That Inbetween Place


I’m not sure how other long distance relationships work, I thought everything was working out in mine. Communication has always been one of the issues between us, at least in my opinion. But it is hard just texting all the time, then him coming back for a week , getting close again – just to be separated again. It is frustrating trying to make plans with someone who will not or cannot make plans. I do what I do most of the time and he does what he does. I’m luck if I get to see him one day when he is back. Usually he is taking off to Saskatoon, Calgary, Red Deer somewhere for most of the week. Sometimes with good reason and sometimes just to get away.

He used to invite me along at first, now he never would – I guess I should have gone the first time he asked. This time he is off in Saskatchewan, his Canadian home ( he’s not from here.) But I always wonder why he cannot set set aside an extra day for me when he’s off. I know he is going to get car parts for his beloved 1993 car. But I also know he is off to see friends there too. I feel kind of like I’m second to his car, and his other friends. I get what’s left of him. I just want to hang out, get to talk and know more about him.It’s good when I am with him but hard when I am not because he doesn’t really talk to me- just usually a few words. He will not answer all my questions. And when something such as one of our visits does not work out – he won’t tell me that he can’t come get me. I mean just say it! Tell me I hate getting all dressed up for him just guessing if he’ll come see me/ get me or not.

I wanted him to let me know what is going on but he will not offer information up to me at all. I had to pry it out of him. It’s like some power thing with him – manipulation, so I do not know too much what is really going on with him. So a couple days ago I thought he was coming up to Edmonton next week but it was this week. He texted me, wanted to meet up but between me not being able to drive and his car badly in need of parts it didn’t work out. But he didn’t tell me he said he might pick me up. So not a word ! I called so I could actually talk to him, but he told me not to do that because his phone is long distance! But who cares about a few minutes long distance, I needed to figure out what was going on. I got frustrated and told him he needs to be clearer with me to me communicate. Usually he would text me more but he never did – never said a thing. I think he’s mad but I don’t know. I just need to know what’s happening so I can plan; I have life you know! I’m mad, i I realize that. I ask you, what am I to him that he cannot give me more time with him and not just on his schedule. It’s us when your boyfriend and girlfriend – not just me or him. So I told him to skype, nothing yet. We need to talk, cause I let my guard down around him, I care about him. Does he feel the same way? Or is it just lust.

Men are so frustrating and I can fix nothing if he does not like when I call- I’d rather we talk in person though. I am hurt and I miss him, cannot stop thinking about it if it’s just me or what? I’m in this Inbetween place, it is the strangest place to be – not knowing. I hate it!

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