Lately, I have been thrilled to tell people, that I actually have a life; stuff I need to get done and things I must attend to. For along time all I could say was ‘well I keep busy.’ Long term illness is like that – do you realize how much time you actually spend doing your job and/or taking care of your kids. I had read somewhere that it would take 17 things to do to actually replace the amount of things the average person does at work. For this reason I think you lose a lot of your identity when you are not out working on whatever is you work on; hence, a lot of your identity comes from your job. The first two questions you are asked when you meet someone are what is your name and what/where do you work?
I have not been able to go back to work yet but I find that I am keeping busier and busier. So busy that about the time I am finally able to rest I just drop, like there is no energy left inside me and this is taking into consideration the fact that I can barely work part time and others can do full time. So the big things in my life are finishing up my Residential Design Certificate – right now a drawing course on architectural design, writing for Flurt magazine, doing yoga, and planning out the two 15-20 page documents I will need to get into a Master’s in Creative Writing for next July. I am ambitious but I know somehow I will get done what needs to get done.
What is the problem you do not foresee when you are completing your goals? The hard and often repetitative work it takes to get to where you need to be. In writing, in art, and in life things take a lot of reworking to get to a presentable never mind exceptional, state. Take for instance, my drawing course. I used to be quite a talented artist but it has been 4 or 5 years since I have drawn much. I am finding I have to relearn old methods and that objects I am drawing do not exactly turn out the way they used to, or the way I want them to. For example, when doing a self portrait the amount of time one must spend blending, drawing, redrawing, switching pencils, and erasing etc. for each part of the face is phenomenal. The detail it takes you from the point you first sketch out a basic face until it is finished is a lot of work. Maybe I just did not notice before but this is just about the way everything is in life – rechecking and refining any work you do into perfection. Writing is like this as well, continually spellchecking, rewording, checking grammar, erasing sentences, reading aloud, leaving something be so you can better rewrite it – all of that takes time. So I have really been recognizing how much work goes into projects and goals lately. Kudos to you who work hard, to get your work to that finished product, it is not an easy thing to do.
I believe for so long I have just refused to do things and have not had the stamina to complete things when they get to hard; endurance is a key factor in life. How long can you push through the reworking stage, what is your patience, for enduring onto the end. Maybe this speaks for life in general. I was reading some post on Facebook that said meeting the right person to spend your life with was not the problem. Everyone can make it through that lovey-dovey pink clouds phase that is not the problem. The real work comes when you commit to a person and work through and put up with those quirks that were once endearing, annoying habits, having nothing to say to each other, getting upset at each other (etc.) that is what endurance is needed for. The post on Facebook ended by saying that God brings different people into our lives for different reasons but we must decide how long they stay and what those reasons are. Who will we endure for?
Getting back to what I was saying – it is good to have goals and things to achieve and if you are like me you are goal driven. Maybe finding that right person in your life is one of those goals. But what we must accept is that whatever we do in life it is going to take reworking, refitting, and reforming. We must adjust to our surroundings and to whatever we face next; life is not static and we cannot just stand still, unless it is a method of moving forward.
So I hope you achieve your dreams in the coming months and have the strength within you to succeed. If I’ve learned anything it is that what seems to break you, will make you stronger once you gone through it.