Gains and Losses


I have been dealing with issue of my weight lately and it’s upsetting. There is all this ” be happy, love your body as it is” propaganda out there right now and the truth is I just don’t buy it. You can tell people to love their body all you want but if someone feels fat for their body those words are just that, words.

What I find particularly maddening about my personal situation is my utter helplessness when it comes to gaining the weight and losing it. Last year I lost about 10 lbs on Herbal Magic by dieting. Essentially, I lost about 2 lbs every week until I hit 10 lbs and then my body refused to lose anymore weight. This is because I took medication called Risperidon and it is the type of medication that holds on to the fat in your body. Hence, a goal weight of 165 lbs was not obtainable but I hoped that a weight of around 181 lbs would be easy enough for me to maintain given the diet Herbal Magic had me on was a maintenance diet for me and my level of activity, instead of a weight loss diet, after I lost the 10 lbs. Herbal magic was expensive and I got tired of the women who worked there who never seemed to stay the same or know what they were doing.

But the problem I experienced with Risperidon I have experienced with another with a new medication I use to sleep called Gabapentin. I have mentioned it before in a post and explained I use it for the side effect of drowsiness not its actual intended use. And I am frankly, shocked that after all the psychiatric medication I have used that nothing else has made me gain much weight before. But Gabapentin has hit fast and hard. It works wonderfully for sleep but 300 mg initially made me gain around 8 lbs. Adding another 100 mg as my sleep doctor suggested added another 2 lbs to the 8 lbs and in the space of a month and a half I have gained back 10 lbs or more.

It makes me very angry to have such a tummy back, that I actually have 2 little rolls on my back and a none to small, muffin top. I maintained my diet just as I said I would even after leaving Herbal Magic but it was not enough, another medication was working against me and I have been floundering around upset that my jeans don’t do up properly, that my tummy shows through my shirt a lot and that I have put on extra weight all over my body and I don’t know how to lose it.

It turns out I haven’t been following my diet as closely as I thought and even though I am eating less, I still need need to eat less and drink only 1 can of pop only as my treat everyday. Letting myself get sloppy — indulging in 2 to 3 pops a day unknowingly, and other little eating habits has allowed me to eat extra calories and yearn for those extra extra calories. It has been so hard trying to eat less because every night I go to bed starving and end up having to eat because I cannot sleep if I don’t, I’ve tried, several times. I’ve been trying to fight appetite by using green coffee bean extract which seems to be the only supplement I can take without it effecting my medications. But it is not the same as being on the Herbal Magic Supplements.

I don’t know what to do? I can’t do cardiovascular exercise due to the fact that I have an underlying illness which has robbed me of energy. I do not have the physical or mental energy to do many activities particularly exercise, as hard as that is to understand. I try to do HIIT videos but find they are too difficult and wear me out for the next 2 days, and there only 12 minutes or so. I try to do 10-20 minutes on the elliptical, most days I cannot manage the energy for that. It has been too cold to just walk around the block a few times even. So, I feel lost and my stomach hurts from my jeans button 😦 Gaining weight took place in the snap of my fingers and losing it is going to take time since I can’t afford Herbal Magic this time.

I feel very trapped, cornered. And it is never a place I want to be. I am not a healthy weight and this in 6 words, is my problem.

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mandibelle16

I'm a Canadian girl who loves the local sports scene. The NHL and CFL And recently, some NFL games. Also, I’m into hatha yoga, walks in the river valley; drawing and painting, makeup, hairstyles, and the beauty niche. Also, I enjoy learning about improving my writer the other topics in seminars, classes, TED Talks, and podcasts. I’m a casual Freelance writer and worker. Both on various subjects of academia in the humanities, social sciences, business, arts, and architecture. I’ve also freelanced blog in beauty, health, skincare, and related topics. I’m an excellent researcher in most any subject. I’m also a freelancer of a different kind for a company called Givergy. Moreover, I love dogs and love hanging out with my friends and family whenever I'm able. I enjoy spring, summer, and early fall when the weathers warm and there are many festivals and activities occurring. I'm also a writing fanatic. Check-out some of my published poetry on www.spillwords.com. I’ve been published on other literary sites, as well. Recently, I had a short story published in a Cinderella Anthology, Cinderella Reimagined. It’s available here: https://www.amazon.com/Cinderella-Reimagined-Anthology-Retellings/dp/1979701970/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1523903011&sr=8-1&keywords=cinderella+reimagined If you need to contact me or are a blogger/writer or a blogger for a cause and are interested in being Interviewed, please visit my ‘contact page’ at the top of my blog.

4 thoughts on “Gains and Losses”

  1. Hi Amanda,
    I just wanted to let you know that I can understand in a small way of what you are going through regarding weight issues because of watching Suzanna go through her issues with meds and also stress which I believe is a huge factor. She, like you, does not want to settle and is constantly searching on ways to overcome these problems. Hang in there, you are not alone. Take care.

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      1. You are welcome. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Yes, she is doing well for the moment and that is all each of us has. We just have to take advantage of the good ones and deal with the bad ones as best we can.

        Like

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