When I Awoke


Waking up to reality can be a cold splash in the face or a more subtle realization, as if you have been fighting your way through cotton cobwebs that never end and suddenly, you are as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Your entire perception has changed and you are awaking to a world of colour and a place where the rules of reality don’t apply. My friends and I would call this feeling ‘floating in the pink clouds’ or ‘existing in your own bubble.’ Now that I’m here, I would call this place wonderful and enchanting. I would call it a reprieve from reality and my everyday problems. I would equate this place with a profound sense of love, peace, and tranquility although, it isn’t always about these terms. But it is a place I feel grounded and safe, connected to my significant other in a way I have felt with no one and can barely describe. Some people might call this phase untruthful and that it is not how things actually are between couples. But I believe there must be some truth to it as John Donne wrote about the connection among couples being a world unto itself. In The Good Morrow Donne writes ” If ever any beauty I did see, / [w]hich I desired, and got, ’twas but a dream of thee” (6-7). These lines suggest that to the poet that the finding and receiving of the most beautiful things is not nearly equal to finding the person you love. In fact, all good things before the speaker found his love become hazy and obsolete as if the speaker was in a dream before he found his love.

Perhaps, this is an overalls romantic and unrealistic thing to feel, nonetheless, it is something I am experiencing. I think the feeling I get around my boyfriend is rather odd actually and I doubt a lot of my family understand it because of his religion. But we both walked into this relationship knowing it was a practical difference between us and many times I have pondered over it and the reason I love someone who has these beliefs I feel are untrue. But it doesn’t seem to make a difference I just love him more. I have come to believe that no matter our beliefs it is my job to love him throughout this life. And maybe somehow God will allow me to reach Him in ways that just aren’t possible now. I would like to love him forever, but this lifetime is enough if need be. I know loving your first boyfriend can be a laughable ideal. But I am not 18 or 19 years old either. I know we have details to work through and that there will be challenges between us. But I know what I know, that this is real and worth the hardships I probably will endure for it.

I became quite sure of this this past week. It was like I was slowly waking up and the warmth from the sun finally hit me and when I awoke it was into that ethereal world of colour and sharp realization, that I had everything in front of me and was in need of nothing.

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