunday but most of the weekend I spent sleeping. I slept so much that I got tired of sleeping. I was sore from sleeping. Yeah! Big deal you say, I only wish I could sleep that much but their comes a point when you want to do activities and talk with people and go out to the mall and do weekend like plans. Too much sleeping makes you sleepy. But I have a good reason.

20140109-144018.jpgI went to the Psychiatrist intending a minor medication tweak but well the medication changes ended up being more than I expected. I explained to my doctor how I needed to be able to concentrate better and have the capacity to sit through a 3 hour class at night again. She told me that the 600 mg of Gabepentine I was on for sleep was horrible for cognitive function. Plus, we went down in the dosage of another pill I am taking. My doctor gave me some type of old antipsychotic that has the side effect of causing you to be extremely tired. I couldn’t handle a whole pill I slept all day the first day. When I broke the pill in half it was much better but getting used to antipsychotics especially with sleep side effects is very difficult. Today is the first day I feel kind of normal and not like I’m so doped up I just can’t do anything. Today I need to go the Psychiatrist again and check in. I still feel out of it a bit like I am very run down so it will be a bit difficult to do this today but today by far today  is the best day I’ve had. And the sleeping aspect of the medication is very effective which is great, and it won’t cause me to gain weight. So yeah! All around.

www.dogpictures.co
http://www.dogpictures.co

On Saturday my dog finally passed away. You probably do not know it has been a downhill battle for her these past 2 months. She couldn’t walk anymore due to her arthritis and something was going on with her that we just didn’t know about. I woke up on Saturday and started petting her before realizing her teeth were in funny place and she wasn’t moving. My Dad told me she had died about 15 minutes ago. It is very sad and I miss her a lot.

Today is the worst day because it is my first day home alone without her ever. There was no one to eat my scraps at lunch and beg. There was no dog to pet when I got up or to sleep at the end of my bed on the floor. There is no dog sitting below me and just to the right on the rug as I write this. Those things are the hardest to get over. It was her time, don’t get me wrong, she was suffering and that wasn’t right. But the house has this peculiar empty feeling as if a part of its soul has been taken away and I suppose the feeling will go away eventually but now I still search the house for signs of my dog and listen for her now and then.

Friday is Good Friday and both of my brother’s will be coming over for Easter dinner and I suppose that means church at night too if I can manage it.

20140130-210221.jpgThe stripping of the altar on Easter Friday is always on of the most eerie practices I ever experienced at church. It is symbolic of Christ’s death on the cross but the church always feel so hollow and empty on Good Friday. Everyone goes home in silence. I suppose just like my dog is a big part of my house Jesus is the soul of the Church and without him it would be empty. But at least on Easter morning, the altar cloths, Bible, Candles, and Communion ware are put back and the Church once again feels like Church. That is because Jesus rises from the Dead and comes back to life having defeated Sin, Death, and the Devil.

Easter is a happy time and I have so many good memmories of waking up early for Easter baskets with chocolate and small presents when my siblings and I were little kids. So it will be a good ending, after I feel will be a tough week getting used to new meds and going to class for the first time this year at the U of A.

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